Josh held his stare, now biting his lip. I could feel my face turning bright red the longer we sat here; every second felt like hours. I wasn't sure what to say, but I knew I had to break the silence somehow. Thankfully, there was a knock at the door. I snapped out of it. I heard Josh sigh.

"I feel like everywhere I go there's something going on with you." Sam said to me, peeking his head in. My cheeks burned even more. I guess it was better than Jake walking in. It didn't exactly look great being alone with Josh right now.

"Oh, shut up.." I said, tossing a pillow at him. He laughed, dodging it, then making his way inside the room.
"What are you guys doing?" he asked, plopping down next to me on the bed. He saw my journal and reached for it. I quickly grabbed it. The last thing I wanted was the whole band to read what I had written.
"Come on!" he whined "What's that? Why can't I see?"
"Because.." I laughed. "It's private."

He scrunched up his face, now looking at Josh.
"Did you get to see?" He asked. Josh smirked, but shook his head.
"No.. she wouldn't let me see either. Probably just ideas on how she'll eventually kill us." he joked. I peeked over at him, smiling. He gave me a wink when Sam looked away.

"Soooo.." Sam said, looking back up at me. "We were thinking about going out tonight after the show. What do you guys think?"
"Yeah, that'll be fun." Josh said, looking back over at me. I nodded.
"Oh, yeah sure. Just-" he cut me off.
"Don't worry. It won't be like last time." He laughed.
"Alright.." I smiled "then sure."

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]

Later that night, I stood in the wings of the stage, watching them play. It was one of the last songs of their set, and one of my favorites. I always made sure I got enough photos so I was able to enjoy it from the sidelines.

Can you light my love?
flames glowing bright as the sun
deeper than oceans you run
watch as our world has begun

Every so often, Jake would peek over and smile. I'd always manage to snap a quick photo, but most of the time I would just smile back and enjoy it. Those were the moments that made me feel like we were the only two people in the room, until the screams happened and I was snapped back into reality.

Your mind is a stream of colors
extending beyond our sky
a land of infinite wonders
a billion lightyears from here now

Then, Josh turned to look at me, holding eye contact. I moved backwards to make sure I was out of sight from the audience, but I couldn't help but smile. He noticed, his smile growing and turning back out to the crowd. I felt my cheeks start to burn, and turned on my camera to take more photos to hide behind it.

Whoa, light my love
Whoa, light my love

When the lights came up, you could see everyone in the audience cheering. I quickly ran down to the front section to capture the guys taking their bow and see the expressions on their faces. It never got old. Click. Click. Click.

Jake was beaming from ear to ear, holding his guitar over his head, bowing down again. I smiled, lowering my camera to watch. He looked down at me and smiled, blowing me a kiss. I could hear loud screams from behind me and my face felt like it was on fire. I smirked, shaking my head at him. He smiled, shrugging and blowing another one. I pretended to catch it. He laughed, and ran off stage with the rest of the guys. Then I heard yelling from behind me. My stomach dropped.

"Jess!" they screamed. I didn't turned around. I'm sure I just heard them yelling for Jake. But then I heard it again.
"Jess!" I hesitated, and finally turned around to see two girls in the front row waving in my direction. I looked around.
"Jess! Hi!" they yelled, waving harder. I gave them a gentle wave and they yelled again. I didn't really know what was happening. They waved me over. I slowly made my way over.
"H-hey.." I said, still not sure what was going on, feeling bad that I didn't recognize them.
"Hi!" They screamed again. "Oh my god, you're so pretty!"
"Th-thank you.." I finally said, still confused. "I'm sorry, do.. do I know you guys?" I asked. They laughed amongst themselves.

"We love your photos, they're amazing. Especially of the guys, look!" they yelled, now showing me their phone backgrounds. Both having photos of Jake and Josh as their wallpaper. I felt a knot form in my stomach. The idea of two strangers having Jake as their wallpaper. I didn't exactly know what I was feeling, I just knew that I didn't like it.

I shook the thought. I remember how it felt. They didn't mean anything by it. They were just excited fans. I smiled.

"Thank you so much!" I said, now playing along. "I'm so glad you like them. They make my job so easy though, they're so handsome, and such great guys."
"Oh my god I bet! What's it like being on tour with them?" they asked, getting even more giddy.
"Oh, they're.. they're great. They're all great guys. I'm super lucky."
"Are you dating Jake? We saw you guys outside before, oh my god, so adorable. Please tell him to wear his hair up more often, he looks so good." One of them said. I could feel my face get even redder. I hoped they couldn't tell.

"I.. I'll tell him." I laughed, avoiding their question. They were too excited to notice.
"Enjoy the rest of your night!" I said, waving to them as I made my way back to the stage. They screamed again and waved.

