| a stupid me pt.2

"what!? so you're saying that yesterday, while trying to apply for the job, you saw y/n?" yujin asked, leaning on the table in the living room of kazuha's apartment, eyes wide after listening to kazuha's story about her job application yesterday.

kazuha leaned back on the couch, groaning. "well, yeah... she was the owner of the book shop and— i was so nervous my system just shut down when i saw her stood up from her office chair and walked towards my direction." kazuha placed a hand on her forehead, the back of her palm just moving softly towards her temple.

"what happened then? what did she tell you?" yujin asked, opening a can of soda and watching kazuha's every motion with her eyes.

kazuha closed her eyes tightly, lips pursing in a thin line while trying to remember what happened when she applied yesterday— she didn't back down obviously, while she was stuck on the same position during the time their eyes met she thought about the reason she came in the bookstore.

of course, to get a job.

"...kazuha?"

kazuha hears the very gentle voice call for her, with her head laying low, kazuha opened her eyes, shifting it to look at the slightly shorter girl, when her eyes fell upon y/n, she felt her heart skip a beat, taking all the courage to look up, she bit her bottom lip.

"oh, yeah...it's me— nakamura kazuha." kazuha muttered a reply after a minute or two, she sees y/n crack a small awkward smile, and she sees y/n shifting her gaze away from kazuha.

there was an unknown feeling sinking at the bottom of kazuha's stomach while watching y/n awkwardly think of a reply, she blinked before looking up at kazuha once again. "you're here to apply for a job right?" y/n confirmed, carefully trying to pick out words from her head whilst feeling dizzy over the thought of kazuha standing right in front of her.

"yes," kazuha paused, lifting her envelope. "i'm here to apply." she added.

"okay—!"

y/n tilts her head to the direction of the office, before entering in and followed by kazuha who hesitantly took a step inside.

"good morning, you can sit right there and just place your requirements on the table." y/n swiftly made her way to her chair, sitting down carefully as she fixed some of her things on the table. kazuha followed, placing her envelope on y/n's wooden table and watching y/n intently.

she's hella pretty...

kazuha thought to herself as she continued to stare.

"it was awkward as hell but it went well, she hasn't notify me if i got in but she said she'll make it quick." kazuha stated. she moved, scooting down to the edge of the couch and leaned in to place her forearms to her knees and her hands to her face. "oh, i feel relieved she didn't seem angry at me when she saw me face to face, in fact— it looked like she wasn't affected at all." kazuha muttered, rubbing her cold palms on her warm cheeks.

"which means?" yujin asked.

"which means, she probably doesn't care about me anymore."

yujin's face lits up.

"that's good!" yet the expression on kazuha's face says otherwise.

"is it not?"

"i don't know yujin, i'm happy for her that she doesn't care anymore but— i still hoped she still has at least even the smallest liking for me."

it's just wishful thinking at this point, but after all those years she had kept her feelings bottled sealed inside her heart she had realized how much she wanted y/n back but it was too late.

"y/n... wasn't even smiling that wide at me anymore." kazuha noted.

"perhaps... she's— don't take this too hard kazuha okay? maybe she's in a relationship." yujin suggested, fiddling with the corners of the small table.

kazuha stared at her.

"after all... you haven't heard that much about her for so long right?" yujin added.

kazuha nodded, although she hates to admit it, yujin is right, she's been hiding like a coward the past few years and absolutely had no idea about y/n's life so there must've been a lot of things she missed out.

"maybe."

at almost 8pm kazuha felt her phone ring in the wooden table of her room, she stood up and saw an unknown caller on display. without any hesitations, she picked it up, standing in the middle of the dark room and holding the phone to her ear.

after almost 1 minute of silence, she heard a buzz from the other side and some papers shuffling.

"uhm hello there?" a rather soft voice engulfs kazuha's ears, feeling her skin suddenly cold and her hair standing up.

goosebumps.

unable to speak, kazuha remained silence before gaining her posture.

