group: i peefed myself

ningguang: i just realized

ningguang: remember when i did my intro when i was first added

luminecool: yah

ningguang: i lied about my age. i forgot to say i was joking

ningguang: i'm 20

ningguang: and i'm not a senior i work with lisa in the library

bae dough: I forgot they didn't know that

ningguang: yeah so did i lmao

luminecool: WHETGA

luminecool: this is almost as good as the gorou vape scandal

generalgorou: please let me forget that

luminecool: Ningguang Why

ningguang: in the words of jake from adventure time, i thought it would be funny

kazooha: i accidentally ate a garlic knot and my stomach hurts so bad i think i am dying tell gorou i love him and tomo to eat deez nuts

kazooha: oh is this a bad time

tomoswag: you're really gonna use your dying words to tell me a deez nuts joke

kazooha: yeah

ningguang: are you okay

kazooha: my organs are twisting

kazooha: why do we exist only to suffer?

luminecool: i don't think he's okay

kazooha: somebody sedate me

kazooha: i'm taking pepto bismol

voltronsurvivor: Are you dying

kazooha: If the Pepto Bismol doesn't work I am going to the Emergency Room

voltronsurvivor: That's Rough Buddy

monamegistus: my first girlfriend turned into the moon

monamegistus: why did gorou disappear when kazuha started dying

luminecool: miko is online he probably threw his phone at the wall

monamegistus: STOPPP

generalgorou:

generalgorou: stop accusing me of being afraid of yae miko i am texting my boyfriend to make sure he doesn't die

kazooha: i took pepto bismol but my stomach still hurts

kazooha: so i am going to sit on the bathroom floor and cry

kokomi !: kazuha???????

kazooha: Hie

kokomi !: you can't die yet you haven't been to that boba shop near the winery

dilucragnvindr: We are not starting this again

gayato: BOOBA

gayato: BOBA** SHIT

gayato: Wait can I swear

luminecool: no there's children (aether)

aethercool: die

aethercool: ventis parents check his phone so we can't swear

gayato: my bad

bostonian: THAT WAS OUR SECRET

bostonian: okay no but literally they know i have a boyfriend and they're fine with that but i can't swear.

bostonian: it's fine though i don't swear anyway

aethercool: wait are we just gonna ignore kazuha dying

kazooha: i'm currently alive

kazooha: lowkey that garlic knot was so good

xinyan: you're literally doubled over in pain on the bathroom floor because of it.

kazooha: yeah but it tasted so good

kazooha: gorou do u still love me even tho a garlic knot almost killed me

generalgorou: of course

dain:

generalgorou: HELDP

kazooha: listening to weezer

kokomi !: for everyone surprised at his response to this situation, remember this is the same kazuha who came to school for a week straight with a broken nose

scaramouche: and the same kazuha who broke his arm and didn't know for a week

kokomi !: yeah that's our kazuha

generalgorou: ugh i love him

gayato: SOS

gayato: MY DOG HAS A KNIFE

gayato: I AM NOT KIDDING

gayato: PLEASE HELP

xinyan: was abt to say that kazuha is literally sending selfies to gorou while sobbing on the floor but can you please elaborate on the knife dog i'm very interested now

gayato: my dog somehow found a knife. he picked up the knife by the handle and is chasing me. i am sitting on the kitchen table.

sayu: alright i am not leaving my room

gayato: you're short he'd probably stab you

sayu: 📴 yourself

thomathetrain: ayato.

gayato: hello my love

thomathetrain: Don't be sappy with me why does Taroumaru have a Knife

ayaka: i'm so glad i'm not at home rn

sayu: what the heck where r u

ayaka: hanging with yoimiya

bangbang: we're spamming itto with feet pics

kukishinobu: is that why his phone is going off

kukishinobu: he went upstairs to get me a jacket bc i'm freezing so i'm just alone down here w his phone

bangbang: i feel like ur always with itto

kukishinobu: i'm his only friend

kukishinobu: and he is also my only friend

imbennett: I Am Your Friend Now

kukishinobu: Okay!

