"Alright everyone, Quiet down...... I SAID QUIET! Down...." That's better.

The large semicircular auditorium grew quiet as the assembled students finally ceased their chatter and took their seats, hundreds of legs clattered against the floor, carapace shifted, and mandibles tapped as the students leaned forward in anticipation.

There were hundreds of them with thousands of eyes all staring forward expectantly in anticipation of what was to come. The, small Tesraki professor stood at the front of the room and adjusted his translating device with a thin hand, "Were you all able to purchase the required packet for this moths lessons."

The room shifted around them with a murmur.

They had, this was a book they actually wanted to read, information they were interested in learning.

"Good." The professor said, looking around at the assembled students with a critical eye. Most of these students had been previously trained in universities and programs across the cosmos. Some of them had been educated in the old ways of their planets, but as the Galactic Assembly grew larger, and more accessible, more and more students were turning their attention to knowledge gained off world. However, settings like the current one they were in right now, was designed specifically for a high turnover of information. It was up to the students to do with it as they could.

Generally speaking, they would need to be diligent and quick in their studies to complete this course and go into the ensuing fields. Many of them wished to be diplomats, politicians, and cultural scientists, studying other races across the cosmos. This meant learning as much as they could about all existing races and their culture before being allowed into the field.

This week, they were learning about the humans.... Everyone wanted to learn about humans. And, of course, with this species, it wasn't enough to learn just about their culture. Without the context of the human homeworld, there was no freezable way to understand the human's culture. Unlike other unites, this unit included, biology, geography, chemistry, and neuroscience, all in order to explain human behavior and cultural customs.

The packet they had been ordered to purchase was an extension of the current texts, and was supposed to contain all the primary research and information currently possessed about humans. Despite more than a few years of involvement with the Galactic Assembly, primary resources on humans and their cultural customs were few and far between. That meant, in short, that the field was open to whoever was willing to take advantage of it. This generation would have an entirely new species open to them, they were to become the primary experts on these strange creatures, the newest diplomats, and some of the greatest historians. Of course, as peace talks with the Drev continued, there would be discussion about them in the future, but with even less information the future was less than certain.

The reading had been more than interesting, but the person who wrote it was clearly not a social scientist or a historian. He was simply a bystander, and most of his observations held clear bias, misunderstanding, and great amounts of confusion. He was a surgeon after all, and not a social scientist. He was also a Vrul, and they weren't known for their great ability to understand others and their motivation.

Trauma Surgeon Krill of the Vrul had been a member aboard a human ship for more than a year at this point, and his papers were making waves in the scientific community. There was no group of scientists, no discipline that wasn't interested in what he had to say, even if the information was inaccurate.

Furthermore, the Captain aboard his ship represented the primary source of what they understood about humans. His biological map was the standard for textbooks, academia, diagrams and medical biology. Most of the images they had for their medical information came from that same human, though Krill had included some more images in with his primary sources, and these included estimations on possible human color pallets which was honestly more fascinating than it should have been.

The professor waved to quiet them one more time before continuing, "I know, I know, you are all very excited about today's speaker, but I must ask you to remain calm and remember to take your turns when asking questions, we cannot have this devolve into pandemonium." No one said a word, wishing their teacher would just shut up and introduce their speaker already. The teacher looked around at the faces of his students and then sighed, he knew they weren't going to be able to pay attention until then so, "Alright, since you all seem so eager, let me go ahead introduce today's speaker." The teacher shuffled around at the podium for a moment before beginning, "A galaxy renowned trauma surgeon, Dr Krill of the Vrul has spent the most documented tie with a human crew in the known galaxy immersing himself completely in their culture and their habits without returning to his own species for more than a few days at a time. At this current moment, he is the galaxy's leading researcher on humans, and the author of your packets, if you did not make the connection, so please, help me give a warm welcome to Dr. Krill."

The room burst into an amalgamation of applause, or the alien equivalent, as a small, many legged form scuttled up to the podium. At the front of the auditorium, a few students couldn't help but notice the way that the Dr. Moved, in quick short bursts dispersed through long luxurious and stalking movements, unusual for his particular body type. The Vrul didn't behave like that.

He stopped at the podium two front appendages resting against the lectern with a thoughtful expression, "I am very flattered to have been brought here today to speak with you, but I am afraid my opinions and knowledge will tend to be rather biased in this area of research. You see, when I joined the human crew I had no intention of being this important to the scientific community, and much of the reports that I have written stem from my own understanding and baser knowledge. I think it is important for you all to understand that I do not have all the answers, and am a Surgeon and not a social scientist. Take whatever I say with a grain of salt as is only logical."

He shifted his body weight from one set of feet to the other, "The first think you must be aware of.... They spend about 10% of their time doing dumb shit, and then they spend the other 90% of their time doing even dumber shit." He held up a hand to the crowd, "yeah, I know, sounds biased right, but you must hear me out. I have this evolutionary theory, that humans are crazy and have no sense of self preservation, so they evolved to be as indestructible as they are because that was the only way nature could keep their dumbasses alive. I saw this with all the affection in my soul of course, I.... have grown rather fond of the humans." He stepped away from the podium and began walking up and down the front of the room.

