I spend the night at Layne's, scared to leave her alone again. I leave early enough to get back into my own house and get ready for school. Not that it matters if I go or not.

I'm distracted and fidgety all morning, my ugly caffeine consumption habits rearing its ugly.

When I roll up to Layne's apartment, she doesn't look much better. She's quiet as she climbs into my truck offering me a dry, "Hey."

"Hey," I kiss her lightly on the cheek and pull away from the curb. I eye her observantly, noticing how lazily put together she is. A loose fitting t-shirt (read: my t-shirt), and baggy sweats (also mine). I can tell she didn't even bother with wearing a bra.

"Stop looking at me like that," she catches me staring, "I'm fine."

I laugh dryly, "By who's standards?"

"Excuse me?" She's caught off guard by my response.

"You called me crying at work. That's not okay. I know you hurt yourself--"

"Used to---" she refutes.

"Can you look me in the eye and tell me that?" I press.

She looks away, "You aren't being fair right now."

"I'm trying to look out for my girlfriend, who I love by the way," I sigh, trying to calm down, "I'm going out of town Friday, I just want to be sure you'll be okay. I don't like that every time I leave you I think it'll be the last time I see you."

She ignores everything else I've said. "Right, your competition," she spits, "Isn't Wren going?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" I deflect. When Graves was picking who to take, she'd picked the best speakers and most personable in the class. It wasn't my fault me and Wren were included in that. And it also wasn't my fault that she was a homophobic piece of shit. "You could've gone too, had you let me done the talking."

"You? You weren't going to do anything but make it worse," she scoffs, "I dropped out for you. I was just trying to make sure you still went."

What?  I try to make sense of what she's saying, "So you wanted me to go but you're mad that I'm going?"

"It's not about the trip!" she flips, "I feel like you're pushing me away and I don't like it."

Was she really trying to turn this on me?

"How am I pushing you away?" I'm beyond frustrated, "I spend every free moment I have with you?"

"You even don't touch me anymore!" she screams.  

I raise an eyebrow, "Because all you seem to want me for is sex! You don't talk to me anymore!" I slam my hand on my steering wheel, "Why are you insisting about making this about me?"

She goes quiet for the rest of the ride, her back turned to me. I tentatively reach for her, stroking her thigh lightly. She covers my wandering hand with her own and I smirk, "You said I don't touch you enough, right?"

She shoots me a confused look, but moves her hand and I slide it carefully into her sweats, gently feeling her. She gasps, grabbing my arm again, only this time I don't stop. She stops resisting and relaxes, soft moans falling from her lips.

"KJ!" She seizes and then relaxes her breathing labored, "Oh my God."

I causally reach into the glove compartment, fetching a napkin, and wiping off my hand.

"Are you happy now?" We pull into the parking lot.

"Shut up" she grumbles, realizing that any complaint about me is now made void. She asked and I answered. I ask and--

I park and she immediately goes for the door, but I stop her, pulling her to me, "I'm not done with you. Fight not over."

"Whatever, Kaylie Jane," she hops out and I wait for her to be out of sight before slamming my fist into my steering wheel.

She's going to be the death of me. I swear it.

I close my eyes, counting my breathes. It's okay. It's okay. I open the eyes to my the sound of my door opening. I open them, turning to see, Wren in the spot where Layne once was.

"Hey," she smiles.

"Oh fuck off," her presence is enough to get out.

"Wait," she follows me, "KJ please."

"What do you want from me!" I snap, "What?"

She jumps, staring at me like I'm a crazy person, probably because I am. I mean, I am screaming at her in the middle of the parking lot.

"I just want us to be friends, psycho," she spits, before walking away from me as well.

If Layne isn't the death of me, Wren is certainly the runner up.

***

Things stay tense between Layne and I right up until the night I'm supposed to leave. Since I needed the weekend off, I work until close to keep my hours up. On my way out, I call Nat, needing to vent.

"Yo," she answers on the first ring, "What's good?"

"Not shit!" I start my truck, "Layne been trippin'. Graves been trippin'. And I think Wren is plotting to rape me or something."

I complain all the way to my house, and while I'm packing too.

Just as I'm finishing packing up when my phone buzzes with a text. 

Napkin Hoe: come over?

"Come over?" I read the text to Nat, "Girl hasn't done anything but work my damn nerves and raise my blood pressure for bout two weeks straight? Come over? Fuck I look like? Come over."

My phone buzzes again. Napkin Hoe: that wasn't a question.

Napkin Hoe: bring yo dumb ass over here.

"Well what are you going to do?" Nat questions.

I zip my duffel, "Bring my dumb ass over there."

I'm outside Layne's apartment in ten minutes flat. I let myself in, finding her in the living room.

She stands, meeting me in the foyer, "That was fast."

