After the movies, Layne's attitude towards me changes. It isn't a hate, but everything I do seems to just make her want to kill me a little. I get my truck back and go back to giving her rides and things, but she doesn't flirt with me anymore and when we actually get to school, she hangs out with our other classmates. It's like there's been in an entire 180 on our relationship. The only connection we really share is that every drive she plays what had become "our song" otherwise know as "As I Told You" by Kim Sung Jae.

Regardless, first semester continues to fly by, everyday just like the last. School. Layne. NCT. Work. Sleep. Repeat. Except for the times Layne would join me in the sleep category, sometimes talking, sometimes just sleeping.

My not having a truck for a week had made me more cautious around my dad, causing me to put myself on a stricter curfew, letting him know when I got home every night so there was no room for confusion later.

I arrive at Layne's house and she disconnects her phone, the song cutting off.

"Hey," I grab her attention and she turns to me, "You aren't mad at me or anything, right?"

"Why would I be mad?" she inquires.

"Huh?" I stall for what I want to say next, "You've been.... Quieter recently is all. Its like you've been a different you since Sunday."

"You made yourself clear Sunday that you don't like me the way I like you. And this back and forth might be fun for you--- But its exhausting for me. So I'm done," she opens her door, "Thanks for the ride."

I sit in my truck a little longer before puling out and heading towards the strip mall.

I meet Nat for breakfast for dinner, her favorite meal of the day, but at night. I pull in to IHOP before her, actually on time to something for once. Nat pulls in a few minutes later, dressed in flannel pj's and sweatshirt, exactly what she'd worn to school.

"I'm judging," I shook her a dirty look. She shrugs, "These white people don't know me."

"Unfortunately, I know you," I shake my head and we head in.

"How's that waitress girl?" I question. Albeit being super cheesy in doing so, Nat had managed to get that girls number, and they'd been together about a week now.

"She's cool," she smirks, "Never kiss and tell, KJ. That's sloppy."

"Whatever," I roll my eyes.

"So when are you and Layne gonna bone?" Nat questions.

"Huh?"

"What do you mean 'huh'? I've never witnessed a more obvious crush in my entire life. She's crazy for you for some reason and you act like you don't know. If I was her, I'd have stabbed your other hand."

"It's not like I don't know... I just don't know what I'm supposed to do. Look at this," I pull out my phone and let Nat read the lyrics on the screen.

"As I told you, I'm in love with you but I can't tell you. Another day is passing but I'm still going nowhere..." Nat looks up, "Did she write this for you?"

"Worse. It's the lyrics to her song for us. We listen to it everyday on the way to NCT. I didn't even bother to look up the lyrics until recently," I pause, "Do you think she's trying to tell me something?"

Nat laughs and our waitress brings our drinks out.

"Nat, this isn't funny."

"Yes it is," she takes a sip from her water and clears her throat, "How are you an AP student with straights A's and still this dumb? If you don't get your dumbass some reader's this isn't even read between the lines bruh it's just read the lines. Like what's she gotta do? Straight up ask to fuck?"

I cough on the sip of coffee I'd taken and almost die, "NO! That's not what I want."

"Too bad, you screwed. That's your girl and you're stuck with her. Accept it."

"I don't want to," I sigh, "It's like Wren all over again. This is the whole reason Operation SLAY was put in place."

"Bish please! Operation SLAY or whatever is just a way for you to hide your feelings for everyone. You knew it was bullshit when you made it up," Nat dismisses my poorly formulated excuse.

"Okay it's bullshit," I admit, "But it's needed bullshit."

Saying last year was 'rough' didn't even begin to cover the impact it had on me.

"Anyway," I continue, "She's mad at me anyway."

"I'd be mad too," Nat says through a bit of pancakes, "She's been trying to get laid for weeks and you're out here being a dumb hoe."

"Nat!" I scold her, "Who's side are you on?"

"Yours bud," she teases, "But this is a level of fuckery I can't rally behind. What makes you think she's mad?"

I tell her about our conversation from the car and she kicks me under the table, "She wants you to fight for her! Why are you like this?"

"How am I supposed to know that?" I ask, incredulous.

"When she talks about liking you does she use past or present tense?" Nat digs in her backpack, producing a notepad.

"She uses present," I gesture at the pad, "What? Are you about to turn all Dr. Harvey on me now too?"

"You've talked to Dr. Harvey about this foolishness?" she stares at me, "Lawd help this child."