"Humans aren't known to be good at any one thing. Your species, whatever it may be, has at least one advantage over humans, yet I can tell you that humans will find a way to be better somehow, by cheating. Take for instance, my own species. The Vrul are known for their absolute and completely infallible logic. Well, humans don't need logic, they defy it with absolutely everything they do. And when logic says that only logic will lead to the correct answer, you end up at that answer only to find a human has already reached it through some completely incomprehensible roundabout thinking. They build the most amazing technology simply because they have no comprehension of what is and is not possible. Everyone in the galaxy knows that Rundi cannot be outrun, and at short distances, this is even true for a human, but at long distances they can not only outrun a Rundi, but they can probably, set up tea and biscuits for him at the finish line and iron most of his laundry while he is waiting. Humans have no sense of when something is enough, they don't understand when to stop. For instance the Rundi never developed a way to move faster, why would they need to? Well, the humans don't get this, they are always trying to go faster and for longer distances at a time, using the least amount of work possible. I am going to tell you something you aren't going to like......"

The class leaned forward in their curiosity, "You are never going to understand the humans. No matter what you do, you will think you know, and then something will happen and you will realize everything you thought you knew was a lie. So I have decided, that I cannot finish this lecture." There was an immediate murmur around the room as the students protested angrily to his words. They had been looking forward to this. Instead, the Vrul held up a hand to stop them, in such a decisive manner that they were still into thir seats, "I think you will appreciate what I have for you much better. I brought with me a real expert on human culture."

That must have been a cue as there was a sudden shuffling of footsteps, and the entire room turned to see.... A human, walking down the isle of the room. They all gasped and shifted in their seats in excitement, they knew this human, they knew this human. He paused at the front of the class next to Dr. Krill and leaned himself again the lectern nonchalantly his predatory eyes sweeping across the room in small jerking movements.... The human eye did not move particularly smoothly.

"So, what do you want to know?" The room shifted uncomfortably wondering if the human had heard what the doctor had said about him earlier.

"He's overreacting you know, Humans don't do stupid stuff just out of nowhere, well, not generally.... Not all the time anyway.... I mean sometimes we do, but usually we're drunk, or well... sometimes we aren't.... ... you know what, never mind He's right, we do a lot of stupid shit, but I think he's mostly been biased by me. There are plenty of humans that don't do stupid stuff. I do, all the time, not going to deny that. Questions?"

The room was quiet for a moment and then a student raised a hand, "How do humans greet each other?"

"Oh, that's easy, you say hi.... Or hello I suppose." The human tapped his chin, "Well you know, it honestly depends. You can hug someone, or wave at them, or salute, or tip your hat (that one is sort of weird though, or you can high five or fist bump or tackle them or pat them on the back, or a variation or a secret handshake, oh yeah or a regular handshake.... Or there are other greetings, most of them we don't use, but you can use them and people will understand Yo what's up, and its variations. I suppose you can also just nod to them though it depends on who they are you use an upward nod if you respect them or a lower nod if you are a little unsure....." He paused looking around the room at the slack faces and wide eyes, "Um, you know what, disregard that. Say Hello, and offer a hand for a handshake, that will do for pretty much any human."

There was another moment of quiet before another one of the students raised their hand, "How does one avoid upsetting a human, or insulting them I guess."

The human sat back against the lectern and frowned, "Um, well that is a massive ass can of worms isn't it. Well first things first, don't openly insult or call them names, unless you are friends with them, and then the more vicious the names you call them the better, don't insult family members, generally most humans are more upset with you insulting people they like. Don't insult things they like, I suppose unless you are teasing and you have developed a report and they trust you enough to know that you aren't being a jerk. Um, here don't talk about income, religion, race, sexuality, political beliefs, money, raising children, the UNSC, the economy. In certain places you need to make sure your shoes are off before you enter a house, don't point your feet at anyone, and don't give anyone a rude gesture, so no middle fingers, and sometimes a thumbs up isn't a good idea." Again the entire room had gone slack jawed, those who had been taking notes had stopped taking notes, "The captain sighed, why are your questions so damn hard.... Um ok, hard and fast rule is not to talk about religion, politics, or money, don't openly insult someone to their face, and don't insult their family. Otherwise you just need to gage a person based on how they are personally, if they are a decent person they will forgive you the first time around because you didn't know. If they get offended even though you couldn't have known then they are trash and avoid them."

To the side of the room Dr. Krill had his arms crossed, and a surprisingly human expression crossing his face. No one in the room would have known, but it was likely the expression of someone very, very smug. Now he wasn't the only one who had to deal with the absolute stupidity of humans and their annoyingness.

The room shifted, hands came up and then went back down, Captain Vir watched in rather sheepish amusement as the students struggled trying to find the easiest question they could think of, and then finally there was a hand.

"How do you know if a human likes you?"

The captain tapped his fingers on his arms, "Hmm, I suppose you won't." The class stared on, "I mean sometimes you will and sometimes you won't. Humans pretend to like each other all the time and then talk behind each other's backs. I suppose if someone saves your life that's a good bet that they like you, but then again that may not be true, some people are really moral and will save people they dislike. Perhaps if the human comes to hang out with you, but also if you are in a group they may not like you and they just tolerate you being there for the other people. Some people are better at faking than others. If you are talking to a human and they give you very short curt answers and they don't make eye contact or stop what they are doing, than maybe they don't like you, but if they seek YOU out to hang out and seem to do it often, than they probably like you. Oh, you know what, a good indicator is if the human tells you something secret or personal about themselves, they wouldn't do that for someone they distrust or dislike. Although, don't feel bad if someone you think you like doesn't do this, some people are just really private, shy and have problems trusting others completely.".... "Honestly, now that I think about it, this one isn't such an easy answer either, you sort of have to gage it person to person.

Around the auditorium, the entire room gave a deep sigh and rested back into their chairs, this was going to be a long evening. Honestly, did they REALLY want to go into this field?

Humans were so complicated after all.