"You look trashier everyday," Nat feigns shock when she sees me, "Dear God Best Friend who hurt you?"

This morning when I'd gotten dressed, I'd peeped the state of my appearance and grimaced. There were definite bags under my eyes, and I felt like I was losing weight. And this was only the third week of school.

"Chill on me," I take a sip of my coffee and she slaps it out my hand, with it landing perfectly in the nearby trashcan, "HEY!"

"That's probably you're fucking problem right there," she scolds me, "When was the last time you slept?"

"I was up all night working on homework," I lie, "Cut me a break."

"You cut yourself one first."

"I bet she was with Layne," Beck pipes up.

"Did anybody ask you?"

"Ah," they nod in unison, "Definitely with Layne last night."

"Fuck off," I walk away from them, too tired to come up with an actual quip. I get to class especially early, posting up in the back with my headphones on. I hit shuffle on my rap playlist. I close my eyes as the long intro of G.O.M.D, a J. Cole song comes on.

***

"Ms. Parker?"

My English teacher taps me, waking me up. I look around, seeing Nat giving me a concerned look.

"For you, I believe."

I yawn, reading my counselor's curly handwriting, "Now?"

He nods, clearly disappointed in me. I gather my stuff, heading down to counseling.

"Dr. Harvey if this is about colleges I swear---" she holds up a hand for me to stop.

"Whoa there," she gestures to a chair, "Have a seat please."

I do, still not happy to be here, "What?"

"How are you doing?" she asks her voice soft and familiar.

"I haven't had a good night's sleep since my mother's womb," I snark, "How are you, Dr. Harvey?"

"No need for the sass," she holds up her hands again, "I'm just trying to make sure you're okay. How's NCT?"

I lower some of my guard, "Like three of the things keeping me up at night go to the school."

Before I know it, I'm recapping the entire thing with Wren, and then explaining my current situation with Layne. I didn't know how much it was bothering me until I had to explain it to another human being. Sure, I'd told Nat and Beck, but they were only so useful.

"--- And Lori, one of my homies, she wants to ask out Layne and I told her no---"

"Slow down," she interrupts me, "Okay--- So does Layne like you?"

"Well she tried to kiss me yesterday so I'd have to say--- Yes," I snark.

"Okay," she rolls her eyes, ignoring my sass, "Do you like Layne?"

I shake my head, "No." She gives me a look, telling me that she doesn't believe me. "What?"

"What were you doing over there yesterday?"

I shrug, "Chillin'."

"Cuddling," she corrects me, "What do you call her spending the night in your bed?"

I shrug, "A platonic sleepover."

"And I bet y'all," she breaks out the air quotes, "are 'chillin' during this time too?"

I say nothing.

"KJ!"

"Okay!" I relent, "So I don't really know how I feel about her."

"How do you not know?" she questions.

"Well yesterday when she leaned in--- I turned my head right?" I lower my voice, "I kind of wish I didn't?"

"Wait," Dr. Harvey glances down at her notepad, "So you wanted to kiss her?"

"I don't know!" I exclaim, distraught.

"You might want to figure that out?" she prompts me.

I say nothing.

She shows me the notes she's been taking, "Um... If I had all of this going on in my head, I wouldn't be getting much sleep at night either."

I laugh a little, "I guess."

"Only because it's Friday," She hands me a pass with a blank time slot, "There's an empty office not in use for the next hour. I want you to go in there, rest a little, and when you're feeling better write in a time and go back to class okay?"

"Yes ma'am," I agree, standing up.

"Oh and KJ?" I stop at the doorway, "The next conversation will be about colleges."

***

As a rule, going to parties was not my thing. A lot of them were really just excuses to drink with no real fun unless you were a teenage alcoholic. Which I am not. Except here I am headed to a party of the exact type.

I dress simply in dark jeans and a v-neck, adorning my eyes with heavy eyeliner and mascara. I flip my braids to one side and check my reflection. I actually look kind of hot in a boyish charm type of way. But also in an utterly exhausted way.

My phone buzzes and I read the message.

NAPKIN GIRL: Are you going to Nik's party?

I don't know why, but I lie.

ME: I don't know yet.

I take another look in the mirror. I can do this. I head out to my car and start it up, autumn air causing me to run back in and grab my black bomber jacket. When I come back, Layne is relaxed by my truck.

"Hey Kaylie Jane," she smiles. She's dressed in sleek black leggings and a crop top, showing off everything the right way.

"Layne," I avoid looking at her too long, the memory of yesterday still fresh on my mind. I slide into my truck, caught by another surprise.

"Wow you're rude," I jump at the Sociopath, who for some reason is in my passenger seat, "And apparently very unobservant."

"What the fuck do y'all waaaaant?" I whine.

