"So we make house calls now?" I enter Dr. Harvey's office, already on one. Now on top of all the other adults I was avoiding at school, I'd be avoiding Mindy at home too.

"I've been expecting you, Ms. Parker. Have a seat," she smiles warmly, unphased by my anger.

She pulls up my student account, "See what I see?"

"There's nothing there."

"EXACTLY!" she thumps her hand on her desk, "Nothing is here, KJ! Why haven't you been working on your applications? Actually--- Your application, not plural, because all of these accept the common essay."

"I've got a lot going on. Its hard to type with a fucked up hand," I shrug.

"Language," she corrects me.

"Sorry," I apologize, "Anyway--- All of that's besides the point! Now you have my dad's wife involved?"

"Maybe she can encourage you to take your future seriously," she smirks, unapologetic.

"I take my future seriously," I protest.

"KJ I'm not here to argue with you. Next time you come into my office you better have some hard evidence," she dismisses me, "Now get to class before you ruin your present too."

I huff and puff my way to class, just in time to make the final bell. I take a seat in senior composition and my teacher hands out a piece of paper, "Your first major paper is due next Friday. I want not only a final draft but one draft with visible edits. Please have a hard copy next Monday as we will be doing partner edits."

I text Nat from under my desk.

ME: We're supposed to be writing a paper?

BESTIE AKA BAE: a research paper. where have you been fam?

"Hopefully some of you haven't been too busy sleeping to start writing," our teacher looks at me and I smirk and shrug nonchalantly.

I look at the assignment. Choose a topic to research and present it in a five to ten page informative paper.

The bell rings and I hear my name called. "A moment?"

I exhale and head back into the classroom, "Yes sir?"

"You seemed a little lost when I handed out the rubric today," my teacher, Mr. Cook, crosses his arms over his broad chest, "You've been doing the homework right?"

"Yes sir," I lie. There's homework in this class.

"So you have enough research to write a five page paper on," her looks at his notes, "K-Pop?"

"Of course," my face breaks into a smile, "No problem." Thank you past me...

"Well okay," he shrugs, not believing me clearly, "I'm excited to see what you come up with."

You and me both, fam.

I exit the room, finding Nat waiting for me outside like the true homie she is.

"So what's your plan?"

I shrug, "You already know my plan. No plan!"

Nat hits me, "You're the worst. How's Layne?"

I smile at the sound of her name and Nat hits me. "Oh my God! You're sprung."

"No I'm not," I fix my face.

"Yes you are!" she forces a laugh, "You smiled at the sound of her name. That's strike three."

"What were the first two?" I ask, confused. Am I that obvious?

"One--- You started breaking rules for her. Two--- Y'all are physically involved," she holds the third finger in front of my face, "And three--- You smile at the very thought of her. Look at you, going all soft."

"Whatever," I shrug, walking faster.

"It's just jokes!" she calls after me, but doesn't follow me.

I practically run out to my truck, suddenly feeling suffocated. You and Layne are just friends. Right? Obviously that's fucking right. Right? Stop it KJ. Deep breath.

I exhale, blinking back sudden tears. What the fuck KJ?

I straighten up, shaking off any discomfort. Eventually I calm down, before going to fetch Layne.

"Hey," she goes to kiss me and I dodge her.

"I'm not in the mood," I explain, "And no--- I don't want to talk about it."

"Ugh," she exhales, "Moody KJ has returned."

"Shut up," I mumble, "Literally everything that could be up my ass is up there."

"You poor poor constipated soul," she rubs my shoulder, "If you stopped fucking around and started caring about your future you wouldn't have this problem."

"I care about my future," I scoff.

"No you don't," she shrugs, "You don't know how to care about yourself. That's why you need people up your ass or you have no drive."

Stop reading me like this. "That's so not true," I reply.

"If you cared about yourself, you'd have better boundaries," she pats my face, condescendingly.

"I have boundaries," I start to get frustrated, not liking where this conversation is going.

"Really?" she smiles, "What am I to you Kaylie Jane?"

"We're not having this conversation," I state, "So stop right there."

"Point proven," she continues rubbing my shoulder. 

"Stop touching me," I mumble. We reach a stop light and I remove her hand myself, "Stop it."

"Can't help it," she smiles, kissing my hand. She plugs in her aux, starting her playlist. In stead of her normal k-pop , she plays a mix of English R&B and rap, a smooth vibe drifting through the car.

"Give me all of youuuu in exchange for me..."

We pull up to the school and Layne steals a kiss anyway, "See you inside."

