When Layne and I return to our table, we receive odd looks all around, but one look from Layne and everyone knows not to say anything. We finish our meals, the jokes about me and Layne dissolving into different conversation. Under the table, Layne still doesn't let go of my hand, forcing me to try not only eating with my left hand, but doing so in a way that doesn't make me look dumb as hell.

After dinner, Dil departs to yet another study group and Nat takes Beck home, leaving just me and Layne once more. I drive her, parking and walking her in like usual.

"Today was good right?" she asks as we walk up the steps to her apartment.

"Yeah," I half smile, "It was cool getting to hang with everybody. How was it for you?"

"Good," she nods, "I always like hanging out with your friends. And obviously I love hanging out with you." She unlocks the door, then turns back to me, expectant.

"Are you expecting me to come in?" I tease.

"Aren't you expecting a reward for being on your best behavior today?" she flirts back.

Before I can think of something witty to say back, she kisses me, pulling me into the apartment.

We stumble into her bedroom, where she pushes me onto her bed, pulling her shirt off before straddling me. She kisses me again and I put up no resistance, drinking her in. She starts undoing buttons on my shirt, before pushing it from my shoulders. She kisses one, now that its exposed. She grabs both of my hands, effectively pinning my wrists to the soft comforter. She kisses the spot on my neck that she knows drives me crazy and I bite back a moan.

"You're phone's ringing," she mumbles against my skin.

"Huh?" I ignore it, "I don't care." I lean in to kiss her again, instead being greeted with a firm slap to the face.

"Wake up!"

My eyes open as I jolt awake, dream Layne disappearing. I reach for my phone, answering it, "What dammit?"

"You free bitch?" Lori's voice sounds over the phone and I check my surroundings. It's dark as hell in what I recognize to be Layne's room.

"Fuck..." I groan a reply, sitting up, "What is it?"

"I need you to come get me," her words slur a little and I assume she's some type of inebriated, "I'm maybe drunk? I don't know."

"Call someone else," I offer, "I'm trying to get some pussy."

Layne hits me for that and I cover the speaker, "She's drunk she won't remember me saying that."

She shakes her head and gets out the bed.

"Can I watch?" Lori slurs. I shake my head. She's definitely too drunk to leave alone much longer.

"Dammit," I mumble to myself, "Text me your location and I'm heading out now."

I hang up and Layne shakes her head at me. "What?"

"You didn't have to say that," she sighs. I check the time. It's just hitting two in the morning. 

I turn back to her, "I'm sorry, Baby. It slipped. C'mere."

She slides over to me and I kiss her, "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," she holds onto me, just enjoying the feeling of me in her arms, "Who were you dreaming about?"

"Huh?"

"You were moaning in your sleep," she elaborates and I blush.

"I was dreaming about you of course," I reply. I pull her into my lap, "You were sitting on me like this. And had my wrists pinned like this, and we were kissing."

She kisses me, "Like this?"

I slowly open my eyes as she pulls away,"Mm hm," we kiss again.

"Like the first time we kissed?"

"Exactly," I smile and she smiles back, before the whole mood is ruined by my phone having a seizure again.

"You need to go," she crawls off me and I hurriedly get dressed.

"I'll be back," I promise her, accepting one last kiss. Then I'm gone.

***

I track Lori all the way to a shifty, downtown, bar that doesn't card. She's only barely standing, mostly supported by a shadow of a figure next to her, "Lori!"

She makes her way to the passenger side of my truck and is helped in by the other figure before they get into the back seat.

"Wren?" Are you shitting me?

"I thought if I told you she was here you wouldn't have come," Lori explains, "She was the designated driver but her car got towed."

"Fucking drunk people," I mumble to myself as I drive to Lori's. When we reach her place I dump her unconscious body on her porch and ring the doorbell about twenty times before ditching out. When I return to the truck, Wren is in the front seat.

"Where to?" I question, "I don't know where you live."

"You're just gonna leave her?" She looks back at Lori.

"I have a girlfriend to fuck and a job to work later. Yes I'm gonna fucking leave her. Now where to?"

