| night changes

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"is it bad i'm still thinking of her even when i have a boyfriend?" under the thick air of silence, y/n was able to break the ice through her thoughts that woke her up every single night, clutching her chest, she breathes heavily, her mind taking up the sight of a tall japanese girl, relishing every memories she has of her. with a grunt, y/n sat at the sofa beside youngeun, who was trying to share the same point but unfortunately couldn't catch up.

"you what?" youngeun asked, head tilting to her left to get a good look of her friend who was having a huge dilemma, with a sigh youngeun nodded. "yeah, it's bad. heck, i don't even know how you got a boyfriend." youngeun puts her thumb and index finger on her chin, faking a thought.

"me too." y/n muttered, hopelessly leaning down on the sofa hissing to herself. "i was doubting too, you know i regret it, i really really regret it." y/n admitted, feeling ashamed with herself and how she deals with everything. breath ragged.

"okay, but it's been two weeks, and you want to break up with him?" youngeun asked, like she just heard something unbelievable, yet she complied, and understood. "i get it, was it because you were confused?" she asked.

"more than confused, stupid. because— because i thought there was a spark, it felt true, man i was just—" "calm down, calm down, you're thinking too much." youngeun pats y/n's back.

"and i also have studies, i don't want to ever have to stop from what i'm doing just to say goodnight to him." y/n ranted, pouting her lips. after a day of officially saying yes to a guy who she's been friend with so many years, there was a pang on her heart, brain, her conscience couldn't take it, she was hesitant, 'i don't want this', 'i'm scared of this'.

ridiculous thoughts ran through her head as she thinks about being in a relationship with a guy, for less than 2 weeks, god awful, it didn't feel right like the way it does when they were just friends.

the hesitation was too much.

"i'm hesitating and regretting." y/n rubs her face out of frustration.

"but wouldn't it be different with may?" youngeun asked, the question made y/n stop from her thoughts, her heart beating faster, 'of course it is, they're both different'!

"yeah it will, because may, may— she's different, i feel happy with her, i always do! i just couldn't forget her after all those months, i actually thought i moved on." y/n slaps her face, surprising youngeun from her seat, scratching her cheeks.

"but i feel like my feelings wouldn't be reciprocated, it's impossible. that's why i tried forgetting about her ever since, i tried getting a boyfriend, but the rush, the spark, the feelings doesn't equal nor surpass what may makes me feel." y/n turns her head to youngeun, eyes dilated, almost like there were tears falling from it, her cheeks red.

"i see it, i understand too, that must have been very hard, seeing you were never an expert when it comes to romance." youngeun wrapped her arms to embrace y/n and give the comfort the latter needed.

"and what are you gonna do?" youngeun asked, her head leaning towards the small shoulder of y/n.

"ghost him until he asks where am i and then tell him, i don't have the courage and i'm scared. i know, it's bad..." youngeun sighed after hearing the answer, god awful, what was she thinking.

"sound stupid but whatever you feel, if it's your coping mechanism, go with it." youngeun answered and hugged the latter tightly.

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"y/n?" a voice rang through y/n's ears, soft and smooth, may's voice sparked a joy inside y/n's heart, looking back and seeing may standing a few inches away from her.

'god there it is again'. y/n's breath was heavy, her face was hot, engulfed with 50 shades of red, her heart beating so fast it felt like it was gonna ran away from her ribcage. "oh, may." y/n mumbled incoherently under her breath, hoping may would reach her.

"are you alright?" may asked, reaching for y/n's hands, there was warmth in it, unlike may's cold one, it felt like she was able to pass her feeling through the skin to skin contact.

"i'm— i am... okay. thank you for asking." y/n gripped the hem of her skirt, her eyes tracing up to see the tall girl looking down on her.

the moon... it's lighting up her skin, she looks, pretty tonight.

"youngeun has told me you weren't really feeling okay and i was worried so... i wanted to check up on you." 'may...' y/n whispered inside her head, sighing internally with all love.

this, this is what y/n wanted to feel, like she was floating from glee, like her body was making a beat she's never heard before.

"y/n, i hope i can talk to you more, but it seems like it—" "no may! if you wanna talk, then let's talk!" a sudden boom of surprise caused wave of shock towards may, yet she smiled.

"alright, please know that i care for you." may whispered, head turning away in a different direction.

"i do too, may, i—" y/n's breath stopped, as she felt may's grip tighten.

"i know, i do too y/n, i love you." may stated, before releasing a say she's been holding in. "may..."

with tears on her eyes, y/n ran up to may and hugged her, her arms flailing around the shoulders of may, sniffing as she felt the warmth of may's body in hers.

"a-ah! y/n!" may immediately wrapped her arms around y/n, making sure she won't fall.

sobbing, y/n said "you don't understand how much i love you!" may chuckled, yet nodded. "i don't but i feel it."

there under the moonlight, the coupled embraced each other, heart bursting out of their chest from all the overflowing feelings inside they kept for the longest time.