I can't sleep after Mindy is gone. I lay in bed, my thoughts racing. Knowing Mindy, she was probably just showing her how big of a dick she had. But Mindy was also about chaos for the sake of chaos. Drama for the sake of drama. This was less of a matter of if she'd use this against me and more about when.

Fuck.

I'm worried. Do I need to be worried? I should be worried. Right? Right? Is she gonna tell him? What if she tells him? What if I tell him first? Actually no fuck that. She wouldn't tell him. She wouldn't. She wouldn't. But on the other hand she would. And will. It's not a question of if--- But when.

I pull myself together enough on to make it to my opening shift. I force my brain off, falling into the gentle lull of my job. I get off work just before the dinner rush, taking my thirty minute break as my last thirty minutes of my shift.

"Here kid," Chess slides me a bacon cheeseburger and an unmarked to-go cup, "You're looking kind of thin recently."

"Am I?" I question, pretending I hadn't realized my once too small work shirt was seemed to button easier this morning.

He scoffs, taking a seat, "Okay. Whatever kid. How's your little girlfriend?" Before I can say it, he beats me to it, "I know, I know--- Y'all not official yet."

"She's fine," I sigh. Just as I say this, my phone vibrates. NAPKIN GIRL. Speak of the Devil. I read her message as it comes across my android, then swipe it so that it won't mark as read.

"Was that just her?" He watches me put my phone back down, face down this time.

"It's complicated," I brush it off, "And I know she doesn't even want anything."

"She wants you," he smirks, "That's enough of a reason to pick up the phone."

My phone vibrates and we both wait for it to stop. I take a sip of the drink he'd bought me, caught off guard by an unfamiliar taste mixed in with the sweet pineapple and creamy coconut.

"Shit, Chess! Is there rum in here?"

He shrugs, "You seem like you need to relax."

He leaves me alone after that to let me finish my dinner by myself. My phone buzzes again and I answer it this time, "What?"

"First of all--- Run that attitude back to where you found it," Nat's voice rings over the phone, "Second of all--- Are you at work?"

"I just got off," I exhale in relief, "What's up?"

"You have twenty minutes to be in my house, hanging with your best friends, before I reserve the right to fuck you up for this neglect," Nat states.

"I love it when you talk nasty like that Daddy," I tease.

"I'm hanging up now." The line goes dead and I quickly finish my meal before heading out.

Since Layne, I'd began to find myself with her more and more and less with my best friends. I missed them and they missed me, so I'd promised them the rest of my weekend. Nat didn't live in our neighborhood, so the thirty minute drive to get to her house I have more time to worry. Still, nothing improved my mood like my two best friends.

I knock and Nat's older sister, Shae, opens the door, "Hi, KJ." She smiles warmly, "They're in the basement."

"Thanks," I smile back, showing myself the way. Last year, in a whirlwind of drama, Nat was removed from the care of her shit mother and one custody dispute later but in the care of her older sister. Technically, she didn't live in our school district, but they looked the other way under the condition that Nat drove herself to school every day.

"No Layne today?" Beck quips as I come into view.

"Nope," I reply, "There's been a new development."

"Mindy saw us together yesterday."

Nat perks up, "Together together?"

"I don't know," I say, "But the list of people who got me fucked up just seems to keep getting bigger."

"What are you gonna do?" she asks.

"I don't fucking know," I plop down onto the couch, "Graves doesn't like us together. Mindy doesn't like us together. Layne barely likes us together---"

"Wait what?"

"Layne thinks we need to be like, official, or something," I groan, "Like she wants to be together together."

"Together together together?"

"Stop saying 'together.' Christ," Nat hands me a soda, "It seems like the longer you go fucking around instead of taking shit seriously, the more problems you seem to cause."

"Oh so you're saying this is my fault?" I scoff, "I'm not here for this persecution."

"How I've missed you and your drama, Best Friend," Nat takes a seat as well, "Unnecessary--- But entertaining none the less."

"I've missed you too, Mom," Beck wraps his arms around my middle, resting his head on my shoulder.

We proceed to watch an assortment of bad comedies on Netflix, my friends and I all on top of each other on in various ways.

I find myself at the bottom of the pile, and then find myself drifting to sleep.

"KJ!" Nat hits me, slapping my face to wake me up. "Your phone is shaking like a crackhead in withdrawal."

I grab it without checking the ID and answer. "Yeah?"

"Your girl who's not your girl just threw up in my dinning room," Chess informs me, "So I'm not saying you need to come get her, but..."

"I'm on my way," I mumble, freeing myself from under my friends, "Um... I have to go."

"You just got here what the fuck?" Nat sits up, "KJ?"

I ignore her and grab my stuff, heading out the door.

***

"She's in the back," Chess doesn't look at me as I come in. I find Layne in the back, her face down on the table.

