"Is that you, Baby Girl?" I enter the house at about the same time my dad appears to be heading out.

"KURTIS!" Mindy's voice rings through the house, calling his name.

"She's having another one of her episodes," he explains, "Want to go for a ride?"

I don't have anything else to do, so I agree. I slide into my dad's white Mercedes, uncomfortable in the expensive seats.

"Thanksgiving is right around the corner," He pulls away, "Any plans?"

"Not that I know of," I shrug. My family, just like everything else about me, was complicated. There was no telling what would come up.

We pull into the lot of Wal-Mart and he grabs a cart. I follow him down the each aisle in silence as he grabs various things for his wife. Occasionally, he asks me a question directly, but for the most part we operate in silence. He grabs everything he needs from the pharmacy and we head to the grocery section.

I grab a case of Red Bull and then a few loose cans of Monster and toss them in the cart.

"I assume I'm buying that?" he smiles, letting me know he will. I smirk in response, adding in another can for good measure.

"What do you think about Mindy?" he asks.

She repulses me. "She's okay," I shrug, "Why?"

"She doesn't like you," he responds. I give him a look and shrug. "You don't look surprised?"

"I'm not stupid," I explain, "And she doesn't hide it."

We head to check out, "You know you're my world, right?"

"Does your wife know that?" I joke, only I'm not kidding.

"How I've missed your sense of humor," he chuckles.

Afterwards we head home, exchanging conversation. My dad wasn't perfect. But he was still my dad, and aside from my brother, he was the only family I had.

As we near the house he turns to me, his tone serious, "I don't mean to overstep but... You're not gay are you?"

Ice shots through my veins and my throat tightens. "No sir," I croak out.

"Oh," he nods, "Mindy just had some questions about that neighbor girl you're always with and I guess... Never mind."

The car ride returns to silence and we arrive home. I flee the car like it's on fire, grabbing my bags and rushing to my room.

I stow away my happy juice and get in the shower before my dad can appear to ask me anymore questions. The water has a grounding affect on me, pulling me out of my head and to reality. As the hot water pours over my body, reminding me that I am alive. I still feel. I stay like that for hours, until the water turns cold, shocking my body.

By the time I get out, my father's soft snoring is echoing through the house. I dress in a pair of boy shorts and a loose hoodie, letting my braids fall back down. I check my phone one last time, my finger hovering over one specific contact.

As if fate is making the decision for me, my phone rings, her name flashing across the screen.

"Yeah?" I answer immediately.

"I'm mad at you so I'm not coming over," she informs me, "But I wanted to hear your dumb ass voice."

"How sweet," I say dryly.

"Good night, Kaylie Jane."

"Wait," I stop her from hanging up, "Today... was new for me."

"Which part?" she jokes, "Cause I know it wasn't the part where you walk away from me like an asshole."

"When we were in your room..." I let my voice trail off, praying she doesn't ask me to further elaborate.

"Ohhh," my prayers are answered, but she responds with something arguably worse, "You mean when I finger blasted you before dinner and you fell apart in my hands like a nature valley bar?"

My face heats, "I'm hanging up now. Night Layne."

I end the call and exhale a deep breath. My phone buzzes and I glance at the text.

NAPKIN GIRL: Don't hang up on me like that again ;)

NAPKIN GIRL: And by the way

NAPKIN GIRL: You're welcome

***

"Happy Halloween, Ms. Parker," I take a seat in Dr. Harvey's office, kicking my boots onto her desk, and crossing my arms.

"What's happy about it?" I crack open an energy drink, swallowing the sickeningly sweet liquid.

"What's bad about it?" she counters, dusting a bit of dust off her desk, "How's your common essay coming along?"

I ignore her question and present my own, "When did you realize you liked your husband?"

"Is this about Layne?" she asks, then answers herself, "Of course it's about Layne. What's up?"

"Let's say that hypothetically I have a friend who has a friend who has a friend who's straight but she's been sort of having this thing with another girl and now my friend who has a friend who has a friend has a noisy ass step mother who saw them together and now that friend of a friend of a friend is terrified of what to do," I take a breath, "So my friend---"

"Stop," she cuts me off, "Okay so the friend of a friend is actually you and your stepmom saw what exactly?"

"She saw me and Layne kiss," I sigh, "Not that it matters because me and Layne are kind of into it but---

"Wait," she cuts me off again, "Can we fast forward to what's really going on here? I told your teachers I was going to stop pulling you out of class like this."

I open my mouth, then close it. It isn't that I don't have anything to say. I'm just not ready to say it. I sit up, removing my feet from her desk, "Okay you're right. I'll get started on the common essay."

"Don't be like that," her voice lowers to be much softer tone, "Are you sleeping?" Her eyes land on the can in my hand.

"I'm sleeping enough," I respond. I hear how that sounds and change my answer, "I mean between work and everything--- I'm sleeping fine."

"Okay," she accepts my bogus ass lie, "You sure."

"Yeah. I swear it," I reply, "I'll start on the common essay tonight. I promise."

"Okay," she nods, "Don't rush yourself."

There isn't enough time to justify heading back to class, so I head to Layne's early. I feel jittery on my way over. As much as I relied on caffeine to function, it also made my anxiety worse. One could argue I used the energy from my habit just to keep my emotions in check.

I pull up and wait for her, closing my eyes for a few minutes. My door opens and Layne climbs in, slamming it.

"Are you still being a bitch?" she asks.

I don't say anything, merely getting us lunch and then to school. I change as fast as I can and then put my head down, exhaustion about to rear its ugly head.

"Kaylie Jane," I pry my head from my desk, looking into the eyes of Satan herself.