I made my way backstage, looking for the guy's dressing room. I always got turned around back here, especially after a show. It was filled with the usual team but also a huge group of new people that always managed to get backstage.

"There you are!" I heard someone yell from behind me. I turned around to be met with Jake, gently taking me by the arm, pulling me closer into a tight hug. He was still sweaty from the show, his hair sticking to his face, his body still so warm.
"You were awesome." I sighed. "Just like always." He giggled. I couldn't tell if he was blushing or if his face was still red from the show. Regardless, he was adorable.
"I love when you watch from my side." He smiled, staring into my eyes. I could feel my heart start to race. I pushed the hair out of his face, gently touching his cheek.
"You ready to have fun tonight?" he asked. I nodded, staring back at him. His smile grew.

"So.. I met some of the fans just now and.. they.. they knew me." I said. He looked back at me, wide eyed.
"Oh.. that's.. that's kinda cool, right?" He excitedly asked. I shrugged.
"I.. I mean, yeah.. they.. they said they liked the photos I took of you guys. They even had them as their wallpaper." I stopped. He sensed something was off.
"Did.. you not like that?" He said with a smirk.
"Well.. they are good photos of you." I said simply.
"So.. what's wrong?" He asked sweetly. I sighed.
"Nothing. It's just.. they asked me if we were dating. Apparently they saw us this morning." His smile grew.
"Aaaand what did you tell them?" He asked. I smirked.
"I didn't." He laughed, nodding.
"Gotcha."
"Jake.."
"It's okay." He said. He shook his head, forcing a smile. He took my hand, intertwining our fingers. I held on tighter as he lead us down the hallway towards the back of the venue.

"Jake, I didn't mean-"
"It's okay, I know."
"I'm sorry, I just.. it felt weird. Them knowing who I was. Because of you." He nodded, leading us towards the bus. There were already a line of fans waiting outside. I wondered if those two girls would be there again. He stopped before getting too close.
"What's so wrong with being known because of me?" He finally asked.
"It's not you. It's just.. this is all new to me. You've done this for years. I.. I haven't. I'm not used to people I don't know.. just knowing things about me. Especially things that personal. It's not normal for me." He bit down on his lip, nodding.
"I understand.. I'm sorry."

"I do want to be with you, Jake." I assured him. His eyes got wide and a smile escaped from his lips. He nodded. I leaned up, gently kissing him on the cheek. I felt him sigh.
"So then.." he started, leaning his forehead against mine. ".. what's stopping us? It would make things a lot easier if we just.. called it what it is." His smile grew. I could feel my heart race.

"Just.. give me some time, okay?" He looked down at me.
"However long you need." he sighed, giving me a gentle smile. "Now.. how do you wanna approach this?" He motioned his head towards the fans outside the bus. I smiled, taking his hand again.
"Thank you." he mouthed to me, leading me to the door.

Thankfully there was much less screaming this time. Maybe they realized they were actually gathering outside of our home. I smiled at them as we got closer.

"Jake!" some of them yelled. He waved and made his way over to them.
"Hey guys, thanks for coming out. Did you enjoy the show?" he asked. I almost felt like I was intruding. Then I felt Jake intertwine our fingers, gently tracing his thumb up and down my hand as he continued talking to them. I couldn't help but smile up at him.

"Jess, can we get a photo with you too?" One of them asked. I snapped out of what spell he had over me.
"Me?" I asked. They laughed, nodding, and handing me their phone.
"O-oh.. sure." I said, leaning in and taking our photo.
"Thank you so much!" they yelled.
"You're welcome." I said. "You guys are so sweet, thank you." I saw Jake smile down at me from the corner of my eye. I quickly smirked back at him.

After we made our way down the line, Jake turned to me.
"Well, look at you.." he said jokingly, wrapping his arm around me. "Who knew that I was the one dating a celebrity." I laughed.
"Shut up.." I smirked. He giggled, pulling me closer and kissing me of the forehead. I put my hand on his chest as he lead us up the stairs to the bus.

Inside we were met with the guys, surrounded by girls in the main area of the bus. I felt my face get hot.
"What's going on here?" Jake asked, still trying to sound playful. I lowered my hand and moved away a bit.

"There's the happy couple." Josh said condescendingly, leaning forward to face us. The cup in his hand was half empty and his eyes were already bloodshot. There were two girls on either side of him. I felt a knot forming in my stomach.
"Sorry to interrupt." Jake said sternly. He grabbed my hand again, and began to pull me towards the back of the bus.

As we passed Josh, I glanced down at him. He shot me a look, keeping his arms wrapped around both girls, one kissing him up his neck, the other pouring herself another drink from the bottle behind him. His eyes were heavy and hurt, glaring up at me.

I felt my stomach drop.