| close as strangers pt. 2

after what it felt like years, bahiyyih found herself sitting at the benchers of their school fields, it had been a month since her last encounter with the mysterious y/n, she still had not have any proper conversation with her ever since, so once again she is yearning to see her and talk to her.

"i wonder what she's doing today." bahiyyih muttered all to herself while her eyes wander around the empty fields, with her diary on her hand, she carefully gripped it with enough force to keep it around her lap.

in just a few weeks, school's over, who knows where it would lead her, but she hoped she sees y/n while she takes a step further ahead towards the unknown.

has she mentioned? bahiyyih had been thinking whether y/n would leave to another school or stay on their 3rd year, bahiyyih hoped y/n stays, that would be their last time as classmates before they step into college.

today was friday, and everyone had been preparing before the school year ends, the seniors are excited and the upcoming new students are taking their entrance exams.

and the only thing bahiyyih wants right now is to talk to y/n.

"hey." just like on cue, bahiyyih hears y/n's mellow voice, bahiyyih turned around to see y/n, just a few seats away from her. "y/n..? why are you here?" bahiyyih asked, closing her diary quickly. y/n smiled at her, before scratching her head and walking a few steps closer to bahiyyih— hesitantly.

"no reasons, just walked around the school and saw you." y/n answered before taking a seat just a few inches away from bahiyyih. "how's everything going? sorry i haven't had any conversations with you after everything, i had a lot on my plate, i hope i didn't make you feel... uncomfortable?"

bahiyyih stared at y/n as the other rambled, feeling a bit of happiness swell in her chest, bahiyyih shook her head and smiled before raising both her hands and shaking it. "nope! don't worry, i was just a bit worried that you... didn't want to do anything with me anymore and i was hoping we can— get to know each other more and be friends?"

y/n's face was neutral, but instead of the neutral expression that made bahiyyih feel her knees quivering in fear, it's another type of neutral that brings tranquility in bahiyyih's mind, it makes her comfortable to see how soft and mellow y/n's laid out expression looks like.

y/n looked away, to the fields, her brows knitting together but her lips stayed the same.

"how many years have we been classmates already? i don't remember— but i know i've seen your face so many times already, it's to the point i've familiarized almost everything about you from afar." y/n muttered, voice coming off somewhat like a whisper but still audible enough for bahiyyih to hear everything word for word.

y/n turned her head to look at bahiyyih. "does it sound weird? sorry— i've never been close friends with anyone so far, maybe except for two, so observing had always been my way."

"i haven't realized it myself until that time i gave you back your diary— none in our class had any idea who owned it and its existence, but somehow i knew that it was yours only because i've seen it with you when i space out during classes."

bahiyyih nodded, feeling her cheeks heat up.

"but i seriously don't have enough courage to ask you to be my friend because i like to deny my own feelings to avoid letting myself down." y/n continued, fiddling with her fingers.

"i think it's nice that you look out for people like that— i don't really think i stand out that much for me to grab anyone's attention so far." bahiyyih replied, letting out a soft giggle. "i like socializing and making friends but i the moment i start approaching you in our first year of junior high, i felt like i was getting swallowed by the ground because i couldn't look at you at all."

bahiyyih heaves a small sigh, before chuckling.

"so as much as i wanted to become close to you, i couldn't. your presence make me nervous and i thought you didn't like having me around." she continued.

"sorry if i gave you that impression, just... i really don't like to push myself to do something out of my limit, so i lay down low and keep distances all the time." y/n wraps her arms on herself, resting her elbows on her knees as she looked at the view in front of her, not realizing the small from displayed on her lips.

"i mean, if you want... we can be friends...? then we'll get closer, hopefully." bahiyyih offered, switching her gaze to y/n and to the grass fields. y/n snickers, in a cute way. "that'll be great, but i can't promise you a long time companion, i'm not really the best friend you can find." y/n replied.

bahiyyih smiles, wider now that she feels all the burden inside her chest leave and replaced by somewhat a comforting feeling swarming like a bunch of butterflies in her ribcages.

"that's— awesome." she muttered.

