Proper Profanity

Dr Krill was cleaning the infirmary.. He didn't mind cleaning, it left his mind time to wander, to think more about the humans. Today he was thinking about linguistics and the complicated way in which humans spoke to each other. It was actually quite beautiful once you stopped being annoyed with it.


He had recently compiled a list of human idioms he found rather delightful. He especially liked 'when I am ice skating in hell' not only did it require knowledge of human theology, but also of human sports. Plus it was a great way to tell people no.


Made him want to wriggle a little inside when he thought about it.


Now that he had gotten the use of idioms. He was starting to think about the use of human exclamations. There were so many, he hardly knew where to start.


He was so distracted with his musings that he ended up knocking over a stack of bedpans. They fell to the floor with a clatter before spinning across the open ground.


He looked down and decided that this was the perfect opportunity to try out some of his new exclamations. He wasn't entirely sure how they worked, but you didn't get anywhere without trying, "Shit hat!"


He stared at the bedpans trying to determine what he was feeling at the moment.


He didn't have long for his pondering as Dr. Katie poked her head out of her office. Behind her large square glasses she looked more than a little confused. Another head peered around the corner, and he was surprised to find the captain staring at him with a bemused expression. The door to the far end of the room slid open and a group of marines peered inside.


Hmm, perhaps he had done something wrong.


"Did you just say, shit hat?" Dr Katie wondered glancing between him and the captain.


"That's what I heard." he said stepping out from inside.


"Did I do something wrong?" krill wondered in bemusement.


The marines laughed, "What were you even trying to do/"


"I was trying to use an angry exclamation." The doctor explained


The captain walked over to sit on the edge of one of the beds staring at Krill with a critical eye, "Well, it was a good effort, but not exactly right."


"What do you mean."


The marines walked in to sit with them as did doctor Katie.


The captain shook his head, "Well Krill, you see cursing is a very delicate art, you can't just throw them together like that. For instance what you were trying to say was likely either ust shit, or ass hat. You can't just throw them together. Shit would have worked, but in this instance ass hat wouldn't have."


"I do not understand."


The captain cracked his knuckles, "I will demonstrate, let us first begin with the word ass


Ass/arse = your pretty much just calling them a donkey at this point


Ass hat = refers to a person who is usually stupid or annoying


Ass wipe = a general insult for someone you don't like


Dumbass = an idiot


Asshole = someone who is mean or rude


Smartass = can be a term of endearment, but otherwise it might be used as a term for someone who is sarcastic or a know it all


Fatass = someone who eats a lot or is also fat


Ass face = another general insult, but this is specifically an insult and a comparison on their face to someone's butt.


So what you were doing doesn't exactly work because you use ass hat is an insult for a person and not an exclamation."


He looked around at the others to make sure they agreed with him before continuing, "our next word is damn.


Damn = can be used as an exclamation of anger in general.


Daaaaaaaaammmnnn = is for general awe, like if I saw someone do something really cool.


Damnit = another exclamation of anger generally a bit higher than just damn


God Damn it = is just a little higher than the previous two, but implies that you want the creator himself to come down and damn the thing that you are cursing.


As a general side note, you can use damn for inanimate objects.


Damn you = is similar but usually directed towards a person. The equivalent of telling someone to go to hell or flipping them the bird.


Damn it all = We ramp it up a bit here. You just don't want to damn the object, but you want to damn everything.


Damn it all to hell = see previous but more specific


Hot Damn! = this is another good exclamation. You just saw something really cool or someone who is really hot, or something that you really want.


I don't give a damn = is the fancy way of saying I don't care.


Are you following me so far?"


Krill nodded eagerly doing his best to remember all of this on such short notice.


"Good, now we get onto another one which I am slightly less familiar but I will try


Bitch = used to mean a female dog, but now sort of means someone who is a coward or pathetic in some way.