"Layne," I shake her and she jumps up, revealing that she's covered in vomit, presumably hers. Hopefully hers, "Christ, Layne."

"Please don't be mad at me, Kaylie Jane," she whines.

"I'm not mad," I run a hand through my dreads, cursing, "Take off your shirt."

She repeats, "Are you mad?"

"No," I grab the two cleanest parts of her shirt and pull it over and off of her, "But you're not getting in my car like that. Shit."

I toss the shirt to the side and pull her into the bathroom, struggling to clean her off.

"Layne I thought we talked about you drinking like this?" I wipe dried vomit from the corners of her mouth. I try not to think about how gross this is, how bad she smells, the slimy feel of her hair mixed with cheap hand soap and dried barf.

"I'm sorry," she slurs, "I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry."

"It's okay," I dry her hair with a bunch of paper towels, then put her in one of my work shirts.

"This smells like you," she wraps up in herself, "And you smell nice."

"Thanks, I guess," I sit her down on the toilet seat, "Stay here."

When I exit the break room and find Chess, just starting to lock down everything. "I left the floor for you to mop. Lock up when you're done, okay?"

"Yeah," I grab a mop and get to work, over compensating by doing it twice. I grab Layne and lock up, looking at the time. It's not late, but it's very close to being late.

"Are you hungry?" I ask, not really caring about her answer, "I am."

I drive in silence to the nearest Sonic, pulling into one of the drive in stalls. I press the order button, knowing already what I want.

"Hi welcome to Sonic what could I get you?" a less that ecstatic voice greets me in monotone.

"Can I have a vanilla shake and a number two," I place my order and then turn to her. "You good?"

She stares out the window, "I'm not hungry."

"Can I also have a jr. cheeseburger and a small fry? And an ocean water," I finish.

"That'll be right out," the voice informs me.

"Are you mad?" Layne asks me again, for like the fifth time.

I snap, "Why do you keep asking me that?"

"Why didn't you answer your phone?" she questions, "Are you mad at me?"

"NO!" I take a deep breath, "I wanted some space, okay? Am I allowed space?"

"You could've told me at least," she sniffles, "All I wanted was a text."

"Are you about to start crying?" I turn to her.

"I needed you and you weren't there," the drunk tears begin, "I don't ask for much do I?"

She starts balling and I watch in awkward silence. Our food comes and I have to pretend that there isn't a drunken white girl crying next to me.

"That's 21.13," I hand him twenty-five dollars.

"Keep the change," I say, rolling my window back up. I grab my food out and begin to eat, waiting for her to stop her meltdown.

As abrupt as they'd begun, they stop and she wipes her eyes. She sniffles. 

"Are you done?"

"Yeah," she nods. I hand her her food, "Eat. I know there's nothing in your stomach. I just finished cleaning everything that was in there off the floor."

"Nobody asked you to do that," she murmurs, gingerly taking a fry.

I take shove a handful of fries into my mouth, "Okay so you can to my job not looking for me?"

"Stop talking."

"No," I insert, mouth full, "You wanted me, well now you've got me. What's going on?"

"How did you deal with it? With your mom?" she swallows, "Dying."

I think about saying something dumb, but I can see in her eyes she's serious. "I didn't deal with it. I took all the negative in me, and I let it eat me alive."

"And then what?"

"It's still eating at me," I take a bite from my burger to avoid having to talk to her anymore.

She takes a sip of her drink. "What is this?"

"Ocean water," I reply, "Basically blue sprite. Make sure you eat something," I remind her again.

She takes a bite of her burger and we continue to eat in silence. The silence starts getting to me and I turn on the radio to cut through some of it. I choose a playlist made up of slow, soulful, Korean R&B.

I finish my food and lean back in my seat, waiting for her to finish.

"Who's this by?" her voice breaks the silence.

"Soul child," I explain, "He spells his name without vowels tho. I never looked up if it meant anything or---"

I look at her and realize she's been staring at me this whole time. "What?"

"I'm sorry," she starts crying again. I reach out my hand and wipe one away.

She's fucking beautiful. The thought is inconvenient, considering the context, but its still real.

"It's okay," I whisper, placing a soft kiss on her forehead, "Ssshhh."

She grabs onto me from across the vast space of the cab. "I thought you were tired of me..."

"I'm not tired," I explain, "I was with friends. They're starting to get jealous of how much time I spend with you. I figured I'd take a night to just hang with them."

"You're a really good friend, Kaylie Jane," she lets me go, "A really good friend."

We finish eating, watching as the lights of the Sonic go out, signaling their closing. Afterwards, I drop her back at home, before driving the few houses to my own house. I met with silence as I quietly enter. Heading towards my room, I can hear the faint snoring of my father. I strip off everything I was wearing and crawl into bed, falling into a fitful at best sleep.