I find myself eating lunch at Eastern for the first time in a while. Without my truck, I'd been reduced to riding the bus to NCT, which didn't come until after the lunch bell.

Beck, Nat, and I have a table to ourselves in the back of the lunchroom. I'm not hungry, so I crack open another energy drink. The fizz burns all the way down, but I don't want to eat anything.

"So what's your plan to get her back?" Nat finally stops whatever she was talking about and asks.

"What---"

"Don't 'what' me, Parker," she rolls her eyes, "You're obviously not paying attention. You're obviously thinking about something, so you're obviously thinking about her. How are you gonna get her back?"

"Am I supposed to?" I question. Honestly, I'd never considered it, "I wasn't sure what I'm supposed to do."

She hits me on the head and Beck chimes in, "Bitch if you don't get you coulda had a V8 ass on somewhere, what do you mean you don't know what to do? You were just gonna sulk until she finds someone new to replace you?"

"You think she'll replace me?" I question.

"Well you said she doesn't need you to drive her anymore," Nat shrugs, "Fine as she is? She probably has a lot of people who wanna give her rides. Bet she come to school via a new nigga."

"Nat shut up," I grab my stuff, "You're making me late anyway."

I grab a seat at the very back of the bus by myself, sulking. No Layne meant no joking, no kissing, no flirting. Just me, my exhaustion, and my music. I slump into class at the bell, taking my seat next to Lori. I feel the whole class look between Layne and I, before reverting their eyes back to Graves.

"Something happen between you and Layne?" Lori whispers.

"What makes you say that?" I respond.

"She came here with another guy," Lori says, "But that's none of my business."

My neck heats, "You're right. It's not."

Lori sits straight in her seat and I risk a glance at Layne, who's staring at the table. She doesn't look good. A part of me is brightens at the fact that she looks to be suffering as much as me. Then I immediately scold myself at the thought.

"Alright, class," Graves hands us all recipes for gnocchi and white sauce and we head to the kitchen, her lecture over. "Parker!"

She beckons for me to stay behind and I do. I mean, we seem over do for her to harass me anyway. As soon as the classroom is empty she asks, "What did you do to Layne?"

I'm taken a back. "Why are you assuming I did something?" I question.

"Because she looks like death. You look like you, which isn't better," Graves gives me a once over, "but it's expected."

Ouch. "I don't know what you want me to do about it," I shrug, "Ask her what's wrong."

"I did and she said ask you," Graves narrows her eyes, "This is why we don't date our brothers and sisters," She whacks me on the head with her clipboard, "Now stop wasting time Parker and get cooking."

In the kitchen I pick a spot as far away from everyone as possible, turning my back on anyone hoping to talk to me. But most importantly, turning my back on Layne, to avoid the discomfort of looking at her.

I feel someone touch my shoulder and jump, "Of course its you."

Wren seems mildly taken a back, "I was gonna be a good friend and comfort you, but now, you can suck a fat clit," she walks away and I turn back around, pulling my gnocchi from the water and starting on my sauce.

Even having entered the kitchen after everyone else, I'm still one of the first to finish. As soon as my dishes are done I find Graves, "May I go to the nurse?"

"What's wrong?" she gives me an up-down, apparently looking for a cut and or gunshot wound, "Did you cut your hand open again?"

"I'm having... feminine issues," I whisper. Her eye roll suggests she doesn't believe me, but she writes me a pass anyway. The nurse gives me a heating pad for the made up pain I'm experiencing and allows me to lie down. As soon as my head touches the parchment wrapped pillow I crash, any energy I'd managed to run on thus far revealing itself to be a facade.

"KJ," the nurse shakes me, "Sweetie school's almost over."

I stand, realizing I've been knocked out at least forty minutes, and head back to class for the last five minutes.

"Here," Lori slides me a piece of paper, "Competition coming up."

I check the paper. And list of competitions. Last time I was pushed into a speech competition in which they throw a topic at me and I had to talk about it for four minutes. I somehow ended up with first in the state, so I can only assume Graves is gonna want me to go for it again.

"If you're interested, cough, Kaylie Jane, make sure you have your permission slips back in time I can only take a limited number of you," Graves shoots me a warning look, making sure she watches me put the flyer into my bag and that it goes with me. As much as she hates me, I'm still one of the best students in class.

I change quickly and then lurk by the back of the classroom, poised to bolt as soon as the bell hits.

"Hey baby," I hear Layne's voice and for two seconds I think she's talking to me. No. She's talking to someone else, I turn and see a guy from that last party, Jared or some shit. I quickly turn back around and head to the bus, numb.

****

"Baby," she crawls toward me, seemingly having spawned from the shadows.

"Layne," she stops in front of me, only a whisper of space between us, "Why are you here?"

"I missed you," she lean in and suddenly I'm falling through the bed, disappearing from her grasp.

****

I gasp awake clutching my pillow as if it's the only thing keeping me tethered here. A breeze blows through my curtains and I get up to close the window, although I don't remember having ever opened it.

I glance down the street and try to pick out her window from all the others, but to no avail. I return to my bed, grabbing my phone from the bedside lamp. Four AM. It's freezing and dark outside, but I go for a run, something I haven't been seriously doing since the summer time. Crazy how time had passed me by. Thanksgiving break felt like yesterday. Winter break was hurdling towards us.

