| take care, my minji...

note: tw! mentions of abuse! sexual assault! violence!

"how about you minji? what do you want to be when we grow up?" y/n whispered against minji's ears, her upper-body leaning on minji's sturdy shoulders as the older girl carried y/n on her back, with minji's hands resting on y/n's thighs. minji's eyes trailed over the rocky path, they were inside a forestry of a known university in their city, observing plants and trees and walking over trails and paths that led them to almost nowhere in particular.

minji had nothing in mind, only focusing on the weight behind her that seemed to not even bother her even after how long they've been walking.

minji herself insisted that she should carry y/n in a piggyback ride to exit the woods.

"i don't know yet." minji muttered, her voice is low as they walked, showing no signs of tiredness on her body and voice. they continued to venture through the woods, passing by huge trees and rocks, bushes and cliffs that lead down to huge pile of dead leaves.

y/n held minji tightly, scared minji might feel like she was too heavy and get tired. though, that's not the case, y/n was like underweight due to how less she eats in a day.

"does y/n still dream of becoming an idol?" minji asked, her shoes stepping into small pieces of rocks and dust, creating sounds that echoed in the empty forest. minji thought she never cared about it, but the more she acted nonchalant, the more she remembered every details of y/n that she refused to remember.

it was when they were in elementary, y/n had said she's been wanting to become an idol when she grows up.

years have passed that dream was nothing but just a mere dream of a child, y/n was suffering inside the confines of what people called "home", there was no security and no comfort in their house, just pain and sufferings.

her mother lashed on her everyday ever since y/n's father left.

the pure and innocent y/n was now reduced to nothing but a broken glass, a stained one too, and minji was trying to pick her up but putting her back to pieces was gonna be hard; impossible even.

"i don't want to anymore," y/n muttered, eyes staring at minji's face, the light seeping through the cacophony of trees fell on minji's soft features. y/n smiled and continued. "i just want to be with you forever." y/n whispered.

minji smiled bitterly at the statement, though it's an innocent promise of some sort, anyone knew it wasn't ever gonna happen, with them being both nothing but broken, there was in no way they'll be fixed.

minji loved y/n, at least she thinks she does.

whenever she's happy with her, sad, upset or just mad because y/n can be stupid sometimes.

but can anyone blame her? it's not like y/n did that to herself, she was never given a happy life because y/n's mother was bitter woman, hated seeing her daughter turn into what she wanted to be— to the point she'll destroy anything that made her daughter happy.

whenever she'd meet y/n with bruises, minji couldn't do anything about it.

whenever she tried to smile with a broken tooth, her eye surrounded by a bruise whenever it turns into a crescent shape, or when she's covered with bandages; limping her way towards minji.

this is why minji had been used to giving y/n a piggyback ride, the girl couldn't carry herself on her own two feet to save her life.

sometimes, minji is guilty, she'd think y/n is useless.

sometimes; not always.

but that made y/n even more beautiful, when she's helpless and a clinging mess, arms not letting go of minji, it made minji's ego fly off above, it made her strong and reliable; powerful.

when they first met, minji could remember y/n's petite appearance and even as a child, she had that undying smile that's always present on her face, sweet and sickening.

her eyes that sparkled with pure innocence under the bright sunlight, the sundress she'd always wore that's stain in mud.

minji thought y/n was pathetic as a child.

but so is she, but minji wouldn't admit that- she'd never let anyone see her vulnerable when all she had always wanted to be is to hold power; over something, over someone.

when they met once again, years later.

minji was 17,

y/n had just turned 16.

they sat on a row of seats, three seats apart. y/n was on her first year of highschool whilst minji was on her second year.

she wasn't able to recognize the old, pathetic y/n when their eyes locked together.

y/n became a lot more beautiful, her hair flowed so gracefully on her shoulders, the sundress that showed her bare shoulders looked oh-so-amazing, tightly hugging her waist and showing of her curves, the amazing result of puberty.

minji knew it was wrong but she had always wanted y/n only because she looked pretty, there was absolutely nothing interesting about y/n's personality.

she was as plain as a newly bought paper.

as plain as an unseasoned noodles.

that beauty made minji mad, she just couldn't stare at y/n without thinking of how useless such beauty if the owner's personality is nothing but just a sweet nothings.

crybaby, weak, stupid, naive and gullible.

y/n is pathetic.

though minji had grew thinking like that about her own lover, she can never find herself leaving y/n behind.

then there they go in her bedroom, y/n leaning on minji's back as minji continued to type on her laptop, y/n's arms wrapped on her waist as she rested. they're always like this, confined inside the comfort of minji's room and just alone together.

