Women are Space Orcs

Sunny walked beside Adam as he paced through the cargo bay checking off shipping manifests on his clipboard, checking and rechecking the equipment they would need for re-supply. They had stopped on the Tesraki home world for a much-needed rest and some recuperation. They would be here a couple days, so shore leave was in order for a night or two, a prospect the entire group was excited about considering what the Tesraki home world had become.


If the Tesraki and humans had one thing in common, it was their desire for a good time. It had probably been a horrible idea to introduce the Tesraki to the idea of gambling and casinos. Honestly it had probably been a bad idea to introduce the Tesraki to capitalism as it was, since they took to the idea like fish to water, but mistakes had been made and there was no turning back.


On the coattails of that debacle, the Tesraki;s home world had quickly transformed itself into the Vegas of the galaxy knowing, in true business fashion, that humans couldn't resist debauchery and a good time. The sheer amount of revenue and inherent benefits that had come to them simply by way of human tourism had been astonishing, raising their planetary gross income to 7% more than any other planet in the GA system.


Commander Vir paused beside another pallet of cargo.


"Hey, SUNNY! SUNNY!."


Sunny Turned her head in a wide arc searching for the voice and found a group of women standing next to one of the shuttle doors, each waving at her. She left Commander Vir out of curiosity and walked over.


Dr. Katie was there with a few women from engineering and a couple female marines. Maverick, a short female marine with buzzed blond hair and grey blue eyes greeted Sunny with a wolfish grin. "'Bout time. I've been yelling at you for half a minute." Sunny looked around the circle. It was strange seeing the marines in anything other than their usual uniforms. Maverick was wearing camouflage cargo pants, a black tank top and a pair of blue tinted sunglasses perched atop her short blond hair. Dr. Katie wore a form fitting black dress and pointy red shoes. Another marine had her warm strawberry blond hair curled down past her shoulders.


"Where are you guys going?" Sunny wondered.


"Out on the town, where else. A couple of us decided to get together and go get wasted, or whatever trouble we can get into, maybe lose some money. We don't know, yet."


Sunny glanced back towards where the Commander was standing, still going through inventory. "Oh, well I don't know if we were-"


"Oh come on, the two of you hang out all the time. I think it's about time you got out more, besides we're prettier." The group laughed. Dr Katie flipped her hair and grinned at Maverick, "Well, except for Maverick, but we had to have an ugly one to make the rest of us look better."


Maverick snorted and waved a hand, "Are you kidding me?" She motioned seductively, "Nothing can top 'this'."


"A sack of lard," more laughter.


"Keep laughing ladies. You're just jealous of my stunning physique. As I was saying though, seriously Sunny, you need to get out. The Commander has work to get done anyway and he's going to be boring for the next 48 hours."


Sunny wavered on the edge of indecision as a pair of boots thudded on the ground next to her.


"What are you jackals trying to get sunny into?"


Katie linked an arm through one of Sunny's, "Girls night, and YOU aren't invited."


"Yeah only women or those who identify as such are allowed'" one of the engineers piped up from the back.


Commander Vir snorted, "Y'all better be glad I don't identify as a woman,"striking a quick pose and flipping imaginary hair over his shoulder, "because I'd be the prettiest."


"Yes, a beautiful monkey, sir."


Jackie tilted her head, "You know, now that I think about it probably not the prettiest, or the smartest, or even the strongest. Bet Mav could crush you with her thighs if she wanted to, pop your head like a melon."


He raised an eyebrow, "As fun as THAT sounds, I am afraid you might be right. You all are too much for my delicate sensibilities. I was actually coming over here to give you the pre-leave lecture." He cleared his throat, "Don't get pregnant, don't get anyone pregnant, don't sell your body for money, don't accept drinks from strangers, any bail, ransom, or parking tickets will be paid out of your monthly wages. Keep all debauchery, drunkenness, fighting and gambling to a minimum, and please for the love of Jupiter, try not to kill anyone."


"Yes sir, I will try very hard not to get anyone pregnant," there was laughter about the group.


The commander raised a hand, "It is 4023, so I am SURE you could find a way."


"What if I get kidnapped Commander, can I hurt them then?"


"You wouldn't need to hurt them Jackie. They would bring you back and I would make them pay ME ransom to take you back," he tucked the clipboard under his arm and looked at Sunny. "Good luck with this group. Don't die, and don't kill anyone."