"Nat," I turn serious, "Please be serious."

She stops laughing and calms down, "Okay. I'm sorry I'm listening."

"She kissed me after that party we went to," I quietly admit after a moment, "I'd be lyin' to say I didn't like it."

The corner of her mouth tugs upward and I give her an even more serious face. She takes a sip of her water then speaks, "Look kid, you have two decisions you can make--- Either you like her back or you don't."

"Okay. So lets say I like her back," I hurriedly add on, "Hypothetically, obviously."

She rolls her eyes, "Then I do believe you're fucked."

"Okay well what if I don't like her back?" I ask, even more confused.

"Then I do still believed you're fucked," she shrugs, "Either way its too late for you. She's already got you."

"No she doesn't!" I protest, getting probably too loud.

"Oooo," Nat gives me a smirk, "Yep. She got you. That's way too much emotion for you. And boi bless your heart if you think you're gonna be able to just turn loose," she takes another sip of water, "If you do think that, then you're waaaayyy stupider than I'd first thought."

***

ME: Can you come over?

I stare at my phone screen. Sent forty five minutes ago. I tell myself that she's probably asleep, but still her non-response feels personal. I put my phone down and go back to staring at my ceiling, my mind wandering.

"I really like you, KJ."

"I want you to have a crush on me!"

"You made yourself clear...."

I'm about to abandon hope and go to sleep when I hear my window sliding up. I sit up, watching as she climbs into my room, out of the chilly autumn air.

"Hey," I smile.

"Hey," she exhales, "What do you want?"

"I don't want anything," I sigh, "I missed you."

"You missed me?" she asks, incredulous.

I nod, "Yeah, believe it or not I miss you."

She sighs before joining me on the bed. Both of us lay back, staring at the ceiling together.

"I talked to my counselor the other day," I start, "I told her you drive me crazy."

She laughs at this, "So what was her advice to you?"

"Either strap in and enjoy the ride or get out the car," I chuckle.

"What's your decision?" I can feel her looking at me.

"I don't know yet," I answer honestly, "I don't think I like you... But then my heart does things. And suddenly I'm not sure anymore."

She rolls over, placing a hand on my heart, feeling my heartbeat throb. "It does this every time I'm around."

"Just about," I smirk, "Layne I'm sorry I'm an asshole. I'd say I'll get better but I don't think I will."

"Apology accepted," she lies back down, "In a sick way I'm getting used to it anyway."

"Why do you like me?" I ask.

"Because..." her voice carries off, like she's not even next to me anymore, "You're smile is adorable. You're a good friend. You're funny. You make me laugh when I'm at my worst. Your lips are full and soft and I could kiss them till I die. Every time I'm around you, even when I'm mad at you, you find a way to make my day better. And even though you ain't shit, I can't help but want to be around you. KJ?"

I turn my head to look at her, "Hm?"

"I still want you. But I want you to know what you want. Get it?"

"Yeah," I turn my head again, "I think I know what I want. But I'm not sure if I want to go for it."

"What's stopping you?"

"Nothing's stopping me," I go back to staring at the ceiling, "But I wouldn't really say the cosmos is encouraging me."

"I'm not her," she clears her throat, "Just so you know."

I don't even have to ask who she's talking about.

"I know," I take a deep breath, "I know."

She wraps herself around me, pulling me close, "Good night, Kaylie Jane."

"Good night."

***

I wake up still comfortably in Layne's arms and I hate how comfortable I am and how she is the source of such great comfort. Suddenly obnoxiously aware of the fact I'm being snuggled by a girl, I slowly shift out of her arms. The process wakes her and she smiles at me. My stomach flips as I both love and can't stand the way she's looking at me. She's looking at me like I hold the stars in the sky. I wonder what it would be like to kiss someone who's looking at me like that. I wonder how it would feel to kiss someone who looks at me like I tell the sun and moon when to change shifts. And before I can convince myself why not to, I do it.

Not because I like her but just for the hell of it.

I swear it.

I get no protests from Layne as she kisses me back, inviting me into a much more intimate kiss, her tongue massaging mine. I don't quite know what I'm doing, so the kiss ends when our teeth accidentally hit.

After I pull away from her and we catch our breaths. She leans back in to kiss me again and I move away, "You need to leave."

I can see the unanswered questions play in her mind, but she keeps them locked up there, as she slowly grabs her shoes and then heads back to her own home.