"minji... i love you." y/n whispered, her voice shaking as she spoke. minji continued typing, feeling y/n's breath hitch.

"minji loves y/n too." minji muttered, yet her expression was empty, staring at the monitor.

y/n is obsessed says minji's peers, they've talked about how y/n is weird, always clinging to minji like a leech, watching from afar or doesn't want to let go.

it gets annoying sometimes, but minji did like her presence for most of the time; it's not like it's comforting or anything, it's just... minji doesn't know how to describe it. she's just used of the girl being there beside her.

like there's something wrong when y/n isn't next to her.

in all honesty, minji doesn't know whether it's love or just some big infatuation, some people have said that infatuations do not last but some people also say that the way she viewed her girlfriend was not even remotely close to sincere love. it pisses minji off, how people wanna mess with her and y/n's relationship.

they do not understand y/n the way minji does.

"please don't talk to her ever again..."

y/n might be a little possessive it's true, however minji doesn't mind.

after all, she's all y/n can count on, that poor girl doesn't have anyone to run to.

her mother is shit and her father is gone.

"who?" minji asked, placing her hands down the wooden surface of her table and let her hands rest after working for almost two hours nonstop. y/n had her breathing steady, eyes fixated somewhere else around the room. y/n didn't react and stayed still, but she was clutching minji by her waist. "you know? that woman, your uncle's friend." y/n said.

although, minji agreed that she would never want to talk to that wicked woman ever again after what she had done to her. it seems like y/n has no idea or whatsoever about what minji had gone through under that woman's hands, behind the walls of their house; maybe that's for the better.

minji is frustrated about that too, clearly, that wasn't a pleasant experience and she hated herself for that.

but would she want y/n to know? of course not, the last thing minji wanted is to look pathetic in front of her lover.

so it made her mad.

"what do you even know?" minji asked, her voice is stern. y/n shook her head and hummed. "nothing but i don't like seeing you with other girls."

here she goes again.

minji didn't answer and kept silent so y/n could continue.

"i hate seeing you with other people, they don't understand you the way i do and they don't love you the way i do," y/n paused, pushing herself closer to minji, as if wanting to feel her inside, minji's breathing, her heartbeat and her pulse.

"minji. if you ever leave me for another girl... i'm gonna... you know?"

kill yourself?

it's not hard to believe y/n would do that, she had shown signs ever since the first time they met again, her behavior and all, the way she speaks, the bruises on her skin.

whenever minji thinks about it more, she's just as pathetic as y/n, chained up in words that are nothing but threats, maybe she is scared y/n might actually take her own life if she leaves, how long has it been like this? who knows, minji hasn't had track of time ever since her life started falling apart.

"y/n." minji spoke, her voice is low and her head was hanging low whilst she stared at y/n who sat hopelessly on the floor, both covered in blood, y/n's mother lying lifelessly beside y/n on the cold wooden floor.

y/n sat there in shock, staring at her mother whose blood is pooling under her body, coloring the wooden floor a dark shade of red, the room smelling nothing but of metallic.

y/n's face was wet with tears, sweat and blood, her hands were covered with the own red color of her mother, minji stood there, her shoes covered with the same blood, the pants, to her shirt and her hands that held the mrs. lim's throat. minji walked backwards until she hits the door frame, groaning. "i'll get a mop." she said, so casually and left.

y/n's eyes fell on the sharp knife laying beside her dead mother that minji had not noticed, grabbing it and then running towards the kitchen where she washed it and hid it inside her bag; tears continued to cascade her cheeks.

minji promised she'd hide y/n away from everyone, not just everyone but the whole world, there was no point of being somewhere in this world if it meant they'll be separated.

there is no way that their broken pieces will be put back together once again, they are forever fractured. the remaining pieces of them are lost forever and will never be able to be found again.

they can't go on like this forever.

just hiding.

lim y/n's suffering must end.

minji wants to save her but they both know it's beyond impossible at this point, minji cannot do anything about it anymore.

