My alarm sounds and I'm jolted awake, very aware of what day it is. I got this. I go for a fast run around the neighborhood, making it back in time to shower and change into my usual t-shirt and jeans.

I got this. I lie to myself. As part of Operation Slay, the kid is no longer going to trip off of hoes. Even if it's one hoe who managed to get your heart. I swear it. I locate my uniform and shove into a duffel bag before heading out to my car, this time beating Beck.

I plug in my playlist and put one of my favorite Korean artists, Crush, on replay. His voice flows through the car. It's just sometimes...

Yep. I only sometimes feel like my heart is being ripped out my chest. Just sometimes. Only a little bit.

"HEY!" I slam on the breaks as Beck launches himself in front of my car.

"Fucking white people." He knocks on my window and I unlock it, "Hey Senior Buddy!" He greets, climbing into my truck.

"This is not about to be an everyday thing," I warn him, "Get here earlier or get hit but my car."

"This is my last year with you, so I'm getting my money's worth pissing you off!" he explains, "Ms. I Want To Go To School Anywhere But Here Cause I Hate My Son."

"Its nothing personal, kid, " I ruffle his hair, "You'll forgive me."

He exhales exagerratedly, "I will. But I'll never forget your abandonment."

I shake my head, pulling into Starbucks, "And please don't jump in front of my car again. You'll gunk up my tires with your rainbow insides."

Fifteen dollars later on expensive milk (because Beck doesn't like coffee) we're at school. I park next to Nat again, handing her a coffee before heading to class.

"KJ tried to kill me this morning," Beck perks up.

"KJ no killing people," Nat reprimands dryly, "You do everyone enough harm by wearing those plaid flannels all the time."

"Okay damn," I feign hurt, "Also, he jumped in front of my car. I swear it."

"Beck, no jumping in front of cars. That's assisted suicide," Nat using the same tone.

The bell rings and we stop, redirecting our meandering towards Beck's class, and then our own.

The day flies by quickly and pretty soon I'm free to head out to NCT.

"KJ!"

As I make my way to the car, I hear my name called, and try to ignore it.

"KJ!"

I quicken my pace, so close to the door.

"Kaylie Jane Parker!"

I stop, turning around.

"I know you heard me," I turn to face my counselor, Dr. Harvey. She's a petite woman, with brown hair, graying a little, "Mind if I walk with you?"

"I do," I joke, "But you're here now so might as well."

We head towards my car, and she calls me out saying, "I've noticed you haven't added any colleges to your profile."

"School started yesterday," I say.

"You should've started last year. In May," she counters.

"Facts," I acknowledge. Although I told people I was going to college, I hadn't actually made solid plans for anything yet.

"KJ what's going on?" She questions, "You have a good GPA, extra-curriculars, and it'll be a legit breeze for you to get a recommendation letter. I'm not asking you for your left arm."

"I just haven't gotten to it," I lie. In truth, I haven't thought about college since the last time she chased me down and we had this talk, last spring.

"I know last semester was rough on you," she pauses, "But you're a whole senior now. Get it together."

I nod and she continues, "I need you to have at least one college picked out by the end of the month," I open my mouth to protest, but she stops me, "And whatever comeback you're about to say--- I don't care."

I close my mouth and instead reply with a dry, "Yes ma'am."

"That's what I like to hear," she claps her hands and smiles, "Oh! And welcome back, KJ."

I get into my truck, heading to school part two.

Even with Dr. Harvey and I's chat, I'm early and park directly behind our kitchen, hoping no one will notice for the almost three hours I'm in class. I come in through the back door to the class, taking notice of the seating chart posted on the board. I stare at it, immediately noticing who I'm sitting next to. Son of a---

"KJ!" I jump, turning to notice the Hoe Formerly Known as Bae behind me. Or, as she is in my phone, the Sociopath.

"Hey," I turn, angling my line of vision down to meet her, cold mocha eyes, "Wren."

"It's good to see you," she takes a look at the seating chart herself before turning back to me, "Table buddy."

"Yeah," I toss my stuff down at my seat and head to the hallway to lurk before school officially starts. However, I don't get far before--

"Parker!" I pause and sigh before I'm slammed with affection into the nearest locker, "What's up girl? Rocking the braids I see."

I curse under my breath before throwing my attacker off of me. It's Yasmin, with several other friends from different classes rapidly approaching.

"Yasmin! Do not kill our friends!" another friend says.

"I missed you!" I'm once again consumed by my friends into a painfully forceful group hug. I love my friends, but it's a rough, almost abusive, love we share. My classmate and friend Jonah frees me, holding me tight, "No! We need her to cook our dishes on the low!"

We all laugh and spend the rest of passing time joking around in the hallway before the final class bell rings.

I take my seat next to the Sociopath, greeting the rest of my classmates. My one of my two teachers comes in, Ms. Graves, a shorter blond lady, shooting me a sarcastic look. She planned this. I swear it.

"We'd like to welcome a new student today, Layne Sinclair can you come to the front?" I look around. She's not here yet. A part of me gets excited. Maybe she won't come at all.

"She's not here," I pipe up. Graves turns to me, "You know her?"

"Yeah," she gives me a secretive smirk and then continues on with the semester overview. We'd be covering vegetables, meats, presentations, and by the end of the year we'd have a hands on, multiple choice, and written final.

"But, before we can get to any of that, we have to set everything up! So grab a partner and start moving tables."

At the end of junior year, we have moved the entire contents of the kitchen into one of two storage rooms, leaving nothing- not even a pot or pan in sight. The entire process had take about a week, so moving it all back out would take about the same time.