She hadn't exactly decided to go with them just yet, but it appeared as if that decision had been made for her. She waved a hand at the Commander who turned back to his earlier duties as the group of marines, engineers and one doctor stepped their way into the small shuttle. The strawberry blonde CJ was a passable pilot and took them down through the clouds with a loud whoop. Sunny's stomach flew into her face reminding her rather unpleasantly of what she had had for breakfast.


Mav sat next to Katie opposite and over the roaring of entrance into the atmosphere Sunny heard bits of conversation. "I hate it when people assume that you have to choose one or the other. It's the 41st century, if I want to play with big guns and explosives AND get my nails done afterwards, I am going to damn well do it. You'd have to be stupid to turn down either option, so I say, best of both worlds."


Katie raised an eyebrow.


The way the light cut across Mavrick's arms and shoulders made it pretty clear she spent a good portion of her time at the gym.


Dr. Katie through a strand of hair over her shoulder, "Ok, yes I agree, but also at least be careful when you do that sort of thing. I have been a doctor long enough to know what degloving skin looks like, and yes it is exactly how it sounds. So please for the love of all that is holy BE CAREFUL. Personally, just give me a good book and a bag of chips and I'm set for the afternoon."


"What genre?"


"Meh, whatever strikes my fancy. Mostly fantasy if I am being honest, sometimes romance hits the spot, but other times I can do for a western. It just depends on the day."


Sunny tilted her head, listening intently. While she had spent a lot of time with the marines, she had never actually gotten to know them on a personal level and she barely knew the name of the women from the engineering and science departments.


If she was being honest, she didn't really have much of a relationship with anyone, especially not women.


She never really had, considering her history with her mother.


She grew up spending most of her time with her brother and her father and eventually she had become such good friends with Adam that she had become rather short sighted with her other options aboard the crew. To be honest though, it didn't much matter on her home world, so she couldn't imagine that it would be much different here.


She couldn't help but pipe in on the subject of weapons which turned into good natured banter between her and Mav who had some pretty strong opinions about the nature of projectile vs energy weapons. Though when it came to other subjects, she was a bit lost. The humans were an interesting race in that they enjoyed both their war and their relaxation in equal measure, so the topics they were discussing went heavily over Sunny's head.


She got involved in a couple of conversations she probably could have done without. Humans were gross no matter which group of them you talked to. The only difference was this group of humans was more willing to share


The discussion on how to properly scratch a nipple in public was followed by a debate that included but was not limited to scratching in other unmentionable places, random overgrown hairs, body fluids, body smells and on and on.


Sunny turned the conversation back to music, something she was comfortable with. Mav liked punk, alternative, and hard rock, Dr. Katie was ok with anything as long as it was catchy. Jackie, the engineer, had a thing for country music, and CJ was some strange mix between classical and R&B it just depended on the day. The other women chimed in with their favorites and soon all genres were accounted for.


They were all laughing about something by the time they hit planet side and Sunny stepped from the shuttle, eyes wide as she turned in a circle talking in the bright neon lights and a million billboards shamelessly advertising for human tourists. Billboards hundreds of feet across showing pictures of half-naked models, both men and women, rose high into the sky.


The one sad thing about the future was that it hadn't stopped the objectification of the human body, but had simply equalized the amount of objectification between the sexes, men and women in equal measure, because it was always easier to sell a product when you were really just selling sex instead.


The Terasaki certainly had no moral qualms about doing it either. It wasn't their species after all.


CJ clapped her hands together throwing her strawberry blond curls over one shoulder, "Alright, we need a game plan."


Mav eyed one of the billboards, "How about we start there?" she pointed.


The group of them turned to find an advertisement for nightly ring fighting, "It's just like what I was saying, gotta go see someone get fucked up before I get my nails done, that's just how things should be. Plus twenty bucks says there will be alcohol for those of you who are less interested."
"Hey, I am down for anything as long as I get a massage later."


Mav nodded, "Deal, I get to watch someone get the snot beaten out of them and you can get wasted. Everyone wins."
Sunny wasn't entirely sure what she had expected, but she liked what she got. Sunny, Mav and CJ got seats just outside the ring while Jackie, Katie and a few others stormed the bar. Turns out CJ had a thing for yelling at the referee. Mav didn't care what happened just as long as someone was getting punched in the face and Sunny, well Sunny loved it yelling and screaming with the rest of the humans as Drev and Humans alike beat the pulp out of each other.