She tells me the directions and I head there, anxious to get her from my car. No matter how much I try to insist she stay away from me, she always seems to find a way back into my orbit. The drive is silent, just like it was to Lori's. Honestly I prefer it.

"Are you still mad at me?" She breaks the silence, her voice timid and child like, "For kissing you?"

"I'm more mad at myself than anything," I reply. My phone buzzes and I answer it, "Hey."

"Where are you?" Layne asks. I decide to just go with the truck.

"I'm taking Wren home and then I'll be back."

"You're with Wren? I thought you were with Lori?" Before I can explain she starts shouting, "Honestly Kaylie Jane what the hell? You know what? Never mind."

She hangs up and I exhale. She didn't even let me explain.

"Did I get you in trouble?" She asks. I can tell that she herself is a little drunk.

"No," I shake my head, "I'm the only one getting me in trouble. "

"I don't mean too," she continues, "It hurts me that she's with you. I thought you were mine."

I don't say anything, because we both know at one point, I was. I pull up to her house and wait for her to get out.

"I did you so wrong," she whispers.

"Get the fuck out my truck." I tell her. She does and I speed back to Layne's, another mess to cleanup. 

When I make it back to Layne's I find her slumped in one of the armchairs in the living room, appearing to have waited up for me.

"Layne?" I place a gentle hand on her and she startles, before smiling and then frowning, "You--"

"I know. I was with her. But I'm back now. I'm with you and that's what matters," I state, pulling her up, "Let's go. I'm tired."

She doesn't protest and follows me back upstairs to her room. I change out of my jeans and crawl back into bed in just my bra and underwear. Layne wraps her arms around me, kissing my shoulder, "I wish she didn't scare me. I wish I wasn't scared whenever you left with her."

"I know. But you don't have to be." I reply. I don't say what I'm really thinking. I wish I wasn't scared too.

***

We get up for real an hour later, and I take Layne out to breakfast, partly to make up. She sits on the same side of the booth as me, force feeding me bites from her plate when I only order a coffee, not hungry.

"Stop," I turn down a piece of honeydew, "I said I wasn't hungry."

"And I said I didn't care," she says, "We're supposed to be taking care of each other right? That means you need to eat more."

"No it doesn't," I whine. She giggles at the fit I'm throwing, before eating the piece of fruit herself. She kisses my cheek, "You're so cute."

I turn to say something else, but she kisses me, her lips sweeter than usual with the fruit juice on them. Like a habit, I do a quick sweep of the room, my eyes meeting an elderly woman's. The disapproval on her face is so loud she might as well just call us "dykes" to our faces and move.

Our server comes back and I order some bacon and toast just to get Layne off my back.

"How do you do it?" I ask.

"What?"

"How are you so comfortable being... out?" I hesitate to ask the question.

"Hm..." she thinks about it for a minute, chewing, "I guess I just kind of... got used to it? I would be out with so many different girls-- I kind of just stopped giving a fuck about what people though about me licking vaginas."

"So basically you were a hoe back in the day?" I tease, pushing off the uncomfortable feelings of possessiveness at another girl touching her. My food comes and I slide to the other side of the table to allow better use of the table space.

"Not a hoe. I just dated a lot. No biggie," she shrugs it off and I become more interested in my toast. She watches me a moment before asking, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I shrug.

"Oh my God... Are you jealous, Kaylie Jane?" my neck heats and she moves to the side of the booth where I'm sitting. I stop breathing, her presence intoxicating.

"Cause you don't have to be..." she whispers, "You're the only girl I've ever.... ya know?"

"Oh... OH!" I jump at the realization and she moves back to her side, "You're so cute when you're jealous. Especially over nothing."

"I wasn't jealous," I mumble in to fork. She laughs and rolls her eyes, her blond locks bouncing.

"Right. Hurry up before you're late for work," she urges.

***

After breakfast I drive Layne home, "What are you doing the 14th? I was thinking that's when our next date should be."

"Valentine's day?" She asks, "You mean what am I doing Valentine's day?"

"Oh yeah," I feign ignorance, "I guess so."

"I don't celebrate Valentine's day," she says, her voice cold, "So I'm doing nothing--- and it's gonna stay that way."

