We lose hours in that fort, laying quietly together. The sun sets, illuminating the room in a warm glow, before falling below the treeline, and leaving the room in darkness. Still, eventually I have to leave.

By the time I help Layne tear down the fort and return down the apartment to how it was, its even later. She watches me at the door as I pull on my coat.

"You okay?" she asks. This has to be the twenty fifth time she's asked me today.

"I am," I reach for her and kiss her lightly, "I love you."

"I love you," she repeats, kissing me again, "Let me know when you get home."

I pull her in for a hug and don't want to let her go. I take in a long breath, memorizing her scent. Actually, I'm trying to memorize everything about her. How she feels against my body. The way her gold locks tickle my chin. Vanilla and roses. Soft and sweet. There was a time when I refused to take her in like this, but now, I can't seem to let her go.

"KJ," she says my name and I realize how long I've been holding her. I let her go and she kisses me one more time before I leave.

The drive home is short, too short. My house is quiet when I get in, and I head straight to my room. I get ready for bed, just as I'm climbing in, I hear the garage go up.

My dad knocks on my door, which I'd left open this time.

"Kaylie?"

"Yes?" I answer, my voice muffled under my sheets.

"Did you have a good day off?" he asks.

I nod, even though I'm not sure he can see me.

Apparently he can. "Okay," he replies, "Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

***

It's called a calm before the storm for a reason. My dad and I never do "talk" about whatever he wanted. In fact, we just avoid each other really. Our interactions limited to the occasional "hi" and "bye." Which I preferred, knowing neither one of us were ready for any conversation going past those fleeting greetings. And there's no natural way to flow a conversation into, "What the fuck was that girl doing on top of you, Kaylie?"

Especially not when he already knew the truth, his wife had told him last fall, but was refusing to face it.

So whenever I could, I was at Layne's, like right now. We're stretched on her bed binge watching Rick and Morty, with her curled around me in her usual position, her head resting on my chest. She pauses it and looks up to me, "How come you never take me anywhere?"

"Well I used to take you to school but somebody messed that up," I dodge the question and she sits up.

"I'm serious!" She whines, "We're always inside. I wanna go out! I want to show you off!"

"You sure?" I sit up as well, teasing, "Someone might steal me away?"

"They'll give you back," she counters, "And stop joking! I'm tired of being inside all the time. God, I want some human interactionnnnnnn." She drags out the word, needlessly so. Big baby.

I go quiet. My stomach flips at the idea of venturing in public with Layne. It isn't that I don't want to--- it just terrified me. Out. Like really being out. In public. The thought put my anxiety on 10.

I'm silent for too long and Layne taps me, "Baby?"

"Okay," I exhale, "We can do something this weekend. "

"Yes!" She gets excited and kisses me on the cheek.

"You owe me," I respond by kissing her on the lips, one hand cupping her face, another curious hand on her waist, right where her (read my) t-shirt meets her leggings. I pull her toward me, my thumb grazing the slightly exposed portion of her delicate flesh there. When she doesn't say anything, I slide my hand a little higher, my other four fingers dancing across her side. A shiver travels in their wake. She inhales quietly and I smile.

We fall back onto the bed, and she braces against my shoulders, one hand tangling in my braids. Even though I'm on the bottom, I'm definitely still in control. We've been together long enough that I'm not clumsy like I used to be, and can freely touch her with more confidence. And with that confidence, I'd learned her body to a key. How her pulse jumped when I accidentally brushed her scars sometimes. How shivers ran through her when I playfully skirted my fingers across her back. How to get her thighs to quiver in pleasure when I was between them. The way she sometimes had to purposely slow her breathing when I was this close to her--- Like what she was doing right now. Because she tried to appear calm and collected. Because she knew I was getting familiar with her, and she kind of hated that I affected her now as much as she's always affected me.

First I'd figured out how to touch her, and then I'd figured out how to touch her.

I run my hand all the way up her back, discovering she isn't wearing a bra. I slide my hand to the front, palming her small chest, massaging gently. 

"Wait," she breaths, pulling away from me, "Kaylie Jane...."

I kiss her neck and she moans, "I'm not doing anything."

She stops fighting and kisses me back, "That's a lie. You're doing everything."

***

So Saturday Beck and Layne climb into my truck as we head out to eat. It's a rare nice day, the sun warming the brisk February air. We arrive at a generic pub and grill, and I open Layne's door for her, a habit I didn't realize I'd acquired.

"Oh, how chivalrous," Beck teases me. I'm reminded, for what won't be the first time today, why I stopped bringing Layne around my friends.

Nat is already at the restaurant, waiting impatiently, even though we're technically on time. We're seated at a booth in the back, Layne and I on one side, with Nat and Beck on the other. I wait for her to slide into the booth first, but one look from her tells me that's not happening.  I sit, and Layne slides in after, effectively trapping me.