Halfway through the night Sunny was interrupted


"Hey,, HEY, Scarab." Sunny turned around to find a large human looking at her from the aisle, "Why don't you go stand with the rest of the Drev. I reserved these seats."


Sunny looked down at him, "Uh ... yeah, there's room."


"Let me talk slow since you don't seem to speak good human, but you're big and I don't want your arms getting in the way of my view so why don't you get lost."


Sunny was ready to ignore him, but before she knew what was going on Mav and CJ were standing in front of her arms crossed, "The hell you say, you DON'T talk to our friend, bitch."


The guy looked a bit nonplussed, but straightened himself up, "I told her to go sit with the other Drev."


"I didn't know these seats were segregated." Mav shot back, "but if that's the case, I think idiots are seated on the other side."


"Are you fucking kidding me?"


"No, I'm not. Now either you can back up, or I can back you up." Mav was right in his face now, but CJ put a hand on her arm warningly. It was human culture that the first person who threw a punch, whether man or woman, was opening up to a fair beating.


Sunny stood from her seat looming a good foot to two over her short companions glowering down at the man. She didn't say anything. The man backed up a few steps.


"Aww..... little bitch gonna cry to mommie," Mav taunted, much to the chagrin of CJ.


The guy's face turn beet red, "If you weren't-."


"Here let me finish-"


CJ grabbed Mav by the arm and pushed her back to her seat, "Down Mav." She turned her eyes back to the guy "Look Imma make this as clear as I can. We aren't moving, so either you get over it and take a seat or you get the hell out. Pick your poison."


The guy took his seat and shut up. Sunny couldn't help making a point to step in front of him a few times blocking his view with her bulk. Mav got a kick out of her pettiness, but eventually they left to find Jackie, Katie and the others at the bar. Just a few drinks in and already they were coming up with stupid dance moves.


Grabbing them, they moved out of the bar and onto the street. It was leaning towards late evening, but managed to get themselves checked into a nice little spa hunched between two buildings, a bit out of the way and pushed back from the rest of civilization. Everything going on here was pretty foreign to Sunny.


The Drev had nothing comparable in their culture to this practice, and she watched in confusion as the other humans took their seats at strange tables. Mav was "getting her nails done," pointing out that there was nothing better than a hand massage and anyone who disagreed could go right ahead and fight her. Katie had her feet soaking in a pool of hot water, while Jackie lay on her stomach on a strange flat table towel wrapped around her curly dark hair obscuring her face while her dark skin shone in the delicate white light overhead.


Water trickled somewhere in the distance, and the entire room was done in shades of white and pastel giving it a very un-Drev aesthetic.


It was an extreme 180 from the earlier venue and Sunny wasn't entirely sure how to behave.


Eventually, someone came to her rescue as she was ordered to take a seat and relax by CJ, who determined she was in for a treat. Sunny had to admit the warm towel around her neck was nice and she hummed softly as her feet soaked in a pool of water. The human that walked in looked a little surprised to see her, but shrugged and got to work. It took a little more elbow grease to get through Sunny's tough hyde, but when they managed it Sunny had to admit it was probably the best feeling she had ever experienced... in pretty much ever.


Mav snickered, snapping a picture of the big blue Drev, face covered in a green mask, cucumbers over her eyes, sprawled in a chair as one person messaged her huge neck muscles, one worked on the claws of her left upper hand, and another knelt at her feet.


Sunny was quite displeased when her time was up. She needed about an hour more work on her shoulder muscles and at least another ten minutes on each of her hands, but her time was up so they paid, leaving just as a few familiar faces walked in. Another group of tipsy marines, who made it very clear that they intended to get their feet done while they were here, were filing in.


Sunny found the image somewhat amusing, but was glad to see they were having fun and agreed with their decision. She had a new favorite pastime now and understood why they had chosen it.


With that amazing ritual behind them, they went out to eat. The humans ordered a round of drinks and Sunny asked for some water, not actually capable of getting drunk in the same way that humans did. The berries and fruit that her species ate were often fermented when preserved, giving her species an extreme tolerance to ethanol such that it wasn't even worth trying to get drunk since you would likely die of heightened liquid consumption before actually reaching the point of intoxication.


Humans on the other hand reached that threshold pretty quick. A few of them were a bit closer, having consumed a few drinks earlier in the day and were not yet totally down from that high. As the night grew on the conversation got louder, and much more interesting.


