We used to think that humans were apex predators, and I suppose we weren't wrong. Compared to the rest of the galaxy, humans are an amalgamation of teeth, claws, and the nightmares of our children, but on their own planet, humans have only survived based on their guile and pack bonding instincts. They keep animals in their home that could rip them apart if they were so inclined.

If this wasn't enough, the humans are intent on keeping their natural predators alive despite a period of mass extinction that followed the rise of human domination. For years they have, captured, hunted, protected, and fought for the lives of creatures that would happily rip them apart.

No one really understands it, but the humans are desperate to keep these creatures alive.

Because humans can't just pack bond with themselves, they have to pack bond with their entire planet and everything on it.

***

"So what is this place supposed to be?" Krill wondered scuttling along at Captain Vir's feet glancing upwards at the massive gated archway.

"It's a zoo.... Or technically it's a nature preserve, I guess."

"What is.... A Zoo."

"You'll see."

He stopped at the counter and passed his arm under a chip reader. Krill crossed his two sets of arms, a habit that he had picked up from the humans.

"You understand you say that a lot, and I never appreciate when you do."

"Don't worry, it's perfectly safe."

"You say that a lot too."

"Well this time I really mean it."

Krill sighed, but kept at Vir's feet as they passed through the doors and into the park.

His first impression was stepping onto another world. One that was confused and didn't particularly know what it was doing... so earth, but condensed. Hundreds of large enclosures dotted the intervening space all boasting complex contained ecosystems. A tiny slice of ocean rolled and sloshed inside one of these massive containers, while another showed the burning sand of a windswept dessert. A Burst of orange sand was kicked up into the air and swirled slowly around. The ground shifted creating a new landscape as they watched.

"Pretty cool huh, they didn't used to do that, but now they keep tings changing to make the animals more comfortable.

"Animals?" Krill wondered nervously.

"Yep, animals." Captain Vir responded making his way over to one of the enclosures, "It's time you got to see a real predator."

Then entered a crowd staring up at one of the enclosures, and a woman wearing a green vest standing atop it. The invisible force-shield glinted blue under her feet. Otherwise it would have appeared that she was just standing on air.

Below her, a massive creature prowled, pacing back and forth muscle rolling and churning under its orange and black striped hide. Massive claws glinted at its feet. Snarling, the animal showed huge glittering teeth. Krill stepped back.

"The world record for the Olympic high jump is somewhere in the ballpark of eight feet." The woman was saying, "But the Tiger, can easily jump an astonishing twelve feet. Two men stacked on top of each other, or even onto the roof of your house." As If in response to her words, the huge creature sprung from the ground flying through the air to snatch a piece of meat dangling from the ceiling. Its teeth glinted, as it ripped the chunk in half turning its head back to swallow, "He can bite with a force averaging 1,000 pounds of pressure per square inch."

Vir chuckled, "Damn those things are cool, scary as hell though." At his side Waffles, the dog, sniffed the ground licking up a stray bit of popcorn.

Krill couldn't help but glance at the animal and her glittering teeth. Were humans stupid? He had a 100 pound predator on a leash right now, and did it bother him, no.

Then again, the tiger was significantly bigger. It ripped another chunk from the meat

Krill didn't like this place, so he pulled the captain away and into the crowd.

That wasn't a great idea, since he suddenly came face to face with a reptilian head..... One with no limbs, and to his horror, the creature lifted itself upwards to stare him in the eye. As if this couldn't get more horrifying, the death noodle unhinged its jaw and hissed at him showing a massive set of fangs. He leaped back in fear caught by Captain Vir, "Mmm a cobra, they use neurotoxin you know. One bite is potent enough to kill 20 people."

Krill stared at him incredulous, "And you still want to STAY on this planet?"

He laughed as if he was a joke and not a question.

The cobra lowered its head slithering away like a ribbon of death's cloak.

Krill detested almost every moment of this place, the giant death fish called a shark that could practically bite a human in half, and hid within the depths of the earth's ocean just waiting to strike fear into the hearts of men.... Which, he was reminded, took up about 2/3s of the globe

He hated the furry doom that looked sort of like a fat dog, but was, in fact, 12 feet tall could and would maul you to death, when it wasn't sleeping all winter to protect itself from starvation at the behest of harsh winters.

Even though the stripy hallucination ponies weren't all that scary, he wasn't sure how he felt about their use of black and white stripes to confuse predators in large numbers. It seemed like an animal who used a mild acid trip to confuse predators wouldn't really be worth hunting.

Then there were the tall spotted ponies who used their heads to beat each other to death because none of the human animals could be normal, no, not one. If you didn't have death noodles, you had psychedelic ponies and neck fighting.

Oh and let's not forget the thousands of varieties of tiny flying dinosaurs that were known for carrying diseases and feeding on the carcasses of the dead, and some of them weren't even all that tiny. The big knife-face bird with the white and brown feathers had a wingspan nearly eight feet wide, and had the ability to chuck goats off cliffs.

The actual F***k.

There was also the stabby-tree head pony (a few varieties of these actually) hunted by humans often, but they used their tree horns to stab each other, because why the hell not. Oh and they had also been known to stomple on humans till death.

Because even the prey animals can kill you on this planet.

Don't forget the giant bacteria lizard whose bight does not kill you because it is poisonous, but because its mouth is such a nasty place that you will grow infected ad die slowly. Incidentally, humans are the komodo dragons of the universe.

Captain Vir's favorite animal wasn't really surprising. The pack of fluffy grey dogs are apparently the ancestors of the domestic dog, and seeing them did not help Krill's anxiety, because apparently they kill by going after a single beast, and chasing it to death using rather complex team working tactics to do so. One grabs the things legs, than the other tries to rip its throat out.

Captain Vir was best friends with an animal that could easily rip his throat out.

Apparently human had become friends with the wolf thousands of years ago because some idiot human thought it would be a good idea to be friends with something that wanted to eat his face.

***

Everything on this godforsaken planet can kill a human. You thought humans were indestructible, no, no they are not. Just as a small list of things that can happen to a human on their own planet (a planet which they love I might add), limbs ripped off, stompled to death, bitten in half, poisoned, eaten, ripped open, gored, suffocated, infected, diseased, pushed off a cliff, drowned, and that isn't even a comprehensive list.

The most dangerous place in the galaxy for humans is their own planet, and they love it. They love it so much that they protect the very predators that would like to have them for a snack. And may I reiterate that they keep these animals in their houses, cuddle with them, pet them, and name them cutesy furry names like pickles, fee fee, or Senior Wobbles.

Personally, I would never keep something in my home that could easily eat my face off. Seems like an obvious desire, but apparently not....

Not to mention the embarrassment of having to explain how you got your face eaten open by Mr McDoodle Cuddlebun the fifth, but I digress there is no convincing you people.