ngl this song made me feel sad

@/stillcantdraw requested: "So umm I have a request it's ok if you can't do it but can you do something with the song Heather by Conan Gray I suck at coming up with prompt ;-;"

i gotchu. Heather by Conan Gray

———
Zak's POV

"I still remember
Third of December
Me in your sweater
You said it looked better"

It hurts. I remember the day when you let me borrow your hoodie. Your classic black hoodie with the red stripes going down the sleeves. Oh how adorable you looked when you blushed. "Aw, you look really cute, you muffin." You told me.

I remember blushing and hiding my face by pulling the hood over my head. You laughed and pressed a small kiss on the top of my head.

"On me, than it did you
Only if you knew
How much I liked you
But I watch your eyes, as she

Walks by
What a sight for
Sore eyes
Brighter than a
Blue sky
She's got you
Mesmerized
While I die"

I thought I was safe. The day I was going to confess, we were at the park. I can still hear the sounds of the metal squeaking as we swung on them together. I remember opening my mouth but you beat me to it.

"Wow, she looks really pretty."

Oh how much my heart cracked. It shattered into a million pieces. I thought you were just going to complement her, but you stood up and walked over to her.

I remember watching as you both laugh together. You smile brighter than you ever smiled with me before. Did I not make you happy?

I remember her blowing a kiss in your direction as you both take your separate ways. You had the reddest face ever as you walked back to me. You smiling 100x more than you ever did with me as you hold her number in your hand.

I didn't say anything for the rest of that day.

"Why would you ever kiss me?
I'm not even half, as pretty
You gave her your sweater
It's just polyester, but you like her better
Wish I were Heather"

You kissed me once. I will never forget that day as well.

Before you met her, we were dancing along with soft Christmas music. My arms wrapped around your shoulder and your arms around my waist. I can still hear the sound of your beating heart as I had my ear rest against your chest. I wore the hoodie you let me borrow. In that hoodie, I remember you stopped dancing. I looked up at you in confusion and our eyes locked.

I saw specks of lime, silver, and gold dance in your eyes as I watched the forest grow in love. You didn't say anything and just kissed me.

I can still feel the smile against my lips as my fingers danced through your hair.

Then you pulled away. Smiling like goofballs, we continue to dance peacefully and I thought that was the moment everything was going to change. And it did. But not in the way I expected.

You didn't say anything the day after. Just brushed it off as if nothing happened.

A week later, you met her.

A week later, you gave her the hoodie you kissed me in. I saw her wearing it. You just took it from my closet like I didn't wear it at all.

Why?

"Watch as she stands with
Her holding your hand
Put your arm 'round her shoulder
Now I'm getting colder"

I hate it. I hate watching you sit in our living room couch with her in your arms. You laugh together as a TV show plays on screen. You don't talk to me anymore. Maybe just to record a video but right when we finish, you leave to hang out with her.

I wish you loved me instead.

Did you ever love me?

I catch myself staring for too long and I just disappear back into my room. This time, I don't have your hoodie to keep me warm.

"But how could I hate her?
She's such an angel
But then again, kinda
Wish she were dead, as she

Walks by
What a sight for
Sore eyes
Brighter than a
Blue sky
She's got you
Mesmerized
While I die"

She didn't do anything. It wasn't her. It was you.

I'm not going to lie, she is really nice. I talked to her once. She made me smile. But I couldn't smile like you.

Why does she have this affect on you? Why can't I make you happy?

I thought we were friends. Best friends. Was that all a joke?

I wish I could just push her off a building. Maybe if she wasn't here, you would notice me. Hear her scream and her voice disappears. Poof. She's gone.

I would have you in my arms, telling you it would be alright and I would make you happy again.

"Why would you ever kiss me?
I'm not even half, as pretty
You gave her your sweater
It's just polyester, but you like her better
I wish I were Heather"

I wish I was dead.

Why the fuck did you kiss me?

You looked so happy when you did. We almost slept together, but something inside you made you stop. Am I not worth it? I wish I could feel you against me again. Chest to chest as our lips mold into one.

But, I guess I was just a one time only.

"Wish I were Heather
Wish I were Heather

Why would you ever kiss me?
I'm not even half as pretty
You gave her your sweater
It's just polyester, but you like her better
Wish I were"

But, I guess life isn't fair huh?

I don't regret meeting you. I'm happy you found someone. I wish it was me though. I thought you liked me. Maybe loved me. But you didn't.

She came in the way. But it wasn't her fault. It was mine.

So here I am, Darryl, writing to you as I slowly bleed to death in the bathtub of a hotel room.

Love,

Zak A.