"But--"

"Goodbye KJ," she interrupts me and exits the car briskly.

Alright then...

******

"Hey."

"Hey."

"Are you busy right now? I want to tell you something."

"KJ I'm really tired. Can we talk later?"

You said that yesterday....

"Sure. Love you baby."

She hangs up without saying it back and my mind flashes to a time when I would've called her back and made her say it.

Today, I just head to NCT. I stop at Qdoba for lunch and eat it in my truck. I know shouldn't be wallowing because my girlfriend isn't paying enough attention to me. But I am. Valentine's is coming up in a week, and we have no plans, mostly because she refuses to agree to mine.

"I don't need you to do anything to know you love me. It's fine."

"But it's Valentine's! We gotta."

"If you want to show me you love me, pick another day. Don't do it because social obligation. Do it because you love me."

I think about her words and marinate on them. It isn't like I don't shower her in love every other day. I just want to do it that day too. Holidays hold meaning for me, regardless how arbitrary and capitalistic they are.

There's a knock on my window and I see Wren. Of course.

I roll my window down just enough, "Why are you insisting on getting me shot?"

"Can't I talk to you?" She questions.

I shake my head, "Not without getting me shot."

"You know Layne wouldn't feel this threatened by me if you didn't like me back," she whispers, "It takes two to tango."

"It takes two for assault too," I jab, "So was Layne feeding you bricks consensual?"

She jumps away from my car like it's hot to touch. "Whatever Kaylie Jane."

She leaves and I finish my lunch in my own self-pity. I text Layne that I'm stopping by before work. She tells me not to bother. I ask her if she's mad at me. She doesn't respond.

I don't listen and I drive over anyway. I find her stretched in bed, but awake.

"Layne?"

She rolls over, "I told you not to come."

"And I told you I don't care," I lean in the doorway, cautious about coming any closer, "What's going on?"

"Maybe I just didn't want to see you today," she sits up and I pretend not to notice she's wearing one of my tanks.

"I'm worried about you," I state, "I'm not going to act like I'm not. You can't push me away."

She rolls her eyes, "What is it that you want Kaylie Jane?"

"Oh. Um..." I fumble for my messenger bag and get out tickets to a concert going on the weekend after Valentine's, "They're tickets to this showcase for upcoming R and B singers being held downtown."

"Is it anytime during Valentine's?" she questions.

"Well its the Saturday after..."

"I don't wanna go then," she turns away from me.

"Why are you so against this holiday!" she is starting to frustrate me, "I just wanna spend time with you."

"Why can't you let me hate in peace!" she screams back, "I don't want to fucking do shit. Not on Valentine's. I just don't want you around!"

I recoil at her words, "What?"

"You're so needy! You're here all the time! You call all the time! Maybe I just want to be alone," she deflates, as if she's the one who gets to be tired after breaking my heart. My eyes dampen but I refuse to let tears fall. She realizes all she's said and stops, "Baby, I didn't mean that."

"Yes you did," I start to walk away.

"Wait!" she stops, "Valentine's doesn't hold any meaning to me is all. It's not you."

I don't know why I say what I say next, but I do, "If it doesn't hold any meaning then you won't mind me taking Wren to the concert instead?"

She freezes, my words unexpected. "What?"

"Well if Valentine's hold no meaning to you, you shouldn't mind, right?" I'm baiting her, which I know I shouldn't be doing, but I'm upset, and she's being a bitch to me. A thousand things seem to fire all at once before she hardens her demeanor, matching mine, "Do it."

I can hear the "See if I care" behind it. I shrug, "Fine."

"Fine."

I turn and exit the room, and then the apartment, my stomach tying itself into knots. I pause at my truck, contemplating running back inside and apologizing, but before I can my phone buzzes with a text.

Sociopath: Layne says you need to tell me something?

I turn and look back at the complex to see Layne watching me. She's expecting me to the the right thing. Only I'm not gonna. I type out the message that will undoubtedly be the end of our relationship. Five words that will most likely tear us apart.

Are you free next Saturday?

And then I hit send.