I stared down at my phone, feeling my heart beat faster. Jake must've gotten back to the bus by now for Sam to think to text me. I wondered what Jake had said, if he said anything at all. He probably didn't have to. I'm sure they were all counting down the days, just waiting for this to happen again. I tossed my phone away, running my fingers through my hair. 

No. I couldn't.
I couldn't keep dragging him into this.
It wasn't fair.

Lying back down, I stared up at the ceiling, covered in all of my old posters and photographs. It was as eerie as it was comforting to be home again; it felt like a lifetime ago I woke up here, that morning I first laid eyes on that crimson red bus.

I was brought back to reality as my phone vibrated again. I hesitated, taking a deep breath before grabbing it and flipping it back over.

Sam: if you need me, I'm here.

My cheeks burned, my heart beating faster.
If you need me, I'm here.

Finally, I forced myself to press 'call.' After three rings, he finally picked up.
"Hey.." He whispered. My heart jumped.
"Hey." I said softly. He was quiet for a moment.
"Are you okay, Jess?" He asked, staying quiet. I could tell he had gone outside so no one else would hear.
"No." I finally managed, tears coming to my eyes again.
"Where are you?"
"Sam, I.. I don't want to do this to you aga-" I whimpered, trying to catch my breath.
"Where are you, Jess?" He asked again. I bit down on my lip, feeling my heart beat faster.

"I'll text you my address." I finally said.
"Okay." He sighed. "I'll be right there."
"Thank you." I whispered.
"Mhm.." He managed, before hanging up.

I tossed my phone to the side, feeling more tears come to my eyes. My stomach ached and my chest was tight; breathing felt impossible between the sobs that now stained my pillowcase. I lost track of time before there was a knock at the door. I quickly pushed myself out of bed, wiping my face and cleaning myself up as much as I could before I made my way over to the door. My heart jumped as I peered through the peephole. Quickly opening it, I took him by the hand and lead him inside.

"Come on, I'm sure my dad's gonna be home soon." I whispered. He flashed me a wide grin, giggling to himself.
"This feels very high school, Jess." He said softly, following me towards my bedroom. I glanced back at him, giving him a gentle smile. I shut the door behind us as he made his way in, looking around the room. Climbing back into my bed, I yanked the covers over me, pulling my knees up against my chest, just admiring him as he continued to wander, the same gentle smile spread across his lips.

"It's cute." He giggled, making his way over, sitting down on the edge of my bed. I couldn't help but smile, feeling my cheeks burn.
"Cute?" I asked. He nodded, biting down on his lip.
"Yeah." He shrugged. "So, this is where.. little you grew up?" I nodded, holding my dazed stare on him. He lied back, staring up at the ceiling.

"Did you take those?" He asked. I nodded.
"Most of them." Peeking over at me, he gave me a gentle smile. I bit down on my lip, doing my best to hold back the tears again. He noticed, his face dropping as he crawled over, lifting the blankets and curling up next to me underneath. My heart started beating faster as I wrapped my arm around him, hiding my face in his chest, smelling the faint scent of his cologne.

"I'm sorry." I whispered. I felt his hand move up to my back, his fingers gently running up and down my spine.
"You have nothing to be sorry for." He said softly. I shook my head.
"For crying on you again." I managed. He giggled to himself.
"Oh, yeah, that.. well, yeah.. I thought we weren't gonna do that anymore?" He said. I could hear the smile in his voice. I kept my face hidden as I tried to contain my scattered breaths, but it was impossible. The tears just kept coming, and they wouldn't stop.

"What happened?" He finally asked. I shook my head. I couldn't talk about it anymore. I didn't even want to think about it anymore.
"Okay." He whispered, leaning down, gently kissing the top of my head. My heart jumped. He slowly moved his hands up into my hair, gently massaging my head with his fingers. I sighed, holding him tighter.

He was the embodiment of warmth and comfort, and I hung on for dear life.

For the rest of the night, I could tell he was trying his best to distract me, talking about everything and anything he could think of that might not remind me of Jake, but I soon discovered how hopeless that was.

But it still helped.
Anything helped.

