group: dead, but only ironically

officiallyfischl: officially friends with dainsleif

aethercool: UGH

imbennett: fischl's really out here living the dream

imbennett: also i have scoliosis.

keqing: i just cannot believe you're a real person

imbennett: i mean if you think about it all the bad things that happen to me are temporary. so i try not to worry about them too much :)

generalgorou: just started crying in spanish

keqing: you're definitely not a real person.

ssayanfei: BREAKING: the world does not deserve bennett! you know the drill folks, more at 9 only on SSAYanfei News!

ssayanfei: i have more breaking news but it can wait. bennett is more important

barbietoes: bennett needs an amazon wishlist so we can spoil him

aethercool named the group "bennett fan club"

imbennett: aww guys, my luck can't be that bad since i have friends like you!!!

generalgorou: just started crying harder in spanish

scaramouche: having a heart attack i think

generalgorou: when did you develop feelings

scaramouche: i bought some last week they were on sale at publix so i picked up a couple

luminecool: bennett you are too good for this wretched school and this world. wtf.

kaeyaalberich: Are we forgetting that he threatened to kill me???

luminecool: literally stop trauma dumping

barbietoes: DBSNFNANFNS

razor: benne only nice whn kaeya off line. when kaeya is here no

barbara!!: that's so girlboss of him

dilucragnvindr: Deserved

kaeyaalberich: I have done nothing wrong to Bennett. I am one of the few things in this cruel world that hasn't done him wrong somehow

imbennett: you called me fifteen. i'm sixteen.

barbietoes: THE MOOD CHANGE HAS ME CRYING

amberwantstofly: bennett should be kaeya's biggest fear

imbennett: ah he's offline! anyways my pneumonia is gone :))

aethercool: love that for u ... let's throw a party

amberwantstofly: i think bennett's hatred of kaeya is deserved bc one time on my birthday kaeya brought a cake to my house that said "get better soon" and he was like "i know ur not sick i just think you can do better"

aethercool: LMAOOOOOO KAEYAS A JERK

kaeyaalberich: It's true and I stand by my words

amberwantstofly: i'm banning u from tijuana flats and i'll get our resident arsonists (sucrose and albedo) to keep u out

albedooo: we're not arsonists, it was an accidental fire.

amberwantstofly: was it tho, albedo

albedooo: literally yes

aethercool: sucrose works there too???????????

aethercool: also im serious about the bennett party . i will throw it myself .

imbennett: i would love that if you're willing to do it!!! i think we should get a "get better soon" cake to drive away my bad luck

aethercool: ur so right. i would die for you btw

imbennett: no!!!!

generalgorou: nah tell me why i am trying to Kiss My Boyfriend Goodbye in the hallway before we go to class bcs i'm a Gay Person and CHILDE OF ALL PEOPLE?? walks by and separates us and goes "people, people! pneumonia."

ajaxtartagliachilde: 😏

keqing: didn't you graduate like two years ago? why are you here.

aethercool: childe's prolly one of those graduates who goes back to visit all the teachers after graduation and acts like he's the coolest person there for graduating bc he can't move on from highschool

luminecool: LMAOOO STOP

ajaxtartagliachilde: I WAS LITERALLY JUST THERE TO PICK XIAO UP I HATE U AETHRR

kazooha: why were you in the hallways then😭

ajaxtartagliachilde: bc y'all have vending machines and i wanted mtn dew

luminecool: of course this dude drinks mtn dew💀

xingqiu: wait why is xiao leaving i was gonna give him a fruit roll up at lunch

xiao.: because i'm depressed and why

xingqiu: peace treaty to get your bf to stop sending me horse nose pictures

xiao.: i have no control over what venti chooses to do with your phone number

xingqiu: ERGH

albedooo: buzzfeed unsolved ended today, i want to die.

voltronsurvivor: come set the chem lab on fire so i don't have to do work

albedooo: you act like i'm some sort of assassin with fire as a preferred weapon. it was a science experiment, sucrose has bad eyesight, and i was looking away. i am not an arsonist

voltronsurvivor: ok i'll get sucrose to do it then

albedooo: if you want to set the chem lab on fire she's your best bet.

barbietoes: OK BUT IM SO UPSET ABOUT BFU </3

albedooo: at least we still have puppet history

barbietoes: the professor is canonically dead tho </3

albedooo: the same man who told us there was no lore for that entire season is the same one telling us the professor is canonically dead. personally i don't believe him.

barbietoes: okay wait good point

imbennett: hypothetically if i were to sell egg shells to someone what would be a good price

xingqiu: who even thinks about that what the frick

imbennett: answer the question

xingqiu: idk im rich

imbennett: capitalism strikes again.

dilucragnvindr: Like 4 Mora

imbennett: ok cool i'll charge 10 #futurexingqiuinthemaking

luminecool: xingqiu you cant even use being rich as an excuse if diluc knew the answer to that

dilucragnvindr: In his defense I don't know the answer to that. Who in their right mind tries to sell egg shells

imbennett: me??????? you and your brother are on my naughty list. bennett claus is bringing you guys coal and half a bottle of expired nyquil.

barbietoes: screaming and crying i love bennett /p

xingqiu: yes benny boy get that mora !!!

ganyu: there is a huge frog in the girls bathroom rn

Jean!: Which one?

ganyu: no it's my friend now i'm not snitching

Jean!: Fair enough. Take good care of it

ganyu: i will !

barbietoes: guys i literally have so much stuff in my backpack

barbietoes: pretty sure there's a whole walmart in here

keqing: provide an example?

barbietoes: a stuffed dragon and a plastic horse???

keqing: nevermind. i don't wanna know what else is in there

barbietoes: i'm not even kidding i have like the whole u.s. archives in here

keqing: okay anyways. two boys in my history class were googling raw chicken and laughing at it instead of doing the assignment

generalgorou: THAT WAS ME AND KAZUHA WHO ARE YOU

kazooha: gorou read her username

generalgorou: oh

generalgorou: yo ur the one that's always stuck with us in group projects bc u sit behind us‼️

keqing: that's me yes. had no clue you guys were dating

kazooha: laugh out loud

generalgorou: it's ok not even yanfei did

scaramouche: idk how she didn't u guys are painfully affectionate during lunch

ssayanfei: you probably have A lunch. i have B lunch

scaramouche: ah that explains it

scaramouche: so anyways what was your breaking news from earlier

ssayanfei: oh yeah. the twins have another little sister

luminecool: please tell me u already knew that

aethercool: if you didn't know abt paimon before then that's on u

ssayanfei: listen you guys are super mysterious ok

luminecool: transfer student things ‼️

imbennett: p sure i just broke my foot uhh

amberwantstofly: we need to put you in a bubble.