The Galactic Assembly members stood in council, hundreds of projected holograms stood at attention as nothing more than smoke and light upon the bridge of the UNSC Harbinger.

Commander Vir stood at attention ramrod straight pristine grey uniform pressed to perfection shoes polished to a shine. He clasped his hands lightly behind his b at shoulder width planted firmly on the ground silhouetted by the starfield towards his front.

"It was spotted on a routine patrol towards the edge of the system." The Rundi chairwoman began pressing her long tapering fingers together before her chest, "As far as we can tell there was only one, but that doesn't mean more aren't on the way."

"What do they want?"" The Finnari councilman began

"The Burg have no lover for the Galactic Assembly." The commander began, reaching out to grip the railing before him one handed, with the other still held stiff behind his back,

The Drev representative rumbled deep in his chest spear-butt clattering loudly against a metal floor, "And what quarrel do they have with the assembly."

There was a momentary silence on the bridge.

"Commander." The Rundi chairwoman prompted.

Commander Vir lifted his chin stepping back to once again place both hands behind his back pacing a few steps this way and that eyebrows slanted in an expression of worry, "I am afraid that would be my fault, General."

There was a shuffling about the council representatives.

He turned on his heel and came to attention before them, "Our last encounter ended, and honestly begun, on poor terms. It was towards the beginning of my tour, and I was unaware of their particular.... Quirks. Young and naive with an unfortunately uncontained bravado I am afraid I may have offended their leader. He saw it as an insult to his honor, and determined to kill me only after torturing the members of my crew which he had captured."

Surprise.

"Of course, I wasn't about to let my crew die for a mistake I had made. As it turns out the enzymes found in human saliva is particularly problematic for their species. The outer slime which lubricates their carapace and keeps their bodies from breaking down is particularly sensitive to the enzymes I mentioned earlier. None of us could have known what was going to happen." He turned another tight circle "As a precursor for some of you who may not know, spiting at someone in human culture is seen as an act of defiance or an insult. Thinking he was about to kill m crew, I had no particular respect for him. Of course my actions had greater consequence than I originally intended. He was dead within minutes, and the rest of my crew was able to escape." He trailed off at this point though his expression remained serious.

The Tesraki council member chuckled slightly, "As I recall, they withdrew from negotiations shortly after, and all commerce between our people and there's immediately ceased despite our best efforts. Of course, no one blames the commander, the Burg were breaking intergalactic tretis agreements by implementing the use of force without the approval of the GA.

"Even so." The Vrul began, "This does not bode well for their sudden reappearance."

"I have some dealings with the Burg." There was a short pause as Commander Vir turned to the side, looking on as his guest, an envoy, Lord Celex of the Celzex. The cute, fuzzy little creature with colorful fur, large feet and big eyes, never ceased to make any human in visual distance wish for a cuddle, but the Commander managed to restrain himself.

"Lord Celex?"

The fuzzy little creature rocked slightly on it's large feet big mournful eyes sharp with anger. Commander Vir tightened his hands behind his back expression still very serious.

"The Burg are a proud race like my own. If they plan on attacking, they will not be dissuaded by diplomacy" his piggy little ears twitched lightly, "Though they can be pushed to make rash decisions using their pride as a point of attack."

There was a slight slithering noise as the iotin representative coiled her snake like body about her feet, "And what are the chances of a preemptive strike."

The Rundi councilwoman sighed, "Unfortunately, there is nothing we can do. Our code of laws restricts us."

"Don't fire unless fired upon." the commander muttered under his breath before raising his head, "And can we be sure they plan to attack....."

The Gibb representative shifted, "I am afraid not. Our scans indicate that the ship is heavily loaded with weapons and an unusual amount of persons. I wouldn't place our safety in hoping that they do NOT plan to attack."

A chorus of muttered agreement rose about the room, "We should at least attempt contact with them. Commander Vir, I would have you do the talking accept for your..... History.... With the Burg."

"A wise decision." The Commander acknowledged adjusting his cap, "Chairwoman, that leaves first contact up to you."

The chairwoman didn't look altogether excited over the idea, but adjusted her ceremonial robes, "Hail the burg ship, begin transmission."

Commander Vir, in accompany with lord Celex turned his attention to an additional hologram that began to materialize at the side of the room. The Burg were everything that the Celzex weren't at least when it came to looks. Where the Celzex were cute enough to make any human squeal like a five year old with their big eyes pig ears, colorful fur and large feet, the burg were ugly as sin, centipedes on steroids with too many legs, to many antennae and covered in a gelatinous layer of slime. Their coloring ranged from brown to puke green and mustard yellow at the legs.

When they spoke, their language was primarily clicks, hisses, and chattering gurgles made look even less attractive by their segmented mandibles.

"Hail, Burg, please acknowledge, you have entered restricted GA airspace. State your business."

The uggly creature chartered and gurgled under the sound of the translation, "I have simply come as an envoy to the galactic assembly."

Commander VIr leaned close to lord Celex quietly whispering, "That is a load of horse shit if i have ever heard of it." Lord Celex snorted in agreement

"That is quite a collection of weapons for a simply envoy." The chairwoman offered.

