The next morning, I find myself in the back pew, realizing that with every passing Sunday I was finding myself closer and closer to the exit. I fade in and out of consciousness from the back row, my chin eventually dropping into my chest and me being carried away.

"WHO YOU ARE IS A CHOICE!"

I look around, seeing nothing. Not because it's dark. I realize I'm surrounded by fog. 

"EVERYTHING WE DO IS A CHOICE! NOTHING IS COINCIDENTAL! WE CHOOSE TO FOLLOW GOD OR WE DON'T!"

My pastor's voice echoes around me. 

"CHOOSE YE THIS DAY WHO YOU WILL SERVE!"

It's like I'm somewhere between awake and asleep. I take a step forward, and tumble off an apparent cliff I'd been standing on.

I jump, realizing that church is over. I grab my things hurrying back out to my truck, the sermon mostly lost on me.

I whip out of the parking lot, checking my phone. Eleven in the morning. Instead of driving to work or home or anywhere usual, I drive in the other direction. I end up in an unfamiliar part of the city, and against all reason, park, getting out and walking around.

My phone on do not disturb, I walk for a seemingly hours, having no direction and no where to be. My only company is my music. Eventually I get tired of walking and stop at a hipster-isc coffee shop. I order a vanilla lavender macchiato, taking a seat by myself on the patio. I watch others go by. Young couples. College students. Older men and their wives. Mom's and their kids. Happy families. For no reason, I miss Layne. She'd like it here.

The jazzy melody of an old BTS song begins and I find it suiting for the day.

"The thick color of a rainy day in Seoul..."

The song starts and I find myself at ease. No this isn't Seoul. And no it isn't raining. And I'm definitely not a male k-pop idol. But the vibe seems to fit my day overall. As the song progresses, the sky clouds and becomes overcast.

"I can clearly hear the rain hitting the earth
I smile, it's the best background music
Like a crazy guy, I start to hum
I wonder what time it is...."

I finish my coffee and head back to my truck, it suddenly dawning on me that I've been in the city for hours. On the car ride back home, I finally cut my phone back on, finding a few calls from my friends, but nothing having needing my immediate attention.

"The thick color of a rainy day in Seoul
I still can't fall asleep as I fade away
The rain stops and the reflection in the puddle
I see myself looking more miserable today"

Even with the mounting problems in my life, I'm at peace until I finally pull into my driveway, parking and heading into my room.

I take a seat at my desk, logging into my laptop and getting out my homework. I pause on the common essay question, still haunting me. What was something you had to overcome?

There's a knock on the door and I jump. "Kaylie! It's for you!" Mindy calls, clearly having answered the door.

I head to the front of the house, finding Layne in the foyer. She smiles sheepishly when she sees me, "Hey."

"Hey," I push her back outside onto the porch, pulling the door closed behind us, "So you're showing up during the day now?"

"I heard your truck pull up and guessed that you were home," she explains, "Where have you been all day?"

"Just out for a drive," I reply vaguely, "Are you feeling better?"

"Yeah. Thanks for last night by the way."

"It's nothing," I brush it off, "You needed me and I was there for you. Simple friendship things, right?"

She pauses a beat before nodding, "Right. Simple friendship things."

Its quiet before she perks up, "I remember why I came over. One--- my mom wants you over for dinner. Two--- There's a party coming up and I want you to go. Simple friendship things right?"

I think about it, before asking, already knowing the answer, "What type of party?"

"It's a Halloween party," she confirms my suspicions.

"I don't do parties," I shake my head, "Definitely not Halloween parties."

On top of the fact that I was hiding my not-a-girlfriend from my conservative family, I also wasn't allowed to celebrate Halloween or Hallow's Eve aka (at least in my dad's mind) the Devil's day.

"I want to show you my home town!" Layne grabs my arm, shaking it, "We don't even have to stay long."

I roll my eyes, "I'll see what I can do."

She kisses my cheek, "YAY! So dinner?"

I almost decline, but my stomach rumbles at the thought of missing a meal from Ms. Cassie. "Fine."

I head back inside to grab a jacket, stopped by Mindy. "Where you going?"

"Out," I grab my jacket and move around her. I step back out, pulling my jacket on. "Ready?"

She offers me her hand, but I shove mine deep into my pockets to avoid taking it.

"What's wrong?" she reads me easily.

"Nothing," I lie, "Just parents."

"Are you and your step mom close?" she questions. I almost burst into laughter.

"Fuck no," I reply, "Unless you count being at each other's throat close."

"Is it that bad?" she questions.

"I wouldn't call our relationship good," I respond. She unlocks her front door, the season past allowing Ms. Cassie to leave it wide open.

With the door opening, Max charges at us, excited to see us.

"Layne, sweetie?" Ms. Cassie calls from the kitchen.

"I'm back!" she calls in response.

"Dinner's ready in fifteen!" she calls after us as we head to her room, Max in toe.

"Hey, buddy," I run my hands through his soft fur, petting him until he gets bored, running off to another adventure. With him gone I turn back to Layne. 

"I'm starting to think you like my dog better than me," she comments.

I chuckle, standing up, "I do."

"You could rub me down like that if you wanted..." She steps in front of me, "Come here."