"oh, hi there... ms. miyawaki..?" rather hesitant, kazuha answered briefly.

y/n laughs, with her heavenly voiced— she replied:

"please just address me as y/n, we're old acquaintances anyway." kazuha felt her throat dry, she stared off the distance to her window and she recalls y/n's reply.

old acquaintance... that's what kazuha is to y/n.

"y-yeah, you're right... is there something i can do?" kazuha asked, her breath starting to get heavy and her heartbeat thumps loudly. just after a few seconds of silence, kazuha hears a chair moving on the other line, assuming y/n is probably taking a sit.

"oh! about that, i called you to let you know you're hired. you can start your shift the next day if you want." y/n responded, kazuha who somehow was lost on her thoughts while listening to y/n— shook her head and coughed.

"sorry! i was spacing out. i'll start my shift tomorrow! thanks..." kazuha grumbled.

y/n hummed.

"noted. i hope to see you tomorrow before 8am."

with that, the call ended with kazuha feeling like she wanted to disappear.

the start of her job somehow was greater than she expected, y/n was really around all the time and she was nice and considerate, kazuha enjoyed yunjin's company, very much, she was glad to have the older girl as a companion to help her when she's confused or having a hard time.

"wow you're really good at this huh?" yunjin snickered, as she and kazuha were stacking up some books and magazines in their respective shelves.

"this is quite... easy, i do this sometimes when i'm bored." kazuha felt a pang of pride in her chest as she heard yunjin give her a compliment. this was seriously the easiest job ever, her first too, so she was quite lucky that she also get a higher pay than most of the job today.

only the hardest part is always seeing y/n seemingly having a talk with someone on her phone every two minutes, sometimes kazuha would catch her with the widest smile ever.

maybe, she's indeed in a relationship.

days turned into week and in her 2nd week on the job, she met yujin after her shift.

"so how was the job?" yujin asked, carrying almost a mountain of books in her arms, kazuha scoffed. "not bad, the pay is good and it's not really hard it's just that it's very awkward talking to y/n most of the time."

yujin nodded and they continue walking until they walk passed a cafe and kazuha stopped from her tracks causing yujin to look back behind her and look at kazuha, confused. "what's the matter?" she asked.

kazuha looked at the cafe and gestured inside.

"let's eat here."

"oh i forgot to remind you, tomorrow is jiheon's birthday party, might as well head straight to the party after your shift eh?" yujin asked, leaning on her chair while fiddling on her laptop, eyes fixated on the screen placed in front of her. kazuha sighed heavily, turning her head to the window as she thinks, with a heavy heart, kazuha scratched her cheek and shrugged. "yeah, i guess... i'll see you after my shift." kazuha stated, receiving a soft hum from yujin who seems to be very focused with her work on her laptop.

"i'll wait for you outside of the bookstore before your shift ends, how about that? you know... i'm not that busy tomorrow so i don't mind waiting for ya." yujin spoke, glasses resting on her nose bridge, thin bangs curtaining her forehead, kazuha nodded. "gah... that's better, so we can wait for taxi together, gosh i hate standing in the side of the road everyday." kazuha complained, frowning a bit.

yujin finally looked up from her laptop, a smile on her face. "that's gonna be your daily routine now buddy, at least you have a job now." she snickered, which earned a small scoff from kazuha.

"you think y/n's coming tomorrow..? with her lover..?" kazuha's deep voice trailed, her eyes wandering off the busy street outside, the question raised a brow from her friend, and yujin muttered a small 'huh'.

"lover? she's in a relationship?" yujin asked, eyes looking over kazuha.

kazuha shrugged. "i don't know, i assumed she has." yujin had a confused look on her face but she straightened her posture. "i thought she's gonna come with haewon? her friend." yujin replied.

kazuha sighed, slumped down the chair and placed a hand on her face. "you know what? maybe you're right. i'm being paranoid, i don't even know why." yujin laughed it off.