"Remember when we first met?" Beck asks Layne, sliding in their side, giving Nat the aisle seat. My mind goes back to that park where I first learned Layne had a dog, but more importantly when I first thought Layne was stalking me. It seems like a lifetime ago, considering how far we've come. 

In fact, this is the same restaurant from after we saw Moonlight and the first of many times I was a complete ass to Layne.

Beck continues, "It seems like just yesterday KJ was intent on denying her love for you." I hit him and go to say something mean before I feel Layne grab my forearm and give me a warning look, "Don't say it."

"Fine," I sigh. She kisses my cheek and I turn my head, accepting a kiss on my lips.

"Gross!" Beck squeals and I go to hit him again but Layne holds me back.

"Grow the hell up, Beck!" Nat hits him on my behalf, "Let them be gay in peace."

My face heats and Layne kisses my neck, not helping, "I love you."

"Right," I mumble. The waitress, a different one from the one Nat flirted with, takes our drink orders before everyone goes back to joking, but most of the efforts focusing on teasing Layne and I.

"Leave me alone," my voice comes out kind of whiny, which Layne giggles at. 

"Babe, they're just jokes," she places a hand gently on my face, directing all my attention on her, "It's okay."

"Right," I mumble, still bothered. She kisses me and I focus on that instead of my friends annoyance. Yes I had Layne. And yes I love her. But being in public with her, as her girlfriend, presenting as a girl myself.... It still gave me a bit of anxiety, even though there isn't a single straight person at our table. And  I know they're just jokes. But they weren't by any means helping to ease my anxiety-- A chorus of 'ew' every time Layne kissed me or touched me did not incite me wanting to reciprocate any affection back.

"Ewwww," Dil arrives, having just gotten out of class, to his sister sucking my face like a pacifier.

My face heats and she pulls away, "Get over yourself, Brother. All of you. Especially you, Kaylie Jane."

"Yeah, Kaylie Jane," Beck teases and I kick him from under the table. "Ow!"

Dil introduces himself to my friends, sitting on their half of the booth, "Hey. I'm Layne's brother for sake of argument. I think I've met you," he turns to Nat, "But you're a new face?"

"Nat," she shakes his hand, "KJ's best friend."

Dil engages in conversation with them and Layne turns to, "I have to go to the bathroom."

"Okay," I mumble, sipping on my mango lemonade. 

She tugs on my hand, which she hasn't let go of since we sat down, "C'mon. "

She stands and we walk towards bathrooms. I feel myself calm down as we depart from my friends, my breath slowing down, although I don't remember it quickening.

We she pulls me into the handicap stall and pushes me against the wall, kissing me passionately. I lose myself in the kiss before she pulls away, leaving me breathless.

"Are you gonna tell me what's wrong?" She kisses my neck and my pulse jumps.

"Nothing," I exhale, my voice shaking. 

She gives me a teasing smirk, "Oh really?" I close my eyes, nodding, her gaze too intense. Just like I was becoming comfortable with her, she'd become comfortable with me. And that means she knows how to get me to talk--- And I know she's willing to play dirty to do so.

"Are you sure?" She moves to my collarbone, leaving featherlike kisses there. I stiffen, trying to feign being unaffected. Why couldn't I have had a normal girlfriend?

"Kaylie Jane if you're upset about people thinking we're gay than how are you okay with me kissing you in a public restroom right now?" She sucks gently on my neck and I know that there'll be a hickie there later.

"It's not that I'm upset about it!" I protest.

"Really?" She rubs her hand over the crotch of my joggers before grabbing my ass. I jump a little, my skin scorching against the cool tile.

She smiles against my skin, clearly pleased with herself and kisses my ear, her breath fanning my face as she goes for the kill, "But you admit you're uncomfortable?"

"Yes," I moan and then immediately regret it, "Wait!"

"Too late!" She pulls away from me and my skin feels unbearably hot, like I'm drowning in it. I exhale, trying to calm down. Jesus... How does she do that to me?

She laughs at my reaction, "Wow... Somebody got excited," she teases, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I realize how much of my weight is being supported by the wall she'd thrown me against and straighten my posture, "Yeah I'm fine. You know what you... How you make me feel."

"I know. I make you feel better," she giggles, "More than better."

My face heats and I straighten up and she steps back up to me, placing a hand gently on my cheek, "KJ? Look at me. I'm not mad. It's okay if you feel weird--- Just say that. You should know you can't pretend around me, by now."

"Okay," I nod, still catching my breath.

"I knew today would be hard on you when I asked. And I love you for indulging me anyway," she says, "But you're not fooling anybody."

"Right," I laugh a little, "Just... God don't tease me like that again. Damn."

She stops giggling and kisses me a final time, this time on the lips, "I'm sorry baby. Next time just talk to me alright?"

"Okay," I agree. We head back, hand in hand, with Layne bouncing happily next to me.

"I love you," she sings.

"I love you, too," I reply. She grins at me and I smile back, at ease.