"Alright-- KJ, David, Max, and Jaxon-- Partner up and get the dinning room tables."

Graves calls out the rest of the jobs and everyone breaks. I work with the guys all period grabbing tables and rearranging them in our vast dining room. Afterwards, Graves orders us to get brooms and mops, cleaning the entire space of floors. By the time school is over I'm exhausted and smell of bleach, supply closet, and anxiety.

"Kaylie Jane~~" I unlock my car, not about to embrace the embodiment of problems headed my way.

"You hear me Parker!"

I slide into my truck, and toss my bag in the back, ready to gun it out of there before the buses jam the exit.

"KJ!" The Sociopath gets behind my truck, meaning the only way out for me would be to hit her, not that I don't consider it. After resisting the urge to throw it in reverse over her crazy ass, I lean out the window.

"Bitch what!?"

She skips over to the passenger side and smiles, "Do you mind giving me a ride?"

"Tried to last year you told me no," I say to myself. She either doesn't hear me or doesn't care to respond. I look at her again, and in my mind flashes last year.

"Can we hold hands, baby?"

From the way she's smiling at me, I can tell she knows I'll say yes. That, and she's already in my car. Her presence taints the atmosphere and I wish my heart wasn't going faster and my stomach wasn't doing flips just by her looking at me. Stop it, KJ.

I back out of the school, hitting the road back to the city, speeding a tad to reach her place faster and get her out my passenger seat even more. When she's finally gone, I high tail it home, throwing myself into my bed, screaming into my pillow, another layer to cover my frustrations.

I wish I didn't relive every moment with her every time I saw her. Even after an entire summer without her, her affect on me had yet to wane.

It's just sometimes.... I swear it.

There's a knock on my door and I sit up.

"Yeah?" I call in response. The door cracks open and my father sticks his head in, "Hey, baby."

"Can I help you?" I sound unintentionally snappy. My father takes this as an invitation to sit down on my bed, "Just checking on you. I haven't seen you in a minute."

"I'm fine. My day was fine. I have work at four. I have school tomorrow. I didn't defeat white supremacy. Yet. Anything else?"

"I love you," he kisses the top of my head and stands to leave. He's learned that I won't say it back.

With him gone I change into my work uniform, a white button up and black pants, and head to work.

I work at a local burger joint that also dabbles in tacos and sandwiches called "JOINT" or "The Joint" by the smoker kids at our school who often snuck here during lunch or after school for a smoke. It paid nicely, the hours were easy,  and the only bad thing was constantly having to see assholes from school here. And speaking of assholes---

"Hey baby," Harrison, school renowned ass hat, strolls into the dining room, him and his crew disregarding the WAIT TO BE SEATED sign and taking there place at their usual table in the back. I glare at them before handing them menus, which they all immediately throw back at me.

"It's Taco Tuesday. You know what we want, Suga," Harrison smirks, "But thank you for helping keep our arm work up until football season."

"Six Tuesday specials with root beer coming right up," I pick up their menus and carry them to the back.

"Harrison and his ass-cheek besties want their usual," I hand the ticket to the line cook, Chess. He also the son of the owner, he'd graduated from our school two years ago, and his present was the restaurant.

"Should I spit in their pina coladas that you act like you don't give them?"

"Surprise me," I leave the kitchen, continuing the rest of the shift avoiding harassment from Harrison and his friends while making sure to attend to the rest of the customers. The boys stay well past their welcome, determined to eat their weight in tacos. Soon enough Chess tells me to just give them their tab, regardless.

"You've been cut off," I hand them their check and walk away, ignoring the less than subtle staring at of my ass. By the time I make it back to the table, the boys are gone, a generous tip left among the gigantic mess they've made.

"KJ," Chess peeks out into the dining room, "Don't worry about it. Take your break."

"Bless," I take a seat in the back, working on my homework, gathering my remaining introvert strength to finish my closing shift.

"KJ," Henry, the other waiter for the night taps my shoulder, "I'm clocking out."

"Cool," I pack my bag back up and head back into the dining room. I wait for closing to come around, as my last table cleans out, leaving a terrible tip for people that are here so late. Half an hour between close and me, Dill strolls in.

"Are y'all still open?" he smiles, "Hey, you're that girl that ran into that tree."

"KJ," I grab him a menu, "And yeah follow me."

"I'm waiting for my sister though," He turns to the window and in enters Layne, the girl from the library.

Her style is like mine, jeans and t-shirts, but she looks much better it in that I do.

"Follow me," I sit them at the bar and get them drinks and the order.

"How long have you been working here?" Layne questions when I come back with their drinks.

"Three months," I reply, "Why weren't you at school today?"

"Awe, were you looking for me?" she smiles and Dil hits her, "Play nice. I forgot to get her there. It was my fault."

"Brother, you're taking all the fun away," she smiles at me, "I'll be there tomorrow though. I'd hate missing a chance to see you."

"Order up!" Chess hands me their food over the bar and I hand it to them. Dil immediately digs into his food, while Layne keeps her attention on me, "So are you single?"

"I don't date," I reply, "As a rule."

"Oh," She keeps leaning to me, so I instinctively step back, "You know what they say about rules right?"

"Hey, KJ?" Chess reappears in the order window, "A moment?"

"Bless," I retreat from them and he gets me a mop, "I'd like to get out of here on time if you don't mind."

"Sure thing Boss man," I clean the closed off half of the restaurant while Dil and Layne finish their meals. By the time I'm finished the Sinclair children are gone and we're closed. When I go to collect their tip for me, I see it's laying on top of a napkin.

"They're meant to be broken"