| i don't want to see you ever again (i miss you)

"it's been three years huh?" wonyoung muttered, flipping pages of a latest magazine she starred in, the famous model eyed her close friend of almost ten years and saw the solemn look on her face, which she doesn't usually express when with friends; except for someone like wonyoung, who she has known ever since she's a child. the business student could only purse her lips at the thought, remembering and at the same time forgetting the feeling of losing someone out of nowhere.

"yeah, i don't care anymore really." yujin brushed wonyoung off, eyes staring at the sky from the window, brows creased together.

"but for some reason you still act like you do." wonyoung said, bringing the magazine down to the glass table, sometimes wonyoung can be a bit stingy with her words but all she says are nothing but truths, wonyoung would never lie just for the sake of making her friends feel better.

it's better to be honest than let your friends live off of a lie.

"what are you trying to say wonyo?" yujin asked, pouting, her deep dimples appearing as she puts up an annoyed expression. wonyoung laughed, seeing her friends reaction. "that even with how many times you tell me you don't care anymore i know you still do, that's like four years worth of relationship, i know you still look back at those memories and regret everything." wonyoung answered, yujin glanced at her friend through the corners of her eyes then looked away again.

"tsk, i sleep at peace every night now for your information." yujin said, it amused wonyoung really, just how stubborn yujin is, she would do anything to cope with the pain of how the only girl she loved left her without a word.

and it's a wonder how even after three years, yujin had no track of where y/n went.

she just disappeared.

maybe, yujin did something wrong? she wasn't enough? y/n grew sick and tired of her? yujin was childish and immature?

yujin still doesn't understand yet those are the only things she can think of.

it made her mad that at this point she should be giving up already with the search but how can she? even if y/n wasn't her girlfriend if someone close to you disappeared out of thin air wouldn't anyone be wondering too? what if something bad happened to her?

the thought keeps her awake every night.

"even you don't believe that yujin, we all know you're lying. i know you're still worried about the whereabouts of y/n, and i promise, i'm worried too." wonyoung puts up a concerned expression as she looked at her friend.

yujin still doesn't understand how y/n just disappeared like that without a word.

it's so unfair.

"ahn yujin, you're about to start your first job and meet your first client in just a few months. i want you to be prepared because this isn't really an easy task, i'm telling this to you as early as possible because your answer matters. are you willing to take the job or not?" yujin nodded at her boss' statement, though most did not ring a bell inside yujin's head, she still tried to comprehend his words.

"what's the job then, pretty sure i can handle that." yujin leaned on her seat and smiled at her boss, who then nodded and pulled out a folder of files from his drawers. "don't be too confident but i like that." he says before flipping the pages to a specific part.

"here, your client is a daughter of my friend and this girl wants to start a business, to be exact she wants to build a school to teach sign language and she doesn't have any experience about this whole starting a building stuff so i want you to teach her about the process and all she needs to know." her boss explained, yujin shrugged as she reads the details but there were no photos or information about the client provided.

"i mean, that sounds easy. what's the problem?" yujin asked, holding the files on her hands as she looked at her boss who only laughed.

"yujin, she's deaf, that means you have to learn basics of sign language in order to help her."

what.

yujin's expression deflated as she tilted her head to take a good look on her boss to see if he is serious. turns out he was as he shrugged.

"so you up for the job? i'm emailing the amount of money you'll receive for this job." yujin nodded and bit the inside of her cheek. "as long as i have plenty of time to study." she says.

her boss nodded. "i'll give you all the time you need to get yourself ready, for sure ms. park would understand."

yujin surprisingly is getting a hold of the lessons, probably because of the motivation she has (she'll be paid twice her yearly salary for the job), though it was stressful in her first two weeks, the next were nothing but merely normal lessons that she is starting to get used to.

yujin still has no idea whoever the girl she's about to assist is going to be, all she knew is the girl's last name.

park.

that's all.

the name tasted bitter in her mouth, like it left some distasteful memories in the past she ought to forget but cannot.

after a month had passed, yujin did pretty well in the sign language lessons she took and she's getting even better, the improvement made her boss very proud and had called her up to a small meeting together.