The air is cold and the wind slices through my jacket, encouraging me to run faster to keep my blood pumping. The first snow was holding out so far, but a white Christmas was probably in the works for my city. That was good news for me, since there wasn't any ice for me to be avoiding. I consider never stopping. Just running and running until I leave St. Louis. Until I leave Missouri. Just running until I reach the ocean, and then jumping in and swimming. I could start my life in another country. Fall in love with a foreign man with a sexy accent. I could disappear.

I stop running, suddenly winded. When I look up, the sun is just coming up, picking out from behind the trees. Take a couple more breaths before returning home, the warmth of our A/C defrosting me. 

"You're running again?" my dad is awake when I enter the kitchen. I nod, still trying to catch my breath. 

"I couldn't sleep," I explain. He pours me a cup of coffee, which I assume is a peace offering. I accept, taking a seat at the table with him.

"Who's been driving you to school?" he inquires.

"Nat," I say. Even though he knows who that is, he asks the typical dad question anyway.

"Which friend is that?"

"The same best friend I've had since the fourth grade," I explain.

"Oh," he nods, "Any plans for the holidays yet?"

I shake my head, "Nope. Probably work."

We sit in silence, just enjoying each other's company. Or really, he enjoys my company. I resist the urge to ask for my keys back.

We sip our coffee in silence until our mugs are empty and there's no reason for us to continue being in each other's presence. He stands up first, dropping my keys on the table as he goes. "That's strike two. Don't let there be a three."

I nod and he kisses my forehead before heading to work.

I pick up my keys and reattach them to my lanyard. One good thing. That's all I wanted.

***

A shower and more caffeine later, I'm back to school. I do my usual, attending classes, going through the motions. In English, I actually know what's going on, to Mr. Cook and I's both surprise. He hands me back a smaller assignment, a red check on the front. "Your work is getting better," he compliments me. I shove the paper into my backpack, packing up my things and getting ready to flee campus as quick as possible.

On my way out however, I'm caught by _______.

"We really have to stop meeting like this," she teases me, "I know you've been getting my passes."

"Yeah. And I've been passing them on to the trashcan," I shrug.

"Haha," she mock laughs, "You know that not coming to appointments isn't going to make me worry less about you."

"Were you worried about me when you called my house?" I ask, "When you got my truck taken from me? When let my teachers do a firing squad on me and assign me twenty seven detentions?"

"Those things are not my fault," she explains, "It's you choosing to skip classes. It's you choosing to be out all night. Don't be mad people are actually starting to hold you accountable. What do you think adulthood is?"

"Why do you think I'm not trying to stick around for it?" I snap, before realizing what I've just said, "Forget I said that."

A silence settles over both of us.

"KJ," she takes a deep breath, "Are you---"

I cut her off. "No I'm not a risk to myself or others. No I'm not planning on killing myself. No to anything else you're about to ask me." This is not the first time we've had this conversation.

"I'm sending you a pass tomorrow," she states, "And I want you to actually come, okay?"

"I'll be there," I relent, lest she keeps chasing me down like this.

"Please take care of yourself," she says. I say nothing, exiting the building to my truck.

***

One day, turns into two days, turns into a week, turns into two. Layne continues to haunt my dreams at night and ignore me in the daytime. To curb the time left empty by her absence, I'm at work more often than not or sometimes head to NCT early, pestering Graves with my sarcasm and bad jokes. Still, her absence is haunting.

You'd think she was dead, not just across the classroom or just down the street.

Saturday hits and I jump up, trying to get myself back into a routine. This meant putting in my morning jog, my playlist having shifted from k-pop to American hip hop and R&B.

I hear you talkin' 'bout we a lot, oh, you speak French now?

I lose myself in the rhythmic flow of my feet. And the familiar trees in which I'm running through. Still, I'm thinking about her. The wind chills me and I'm reminded that winter is officially here, and I'll have to find an indoor place to run if I want to keep this habit up. Which means no running past the Sinclair's.

Come and see me for once... Come and see me for once... You don't never come to me....

"KJ!" On my way back I see Dil waving at me. I head over.

"Hey," I stop my music, "What's up?"

"I noticed you don't come around anymore," Dil asks, "It's very shitty of you."

"Okay well damn tell me how you really feel Dillion," I snark.

"Layne misses you," he continues, "I don't know if you noticed but she does. A lot."

"It wasn't my decision to leave," I turn serious. People have been blaming me like I'm the one who asked her to leave, "She wrote me off."

"She wants you to fight for her," Dil clarifies, "You know she's fucking crazy about you. She just wants you to return that energy."

"Who are you? Her brother," I scoff to save face, even though he's making a lot of sense, "What do you know?"

"You two are something else," he huffs. I look for a way to change the subject.

My eyes fall to the box in his hands, "So.... Boxes?"

"We're moving to an apartment closer to my campus," he explains, "Neither one of us can stand to stay here anymore."

"Layne's still gonna go to tech right?" I ask before I can stop myself.

"What do you care?" he smirks, "She wrote you off, remember."

I remember who the hell I am and return his smirk, "You sho' right, Mr. Sinclair. You sho' right."

I flip my head phones back on and head home.

All she hit me with is come and see me for once.....
Come and see me for once .....