"Can you blame us. We are heading into hostile territory and had no idea of what you might do to us."

Lord Celex shook his head, "Something is wrong here. The burg do not negotiate or have ENVOYS the words literally do not exist in their vocabulary. Specifically their culture is very insistent on holding onto grudges.. To let a grudge go is seen as the height of dishonor, and in their case it is death before dishonor."

Commander Vir tapped hsi chin, "So is there no chance they are here to be diplomatic."

"It would not even cross their minds.... " Lord Celex continued as the two of them watched the Burg avoid, change, and costrue his words in the most obvious way possible, but just barely veiled enough to make any action by the GA look excessive or even aggressive. After all, what he said was just words.

They couldn't even reject him from entering the system with his weapons considering other members of the GA were allowed to do the same, most notably the Humans and the Drev whose ships were packed with as much weaponry as was possible and sometimes more than was practical.

"Let me convene with the council before a decision is made, but we will return to you shortly." The chairwoman switched off the comm and was retransferred back to the rest of the council.

"He is lying."

"And quite obviously I might add." pointed out the Tesraki, clearly not very impressed.

"Lord Celex, tell the council what you were telling me." Commander Vir urged

Lord Celex took the floor doing as told finishing after a moment with, "This is most certainly payback for previous dishonor. While their weapons are not as powerful as the humans. I suspect that they may take such dishonor by leveling an entire city if they have to."

"Is there now way to restrict them from the system?"

"No, I am afraid not. We only have speculation, and no concrete evidence." The chairwoman muttered, "Despite how certain we are. There is nothing we can do until they actually give us reason, and that rule may well be putting innocent lives at risk."

The Bran representative scuttled a little bit in place, "Unless there was a way to make them strike first, out here where they are not a danger to civilians."

An Iotin representative laughed, "That would require us goading them into attacking without breaking any laws in the process, and all of it on purpose."

The room was filled with a mirthful laugh, and the entire council looked at the commander who was grinding in that wolfish way that humans had, quite predatory and VERY unnerving. He twisted his hands around cracking his knuckles, "Goading people without breaking any laws."

He rolled his neck cracking that too, "That just so happens to be my specialty." The expression he had was a stark contrast to his early seriousness, and the change was almost unnerving.

"You think you can get him to attack you first, without actually breaking the rules of engagement, or the rules of diplomacy."

The human crossed his arms over his chest, "I can goad him into attacking me without breaking a sweat, ma'am. The key is over politeness, and complete bureaucracy. I guarantee you give me a few hours with this guy and I can crack him, maybe even less."

The council looked at each other interested, "And when they do attack."

"My ship could take it, but I would appreciate if someone was around with an energy shield of superior quality. I would rather no one die in this effort."

"Very well, commander. We give you leave to do as you must, but I must withdraw from the council before I see anything more."

"Understood, chairwoman." The human responded before grinning and rubbing his hands together a mischievous smile crossing his face.

Commander Vir sat in the Captain's chair Lord Celex at his side, "Prepare for audio transmission" he was given the go ahead with a raised hand.

"Start transmission."

"Chairwoman?"

"Hello, this is Adam from the internal department of intergalactic nuisance. Is this the Burg captain speaking?"

There was a purse on the other line, "Where is the chairwoman." The voice was clearly annoyed.

Commander Vir threw his legs over one arm of the chair lounging like he owned the entire universe, "Oh yeah, the council." He kept his voice as informal as possible, "They were super busy and have a bunch of important things to do. Something about methane acquisition and internal sanctions on biological waste disposal. They generally send all the unimportant things to me."
Around the bridge humans had hands covering their mouths while lord Celex was nodding in approval.

There was a chattering growl over the line, "Unimportant!..... Waste disposal! This is outrageous. I came here on a diplomatic mission-"

He was cut off, "Of course you did, very important I am sure." The human said lying the sweetness on thick, "Very important. We here at the GA department of intergalactic nuisance take the blurg representatives very seriously."

There was a roar from the other end of the line, "WHAT did you say?"

"I said we take the burger very seriously."

"THe BURG."
"That's what I said."

"NO YOU DID NOT."
Humans about the room were openly smiling now. Commander Vir was grinning smugly as he crossed one ankle over the other making himself very comfortable, "Yes, that's exactly what I said. The bug is an important priority to our department."

"BURG."

"It is very hard to hear you when you shout like that, sir."

The silence that followed was practically brimming with rage, "I demand to speak with a member of the GA. This is outrageous."

"I am afraid we cannot do that right now, the GA is in session. Something to do with internal budget for the acquisition of branded paper clips, but I might be able to transfer you to the GA higher department of minor diplomatic inconveniences... please hold."

He motioned to one of his men, and suddenly the other line was cut filled insteady with the tinny notes of easy listening jazz, abominable anywhere outside of elevators. The humans around the room were snickering.

They could still hear the burg though he could not hear them, over the line cursing and demanding to speak with someone though the line continued to play music. They waited for a good half an hour and just as the Burg was about to pick up, the commander made a motion.

