After the party, Layne all but disappears. For about a week I stop seeing her at school. She doesn't show up at JOINT. She definitely doesn't visit me at night. On the one hand its nice having my bed to myself.

But then again--- It was nice sharing a bed with her.

But then again--- It wasn't the same without her. Without her, I am left to lay awake by myself. 

There's a faint but familiar knock on my window. I don't hesitate to open it up, revealing a shivering Layne, wrapped in none other than my hoodie.

"Are you wearing my hoodie," I state the obvious as she crawls through my window. She stands in front of me, practically swimming in it is so big on her. She steals a kiss from me, pulling me in by my collar.

"I might be," she smirks, "So?"

"You can't leave with it again," I close my window, "I'm starting to get cold myself and you have all my stuff."

"If you want it back," she glances up at me through her lashes, "You'll have to take it off me then."

She stares at me defiantly and I lunge for her, except she moves out the way, causing me to have to catch myself as she dives onto my bed. I recover and jump on top of her attempting to wrestle my sweater from her grasp. Maybe I should be asking where she's been. Maybe I should be asking where she went. There's a long list of things I should be doing, but I go with wrestling her on my bed.

"It's mine," she giggles, "I'll wear it forever!"

"It's a Northern Cliff hoodie from last year!" I protest, grabbing at the hem, "You weren't even here yet! That shirt means nothing to you!"

With that and a final yank I get the hoodie from off her, unintentionally pulling off the shirt she had under it, leaving her in her bra. We both pause realizing what I've done, and before I can do anything she whispers, "I think I love you."

My brain short circuits and I kiss her, attempting to steal the words from her lips, "Don't ever say that again," I mumble between kisses. She kisses me back, draping her arms around me and pulling herself closer to me.

"I'm not taking it back," she pulls away, leaving our faces just a whisper apart, "I just wanted to tell you before I did this," She uses one arm and reaches under her self, undoing her bra and tossing it to the side, leaving her top half completely exposed. I pull away, unsure of what to do next. My gaze falls onto her chest, freckled and tan like her face. On some level I recognize I'm staring but on another I can't look away. God she's beautiful...

"Don't," she pulls me in again, "Don't think, Kaylie Jane."

Our lips connect once again and I shut off my brain, focusing on the small things and not the whole picture. Her hair brushing my cheek. My heartbeat slamming in my chest. Her breathe fanning my face.

Her gentle instructions, "You're allowed to touch me, KJ."

"Hm?" I freeze and she flips us, and I run my hands up her back, feeling nothing but the skin there. I kiss her back, my breathing increasing, thinking about nothing but her soft exposed skin, her hands, her mouth, my mouth and our tangling of legs. I'm too consumed in the moment to notice as more clothes disappear. My shirt. Her shorts. Everything dissolving into just flesh on flesh in a carnal act of love.

But it's not like I love her... It's just....

Oh, shit!

***

I lay on my back, in the same position she'd left me in. I attempt to do a mental scan of my body, but quit, picking up on way too complicated of emotions. One of my arms is under my own head, the other wrapped around her, having gone numb after a moment. I roll my head slightly, seeing her back is to me, delicate freckles exposed in the dim light of my room.

("I think I love you...")

"Layne?" I test her name on my lips. It feels both familiar and foreign to me. Feeling the flick of my tongue against my teeth for the "L" and how it recedes for the remaining four letters. "Layne."

"Hmhm?" she stirs next to me.

"Did you... Um... Did you like... it?" I try to force the words out, "Am I, uh, good?"

She turns to face me, sitting up, "Are you trying to ask me if you're good in bed?"

"No!" My face heats, "I mean--"

"You mean yes," she chuckles.

"Forget I asked," My face continues to burn and I withdraw from her, rolling over to hide my embarrassment, "Glad you're so amused by this."

"Sorry, for laughing at you baby," she apologizes, "You're just being very cute right now."

She kisses my bare shoulder, "You were better than good. You were perfect. Kaylie Jane?"

I remain silent and she rolls me back onto my side, so that I'm facing her again, "Was that your first time?"

I avoid eye contact with her, "Was it?"

I roll back onto my side again, and this time she let's me. She pulls me close, kissing the back of my neck.

"My statement still stands."

I don't dare ask which one. We both already know.

Her breathing slows and she falls asleep in my arms, but the same can not be said for me. I watch the sun come up, only garnering about ten minutes of sleep. I blink and Layne's gone, without me even having noticed.

Giving up on any rest, I roll out of bed. I turn to look at it, finding myself hating it.

(You're allowed to touch me, Kaylie Jane...)

I strip the whole thing--- Everything from my pillow cases to the comforter itself, and carry it down to the basement, shoving it into the washer.

"What are you doing up this early, Baby girl?" my father catches me, sitting on top of the washer, "What are you washing?"

