HARBINGERS HARBINGERS HARBINGERS HARBINGERS i am fully running w the "pierro is kaeyas dad" theory and also baizhu and regrator being related. also dottore and regrator are dating bc my bestie and i are hoyoverse and we said so

group: dracula stans

scaramouche: does anyone know where arlecchino is i need to beat her up

kazuha: as in our health teacher?

childe: i've been told not to tell you

azhdaha: Chakfk

azhdaha: banilla

scaramouche: azhdaha i'll get you 3 frostees if you tell me where arlecchino is

azhdaha: akdjdkfj:&3@(9nfbrjosj!;!3@20@;!

zhongli: He said he doesn't know who Arlecchino is.

scaramouche: does ANYONE know i need to Fight Her

childe: what'd she do

scaramouche: logged into my netflix account again

scaramouche: mf was watching COCOMELON.

childe: LMAKFNSNCNSNFN

dottore: She's so cool for that!

scaramouche: i'll beat you up too

dottore: Noted.

scaramouche: also im still mad at her for the baby project because she took everyones back except ours because she hates me

childe added sandrone, columbina, pulcinella, regrator, arlecchino, capitano, signora, and pierro to "kevin mcallister"

scaramouche: one day im gonna kill you

childe: keep telling yourself that bff

dottore: Oh besties!!

diluc: My thirteenth reason.

pierro: Childe. Why.

signora: Yeah what he said

kaeya: MY FATHER??????????????????????????

scaramouche: WHAT

childe: WHAT

hu tao: ARNWT YOU AN ORPHAN AND DILUC IS YOUR HROTHER???

kaeya: KIND OF???????? I WAS ADOPTED

scaramouche: WTFDYM KIND OF

pierro: It's too early for this.

regrator: Tartaglia. Why are you friends with Pierro's literal child

childe: MF YOU THINK I KNEW THAT WAS HIS KID??? I THOUGHT PIERRO GOT NO BITCHES

arlecchino: i put my phone down for two minutes and come back to suddenly being in a gc with some of my students and coworkers and my friends and FIND OUT THAT PIERRO HAS A CHILD AND IS ALSO HERE???

pierro: He's not technically a child. He's nineteen.

arlecchino: NINETEEN??????????

columbina: YOU HAVE AN ADULT SON AND DIDNT TELL US????!!!!!

dottore: Can I experiment on him?

pierro: No, but here's what you can do: drown.

dottore: Here's what I'll actually do: your mother.

albedo: just woke up. i feel like i'm missing out on something so i'm here.

kaeya: My dad is here and is friends with Childe and Scaramouche and Dottore

albedo: going back to bed.

arlecchino: scaramouche.

kazuha: he put venti-walmart on depop

arlecchino: i'm not really sure what i expected

arlecchino: wait, let me guess- did childe buy it?

childe: no that gremlin blocked me on depop

childe: but like i tried

arlecchino: so i was right then

aether: KAEYA HAS FATHER????????????? AND CHLDE HAS FRIENDS???????????????

dottore: Where's my roomie

regrator: Busy drowning since one of us should listen to Pierro for a change

childe: cannot believe dottore pulled the hottest man in our friend group streaks dhmu only real ones know whats up

hu tao: bestie your fiance is in this gc

zhongli: Dottore is dating Pierro?

hu tao: okay apparently he doesnt care

kaeya: Stop that is literally my dad

kaeya: There is no way he is dating......... THAT

childe: I MEANT REGRATOR

arlecchino: you think REGRATOR is the hottest man in our friend group.

hu tao: not part of this friend group but from what i know regrator is richhhhhhhh i think hes the hottest too

childe: see hu tao gets it . trhis is why ur my favorite stepkid

zhongli: He's rich? Childe, dear, please forgive me.....

dottore: Okay no keep your crusty Childay and leave my boyfriend alone

mona: hes rich??????? im actually dottore now

scaramouche: mona do not encourage this

regrator: As funny as it would be to watch Childay and Scaramouchy get broken up with, I love that thing too much to leave it

shinobu: how......... sweet?

