| your job

"y/n be careful, the pavement is wet." xiaoting grumbled as she guided y/n's tracks under the small pour of rain, a coat above their heads as they walk through the wet road of seoul. they stopped in a hidden alley, where there was a shed to block the rain from pouring down.

"thanks xiao..." y/n steps out of the coat, letting xiaoting fold it and sling it around her arms. xiaoting blows a breath, creating a small mist on her lips.

"sorry, i didn't know it was gonna rain or something." xiaoting whispered, her voice low yet audible in y/n's ears, y/n shakes her head and faces xiaoting, a small curve on her lips.

"no it's okay, i didn't know too." y/n stated, xiaoting was wary, looking everywhere everytime, checking if someone recognizes her or the two of them.

it was funny, no one still has any idea about their relationship even after all the years they've been together, not even the members of xiaoting's group except for yujin, it was just them and their close friends.

y/n thinks xiaoting doesn't plan on speaking up about it.

"are you worried anyone might see us?" y/n asked, her voice so sensual and slow, as if provoking something out of xiaoting. xiaoting faced her, her face so hard to read as expressions were mixed up all together.

"yeah, i don't want to ruin this time for us." xiaoting replied, her voice hasty and almost like she was in a hurry.

y/n didn't know why they are still there, at this point of xiaoting's fame the two of them should've broken up, this isn't gonna work, but as much as she wanted the best for xiaoting, she can't deny it would hurt her, worse for xiaoting.

so y/n watches as xiaoting picks up her phone from her pockets and ignore the messages in her inbox.

why are you even doing this?

it is very reckless of xiaoting to risk her job just to be with a girl no one has any idea about, running away from her most important ordeals to meet up.

ever since xiaoting joined that shit of a survival show, and even before it happened, they were a thing already, so from that start point, y/n doesn't know what fate could bring xiaoting, she was given so much fame from the show, though she ended up in the last rank. y/n was proud and... afraid.

but she stayed nevertheless, or else xiaoting could be begging for her or even worse it may affect her job.

after their first comeback that was a success things got harder, xiaoting was always absent in y/n's life and it felt like she wasn't going to be there anytime soon, it was a cycle of everyday that y/n got used to having no presence of xiaoting beside her.

how much did it bother or hurt her seeing xiaoting get romantically shipped with other people?

at this point, there was no pain anymore.

"how was work?" y/n asked, which woke xiaoting from her thoughts while she kept dismissing messages prior to work.

xiaoting looked up from her phone. "it was very busy, i can't sneak out a time to see you, but i did today— i just hope there isn't something in our schedule today." xiaoting replied, voice filled with hesitations.

"i see, i hope you're not skipping out practices just to meet me, i don't like that." y/n smiled.

it must be the caffeine, the lack of sleep or too much practice, but the thought of y/n seeing another person, worse a guy— was making xiaoting crazy.

"you don't want that?" xiaoting asked, her voice dropping so low.

y/n shook her head, still calm in the verge of putting xiaoting in the edge. "no, obviously because you're putting your career in an edge, rather than skipping schedules of your jobs just to see me, you can always send me a text, i've gotten a hang of it having you far from me." y/n responded, looking from the opening of the alley.

xiaoting stared at her, an expression of disbelief.

"don't you want to see me?" xiaoting asked, this time she sounded like she was in a hurry, she needed an answer as soon as possible, because she's losing her mind.

"of course i do, stop thinking too much if i want to see you or not, you know i always do. but it's probably time that you get used to not being near me and focus to your job, you're overthinking too much and it's bad for your health as an idol, do you get it? i am worried." y/n words were firm, as if trying to put a point at the end of the sentence.

after all, xiaoting needed to understand.

xiaoting couldn't understand why y/n can get so calm over this, no— why does she even have that faint smile on her lips?

"that's bullshit, you know how much i'm risking a lot just to see you!" xiaoting exploded, placing her hands on y/n's shoulder and holding it firmly.

"you can't just say that! because, every night i think about if you're seeing someone new when i'm not there, and that thought is killing me!" xiaoting leaned in, groaning.

"are you seeing someone new?!" xiaoting whispered, her voice impatient.

y/n stared at xiaoting's eyes, still smiling even as xiaoting starts to breakdown in her own thoughts.

"no, what makes you think that after all the years i've watched you try to achieve your dream? do you not trust me anymore?" y/n asked back, her voice so calm it made xiaoting go crazy.

"i never went with someone else other than you and i thought you'd realize that i would care more about your dreams than to leave you with none." y/n continued, before giggling softly.

"you're crazy, please, i dropped off some of my schedules just to see you!" xiaoting grumbled, leaning closely as if trying to steal a kiss.

"then you better stop doing that, read all the messages and try to understand why this is bad for you. xiao, i love you but you shouldn't do this, don't you know that people are already suspecting you?" y/n found herself starting to get frustrated.

xiaoting lowered her head, sighing. "is this real? am i hearing it right? will i ruin it all for everyone?"

"you are in a group xiao, every action of yours is a reaction from everyone, and that reaction will affect your group." y/n stated.

"if i tell people i am dating you, will you be okay with it?" xiaoting asked, before placing a chaste kiss on y/n's lips.

"i am, but i don't think your fans will."

"how? what makes you think that way? you're the one i'm dating not them! why do i have to satisfy them while i suffer?" xiaoting retorted, her voice cracking miserably.

"because that's your job— it's your job to exploit a feeling from them to make them like you. xiao, if breaking up with you is the only way you can focus on one thing, then fine i'll give it up for you."

y/n sighs, xiaoting cursed as she pulled y/n in a hug. "y/n, no please think about it more. i wanted to see you today and sleep with you tonight." xiaoting muttered.

y/n giggled, a bitter aftertaste in her tongue.

y/n phone vibrated from the pockets of her blazer, she picked it up and opened go be greeted by a message from yujin.

have you seen xiaoting around?

"who's that?" xiaoting asked.

"yujin, she's looking for you."

yes, she's with me rn

"tell her you don't know."

y/n grimaced.

"i can't."

please tell her she is needed
here, we've been looking
for her all day.

"you should get back to your dorm, you can't stay with me tonight."

xiaoting groans.

"why can't i?"

alright, i will.

"they've been looking for you all day long, how can you just leave like that?"

xiaoting cursed under her breath.

"please, tell them just one day."

thanks, our manager is
so frustrated.

we don't know what to do.

"i can't demand something like that, your manager is frustrated and is stressed, everyone is worried. you've caused quite a damage.

"what am i suppose to do?"

xiaoting asked, her voice shaking.

got it, she'll be there.

"go back there and talk to them, we can take a break if you need."

y/n sighs.

"break? you're ridiculous—"

"xiaoting."

y/n calls, her voice firm.

"just go and talk to them, i don't want you to mess up, this is your only chance."

xiaoting pulls away.

"okay."

y/n smiles.

"good, i'll be leaving now, better take your leave too." y/n puts her phone on her pockets and started marching away from the alley, leaving xiaoting standing there, devastated.

and everything comes back, xiaoting felt lost.

how did things escalated just like that?

xiaoting sighed, rubbing her temples as she grumbled.

maybe things just don't last forever when you risk it all.