"My sheets," I reply simply. Because normal teens are in their basement five in the morning doing laundry. "I just thought I'd do some cleaning, ya know."

"What was wrong with your sheets?"

I pause, carefully selecting my words, "They got wet."

"Did you spill something on them or something?" he inquires.

"Um... yeah you could say that..."

"Okay," he grabs the iron and begins to work on his work clothes for the day, "Was that what you were doing last night? Mindy and I kept hearing some strange noises."

"I was cleaning," the lie falls so effortlessly off my tongue. My father might not know much about me, but he does know that when I can't sleep, I clean impulsively. He nods, finishes what he's doing and heads back upstairs.

The washer beeps and I throw my sheets, comforter and pillow cases into the dryer before going back upstairs.

As I dress, everything becomes about chasing her from my mind. I shower in a different scent than normal, chasing away whatever usual scent that she claims I have that smells terrific. When my flesh is scrubbed raw I pull on baggy black sweat pants, a white sleeveless shirt, and vans. I look more like a guy than I usually do. My style is more of a throwback to early years, before I'd had the tomboy look down and instead had spent it looking like a straight up man.

Dressed, I down two energy shots and pray my heart doesn't stop before going to get Beck before he can get to my house. As I pull away, I pretend not to see Layne waving at me from her window.

"Look who got up all early and stuff," Beck smiles, "Is it because you love me?"

"Uh, yeah," I hate that I can still feel her all over my body. I blink, and I can still see her.

Beck taps me, "KJ? Are you okay?"

I nod, "Definitely," I try to smile, but I know it comes off pained, "Ready?"

He nods, glancing at me suspiciously the entire ride to school. He's onto me and I know once Nat sees me, she'll know something's wrong too. And sure enough, as soon as I'm parked and Nat hands me my coffee she knows I'm jacked up.

As we go through our ritual of eating breakfast, I can feel her watching me--- scrutinizing me.

"I'd ask what's wrong, but I know you. And if it was something you wanted to tell me you would've gotten out of your car bitching about it already."

"You're not funny," I comment, "I'm just tired. It's cool. Really."

The bell rings and my group breaks apart with me foot dragging myself to my first class of the day.

My day struggles by, dragging me through can after bottle of liquid sleep replacement. Eventually lunch hits and I head to my car, finding Nat leaning against it.

"Clearly you're fucked up and you're gonna tell me why or I'm telling Dr. Harvey," she states.

"I slept with Layne," I state bluntly, "Like we fucked. Last night."

"Oh," she processes for a minute before asking, "Did you... want to?"

"I don't know," I reply honestly.

"Have y'all talked about it?"

"No."

"Are y'all dating?"

"I don't know!" I snap, "I don't want to talk about it, a'ight?"

She stares at me like I've grown another head. "What?"

"You're shaking," I realize she's staring at my hand. I hadn't realized it, but it was like I was vibrating. I look back up and see Nat. Or maybe multiple Nats.

"KJ?" her voice sounds distance and I blink, trying to merge her back into one.

"KJ?"

I reach for the wall for balance, but miss it entirely. Next thing I know--- I'm out.

***

I inhale sharply, shooting up in bed. Under me, thin parchment crinkles, and the strong smell of antiseptic tells me I'm in the nurses office.

"Kaylie," Nurse Reese enters, "You're up."

"What time is it?" I feel for my phone, "I have to get to school."

"Whoa," she holds up a hand for me to stop, "I need to get you checked out first. You passed out, dear."

"I'm fine. I'm just tired," I swing my feet over the edge and stand, my body jarred by suddenly being upright.

"Your friend tells me you drink a lot of these?" she holds up an energy drink can, presumably from my backpack.

"Occasionally," I lie. The way I see it, lying will get me out of this faster than the truth, "I'm picking up some shifts at work and I haven't been sleeping like I should. I'll make sure to go to bed on time tonight, okay?"

She observes me, then chooses to believe me, "Okay. I'll let you get out of here but Dr. Harvey needs to see you before you go."

"Yes ma'am," I reach for my energy drink and she opens it in front of me, pouring it down the drain.

"You don't need this do you?"

Fuck. "No ma'am," I force a smile. She returns it and writes me a hall pass and I shove it into my pocket, tossing it into the trash as soon as I'm out the school. Dr. Harvey can wait.

By the time I pull up to Northern Cliff, I'm back jumpy and edgy, sleep deprivation rearing it's ugly head. As soon as I get to class and into uniform, I'm unconscious at my desk.

"PARKER!" Whitfield sounds the air horn and I jump awake, the whole class giggling at my confusion upon regaining consciousness. 

"Nice of you to join me," Graves smirks, "Anyway class..."

I blink the exhaustion from my eyes and glance around the class. Wren of all people, has a concerned look on her face. I quickly find out it isn't for me.

"Where's Layne?" she mouths.

Fuck. I forgot to go get her.