"ahn yujin, i've noticed your improvement with the lessons you've been taking and i must say, i'm impressed. you really are dedicated with this job." mr. kang said, sat on his swivel chair as he looked proudly at his best employee around. yujin smiled giddily and nodded. "well, it's only once in a blue moon i get to have this chance so i figured why not pour my best into it and i want to be able to help ms. park as soon as possible, i know she's itching to build her dream school." yujin said casually, with a hint of coolness lingering on her voice which made her boss even more impressed.

he clapped his hands and there was this smug smile on his lips.

"ahn yujin, you never fail to make me proud. tomorrow i'll set you up on a dinner date with ms. park at exactly 6pm, be there as early as you can and make sure you keep ms. park entertained." mr. kang said, fixing his sleeve.

"of course mr. kang, you can trust me on that. i'll make sure she enjoys herself."

"great, don't ever stop doing such an amazing job ahn yujin, then you'll get your desired promotion." mr. kang stood up from his seat before making his way out of his office, with a wide smile on her face, yujin watches as her boss leaves and she laughs thinking about that salary and the promotion she's about to get.

when yujin entered inside the restaurant where her boss had set her up on a dinner date with their anonymous client, she came in earlier at 5:30pm to make sure she gets there before their client. yujin stood there for a while, trying to catch a glimpse of a girl who she might assume to be her client, yet she couldn't grasp a certain park anywhere.

it seemed like even her client had no idea of who she was.

boss

sir, is ms. park here already?

oh ahn, she just arrived,
wait for her at the entrance.

yujin turns her phone off before making her way to the entrance once again, after a few seconds she turned her back and faced the tables inside the restaurant.

until,

a tap on her shoulder made her turn to face someone who she thought she'd never see ever again, a face she wanted to forget for a long time, those eyes that sparkled with glimmer under the bright lights.

the face that pained her for a long time.

"y/n..?"

yujin backed away as soon as her eyes met y/n's, her breath hitched and her heart felt like it was getting squeezed down.

y/n only gasped. "y-yuddaeng."

y/n couldn't hear anything, but the way her name was carved on yujin's lips were all too familiar for her to not recognize.

she can't hear yujin the way she did before and it's hurting her.

"what the hell are you doing here?" yujin asked, her voice sounded rough, brows knitted in a glare towards y/n's direction, as if she loathed the girl she loved for a long time.

y/n did not answer, she couldn't.

only being able to shake her head and put her hands over her ears, lips quivering in a small whine. yujin watched the other girl, confused. y/n pulled her hands away and gestured.

i need to go immediately! please excuse me!

the signs told yujin watch she needed to know, her eyes were wide and her chest felt heavy— tight, looking for an answer to a question that has been bugging her for a long time.

y/n rushed and almost pushed yujin, who barely moved, eyes following y/n to a table.

as if on cue, yujin's phone rang.

"ahn yujin! ms. park's there already!"

the call was immediately hanged up and yujin stood there with confusion.

yujin cleared her throat and made her way to y/n's table, where she got worried looks from y/n.

hi, ms. park. i'm ahn yujin, i'll be assisting you for your project.

y/n shook her head and her hands.

are you sure? maybe you got the wrong person?

yujin stared at y/n and laughed.

well, yes. i know. if you don't want me here then i'll leave.

yujin scoffed and carried her bag, making her way out of the restaurant.

the only word y/n can only say, the only name she can remember and the only person she cared about.

"ddaeng—!"

yujin was caught off guard with the nickname and accidentally bumped into a waiter, causing her to curse under her breath and help the waiter. 

y/n stood there and tried to help but was ignored by yujin who then stood up and brushed her pants before sighing and showing her business card.

it's ahn yujin to you ms. park.

from y/n's point of view, she sees the waiter pass by and to yujin who looked shaken, eyes glaring daggers at her direction. y/n understands, but she's not planning on explaining — in fear she'll hurt yujin more.

confused, angry, and sad, yujin made her way out of the restaurant, completely not caring about what was to come for her.