THEONEANDONI: WHY DO I HAVE SO MANY MESSAGES

ayaka: enjoy!

gayato: So Proud Of My Sister And My Sister In Law

gayato: taroumaru still has a knife, sayu is still in her room, and ayaka is still with yoimiya

gayato: thoma is also not here so i am alone with Knife Dog

kazooha: TAROUMARU PLEASE

kazooha: STOP MAKING ME LAUGH I FEEL LIKE I JUST GOT STABBED IN THE STOMACH

gayato: if i get down from this table i'll probably end up stabbed somewhere

thomathetrain: i'll bring over treats to bribe him to put the knife down

gayato: You Are About To Save My Life I Love You So So Much

kazooha: and maybe we got lost in translation maybe i asked for too much but maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up running scared, i was there i remember it all too well and you call me up again just to break me like a promise so casually cruel in the name of being honest i'm a crumpled up piece of paper lying here cause i remember it all, all, all too well

xinyan: he just passed out

kujousara: kokomi told me to check the group to laugh at ayato and see what's up with kazuha so brb while i read all of this

kujousara: WHY IS THERE SO MUCH HAPPENING

kujousara: kazuha on the verge of death and using his final words to quote taylor swift, taroumaru has a knife, ayato is being gay (unsurprising), like what is going on

bostonian: i left to take a shower wtf did i come back to

kazooha: im alive

gayato: THOMA IS HERE I AM SAVED FROM KNIFE DOG IM GONNA GIVE HIM THE FATTEST KISS WHEN HE WALKS IN

sayu: ur still on the table arent u.

gayato: yeah

kazooha: I DONT WANNA WAIT TILL THE SUNSHINE FADES BURY OUR LOVE IN A SHALLOW GRAVE CAUSE THE WORLD COULD BE CRUEL TO US OR WE COULD LIVE FOR THE DANGEROUS SO LETS START LETS START A RIOT HARD TO SIT STILL WHEN UR HEADS ON FIRE OH YEAHHHH

xinyan: kazuha just go to sleep

kazooha: i'm waiting for the nyquil to kick in

luminecool: i thought you don't do liquid medicine except pepto

kazooha: idon't they wer capsules

kazooha: i amso tired goodnigh

time skip brought to you by my love of the fatui harbingers

bostonian: is kazuha alive

kazooha: yeah why

bostonian: do u not remember what happened yesterday my guy

kazooha: kinda i was very delirious from pain

kokomi !: omg it was that bad? :(

kazooha: kokomi i genuinely thought i was about to die

kazooha: which was so weird bc in the past it hasn't been that bad

kazooha: and i also have an abnormally high pain tolerance

kokomi !: what else did you do yesterday

kazooha: uhhhh

kazooha: xinyan and i got starbucks

kazooha: WAIT

kazooha: THAT'S WHAT IT WAS

kazooha: i can't have caffeine because it makes my heart rate go insane and i'm also lactose intolerant and i got an entire coffee

kazooha: that combined with the garlic knot did not end up well for me

kazooha: in hindsight i probably shouldn't have had any of that but it was nice to ignore all of my dietary restrictions even if for a little bit

luminecool: stop i'm gonna cry

luminecool: kazuha group hug on monday

kazooha: Don't Crowd Me I Have Sensory Issues

luminecool: kazuha virtual hug ?

kazooha: yas

ganyu: this has been eventful

ganyu: glad you're alive kazuha

kazooha: thanks i rly wanted to go to that boba place so i'm glad i get to be alive to do that

gayato: BOOBA

gayato: BOBA********

luminecool: why do u keep accidentally saying booba is there something you're trying to tell us

luminecool: are you a straight man ayato

gayato: no i like men.

gayato: i have a boyfriend who i smooch daily

gayato: my username is literally gayato

ayaka: he's just Really enthusiastic about boba

gayato: HELP

gayato: guys i'm cuddling taroumaru bc he didn't stab me

sayu: i wish he did

gayato: bro.

sayu: <3

bangbang: WHY ARE SAYUS TOES ON MY HOMESCREEN????????