She pulls me towards her bed, pushing me down and straddling me. She kisses me, forcing me further onto the bed. She continues to kiss me, our lips brushing again and again. She kisses my neck and I exhale. "Layne..."

"You seem stressed," she whispers, "I'm trying to help."

She unbuttons my jeans, lowering them just enough to slip in one digit. I arch my back at the intrusion, exhaling slightly. Layne develops a rhythm quickly, before adding in another finger. 

"Fuck," I curse lightly, my brain suddenly sort of words.

"Do you like that, baby?" her breath fans my face. I nod, not able to speak. I can feel myself building up, a pressure of sorts.

"Girls! Dinner!" Ms. Cassie calls.

"Faster,"  I moan. She kisses me to smother the sounds threatening to escape my lips. I fall over the edge in no time and she withdraws her fingers from me. Wordlessly, I watch as she licks her fingers clean and heads to the bathroom to wash her hands.

"Girls!"

I jump up at the sound of her voice, fixing myself, before running down to the kitchen. "Layne's washing her hands," I explain, taking a seat. Am I breathing to hard? In.... Out.... In.... Out... Can she hear my breathing? Can she hear my heart about to fall out of my chest?

"Did you have a good Sunday, KJ?" Ms. Cassie places a plate of stir-fry in front of me.

"Yeah," I force a smile, "The Lord's Day is always a good day."

Layne strolls in, taking a seat next to me. She smiles at me innocently, "This looks good momma."

"Thanks dear," Ms. Cassie sits down last, and a few minutes we're joined by Dil, fresh from study group.

"KJ Parker," he grabs his food, "What a pleasure."

"A pleasure indeed," Layne smirks and I shoot her a dirty look.

"Feel free to hit her," Dil jokes, noticing this exchange, "If she gets too much."

"Dillion!" Ms. Cassie scolds him.

"What?" he grins, "She's a girl."

"You're inciting violence," she continues to reprimand him. While they bicker, Layne slips a hand under the table, brushing her hand on my thigh. I shoot her another warning look and she smiles innocently, not removing her hand.

"Are you staying for movie night, KJ?" I shift my attention back to the conversation at hand.

"Sure," I agree, "I'm not doing anything."

Dinner ends and I help Ms. Cassie clear the table while Layne and Dil run off to argue over which movie to watch. 

"You don't have to do that," she takes a plate from me.

"I know. I don't mind," I reply, "It's the least I can do. Dinner was delicious."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it," she smiles warmly, "It's always nice having you around."

"I mean, how could I refuse a meal from at home chef, Ms. Cassie?" I flash my iconic smile and she giggles.

"You're very charming, you know that?" she laughs, "No wonder my daughter is obsessed with you."

"Momma!" Layne enters the kitchen before I need to respond, "Isn't it my night to pick the movie?"

"She wants to watch something gay!" Dil protests, "We have a guest. Shouldn't we pick something to at least put on the aires of being a good, Christian home?"

"First of all, both of you are fruitcakes Dil so I don't know what your problem is," she turns to me, "And why don't we let KJ pick? What do you want to watch?"

"I'd hate to intrude on family matters," I stumble through my words, feeling Layne's gaze on me.

"Shut up you're basically the daughter she's never had!" she grabs my hand, pulling me out of the kitchen and into the living room. I scroll through the titles picking out a Disney film to watch. "There? Everyone happy?"

"I'm always happy to when you're around," Layne kisses my cheek, "I'll make the popcorn."

Everyone gets settled, Layne almost on top of me, her head resting on my chest shoulder, my arm around her, Dil next to us.

"I want to kiss you,"  Layne whispers so low I can only barely hear her.

I hold in a laugh, "When don't you?"

"Say you have to go," she orders me, "Now." 

"Sshh!"  I hush her, "I want to finish the movie."

She pouts and I ignore her, waiting for the other half of the movie to end. As the credits role, everyone disperses, Dil and Ms. Cassie heading upstairs and Layne following me out.

"I have to show you something," she takes my wrist, pulling me to the side of the house. I let her, already knowing where this is going.

She pushes me against the wall, holding me there by my shoulders, "Don't make me wait like that again."

She kisses me, first sweet, then building in intensity. I grab her waist, pulling her in and holding her close. She runs her hands down my arms, moving my hands to her ass. I grip it and she moans against my lips. I focus solely on her, her body warm in the cool night air. She pulls away from me, "What is it?"

I'm caught off guard, "What do you mean?"

"Its hard to kiss you when you taste like sadness," I look away and she calls me out, "Look at me."

"My step mother knows about us," I exhale, "You kiss me."

"Huh," she pauses to take in this information, then says, "Explains why she was such a bitch to me I guess."

"This is serious---"

"No it's not," she cuts me off, "There's only a few options here. Either she tells your dad or she doesn't. If she tells him, there's to more options after that: Either they accept you or they don't. If I were you I'd feel relieved."

"Relieved? Why?"

"It's the beginning of the end of you keeping who you are a secret," she shrugs.

"You don't know who I am," I push her away from me.

"I didn't mean---"

"I don't care!" I continue walking away from her, headed home. Still, even as the distance between us widens, I regret every step.