Pet Peeves

Unlike other species, humans fall on a wide spectrum of temperaments from happy and laid back to angry and aggressive. As would only be logical, humans on either end of the spectrum can be easily annoyed or difficult to annoy, but there is one interesting fact about ALL humans laid back or aggressive; they have a list of small inconsequential things that will make them inordinately angry at the drop of a hat (Of course some of them may not be inconsequential, but I find that they tend to be). They call these pet peeves. You might assume that these would be large things relating to improper social behavior, or something similar, but most of them are just unfathomably unimportant. And, while a human isn't likely to act out their anger on these, they will probably dislike you forever, or if it doesn't involve you they will go out of their way to avoid the thing that annoys them.


I asked the humans this question about their pet peeves, and this is the ist that I received.


Commander Vir: Um, well that is a good question, I have a few of curse, who doesn't. Um I hate it when my nails are cut short, and I have to touch some sort of grainy fabric, like velvet for instance. I mean I absolutely HATE velvet to begin with its like if you skinned Satan and made curtains out of him, and now you are going to make e touch it with the most sensitive part of my body.... *shivers* nope, no thank you. The only place velvet should exist is as red velvet cake.


Or, or.... *the human grows more agitated now* how about when people are CONSTANTLY late, and then you talk to them about it and they are all like *human changes to an annoyingly high voice* 'sorry that's like, just how I am, the world is like, to focused on being late, well I have trouble waking up, and they just don't understand me' like BITCH SHUT UP and get to work ON TIME dear lord in heaven! You are WASTING MY TIME and the time of everyone else here by being LATE! *human clears throat awkwardly* um sorry..... I also hate it when people use like too much, I don't know if you got that one..... I mean it is TOTALLY fine in simili, but when you just throw it in there.


*he pauses to think* OH! One last thing, people who walk slowly in crowded hallways. You know sometimes I just have the urge to take a running start and shoulder check all those slow walking assholes into the floor and then go over them like a speed bump..... Is that an over reaction?


Lieutenant Keita: Oh, do I have a list for you. Mouth noises, always mouth noises, I don't care what it is, if I can hear you chewing, breathing, yawning, or coughing excessively, I just become filled with this.... This OVERWHELMING desire to hurt you. Like just close your DAMN mouth and stop eating like an ABSOLUTE COW! And those people who constantly chew gum, like no one is in greater need of a throat punch especially when you are having one of those bad days and you just hate everyone.


Speaking of especially, it's pronounced ESPECIALLY not EXPECIALLY, Like even grown ass adults have no idea what they are doing, and it just drives me insane just GTFO out of my life and get an education.


Also anyone who feels the need to say 'basically' in front of everything they say just needs to basically go and die!


*humans eyes narrow* but of all the things I hate most of all.... irreguardless , that isn't a fucking word. We have been doing this shit for 2000 years, and people are still saying this. Regardless means despite something, however if you add an ir in front of it, it's like a double negative which makes it NOT regardless you backwater sludge troll.


*she takes a deep breath* I don't know why this makes me so mad.


Corporal Ramirez: How about when my girlfriend says she isn't hungry, but as soon as I get my meal she INSISTS on stealing my food. I mean seriously, if you wanted food you should have just ORDERED some food, these are my fries, get your own. I will pay for you to have your own, but you may not say that you don't want any and then immediately take mine.... Unacceptable.


*the human rolls his eyes* Oh and don't get my STARTED on astrology people. Listen guys it's 4010 we KNOW that you aren't being a bitch because venus is in retrograde. Or when some backwards ass person stabs you in the back and is all 'lol ssry its because im a candy-corn or a cheerio or a zebra. Like what the hell does that even mean!


Or when they complain about things that can easily be fixed, or is totally their fault. Like when they are all cold and complain about it, and somehow, its impolite for YOU to say, well sorry you should have brought a coat, but I'm not giving you mine.


Sgt. Kae: Kids, whistling, people who have a special set of dishes that are for decoration and not for eating.


Systems officer Johnson: People who have mustaches, like seriously dude, people think your a pedo, everyone thinks your a pedo, or an 80s porn star, and not in a good way. Beard is totally fine, beard can even be hot, but the mustache is just creepy as hell. On that same line though, I absolutely hate it when guys with beards won't shut up about their beards. It's like as soon as they see another guy, its beard wax or beard oil, or how anyone without a beard is just a little girl. Or when you tell them you don't like beards and they take it as a personal offence to their honor and then tell you you just haven't been with a real man, and you would grow to like it. NO, no I will NOT!


People listening to stuff in pubic without headphones.


Or how about when people who sing take a song that you like and then add a ton of unnecessary runs to show off. Like thanks, you absolute trash bag, you went took my favorite song and ruined it. Like I will always love youuuuuuuoooooooahhhaooooahhaoooooooaaaaaahhhhooooo. It sounds like trash and it doesn't make you talented, so please go away.


Cadet Leu; Having something stuck in my teeth, people who leave the lights on, people who are indecisive, or when you are watching a movie and the dialogue is really quiet but the action scenes vibrate your insides at the same volume.


I have found that it is completely plausible to develop a pet peeve if you spend long enough with humans. And you want to know what my pet peeve is...... do you really want to know?


Humans 

Comment