|the one

hanni's eyes looked around the room, for any signs of a girl she had grown familiar with over the past few years. today, a party held by their school is on going, it's a party for the graduated high school students which hanni turned out to be one. hanni was torn between social events like this, she'd love having fun with close friends but the constant need to socialize was tearing her down most of the time. there were a lot of students than she remembered, hanni was surrounded by almost all unfamiliar faces in the middle of the dance floor where she stands alone.

tip-toeing, the girl really tried her best to get a view of an exit out of the sea of crowd, after spotting one, she took her chance and dashed out of the dance floor; eventually finding herself in the tables. hanni sighed, a flash of relief waved inside her heart, being able to breath once again after a while. there were reeking smell of alcohol mixed with different perfumes that made hanni feel sick and nauseous; along with the roaring sounds from the people and the gigantic speakers around the venue.

hanni made her way out of the lines of tables, without a single thought she entered inside the restroom. it was empty, the music blasting even through the walls.

thank goodness. even though the air wasn't as fresh as the air outside their school, it's still better than the air in the party, it made her sick.

hanni walked in the row of sinks, finding a faucet, immediately washing her hands and splashing her face with some water, her eyes looked up to the mirror to see her face.

her reflection showed her wet bangs sticking on her forehead, the water dripping in her chin. hanni took wet wipes on her bag and started wiping her face, taking off the excess make-up lingering in her skin. she's tired, somehow she's only been here for an hour but she's already torn apart. after almost ten wipes, she threw all of them in the trashcan, looking back at the mirror to see her face bare, hanni sighed.

dumb, dumb. the thoughts circled around her.

hanni planned to stay in the restroom until the party's over, there was no point in staying out there, no point on forcing herself to fit in and then just embarrassing herself afterwards.

the door opens to someone on a phone call, hanni wasn't able to see their face from the mirror as they had their head turned around faced the other direction, hanni looked down on the sink instead; reaching for the faucet to wash her hands again.

"sorry, i swear this is the last time i'm saying it." hanni stopped when she heard the familiar voice, hanni tried to peek at the mirror to see the person's face; feeling her stomach flip upsidedown when she saw y/n. hanni took a sharp breath before entering one of the stalls, the urge to run was inside of her but she needed to wait for the perfect timing to do so.

after locking the stall, hanni stood there, trying to eavesdrop instead.

"i'm already admitting that i was wrong, i never meant to make you feel that way— it's just that... i didn't realize it sooner." y/n continued to talk, the call wasn't on speaker, so hanni could only hear a fraction of the conversation; most were from y/n's side. "i'm really sorry, it's not like i purposely played with your feelings. i tried really i did— but it's just not working!" after y/n spoke, there was complete silence, it seemed like the phone call ended; suddenly the door opened once again and footsteps where heard.

thinking y/n might have left, hanni tried to open the door and—

"y/n you are such an—" hanni opened the door and stepped out, only to realize that she had the wrong timing. standing between y/n and her (ex) girlfriend, hanni wished that the ground beneath her rises and then swallows her down, just to escape the current situation she is in. hanni desperately tried to look at y/n's girlfriend, only to receive a glare, hanni winced and looked at y/n— whose expression seemed nonchalant, if hanni was in this situation she would've ran away from fear.

y/n kept a staring contest with her girlfriend, her stare had no absolute emotion on it, she was just looking.

"wow, how am i not surprised seeing this?" y/n's girlfriend stated, even sarcastically laughing. hanni shook her head, with her lips, hanni tried to talk. "no! you got the wrong idea— i was here before y/n even got inside, i didn't know—"

"she's got nothing to do with any of this, it's between us." y/n spat out, her voice gave hanni the chills, sending goosebumps down her skin. y/n's girlfriend laughed, clapped her hands and looked at y/n as if she had said something incredibly ridiculous. "oh you know she had something to do with all of this! that girl— wasn't she the girl you still loved even while being with me?!" hanni looked at the two. confused, she sees y/n look at her way before bringing her eyes back at her girlfriend.

"can you stop dragging anyone in our argument? this has nothing to do with hanni, whatever i did was all my fault okay?" y/n explained, she stood there before walking her way to her girlfriend who shook her hands to keep y/n away, y/n stops just in front of hanni. "please, let's stop kidding ourselves already! you've always been thinking about another girl while you're with me! i let it slide one or two— even five times but i've had enough!" hanni looked at y/n, whose face remained stoic even after all the words thrown at her.