"What?"

"How are you?" she asks, but I can tell its fake, "How's your Halloween going?"

"Fuck you and fuck Halloween," I put my head back down, the bright lights starting to hurt my eyes.

She leans in, whispering, "Layne still wants you to take her to that party. And I think you should go."

I sit up again, "What? Are you helping me now?"

"Just passing along a message."

She heads over to her seat and I watch her, following her with my eyes. If I hadn't met you I wouldn't even be like this...

***

"Kaylie Jane~~~~" My heart jumps and I turn.

I smile,"Yes my caramel princess?"

***

I have an entire shift at work to decide whether or not to go to Layne's party. On one hand, I didn't want to go with her always pressuring me into things. On the other hand, I agreed to go before she had me fucked up, and although I wasn't shit, I was a girl of my word.

I make my decision as Chess locks up and my phone buzzes.

NAPKIN GIRL: Are you coming?

I arrive at Layne's and she hops into my truck, dressed like a blonde Kim Possible. She looks over my own outfit, ripped black jeans and a black tunic.

"You look good," I tell her, "And don't say anything sassy about my attitude earlier."

"I'm just glad you're in a better mood,"She smiles and kisses me, "Who are you supposed to be?" she questions.

"A shadow," I wink, pulling out of her drive way.

She rolls her eyes at my antics, "Don't be such a smart ass when we get there, alright?"

"If I can't be a smart ass then am I even Kaylie Jane?" I joke.

"KJ?" I catch her staring at me.

"Hm?" I turn to her and she kisses me.

She pulls away, "Run that back again."

"I'll be on my best behavior," I say instead.

"Good girl," she pats my face, before kissing me again. Even now, I am truly wrapped around her finger.

Layne directs me to a house about thirty minutes outside town. I park near the end of the road, earning some strange looks from Layne.

"In case we need to dip. You got me out here in the middle of the nowhere and I'm black," I explain, "Stay ready and you don't gotta get ready."

"Whatever," she gets out and I follow her lead as we walk up the long drive to the main house, loud music blasting. She takes my hand and I squeeze it for comfort.

"Nervous?" she squeezes my hand back.

"Never," I pull her closer, putting an arm around her shoulders, "Does that sound like me?"

The door to the party is wide open and we enter with ease.

"Layne!"

Several people greet her and she introduces me with no title--- only as KJ. The first person she goes to hug, my arm is removed from around her and I shove my hands in my pockets to avoid fidgeting.

"Sinclair," a thin girl with little hair approaches us, "Or should I say Ms. Possible?"

Layne laughs like that's the funniest shit she's ever heard.

"I'm KJ," I interject.

"I bet you are," the girl ignores me, going back to flirting with my girl who isn't my girl.

Okay then fuck it. I walk away, heading to the kitchen in need of a drink. I accidentally bump into a girl, and she bounces off of my tall frame.

"Hey, I'm sorry," I catch her instinctively.

"It's okay," she looks up at me with bright eyes, shining even in the dim lighting. I take her in, realizing she's quite attractive.

"I'm KJ," I offer her my hand.

"I'm May," she smiles, "Are you here with someone?"

I look over at Layne and the unnamed girl before shaking my head, "No ma'am. Do you mind if I'm here with you?"

She giggles, "No I don't mind."

I let her take my hand and she leads me out the back of the house, where it's quieter. On the back deck, she grabs me a hard cider, and we take a seat on the steps. The moonlight catches her, showing that she's even prettier than I first thought.

"I don't like parties," she states, "Not my thing."

"Me either," I reply, "What do you like to do?"

I easily lure her into conversation with me and we end up with a lot in common. I go through a couple more ales, and on the third one I catch May staring at me.

"What?"

She glances up from under her lashes. Not in the way that Layne does it--- But with an actual innocence to the gesture, "Can I kiss you?"

Instead of a respond, I kiss her. Her lips are kind of chapped, and not as soft as Layne's. She's also not as good as a kisser as Layne in general. Still, I fall deeper into it, if not for the enjoyment, then to get my mind off of things. Not that it works. Sirens begin to go off in my head and I wonder what I'm doing. Where's Layne?

May pulls away from me, "Do you hear that?"

I realize that the sirens are real, not just in my head. Fuck.

I jump up, running back into the in search of Layne. I find her on the lap of the girl from early, and I have no problem snatching her up and dragging her out the door.

"What the fuck, Kaylie Jane?" she swats at me.

"Shut up," I focus on the sirens, which were no doubt getting closer.

"No! You disappear to God knows where and then pop back up dragging me out the party?" she sniffs me, "And you smell like beer."

"It's apple ale," I correct her, not that it matters.

"That doesn't matter," she verbalizes this, "Where were you?"

"You seemed pretty occupied," I mimic her, "Oh you're so funny. Hahaha teeheehee."

"I can't laugh at jokes anymore?"

"Not if I didn't make them."

"What are you jealous?"

"Hell yeah!" I shout, "Hella jealous! You bought me all the way out here and then you ignored me the whole time!"

"You don't get to be!" She snatches away from me, "You're not my girlfriend!"

"Cops!" I grab her and we fall into a ditch by the road, sirens blaring as the cops rush past us.

When it's clear, I jump up and pull her up with me, "Are you okay?"

"Don't touch me," she mumbles, brushing herself off and following me to the car.

I open her car door and get in on the driver's side.

"Do you want to be my girlfriend?" I question, "This isn't me asking--- just wondering."

She scoffs, "If you can't answer that by yourself by now, I don't know what to tell you."

Somehow I manage to get us back home safely, even in my less than sober state.