Dr. Katie raised her hands, "ok ok... you wanted to hear it so I'll give it to you. I've worked in the ER for fifteen years plus trauma centers and other level one clinics and there is NOTHING I haven't seen, and I mean nothing."


"Worst story," Mav urged.


"No.... no, no, no, not at the dinner table," begged one of the ladies.


Katie took a drink, "There was this one time I come into a room to check on a patient, and there is this guy with real shifty eyes and he can't stop squirming. Real professional looking type right, so immediately I know he's got something crammed up his ass." The table burst into a fit of giggling. "So I go up to him and I ask him what's wrong and he hems and haws and he's all like 'Doc, I have some intestinal pain, a stomach ache,' you know because of the thing he's got jammed in his ass." More giggling. "So of course I ask him all the usual questions, where is the pain, is it something he ate, how long has this been going on, you know and the entire time I am just trying to figure out what he's got up there, because I KNOW he's got something up there, but of course he won't admit it. We go around like this for like twenty minutes, right, and eventually I am just like send him down to radiology. If this guy won't give me a straight answer, I bet an X-ray will." Sunny shook her head. "Low and behold, the x ray comes back and what does this guy have spelunking in his insides? None other than... a Barbie doll."


"No!"


"Yes, and he had thought about this, like, he had tied her arms down to her sides with rubber bands to make sure they stayed in place. So I go back in there, I look at him and I show him the X-rax and of course he plays it like I'm a moron. 'Well doctor, I was cleaning my kids playroom, naked,' as you do, 'and I slipped and fell.'" Maverick snorted into her drink. "And of course I am like yeah sure, but why didn't you tell me that when you came in, and you know what this sucker does? He Looks me dead in the eye and goes...I forgot."


The table erupted into laughter. CJ laughed and wiped her face with a napkin, "Now hold on, I got one. It was in boot camp."


Mav rolled her eyes, "Oh no."


"Oh yes, some of the guys had been clearing an abandoned hotel, as part of our training. I wasn't there at the time, but I guess while they were looking around they find this nine inch, monstrous rubber dong stuck to one of the walls. So of course they laugh it off right, and go back to what they were doing. Well, when they come back later, it isn't there. Kind of weird, but whatever. At least whatever until this thing starts SHOWING UP around barracks. Like our Sergeant walks in one morning to do an inspection and we had all just gotten up right, so none of us were paying attention. She starts yelling at us like she does and then goes all quiet. She tilts her head one way and then the other. I swear I have never seen someone look so confused in their entire life and she's all like, "What the fuck is that?" We all turned around to look and this thing is sitting in the middle of the damned floor and it just flopped to one side, and you know of course we can't stop it so we just start laughing. The sergeant is trying not to laugh and everyone is trying not to laugh, but it just gets worse. When she could finally talk she just starts screaming at us, trying to figure out what the hell we had been doing the night before. I don't think I've ever done so many pushups in my life."


Jackie raised a hand just then, "No hey, I have always had a question for you guys about the whole boot camp thing. So what do you do when it's your time of the month? I mean do they let you guys off easy to go fix things? Or do you just have to suffer?"


"Suffer," Mav piped in. "Mostly suffer. Like I knew girls who would be bent doubled in pain and still had to stand in formation with us like it was nothing. I mean honestly the shit we had to go through. Seriously, there is nothing worse than standing in front of your sergeant and feeling half your innards just sort of shlop out of you and you have to look this guy in the eye like nothing is going on. Like yes sir, no sir, like insides aren't totally falling out right now."


Jakie moaned, "Tell me about it, cramps are the worst." She glanced towards Dr. Katie, "Seriously, when is the medical field going to do something about that?"


Katie finished off her drink and set it back on the table with a thud, "You would think after more than 200,000 years of menstruation we would know how to fix cramps, but nope, the medical field still has no friggin clue how to deal with them. The general consensus is to throw an anti- inflammatory, a heating pad or a shit-ton load of chocolate at it and pray, but otherwise sucks to suck."


Sunny looked between the group of them, "Cramps? Your insides falling out...er ... are you guys ok?"


The group turned to look at her with incredulous looks on their faces, "You aren't serious?" Jackie asked.


Sunny stared at her blankly.


"You guys don't have cramps, periods on your planet...like really?"


"Explain?"


Sunny wasn't entirely sure that she appreciated the explanation once it was over and shook her head vigorously, "EWWW no.... no," she shivered. Battle sounded like a more amusing pastime.


"How does it work on your planet?" Katie wondered, the scientist in her taking over.