"stop thinking too much about it, i swear it's gonna be alright!" yujin chuckled.

while busy on her shift, kazuha notices y/n walk past her and multiple shelves, dressed nicely. kazuha trailed her eyes over and sees her boss stopping by the door and looking back. "yunjin, the keys of the store is in my office please close the store, i have a place i need to go today, thank you." she spoke, looking over yunjin who walked towards her while waving her hand. "alright! take care!"

kazuha watches as y/n leaves the store and through the glass pane, kazuha sees a car stop just in front of the store, y/n walks towards the car and reaches for the door of the passenger seat before entering inside, kazuha tried to get a glimpse of the driver but unfortunately couldn't, it was too dark. kazuha watches the car drive away right before her eyes, her mind bugged with hundreds of thoughts about what she saw but it was all cut off when she heard yunjin's voice from the other side.

"did you see that fancy car! wow, ms. miyawaki sure is rich, i wonder who that person driving is." yunjin spoke, kazuha looked at the books in front of her as she stayed silent, which worried the older girl.

"kazuha..? kazuha? you there?"

kazuha shot up and nodded. "uh— yeah! that car sure looks cool. i was just thinking the same thing." she lied through her teeth, which luckily yunjin took as the truth, shaking the worries of her shoulders and she left the tall girl to go work on her job.

but even after all the time that has passed her mind just keeps coming back to that scene she saw. maybe y/n does have a boyfriend, if not just a boyfriend probably a rich one, how will a pathetic person like kazuha even compete with a guy in a nice car, all she has is a fucking taxi and sometimes a train or bus, well at least it's eco-friendly. kazuha waited for yunjin outside the store, dressed in her casual outfit, from the other side of the glass pane she watched at the lights turn off and yunjin headed outside with the keys. "okay! thanks for waiting, sorry if i took too long." yunjin smiled and laughed as she locked the doors. "no, it's alright. i'm actually waiting for a friend." kazuha shook her hand. "ohh alright, i guess i'll take my leave now. take care kazuha!" yunjin waved goodbye as she made her way to the other side of the road. in a span of seconds, yunjin disappeared in the sea of crowd, mixing in with the unfamiliar faces.

"zuha!" kazuha looked behind and saw yujin approaching, kazuha ran towards yujin, the two met in the waiting shed and yujin wrapped an arm around kazuha's shoulders as they wait for a taxi. "hope we're not late yet." yujin laughed, patting kazuha's back. "that'll suck." kazuha scoffed. yujin called up a taxi and they got in as soon as possible. they sat and the taxi ignites. "i saw y/n earlier, she got inside of this super fancy car." kazuha stated, looking over the tinted windows of the car, watching as they passed by buildings and stores. "who do you think it was?" yujin asked, looking at her friend's side profile. "i don't know, probably her rich boyfriend or something, couldn't quite see the face." kazuha replied, her voice was low and gloomy. "are you sure? hey don't be that sad my little giraffe, maybe you're just jumping into conclusions." yujin joked, trying to light up the mood. she raised a hand to caress kazuha's shoulder in which kazuha scoffed and pushed it away playfully, causing yujin to snicker.

"kazuha! yujin! you guys... i missed you two!" jiheon smiled, hugging the two girls tightly. "we missed you too jiheon, after all these years you're still cool!" yujin smiled at jiheon and patted her head. kazuha nodded and smiled at the shorter girl. "happy birthday by the way, you're place's nice." kazuha greeted the girl who nodded and grinned. "this is like our reunion too so i wanna make sure you all have fun! oh by the way i need to welcome other guests too so just have fun and i'll be back!" jiheon waved and disappeared all of a sudden, kazuha looked at the direction she went to before looking at yujin, who for some reason just disappeared too. there were a lot of people in the party, not that much but probably too much for someone like kazuha to handle. kazuha walked to the kitchen and was suddenly given two cans of beer, getting told to drink it. kazuha sighed and walked further around the place and reached the backyard. fucking yujin left her, but that's just yujin, sooner or later she'll come and find kazuha immediately. 