Bitching = to complain


Bitch ass = not entirely sure, but if i say to get your bitch ass over here, I don't have respect for you, though it is often used as a term of endearment between women


Bitchboy = calling someones masculinity into question


"Ok now we get to my favorite word shit, so beautifully versatile, but it means that you have to be careful because each one has a different connotation.


The noun Shit = literally means excrement but can be used as an exclamation of displeasure. It can also replace stuff or things. Like where's my shit


To shit = a verb means to take a dump


The adjective shitty = means something really sucks


See, a little more versatile than before, now.


Shitter = a toilet or the location where the verb takes place


A shit = is exactly what it sounds like.


To take a shit = is the same as the verb


I don't give a shit = I don't care kind of like I don't give a damn


I won't take this shit = means I am not going to put up with you


Bullshit = information, generally a lie or something that is conflated or untrue


Batshit = is a modifier to someone who is insane, it generally means they are really crazy


Shitthole = a place that is really horrible or dirty


Shitstain = general insult for a person you hate


Shithead = see above


Shitfaced = really drunk


The shit = something or someone that is really good


Hot shit= same as the shit


You think you're hot shit? = generally a challenge to someone who needs to get off their high horse.


A piece of shit = means you suck or your a lowlife


Shitload = a lot of


To lose your shit = to go crazy or get really mad


To be on someone's shit list = means they don't like you


My shit = it's mine my stuff my property


Your shit = your problems and I don't want them


Add an animal in the front like chicken or horse to denote a situation or information that you don't like. This is horse shit for example.


Shit hits the fan = things get real


Shoot the shit = to talk with someone on a social level


He knows his shit = means he's smart on a certain topic


You don't know shit = you don't know anything


To give someone shit = you ."mess with them or to give them a hard time


Dipshit = an idiot


I am honestly cutting back on the amount of uses in this situation because if we continued this, it might go on too long.


Kril leaned in a little, "how fascinating. I had no idea one word could be so diverse."


The human leaned in, "Than you are going to love this next one


Fuck = sort of an upper escalation of shit. I don't know if the noun means anything really but the verb technically means to do it.


Fuck that = I am not going to do that there is no way in hell


Fuck you = I hate you go die


Fuck it = might as well just do this thing regardless of the consequences


Fuck me = an exclamation of annoyance. Kind of like how could my life get any worse. Generally used when things aren't going your way. Of course you could use it in it's literal translation as a command form or a question.


Fuck it all = another exclamation kind of like damn it all


Fuck this shit = generally a screw this thing or activity specifically


Fuck this = see above but less intense


Fuckery = like what kind of fuckery is this. A question used to ask about some sort of unsavory activity.


Fuck off = telling someone to leave or go away angrily.


Fucnking hell = just an exclamation


Fucking shit = also just an exclamation


Generally you can put fucking in front of any other curse word noun and you got yourself a good insult hell, damn et. etc


Fuckwit = an idiot


Fuckface = general insult like shithead


I dont give a fuck = i dont care


I dont give a flying fuck = i really don't care


Thats fucked = that is screwed up


Hes fucked = hes screwed as in a situation specifically


Lets get fucked up = lets go get drunk or high


Lets fuck him up = lets beat him up


Well.... Fuck = an exclamation of distress


A fuck ton = larger than a shitload


If you get fucked over = you've been used or betrayed


And the classic a motherfucker = sort of just a general term for someone, but I want to say it definitely implies someone is having sex with their mom


Fucktard = an idiot.


Krill looked on in fascination and delight, "Holy shit!"


The captain blinked and then grinned, "There you go, now you're getting it. Totally forgot about that one." He patted Krill on the back, "Now go forth, be free in your newfound knowledge and the glorious art that is cursing properly. Make sure not to use it too much though or in certain types of company because it will either cause you problems or lose it's power. Like for instance, don't curse around my mother or she will kill me for teaching you. Don't curse around superior officers unless they curse first, and even then try to avoid doing it too much. Got it."


Krill nodded.


He was so excited to apply this new rule of human language

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