"you mean to say, you left ms. park in the restaurant?! ahn yujin have you gone crazy!?" her boss was upset, the most upset he's been for a long time. yujin knew what she did was extremely unprofessional. but who could blame her? after all, seeing the face of someone who you wanted to despise after they have disappeared for a long time suddenly pop out of nowhere.

"i'm very sorry, there had been an emergency and i was rushing, i understand what i did was wrong and i hope you don't push the project away."

mr. kang scoffed, and slammed her palms on his desk.

"i would anytime i wanted to! but ms. park said i shouldn't so yujin i'm giving you another chance to redeem yourself, better not fuck this one up again."

yujin could only nod.

working with someone as delicate and kind as y/n was easy, but working with the same woman who hid for so long and disappeared into a different person was hard.

how is yujin supposed to be okay when she looks at y/n and can only remember someone who isn't there anymore?

she's trying her best not to ruin things for the two of them but it's getting harder to conceal the longer it takes.

thank you ms. park!

a kid, lee hyein reaches for y/n's hands to shake them, in return y/n smiled at the girl whose sister applied for her soon to be completed school.

you're always welcome hyein!

yujin stood beside y/n, eyes staring at the earpiece in y/n's ear, the smile on her face.

she hated everything about y/n now, a part of her still loved the woman, and another one who despises her.

yujin left with a heavy heart, taking the attention of y/n who watched yujin leave, confused she stood there.

after saying goodbye to hyein, y/n followed in pursuit of yujin only to see her standing alone in an empty park.

y/n tapped the girl's shoulder, only to see a pained expression present on yujin's face.

y/n couldn't bare to ask the girl what was wrong, she knew it had something to do with her.

are you done?

yujin asked.

yes. i was wondering where you are.

yujin looked away, and faced her back to y/n to try and hide her face.

y/n took a deep breath, seeing as yujin refused to look at her and it felt like a thorn was poking y/n in her heart, it's too much to handle.

"dd—yujin... i'm... sorry."

though, yujin could still practically talk, there was no use for it if she couldn't hear what people say.

but she wanted yujin to hear those words out of her own mouth.

yujin rubbed her eyes.

"yeah whatever." she muttered.

"i just... don't understand why you left me like that, how you just disappeared." yujin's emotions were taking a toll on her, she completely forgot that she wasn't talking to the same person anymore.

all y/n could hear was a muffled voice.

yujin's voice trembled but her ego kept her from weeping.

"then you come back and act like you don't even know who i am, act like were okay. just how easy was that for you, thinking of you every night killed me slowly and i can't even look at you anymore."

y/n could hear the cuts off when yujin sobs, the shaking of her shoulders.

y/n pulled yujin's sleeves to get her attention.

i'm so sorry! i know i hurt you and i understand you hate me now because of it! it's my fault you're struggling like this and i hope you know i want you to be better now— if i could, i would leave you again so it wouldn't hurt whenever you see me.

yujin wiped the tears on her eyes and laughed.

are you serious? you think everything's gonna be okay again if you hide? just how selfish are you? i looked and searched for so long only to see you like this and i don't even understand why!

y/n tried to smile, she really did.

my hearing's been faltering already even before i met you, but i couldn't tell it to you directly because i know it'll hurt you too— the only thing i know is to hide and that's what i did. i just don't know anymore what i should do to redeem myself back to you again!

yujin's eyes watched as y/n struggled to keep her tears away, the way her lips quivered.

i still love you even after what happened and i don't know what to do with that... because my heart is still hurting, i'm scared you'll leave me again.

y/n held yujin's hand on hers, caressing them tenderly.

it calmed yujin, a bit.

y/n couldn't answer anymore, she knew it wouldn't make things better; for now.

but she's trying to fix what she broke, slowly but carefully, it's a long process.

"yuddaeng..."

yujin's eyes fell on y/n's face, who was focused at their hands that were intertwined together loosely.

yes, yujin still loves y/n, maybe that long time of not having her near made yujin yearn for her more, made her more desperate, and made her more in need of y/n's love.

just as much as y/n couldn't keep on hiding, yujin could also not keep on hiding what she truly felt, because it will weigh heavier the more she keeps it.