kazuha sat at a chair, placed one beer on the floor, the loud chatters and voices are all muffled by the door, she looked far away, the cold beer tingling her palms, begging her to open it and take a drink. kazuha opened the beer, taking a long sip as she leaned on the chair. she wished to see y/n tonight but with the current situations she probably wouldn't, how would she know if y/n has a boyfriend? how she looks up close? those darn noises, if only kazuha wasn't easily irritated. kazuha took more sips, before chugging it whole down, groaning as the liquid burned her throat, she took the other can. busy drinking the can, kazuha had not noticed the door open for another visitor. kazuha chugged the other can down, not caring how much it burned her throat or how cold it was. "kazuha?" the familiar voice, followed by kazuha cursing under her breath woke kazuha up from her thoughts. kazuha looked behind to see y/n.

kazuha knew she was sober, of course she had to be. she stared at y/n who stood just there and looked over the dark sky and the moon. "are you okay?" y/n asked, shifting her gaze towards kazuha with a worried smile. kazuha looked down on her shoes and tried to think of a decent answer. kazuha is fine, at least to her standards she was at the same time she wasn't, how would she know honestly. "yeah, i think." kazuha stood up from the chair and tried to enter the door but y/n placed a hand on her shoulder. "are you sure?" y/n asked. her hand feel soft, her touch feels nice. kazuha looked at the hand on her shoulder and to y/n. "i just need water." kazuha muttered, y/n looked at the table near them and took the glass of water she brought. "here, i decided to bring some water to drink, but you might need it more right now." y/n raised the glass of water to kazuha's face level, kazuha looked at y/n before taking it and drinking the water, thankfully feeling more refreshed. "thanks, needed it a lot." kazuha smiled at the shorter girl. 

"i know." y/n muttered.

kazuha sighed and scratched her cheek. "sorry for everything." y/n stared at kazuha who looked at everything but y/n's eyes, it reminded her of everything she did in the past. "everything..?" y/n asked, looking at kazuha. "i know the world doesn't revolve around me but... i am so sorry for treating you like that when we were young. you didn't deserve to be insulted like that in front of everyone." kazuha muttered, breathing heavily and feeling her face warm up in either frustration or the sight of y/n. "that was in the past, i've gotten over it and i learned a lot." y/n replied, kazuha looked up to y/n and took a sharp breath. "but... y/n. i haven't gotten over it, you. i haven't gotten over you."kazuha confessed, bringin the glass of water to the table as she faced y/n with bravery even though her neck and face was dripping with sweat. y/n looked up at kazuha, trying to comprehend what she just said. "i know this sounds selfish but i didn't want you to get over me, after all those years all i think about is you. when i work, i eat, i sleep or when i'm just sitting in the dark." kazuha placed a hand on her forehead, wiping the sweat away. "you've probably forgotten about me and got a nice boyfriend or whatever... but i haven't, i was stoked about working for you, but i keep thinking about how well you're doing without me." kazuha said, although her voice was muffled by her hand. y/n could hear it. 

y/n held her own hand as she tried to think of a right respond to the sudden outburst. "i've forgotten about those memories and i chose to live a new life but that doesn't mean i'll forget about you. of course, i've never had a boyfriend at all and i was rather surprised to see you again. it made me happy." y/n smiled although her eyes were fixated somewhere. kazuha even in a daze stared at y/n. "i love you, y/n." kazuha whispered, pushing a strand of y/n's hair off her face. "kazuha..." y/n whispered back. 'you know i still love you right?" she added, smiling so sweetly at kazuha. kazuha leaned in to give y/n a peck on her lips, before pushing herself further. kazuha's hands held y/n's face, caressing her cheeks. y/n could taste the beer and smell it, usually she'd hate it but it smelled nice. kazuha sighed and pulled away, leaned her forehead towards y/n's. 

i probably stink right now. kazuha thought.