"Hello this is Adam from the higher department of minor diplomatic inconvenience."

"Finally! I demand to speak with the GA."

Commander Vir dropped the call.

The Burg cursed in outrage and tried calling back. Commander Vir picked up.

"Hello this is Adam from the higher department of-"
"I KNOW WHO YOU ARE!." the Burg shouted, "And I commander of the Burg demand to speak with the GA."

"I'm sorry, who are you?

"The BURG commander."

"The Burger?"

They had to turn down the volume to the intercom as the Burg went and lost it. Commander Vir dropped the call for the second time.

He called back.

"Hello, this is Adam from the-"

"I DEMAND TO SPEAK WITH THE GA."

Adam let a pause drag on for a long minute, "I am sorry, who is this?"

"THE BURG COMMANDER."

"Oh, yes, I am sorry our department doesn't deal with requests to speak with the GA, I am afraid I will have to transfer you don't to the lower department of under-minor diplomatic inconvenience." Before the burg could say anything he was, once again, put on hold with the same tinny easy listening jazz poorly projected over the intercom. The Burg was having an absolute conniption on the other end of the line.

They didn't make him wait as long, but still made him wait.

"Hello, this is Adam from the lower department of under-minor diplomatic inconvenience."

"Adam, I have already spoken to you." The Burg growled.

"Who is this."

"THE BURG COMMANDER."

Adam shifted in his seat, "Please relax sir, But I assure you I have never spoken with the burger commander..... Is this a prank call?"

"BURG, it's pronounced BURG. THIS IS NO JOKE. And is EVERYONE in your department named Adam?"

"I am the only Adam in the entire department. I have no idea who you were talking to but it wasn't me. What are you calling for?"

"I NEED TO SPEAK WITH THE GA." He was screaming now barely comprehensible.

"Oh I am sorry that is a matter for the internal department of intergalactic nuisance."

"I JUST SPOKE WITH THEM."

"Please hold."

If anything could be said based on what was over the end of the line, something was getting destroyed all to the soundtrack of easy listening jazz elevator music more than two thousand years old but somehow dated another century by being so horrible.

"Hello, this is."

"ADAM I know."

"I'm sorry, who? There is no Adam in this department. My name is Mr. Burg."

"ARE YOU MOCKING ME?"

"I don't even know who you are, sir please what are you calling for?"

"I am the BURG COMMANDER CALLING TO SPEAK WITH THE GA. I HAVE SAID THIS BEFORE."

The human tapped his fingers on the chair arm, "Mmmm Mr. Burger, we have no record of your interaction."

"BURG, it is BURG not BURGER not BUG nog BLURG, but BURG."

""I know what my name is sir, no need to get angry. Let's just take a deep breath and try to relax. What did you say your name was?"

"I AM THE COMMANDER OF THE BURG SHIP, OF THE NATION OF THE BURG, AND I DEMAND TO SPEAK WITH THE GA REPRESENTATIVES ON THIS INSTANT."

"I am afraid our department doesn't deal with demands."

"THEY TOLD ME TO COME HERE."

The commander hummed tilting his head slightly to the side, "That was likely when you were asking to speak with the GA and now it has turned into a demand, so I am going to have to transfer you to the Lateral Department of mid-major intergalactic diplomatic annoyance."
He went to put the Burg on hold, but he didn't get that far.

"I WILL NOT BE TRANSFERRED, I WILL NOT BE PUT ON HOLD, LET ME SPEAK TO THE GA OR I WILL BLAST YOUR MINUSCULE STARSHIP INTO A BILLION MOLECULES."
"Was that a treat?"

"YES IT WAS."

"Begin holographic transmission."

Commander Vir stood from his seat hands resting behind his back, "Commander of the Burg, I am Commander Adam Vir of the GA / UNSC fleet. And I will have you know that a threat to a GA spaceship in GA restricted airspace is a violation of the interspace tretisand allows me to detain your ship under restriction until such time as the GA decided what to do with you."
"ADAM the creature spat."

The man was able to maintain a straight face, "Yes?"

"It was you the entire time."

The human shook his head looking confused, "What do you mean the entire time. The entire time of what."

"SPeaking with the diplomatic..... Whatever..... IT WAS YOU."

"We don't have a diplomatic department of whatever. As far as I know there was no one else in the GA with the same name. You must be mistaken."

What happened next was almost expected, but not quite. All of the anger pent up in the Burg Commander snapped. He screamed demanding his ship to fire upon the UNSC Harbinger, an action that found immediate response with the Rundi Command ship appearing form cloaking and covering the Harbinger in their their own energy shield. The Burg's attack bounced off their shields and deflected back into space. The Crew felt nothing more than a slight rumble through the hull of the ship.

""Tell The GA to deploy grappling field." The commander ordered pointing towards one of his Comms techs who immediately sent the request.

It wasn't more than a moment before their ship was grappled,their weapons decommissioned, and the council had reappeared as holograms aboard the ship.

"Less than two hours commander...." Someone said in awe, "How did you break them so quickly."

The man simply smiled, "Unhelpful customer service is a bitch guaranteed to drive anyone into a rage."