dottore: THAT THING?!?!?!?

columbina: hes right

dottore: Okay to be fair I do literally call you Refrigerator

dottore: Too bad we can't have usernames

venti: okay i just woke up so correct me if im not getting this right

venti: but this man. refrigerator. that is for some reason dating dottore. IS THE HOTTEST MAN IN CHILDES FRIEND GROUP?????

venti: A LITERAL REFRIGERATOR??????????/

venti: what is wrong with you people

xiao: venti you eat ketchup straight outta the bottle i Don't Wanna Hear It.

dottore: Wow. At least my boyfriend doesn't roast me

regrator: Shut up

scaramouche: he insults you like 10x a day what are you on

arlecchino: only 10? scaramouchy that's being awfully generous

scaramouche: i'm gonna throw this stupid plastic baby at you

dottore: replying to Regrator: Shut up -> Make me

aether: 🔇PDA ALERT🔇

heizou: i was gonna make fun of venti for just waking up but i just woke up 

heizou: very tired gonna binge watch chicago pd

heizou: also last night a number i don't have saved texted me a photo of shampoo. i backread the chat and it is venti's shampoo. tracked the number and it was dainsleif.

dainsleif: Yeah guilty

heizou: why did you send me venti's shampoo.

dainsleif: You're a detective. Where can I buy it

heizou: im fifteen.

dainsleif: You're still a detective

aether: wow i love bungou stray dogs

heizou: Okay, Dainsleif. Fine. I'll find the Stupid Shampoo.

regrator: Who wants to hear a story

regrator: Ok cool

regrator: One time I woke up and there was a Child Dottore on my bed and it went "I frew up" and I went back to sleep. It was gone when I woke up

venti: IM CRYIGN WHERR EDID IT FGO

regrator: Ask Dottore.

venti: Where Did It Go, Dottore

dottore: Oh, lil' Dot Junior! I gave it to Baizhu

aether: SORRY DR BAIZHU HAS A CHILD DOTTORE JUST CHILLING???????????

xingqiu: im so glad its summer break i want to drop out so bad but i must resist

aether: dr baizhu father of two

regrator: Dot Junior is more like his nephew

pulcinella: m

scaramouche: the old fart has arrived

pulcinella: stea k recip..e,

childe: truly the best member of the fatui

venti: these mfs have a group name :skull:

heizou: acting like the anemo gc isn't called "venti's little meow meows"

venti: i cant read

xingqiu: why is venti the ringleader of so many cursed group chats he has a hydro one called "venti's victimz"

xingqiu: so glad aether is in charge of this one

venti: signora wrote me a referral for being late to class once kick her

childe: no

signora: You're stuck with me.

venti: this is mt worst nightmare

diluc: Mine too.

heizou: guys my deduction may be wrong here bc i'm still not awake but i don't think diluc likes the fatui

diluc: I don't.

sandrone: we don't like you either xoxo <3

childe: speak for yourself i think hes neat

mona: so is anyone gonna further acknowledge the whole family reunion that happened in here

mona: like get ewu crime storytime on this

heizou: JKAGDKHJGDH STOP

mona: like weve all thought this whole time that kaeya was a double orphan and now suddenly his biological father is in our silly group chat that aether made to be funny?????????????????

heizou: can't wait to get therapy in the dracula stans group chat

scaramouche: just got top surgery in the dracula stans group chat

aether: WHY ARE OYU TURNING MY GROUOCHAT INTO CLAIRES

scaramouche: oh oops

scaramouche: just came out in the dracula stans group chat

dottore: Just performed top surgery in the Dracula Stans Group Chat

scaramouche: literally gonna kill you

i may had HORRIBLE luck with miss kuki shinobu but the ranpo kinnie came through when it came to heizou

no i don't wanna talk abt the zero em . my highest w him rn is 138k can someone pls tell me how to do setups