"Mmhm," I pull out my phone, checking the time. I have about fifteen minutes before class starts. I let my chair back, hitting shuffle on my playlist and hoping the right song comes on. It does, in the form of a BAP song.

"Forgive my evil sins
Do you know that, you know that
Give me courage, love and wisdom
Please give me the light
So I can breathe..."

***

That song gets me through the rest of the day, as I poorly hum along to the Korean while I work.

"Running out of breath, closing my eyes
I'm taking that darkness and putting it in my heart
Is there another person as unhappy as me?" 

In the comfort of my own room, I take a seat at my desk and turn on my laptop, logging into my school page. I look at the colleges I have picked out, not caring about whether I get into any. I log into my common essay form and look at the questions. What was something you had to overcome?

What haven't I had to overcome? I shut down all of the pages and pull up Netflix instead, re-watching one of my favorite shows--- That 70's Show. Pretty soon, I've watched an entire season.

"Hey baby," Layne crawls in the window, right on time. She pulls my chair away from the desk and straddles my lap, "Are you out of your shit mood yet?"

"Hey," I smile, "And only sort of." Without hesitation she kisses me, rubbing my shoulders. She smiles and pulls away, "I love doing that. What are you working on?"

"What am I working on? Or what am I actually doing?" she rotates herself on my lap and I wrap my arms around her middle, holding her with one arm, using my computer with the other. She places her hand on top of mine.

"I can see what you're doing," she pauses the episode just as Kelso is about to deliver a punchline, "What are you supposed to be doing?"

"I have a paper due in a week that I just found out about," I open up my documents and go through a string of files labeled 'SCHOOL SHIT,' 'SENIOR SHIT,' 'SENIOR COMP,' 'RESEARCH PAPER' click on the doc labeled 'kpop paper.'

"You're really organized to not have your shit together," she jokes, "Kaylie Jane this document is blank."

"No it's not," I move the cursor to the top corner, "See? There's my name and my MLA heading."

She thumps me on the forehead, "I hate you. Where's your research?"

"I don't have any," I answer honestly. Picking something innately foreign meant that there were little american scholarly sources on it, "Everything I found has been in Korean so far."

"You don't know Korean?" she questions. I look at her like she's dumb, as if that's just something I'm supposed to know. "Okay damn," she shrugs, "I just figured because of your music choice..." Her voice trails off.

"Oh so you speak Korean?" I ask, not liking her reasoning.

"No I don't speak it," she admits, "But I can read it though."

My mouth drops and she laughs at my reaction, "It's bad but it's functional. How long were you gonna stay up trying to work on this?"

"Probably all night," I admit. I needed a draft by Monday and all I had right now was a heading.

She kisses my cheek, "Go to bed. I've got this."

"Really?" I ask.

"Yeah," she tells me, "I worry about how much sleep you're getting."

She stands up and I move from under her, standing up, "Thanks."

She kisses me, "Goodnight, Kaylie Jane."

"Night."

***

I open my eyes, underwater. 

I look around, somehow knowing I'm in a lake as opposed to an ocean. I swim upwards, before suddenly I feel like I'm being sucked down. Suddenly, I'm tossed and turned, the water spilling free, me caught up inside. I close my eyes, bracing for what will probably  be a painful impact.

I open my eyes again.

"What the fuck?" I cough up a lungs worth of water.

Suddenly, I'm in the middle of an ice rink. As I move, the ice cracks and groans beneath my feet, threatening to give way.

"Wait!" I yell, even though I'm the only one around. I try to move so that I'm headed to shore, but it seems to move farther and farther away. The ground gives way instantaneously, sucking me in. The water is hot, scorching my body. Everything is dark around me, and I feel like I'm in the deepest parts of the sea.

I scream, wanting my lungs to fill with water so I can die already, but they don't. I can scream forever and still be in this hell.

***

"Kaylie Jane," Layne shakes me awake and I bolt up in bed, everything around me feeling too hot.

"You okay?" her eyes hold worry.

I rub my eyes, trying to chase out the lingering images, "I'm fine."

"I'm getting ready to leave," she tells me, "I wrote the body of your paper. All you have to do is the into and outro okay?"

"Thanks," I groan, groggy from sleep still. 

"You're so cute when you're sleepy," She places a kiss on my forehead, "See you later."

She leaves and I look at my phone. Ten minutes before I need to get up. I realize I actually feel sort of rested, and get up anyway, pulling up my paper. It's pretty good, except for maybe her word choice and linguistic structure being different from mine. I figure that once I write my opening and closing, it'll sound more like me and nobody will notice.