Seo Yunkyoung (ROCKET PUNCH)


Genre: angst & fluff


Requested: nah


Warnings: it stings and my writing is ugly in first person point of view and 1k+ words


Title: Insecurities


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Yunkyoung


My confidence were slowly draining down, I didn't know what to do. I was just casually seating beside her, watching her fixated at the tv in front of her, I was nervous that I started to fiddle with my finger, my eyes looking at her with a bit of fear. My heart was pounding hard, it was either I'm just lost in her or I was scared, she wasn't the same as before.


"Hey (Y/n)." I called out to her, making her look at me, with the same expression endlessly, her eyes were dull and I can feel like she was tired. I opened my mouth but there was no word that came out from my mouth, I immediately close it and looked away, getting frustrated.


This was not working, I can't think of anything. I breathed out heavily, looking down on my feet, she didn't even mind checking if I'm okay, it was not like what she always do before.


And I can't build my confidence up again.


"(Y/n)." Once again, I tried to call her out, tapping her shoulder, a shy smile plastered on my face. She looked at me, raising her brows, humming softly, but I can feel like she was annoyed.


"What?" She asked, and again, I feel like there was a heavy burden in my heart that made me back away, there was literally no sweetness in any word you say, it was more scary than before.


"Are you okay?" I completely hate myself for messing up, I shut my mouth and closed my eyes, I was stupid for asking such things.


"Yeah." A short reply, why would she give me that? I feel like I wasn't needed anymore, am I not good enough?


I saw her look away and looked back at the tv, I gulped and bit my bottom lip. I know there was so many out there that deserves her, I wish I could do better, I feel like I can't breath, tears were trying to explode out my eyes.


There was so many things going up in my mind, I was so freaking scared, by that day she pushed me away from her when I was trying to show affection in our shared room, I grew scared.


Am I not pretty enough? Is there somebody out there who can treat you very well? Voices that scared me came up in my head, and insecurities crawled up in me. I feel like choking from the amount of insecurities she has been giving me.


I saw (Y/n) stood up, walking up to our shared room, I clutched my chest, tears falling out from my eyes, loud sobs filling up the living room, how I wish I was not a coward, a crybaby.


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"(Y/n), I thought you left already." I muttered and walked towards her, she was just standing there when I saw her. I walked up to her and hugged her, burying my head on her neck, sniffing her scent, I couldn't let go of her.


"What's wrong?" Without putting a hand on my waist, she asked instead, her voice was still the same as yesterday, she sounded dead. "Nothing." I answered, pulling away.


(Y/n) looked at me, as I pull away, she brushed her hand into mine and started to walk, why would she just brush her hand into mine? It felt like she didn't really care anymore.


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I was wet, it was raining and I just sit here in the park, the people went away as soon as the rain starts pouring leaving me alone here in the bench, with my own insecurities, the hoodie I was wearing was useless, I was still wet, my jeans are and my whole body was soak. I sighed and held my phone tightly, out of nowhere, I started crying, I was a sobbing mess because of (Y/n).


My phone rang, making me sniff and stopped crying, seeing the caller's I.D. it was (Y/n). I wiped my tears, even though my hands were also wet. I wasn't really expecting her to call me, since the days had pass without her caring about me.


"Hello (Y/n)?" My voiced cracked up a little bit, making me curse internally. "Where are you?" Her voice didn't even cracked up any concern, it was as dull as it always does.


"It's nothing important, I'm just in the park." I answered, as the rain starts pouring harder and harder, I could feel my hair in my eyes, blocking my vision.


"Why are you there? What are you doing there?" Her voice was slowly getting higher, I knew she was starting to get frustrated. I sighed, trying my best to not cry.


"I was j-just getting some fresh air." I lied, still knowing the fact that she can hear the rain pouring hard, and the scent of the rain pouring in the soil was nothing for me, even though they are muds in my shoes.


"Getting some fresh air?! Yunkyoung it's raining! What if you get sick!?" She bursted out, I knew she was slowly dying in frustration, but still, I wanted to get the heavy feeling in my chest away.


"I'm fine babe." I wanted her to get frustrated, so she can feel how I was frustrated knowing she was slowly loosing feelings for me.


"Stay there, I'll fetch you!" Then she hung up, once again, tears flowed in my eyes, thinking whether if she still care for me or not, I was getting eaten up by my insecurities and fears.


I put my hands on my face, and started wiping my tears, although it made no sense, I was wet already, and it will still make no sense if she bring umbrella.


I breathed out, finally calming down. "Gosh."


I closed my eyes, not caring if the rain continued pouring into, the sky was just feeling the same as what I feel.


Then I felt like the rain stops, I opened my eyes and saw (Y/n) glaring at me, holding out a umbrella.


She pulled me up and hugged me. "What the hell do yiu think are you doing?"


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I watched (Y/n) as she puts a towel in my head and continued to dry my hair, her eyes shows no concern, even her words does not show it, but her action does.


"Don't you ever do that again." She muttered.


Her eyes were looking at me, it started softening and finally she was only staring at me.


"Not just because I started to act like this you'll be blaming yourself." She added, I tried not to cry.


"Yunkyoung you know I love you." She muttered and hugged me, leaving kisses in my temple.


My hands snaked up into her neck and pulled her closer, burying my head in her neck.


Mumbling, "I love you too."

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