"I may have broken a law or two," I shrug, "What do you want?"

"Fight paused," she says before jumping me. I don't stop her from pulling me to her bedroom. I can only ward off her advances for so long. And honestly, this is a nice change of pace from us hating each other.

Our lips connect and our clothes dissolve, with us burning into our own carnal emotions. What's said about angry sex is true. It's good.

Afterwards I hold her in my arms, a silence settling over us.

"I love you," I kiss her bare shoulder, "Can you please stop hurting yourself?"

She doesn't respond and I move so that I'm slightly over her, "I love you. I don't want you to cheat on me with death. You're the best thing I've got going for me right now."

My voice starts to shake and I stop talking, hating how my voice sounds when it's upset.

I take her wrist and kiss every faded scar mark there, before moving to another part of her body. I don't know what exactly demons my girlfriend has faced, but I know they go farther than just losing both parents.

"I'm not asking you to not hurt. Just please do it healthily. Don't take it out on your skin."

I hunt down every stubborn mark, some of which she flinches at when I touch them.

"And if you don't," I say, "I'm not going anywhere. I accept you scars and all. Please just don't add to them. We said we're taking care of each other this time, right?"

She nods.

"Then you're going to have to let me in, okay?"

She nods again, which I assume is the best I can get out of her. I kiss her, this time on her lips.

"Fight over," I lie back down, a stressful sleep overtaking me.

***

The next morning, I get dressed in a plain white v-neck and ripped black jeans, so that I can be comfortable in the ride over. I wash my face, wiping away any remaining sleep. When I see myself in the mirror, I see a dark hickie lurking just at my collar. If I didn't have on the v-neck, it wouldn't be there. I laugh.

"Good morning, sexy," Layne greets me when I step back into the bathroom.

"Good morning. I love you," I walk over to the bed and kiss her. For moment I think that I could do this forever. Wake up every morning and kiss her.

"Don't do anything hoe like while you're gone," she warns, "I'll know."

"Yes ma'am," I kiss her again, "Top notch behavior."

She kisses me again, "You're an idiot. I don't even think you know what 'top notch' behavior is. But I'll trust you."

"I mean," I gesture to my neck, "It'll be hard for me to hoe anyway. I'm clearly marked."

She smile deviously, "I just wanted to make sure these hoes know who you belong to."

"Well let em know," I laugh. She kisses me one more time, this time lingering. Truly, spending all day in bed with her sounds like a much better way to spend my Saturday. Still, I pull away.

"I'll call first thing when I'm free," I promise.

"Speaking of phones," she produces mine and I instinctively reach for my back pocket, where I'd thought it was, "I'm still 'Napkin Hoe'?"

I snatch my phone, laughing to cover my embarrassment, "I'm sorry. I-- um-- It never got changed."

"Well I changed it," she smiles.

She kisses me one more time before letting me leave. As soon as I'm in my truck truck I get a text.

My Heart: Miss you already...

***

I pull my truck around to the back of the school and head to the gym where all the other students going on the trip are gathering, my over night duffel across one shoulder. It's a Friday, but most of today will be travel time, with the actual conference not starting until dinner time. Inside the gym, Graves waves me over.

"Parker," she nods, "No parents?"

"Nope," I shrug, "Riding solo."

She hands me a stack of information on the trip and takes my bag, "Mandatory searches."

"What? Do you think I'm trying to sneak my girlfriend in or something?"

She raises an eyebrow, but doesn't justify my statement with a verbal response.

I shrug and continue down the line of various faulty accompanying the fifty sum teens also going on the trip. I retrieve my bag and a folder full of various things. My registration. My event schedule. A paper of rules we are to abide by on the trip.

"Kaylie Jane ~~~" I turn and see Wren along with a couple other classmates waving me over.

"Hey," I greet them.

"You look sharp," one of the guys, Drew, comments, "Ready?"

"So ready," I nod, "I mean, considering my entire competition is on how well I handle not being ready."

The conversation turns away from me, except for Wren, who's eyes seem focused on my neck. I pretend not to notice her noticing.

Finally everyone's stuff is checked and we load onto one of two charter's by competition. I skillfully slide to the front of the line, picking out a seat in the middle of the bus. A few moments after I'm settled, Wren plops into the seat next to me. I look at her, then go back to digging in my bag, fishing out a book to read for the four hour ride to the capitol.

"Hey," I look up and see Brandon, another distant friend, stopped in the isle, "You have a girlfriend."

"I know," I chuckle, "I spent last night fucking the shit out of her. She's great."

He smirks, "Luck you. She told me to remind you."

I roll my eyes, "Tell her I'm behaving."

He continues to the seat behind us and I put in my headphones. I will end this weekend a good girlfriend. I swear it.