"What's that over there?" He asked, motioning towards the other side of the room. I picked up my head, peering over to see him looking at my old guitar. I couldn't help but smile, my cheeks burning.
"Oh.. that." I laughed, pushing myself up, now sitting next to him. "I've had that my whole life. But.." I stopped, shrugging. My heart jumped as I felt him lean his head against mine.
"Well, you can bring it back with you if you want. I can teach you how to play both." He laughed, reaching over for my hand. My face felt like it was on fire as he gently traced his fingers across my skin, slowly intertwining them within mine.
"Okay." I said softly, peeking up at him. He turned towards me, his cheeks burning as his eyes moved down to my lips. Mine moved down to his as he quickly looked away, motioning towards the kitchen.

"Come on.." He sighed. "Um.. y-you should eat something." I nodded, holding on tighter to his hand as I lead him towards the door, listening closely and peeking out before bringing him into the kitchen. I hopped up onto the counter, watching him as he rummaged around in the fridge.
"Now, I'm not sure what's in there." I laughed. "I haven't been home in a while." I heard him giggle as he crouched down, looking around.
"Well, there's not much to pick from." He laughed, standing back up. I held my stare on him, my eyes in a daze, still burning and tired as he went over and searched through the pantry. And for just a second, I imagined what it would be like, just him and I.. 

"How about mac and cheese?" He laughed, peeking his head out.
"That's fine." I sighed, smiling back at him, snapping out of it. He nodded, then reached into his pocket, pulling out his phone, tossing it over to me.
"Here.. put something on. It's too quiet in here." He said as he started going through the cabinets.
"Bottom right." I called out, as I was met with his lock screen.
"It's my birthday." He said, without skipping a beat. I nodded.

0403

He instantly perked up, peeking over at me as he heard his phone unlock.
"You remember?" He asked cheerily, flashing me a toothy grin. My cheeks burned.
"Of course I do." I said softly, trying my best to contain my smile. "What do you want to listen to?" He shrugged.
"Just shuffle the first playlist." He said, pouring water into the pot, switching on the light overhead. I swiped through, pressing play.

"Oh.." He sighed, his smile growing as he peeked back at me. "This is a good one." My heart started beating faster as he held his stare on me.
"I've never heard it." I said, biting down on my lip. He gasped, his eyes getting wide.
"What!" He laughed, shaking his head. "Come here." He made his way over to me, reaching for my hand. I giggled to myself as he helped me down from the counter, pulling me towards him. And as if like habit, I reached my arms up, wrapping them around his neck, pulling him closer. 

He looked so beautiful in the warm glow of the amber lighting over the stove, his eyes glistening a golden brown, immersed in a loving gaze. His smile grew as I slowly moved one of my hands up his neck, gently hooking my fingers in his hair. I felt my entire body get hot as he started to sing along.

There is something on your mind,
by the way you look at me.

He backed away, taking my hand and twirling me around, pulling me up against him. One hand gently placed on the small of my back, and the other finding its way into mine, gently clutching them against his chest.

Can what you're thinking bring happiness,
or will it bring misery?

I lied my head down on his shoulder, closing my eyes as he guided our steady swaying, back and forth. I tried my best to hold in my tears. How badly I just wanted to enjoy this moment with him, to forget everything, but my chest felt tighter as I held him closer, now feeling the rigid edges of Jake's necklace pressing into my skin. 

You want me to try and forget you
but I'll do the best I can.

I could tell he felt my tears seeping through his shirt as he moved his hand to my head, gently brushing his fingers through my hair. I hated the fact that he had to see me like this, let alone know why. He held me tight, staying quiet for the rest of the song. I took a deep breath, inhaling the warm cinnamon and vanilla that seemed to radiate from his skin.

I then backed away, staring up at him as his eyes got lost in mine, an enamored smile on his lips. He cautiously reached up, wiping my eyes, tenderly holding my face in his hand. I felt like I was melting as the heat from his palm radiated against my already blushing skin. No matter how cold and distant I kept myself from him, his touch, even with the most innocent of intentions, always struck me like a match, setting me ablaze.

"Jess.." He sighed, now caressing my neck with his fingertips, pulling me in.
"Sam.." I exhaled, completely mesmerized. His eyes so kind and inviting, as if begging me to be the one to finally jump, because he would never let me fall, not without catching me. I could hear my heart pounding in my ears as he leaned his forehead against mine.

"Jess, I.. I lo-"

And then we were instantly jerked out of our passionate trance, both jumping at the loud hissing of the boiling water overflowing onto the burning stove.