Sunny shifted awkwardly, "Well uh...we have a mating season. The female can become fertile twice a year. It's during the dark season, so generally all the kits are born during or right before the bright season."


"So, what? Do you guys just get really horny twice a year or something?"


"Er.... well no. Any time of year is fine but you are just more likely to get a kit during those times of year."


"Uh huh, how interesting."


Sunny didn't exactly see how it was all that interesting. She had never been caught in this sort of conversation, oddly enough. Adam had never asked so she had never been forced to answer the question. In fact, she learned more about humans in the last ten minutes than she had learned about humans in the last year she had been aboard the ship and not all of it was great.


One of the biggest things she learned was that humans get slightly strange the more they drank.


"Ok, Ok," CJ slurred, "Hottest guy aboard the ship, go."


"Ramirez," Katie responded almost immediately.


Mav snorted into her drink again, "Really..... no.... no way."


"What, he's cute, I'd do him."


Jackie raised her hands over her head, "I couldn't tell you who the hottest guy on the ship is, but I CAN tell you who the hottest girl is."


Mav didn't bat an eye, "Well of course that would be me, like we even have to debate that subject."


Jackie rolled her eyes and the rest of the table laughed, "Ha ha, your confidence never ceases to amaze, but you're not my type."


Katie waved a hand, "Oh come on, I know you don't' LIKE guys like that but you must be able to tell when one of them LOOKS nice . Come on, a shot in the dark."


Jackie shrugged, but thought about it for a second, "Uh.... well, how about Adam, he's good looking, right?"


The table thought about it for a moment. Mav tilted her head to the side thoughtfully, "Well I mean yeah he is, but he's also a super massive juvenile."


CJ shrugged, "I don't know, I think it's kind of cute."


Katie waved a hand at all of them, "Not like it matters, because I have a couple of theories." Sunny and the other's looked on in interest, waiting, "I'm pretty sure he's: A into guys, B not into anyone or C a closeted extrial. There was some muttering from around the table, but Mav shook her head in disagreement.


"No, he's too uncomfortable around women to like guys, and you can't say he's hiding it because he has no reason to. If he really liked guys he would be indifferent to women and awkward around men. If he wasn't into anyone, he wouldn't be nearly so awkward... however, I can probably get behind C."


Sunny did not noticed the glances pointed her way


The conversation moved on to the hottest girl on the ship which sparked a furious debate despite Jackie being the only one that like girls. Turned out though that female humans had no issue discussing the perceived hotness or notness of other women. Nairobi down in engineering took the title with almost unanimous agreement.


That lead into the subject of who was the best looking DREV aboard the ship and once Sunny explained that height and carapace color were the most important outside factors mixed with fighting status, it turned into a rather entertaining debate as the humans tried to decide which Drev was the hottest while continuing to steadily drink. It finally devolved into a slurred argument between Cannon and another of their Drev members, Roc.


Sunny would have found the entire thing funny if it wasn't also rather disturbing. Her vote was the tiebreaker which was obviously biased considering that Cannon was her brother and that was super weird, so of course Roc won the title.


The drunker they got, the worse they got, until the conversation was oscillating constantly between being mildly lewd and hilariously embarrassing stories that Sunny wouldn't have admitted to in her wildest daydreams.


In the end, it was up to her and Mav, who also didn't drink to get the other girls back to the shuttle. That was all before realizing that CJ was the only one who could fly the ship so they had no way of getting back on their own. In the end, they had to call for backup and a rather amused shuttle pilot showed up on scene to take the staggering party back to the ship.


Sunny wobbled onto the ship holding up two drunk women while Mav helped a third.


Together they collapsed onto some cargo containers laughing and slurring.


A shadow fell over them a moment later and Sunny looked up to find Commander Vir standing over them with a raised eyebrow, "Fun time, Ladies?"


A burst of giggling, "Yes sir," Mav smirked.


Katie almost fell off her seat, but Vir caught her by the arm, "Alright, to bed with the lot of you."


Kate tried to wave him off but nearly fell over once more. "Krill is going to have a fit when he sees the state of you. Come on, let's get you to bed to sleep it off." He glanced over at Mav, "Get the rest of them back safe." Mav saluted and Katie giggled drunkenly, but managed to make it to her feet and together they wandered off towards the medical bay where the medical staff usually slept.


Sunny also helped Mav get the other two to their quarters before retiring to her own room exhausted, but happy.


It had been a good day. She determined to do it more often.

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