"y/n don't be scared... this won't hurt." minji whisper as she held y/n close to her, a lasso of rope looped around her arm as she dragged the weak petite body of y/n around a secluded area of a forest. y/n's breathing was still audible on minji's ears, her sobs and every pump of her heart.

minji didn't feel like giving her a piggyback today, because she knew y/n won't be able to support her weight today and she might fall then hurt herself, that's the last thing minji wants.

though, y/n's bare feet trailed over the dead leaves and the ground as minji carried her, the white sundress that was once clean, now dirty as it touches the ground. y/n's hair fell over her face, minji couldn't see her bland expressions this time.

when minji stopped, she made y/n stand on her two feet, her hands resting under y/n's armpit for stability. "y/n..?" she called.

y/n's half-lidded eyes stared at minji, she couldn't clearly see her lover's face in the dark at night, but she knew it was the one she loved the most, no one other than minji.

"min...ji." y/n breathes out.

minji's eyes stared at y/n. fixated at her delicate features she's already gotten herself familiarized with in those years they've been together.

minji let her hand roam to y/n's face just to memorize it once again, feeling the soft skin under her calloused palm.

"aren't you scared? tell me y/n..." minji whispered, before letting go of y'n's face and dropping the other end of the lasso of rope on the grassy ground, the sound disturbing some animals around. minji held tightly on the other end of the rope, waiting for an answer.

y/n lets out an airy laugh, hands slowly held the hem of minji's shirt. "i'll be alright because minji's here." y/n whispered, there's a small smile plastered on her face.

pathetic, stupid— y/n...

"okay." minji muttered, leaning in to give y/n what it seemed like an assuring kiss on y/n's lips, which was reciprocated as soon as their lips touched.

it's probably because this might be the last, but the kiss felt like it was the best they've ever had.

y/n pulls on minji's shirt but the gesture went unnoticed as minji tilted her head and leaned closer. y/n was practically gasping for air as they kissed and minji took this chance to bring the rope around y/n's fragile neck then she pulled away.

y/n took a deep breath and tried to catch her breath, tears welling on the corner of her eyes as she struggled.

even so, y/n still looked beautiful in her worst state.

"minji... take care of yourself for me okay?" y/n cooed, hand reaching to touch minji's cheek, y/n' small thumb caressing the skin under her palm. minji's face was covered by the shadows, and y/n wasn't so sure whether what her expression is currently right now, what she's thinking of right now. y/n wished that it's nothing close to pain or anger, just nothing.

minji didn't answer so y/n took this as her cue to speak again.

"even if i'm not there, i hope you know i love you." y/n feels the rope tighten in her neck, the rough texture of the rope marking her skin red. "i don't want you to give up anything..." minji stayed silent, her hands busy tying the rope into a loop, tightening it more.

y/n's breath hitched at the sudden pain around her neck, but she can only smile.

"...i want to hear— more about your dream."

the leaves under their feet crumpled as minji violently moved her feet, shaking off the dead leaves and stepping on plants.

"what do you want to be when you grow up? ha..." y/n struggled to breathe, finding it harder to speak as minji continued to cut off her air way with every pull of the rope with her big hands.

"minji..."

"there's no dream and hope for a murderer like me." minji whispered, for a second, y/n was able to catch a glimpse of minji's round eyes under the moonlight and started to feel her tears fall down violently.

"you know— that's... not true. i want to— ha, see you... continue on." y/n's face is starting to turn pale as minji violently tightened the rope, y/n can feel minji's calloused palms on her neck. y/n reached for minji's arms, trying to hold on.

"there's no point on doing so, if you're gone. i don't want to see you suffer anymore." even though death was on its way, y/n could not help but smile at minji one last time, her hands feeling weaker each second that passes until she just gave up.

"minji... i love— you..."

minji finds herself walking on the same forest once again, years ago after y/n died it was shut down by the university for almost two years until it was reopened once again.

although the police have said they'll file for investigation regarding her death, they didn't try hard to get to the bottom of y/n's death, immediately ruling it out as suicide.

minji does not understand whether people gave no shit about y/n or was she just unfortunately lucky enough to get away with it.

minji wished she should just be punished for it but the case has been closed for a long time and there was no point on going back in time.

minji is now working as an employee at a company where she gets paid well, part of her wished y/n can see her right now but that would mean y/n would continue being in pain.

minji still couldn't find herself looking for any other person other than y/n, when she eats, drink, sleep and work, all she can think about is y/n.

minji doesn't know whether it's guilt or grief.

as minji laid down her bed, on her side, she remembers y/n's question once again.

what does she want to be when she grows up?

"i want to be with you again..."

minji whispered to herself, staring at the picture of the young and pathetic lim y/n.

the only girl she hated and loved at the same time.