Layne appears at my door and leans in, "You know good and well what I want sweetie..."

Fuck. She's way too close. And God that perfume...

"So you're going to Nik's party after all?" I divert my attention to Wren.

"Yep. If y'all would leave me alone."

They finally release me and I pull away, heading to Nik's.

"KJ!" Nik greets me at the door and welcomes me in, "Come on in."

I'm fashionably late, so the party is already about twenty people with a handful of kids from our class. Nik puts a drink in my hand and I knock it back, surprised at it's sweet taste, even though I'm sure there's some type of liquor in it.

"Damn KJ slow down. There's tequila in there," she confirms my suspicions. Nevertheless, Nik gets me another cup and I sip on that, hoping the alcohol will allow me to loosen up. I head into the basement, getting slapped in the face with a strong weed smell, a small cloud forming above one group of teens, another group in a circle just talking.

"Kaylie Jane!" the Sociopath grabs one arm and Layne grabs the other, "I see you made it."

"Dance with me," Layne whispers into my ear. Liquid courage running through me, I agree and allow Wren and Layne to pull me back upstairs on to the dance floor. We bump and grind with each other.

At some point the girls and I return back downstairs where a game of spin the bottle is starting up. Wren opts out, to many people's disappointment, but Layne insists I do it. Never mind I've never been kissed and that the entire point of the game is to kiss.

"That's lame!" Someone calls out. A couple of tipsy voices sound in agreement.

"Okay! Okay!" the guy who's idea it was starts in, "We do three rounds then we can play something else alright?"

First round nobody lands on me and when it's my turn, I land on a cute dude with pretty eyes and a goofy smile. The second round produces an almost similar result, except I land on a different guy, this one having a matching milk chocolate complexion and that cornrow bun somebody okay'd for guys to do. When I glance around the circle, I see Layne giving me and the people I've kissed looks of murder.

"Final round!" The guy from earlier announces. This round goes a lot more in my favor, with goofy smile kissing me again along with this girl with snake bits and some other random who literally just jumped into the circle, stole the bottle, pointed it at me, kissed me, and then ran.

"Okay Layne your turn," we lock eyes and she spins it, her intentions obvious.

"Ooooo, you got Matt." She kisses him and returns to staring at me. The game ends and we head upstairs, everyone dispersing, with the exception of goofy smile, who slides me his number.

"Aye, Nik? I think I'm gonna head out I got work in the morning," we hug good bye and I sneak out the back, hoping nobody notices my absence and I cause the subsequent downfall of the party.

"KJ!" Layne follows me out, "You okay to drive?"

"Yeah," I nod. I'd only had like one drink and apparently, for someone who never drank, I could hold my liquor quite well.

"Mind if I ride with you? Wren might be staying the night she's kind of drunk."

I nod again and we walk to my car in silence, "Did you have fun?" Layne asks.

"Yeah it was cool. I'm not much of a partier but that wasn't too bad. Probably just because I knew the people there kind of."

The drive home I struggle not to fall asleep, the only real influence I'm under being chronic- can- never-fucking-sleep syndrome or something. I swear it.

We get home safely somehow, and I park in my driveway, forgetting I had Layne to drop off. "My bad bih. Say something next time." I pull out and drive to her house.

"Thanks KJ." she hesitates to get out, "KJ?"

"Yeah?"

"Aren't you going to ask what's wrong?" she huffs.

I shrug, "I was actually gonna ask why you're still in my car but your thing works too."

She hits my dash and I jump, "Oh my God! Why are you like this?"

"Like what?" I try to play back what I just said, searching for what set her off, and coming up empty.

"You're so fucking dense its amazing! And then you're super freaking cute like part of me wants to fuck you part of me wants to murder you and its like that all the time!"

"I feel like you're mad at me and I dunno---"

Before I can finish Layne grabs me and kisses me. And it's not the pecks from earlier. This is a deep kiss seeing as I was mid sentence when she shoved her tongue into my mouth. And this could be the alcohol, but I let her. She maneuvers over the console and into my lap, grabbing my wrists and placing my hands on her ass, "I've wanted to do that all night and you sat there and kissed all those other hoes in front of me. That's why I'm mad."

My mouth goes dry and I look down, which leaves me staring at her chest. When I look up, I'm looking her right in the face. If I close my eyes entirely, I'm imaging her two seconds ago when she placed my hands on her ass and I resisted gripping the shit out of it.

"Are you scared, KJ?" she teases, wrapping her arms around my neck.

"Fucking terrified," I whisper, our eyes locking in an intense gaze.

"Don't be," Layne leans in, lowering her voice, "I just... I really like you, KJ," before I have time to say anything else stupid she kisses me again. Except, this time I kiss her back this time.

Operation Slay has hit a hiccup. I swear it.