°°°°°°

bahiyyih sat at a large piece of rock, her forearms resting gently on her thighs as she watched the waves hit the sand and the small pieces of rocks, there was something missing inside of her. it had been a year since she and y/n had come to a mutual understanding of each other's feelings, by that i mean— that they really do want to be friends with each other.

as much as bahiyyih was glad over that; thankful was the right word, she is so thankful that she had the chance to finally be closer to someone she had wanted to be with for a long time, though only as friends, she's still extremely grateful.

there is a missing piece of her heart, call her selfish or whatnot, but in the course of those months she had conversed with y/n, hangout with her and connect deeply, she still wanted something deeper and it was ridiculous of some sort.

bahiyyih is happy to see y/n happy, there are so many people in the world that could do what she can, to make y/n happy and it kind of... frustrate her, she wanted to make y/n the happiest she had ever been, to never see her frown ever again, but that's just the way y/n is.

"you're here again?" bahiyyih heard the soft and luring voice of a girl, bahiyyih snaps out of her thoughts and faced y/n who looked down at her. the sky feels gloomy, cloudy but dark in the middle of the day... chilly breeze of air hits the lonely pair in the beach.

"y/n... hey." bahiyyih simply replied, her throat felt dry and she attempted to find words inside of her head, yet none reached the tip of her tongue.

y/n crouched to look at bahiyyih, eyebrows slanting to a worried expression, lips pursing in a thin line. "is there a problem?" she asked, voice mellow and so gentle. bahiyyih stared at y/n's crescent eyes, looking for something in the pair of orbs that showed her own reflection.

"no— i mean... i don't know. there must be something wrong for me to feel like this; but i can't pinpoint it out." bahiyyih responded, her voice just as low as the tide is.

y/n stared at bahiyyih for a moment, before sighing and looking away.

"care to tell me about it, i'll gladly lend you my ears."

through the small act of kindness, bahiyyih finds herself smiling. "oh really? that's nice, i don't know though if i am able to fully explain what i feel right now." bahiyyih muttered.

"okay, that's okay, i'll still listen— just so i can help you let that out." y/n encouraged, closing her eyes and bobbing her head with a soft smile on her plump lips. bahiyyih founds it endearing.

"you're so nice y/n... i really appreciate it so much." bahiyyih heaves, biting her bottom lip as she fought the urge to smile so widely, so she sighed instead and intertwined her fingers together. "seriously, sometimes i feel so overwhelmed over the things you do for me, i'm so grateful for you y/n—" bahiyyih paused, straightening her posture and looked at y/n with adoration in her eyes.

"there are times being so social take too much toll on me, it's exhausting sometimes, having to talk to a lot of people, servicing them in every ways to please them so i can keep my upright reputation all together... it's so hard sometimes you know? sometimes i need someone or something to lean onto, to tell my problems and ask for help, but i feel so silly when i try to ask for it. that's why i'm very grateful and happy to have someone like you who i can come to and will accept me with open arms." she continued.

y/n stayed silent, now her whole expression were back to being neutral, as if hiding something in a mask of empty emotion.

bahiyyih kept talking.

"and now, i've realized that it's been a year since we've started getting a little closer, i've been bothered with the circling emotions at the back of my chest, you make me so happy that sometimes i feel like it's unfair i can't give back the same energy to you." bahiyyih finishes her sentence with a sigh and her eyes closed.

she hears a soft laugh just to her side.

"silly, there's no need for you to worry over that. seriously, i feel grateful too just by having you by my side and it's nice having someone who relies on me from time to time." y/n responded, bahiyyih opens her eyes gently, looking up to see a small smile plastered on y/n's face.

"y/n..." she mumbled.

"i don't know a lot of people that i talk to and i feel like there's an empty space inside of me that longs for a person i can accompany and a person that would surrender themselves to me because they trust me very much and i think that person is you hiyyih, sincerely." y/n flashes bahiyyih a grin before looking away.

bahiyyih must've felt so flattered that a bead of tears had formed in the corner of her eyes, her cheeks flushed pink.

"i feel so happy knowing i'm a piece that completes you, i'm seriously nothing without you y/n..." bahiyyih whispered, pulling herself up and hugging her knees. y/n chuckled. "oh, don't speak like that, you're everything to me." y/n stood up, suddenly realizing her legs feel sore from crouching far too long, she groaned.

"ouchie..."

after breathing a few times, y/n raised her hand and placed it gently on bahiyyih's blonde head, patting the soft temple of the other girl.

bahiyyih feels the tears slowly flowing out of her eyes to her cheeks and chin, dripping down to her shirt.

"there, it's alright."

"for real, y/n... i really do love you," bahiyyih stated with a soft sob. "maybe that's what bothering me so much." she continued.

y/n feels relieved, she doesn't know why but there was something that bloomed inside her heart as she smiled.

"i do love you too hiyyih... honestly."