"i'm sorry, i wished i knew earlier too. but as i said it's just not working and i truly cared for you. it's alright if you stay mad and don't forgive me for being an asshole but please, you don't have to drag hanni into the mess i made!" y/n retorted back, her heavy breaths were heard, echoing in the walls of the bathroom. suddenly the music blasting outside were all gone, anyone could walk in anytime. y/n's girlfriend looked at hanni and laughed.

"you can say whatever you want to say but we all know one thing. hanni is the reason you are a mess!" the girl exited, y/n tried to follow but when the door slammed, she stopped. hanni stood behind, her feet stuck to the ground, waiting for y/n to do something.

y/n turned around to face hanni, looking at her. hanni felt the sick feeling tickling her stomach, she wanted to throw up but at the same time she didn't want to. "i'm so sorry!" hanni stated, bowing down, eyes closed tight. y/n chuckled, walked towards her and tapped her shoulder. "it's okay, it's my fault." y/n replied, hanni opened her eyes to see y/n's button up sleeve shirt, hanni looked up and straightened her body to finally face her truth.

what if you were the one? hanni thought, her chest slowly moved to every breath she made. remembering the moments she had with y/n back before, what if she hadn't let go of them? the words they exchanged, the looks they gave and the promises made— what if her wishes were all heard? were, because it's all in the past now.

hanni is facing someone who she longed for back before, when she said she was scared of falling in love and breaking her heart— she didn't wish for y/n to leave, it was so hard to be brave even after all this time facing her truth seemed inevitable and scary. realizing that maybe, she truly haven't gotten over y/n yet, but bringing things back would be impossible at this point, hanni and y/n ruined the things that should have mattered the most to them.

"i should be the one saying sorry." y/n muttered, looking down.

or maybe, we were really never meant for each other.

hanni understood where y/n was going, it is truly y/n's big mistake of entering a relationship while still stuck to a person from the past but the realization came in late, y/n could've and would've tried her best to avoid the mess she made if only she realized her lingering feelings for hanni sooner. no matter how much y/n stays away from hanni, avoid the feelings in the bottom of her heart— she wouldn't be able to move on if she cannot let go of the string connecting her heart towards hanni.

"i know we can't go back time, mend the broken past we had. i wasn't 'the one' nor i will ever be your 'the one', i'm just not that person for that position in your life." y/n smiled at hanni. something inside hanni's chest was about to explode, even after how many times she have told herself the exact same thing, accepting it was the part that was the hardest.

maybe, hanni did believe in all of those years that y/n would be her 'the one', some part of her wished she was that person— but it was hard to admit such thing after your relationship was to no point of being fixed, there is no point of even trying.

y/n took a deep breath, folded the sleeve of her button up long sleeve and sighed before speaking once again. "after the stupid shit i've done, it's time i tell you i'll never bother you ever again. after this party, you'll never see my face again." you're the only one saying that. hanni thought, keeping a straight face as if tears aren't about to explode from her eyes anytime.

"is it that easy to say?" hanni asked, her lips breaking out into a frown, eyes looking at the mirror that had a crack in the middle, with their reflection being separated by that huge crack— perfectly depicting their broken relationship. y/n looked at the other direction. "i— don't know." y/n answered.

"the world is so small, even if i try to avoid you, i'd still find myself facing you at any part of this world." hanni's heart itself has always been connected to y/n's, that's why it was hard to let go. hanni continued to talk. "it's not destiny, it's just that i can't hide from you— no matter how much i try."

tears are actually starting to well up in the corner of hanni's eyes, she sniffed. "maybe, if i let go of the connection between us i'd be able to move on for the better, but even if how many times i tell myself that, i can't figure out how and where to start." hanni sobbed, wiping the tears on her eyes. y/n finally looked at hanni, raising her hand to wipe the tears off hanni's cheek. "i wish i knew how to, i tried but... i only made things worse." when y/n dropped her hand, hanni catched it, holding it with her two hands. hanni's head laid low, the tears kept falling from her eyes to y/n and her hands.

"i don't want to go yet! i don't want you to go!" hanni cried out, y/n could only see the back of hanni's head— thankful she was, because if she saw hanni's pain she'd probably end up hurting too.

and one who is broken cannot fix something that is broken too.

without realizing the time, the pair stayed inside the restroom, the world completely out of their focus. they don't know what would come after this, but all hanni wanted to do is to cry until her eyes dried out, until there no tears left to cry. y/n just wanted to be there for the girl, not expecting anything to come out after this mess that they cannot fix. all she wish is for hanni to finally be okay and to be able to cry her heart out.