"NYEH-HEH!"

CLACK!

Baby Papyrus smacked his head on the floor and immediately began bawling.

"NYEEEEEEHHHHHHH!" howled the baby bones, clutching his skull. "SAAAAAANS!"

Sans, hearing his baby brother, quickly rushed to his aid, lifting the baby bones up and into his arms.

"oh god, what happened?!" asked Sans looking at the tiny mark on Papyrus's skull.

"*Pfft!* He obviously tri-HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

"DON'T WAF AT DA' BABY!"

"yeah dad, he fell!"

"I KNOW! HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

"I HATES YOOOOOUUUU!"

"Heh heh ha ha ha ha!"

"I PUTS SPIDIES IN YO' CEREAL!" screamed Papyrus angrily.

"c'mon pappy, forget him, let's get you a band-aid..."

"IMMA EATS YO' PAPERS!"

Sans carried Papyrus away as the baby bones continued to scream and hurl threats from down the hall.

"Ahh...it's the little things in life," said Gaster smiling.

Sans glared from down the hall, not yet out of earshot.

Dad's such a jerk.

"poor baby pappy, are you okay?"

"*Sniff* No...but I be better if I gots a cinnabun..."

"alright, let's go get you a cinnabun," said Sans kissing his baby brother's skull.

"I loves you good big Buther, you so nice to da' baby..."

"that's cause' i love you too lil' bro!"

"Nyeh hee hee!" Papyrus giggled happily, wrapping his tiny arms around Sans' neck.

"you holding on tight? okay here we go!"

Sans teleported them somewhere in Snowdin and immediately lost his smile.

Right in front of them, towering above the trees like a mountain, was a giant dog.

"oh my jesus."

"Wait for da' baby! I's widdle!"

Just keep walking...just keep walking...

"Hey Snas? Why there be a giant dog lookin' at us?"

"there is no giant dog."

There's no giant dog...there's no giant dog...it's just a weird looking tree. That's all it is, a weird looking tree.

"But I SEES it big Buther! Dat dog be bigger then yo' head!"

"eat me."

Ignore the dog and it will go away..just gotta keep walking and not draw attention to ourselves.

"MR. DOGGY! SNAS SAY HE WANNA BE ATE-"

"shut the fuck up!" whispered Sans harshly, eyeing the seemingly giant creature.

"I wish to wide da' doggy big Buther..."

"what? hell no! that dog will eat your ass!"

Papyrus shook his head. "No it won't, it too dumb to know what a skelly baby is. It don't know I doesn't doody in my diapey..."

"i don't think it'll care too much pap."

"It will too! No one likes doody big Buther. Right now dat doggy probly thinkin 'I could eats dis baby, but it might have doody's in it's diapey and it gonna taste weal bad if it do.'"

"they use their tongue as toilet paper."

".....Daz nasty."

"yep."

Sans continued to keep an eye on the dog, but it seemed to have lost interest in the small children, much to his relief.

Why have we never seen that thing before?! How did we miss it?!

"If I's a different baby, I'd use da' baby wipes-"

Sans stared at his baby brother in confusion for a few moments before he burst out laughing. "*pfft!* ha ha ha ha! no pappy, they use their tongue as their OWN toilet paper!"

Oh my god!

"They don't lick baby butt?"

"no pap, they don't lick baby butt."

"......dat's a shame."

"what...?"

"I says is the same. They still lick butt."

"*sigh*"

That's not what he said...

WOOF!

WOOF!

Sans jumped at the sound of a dog barking somewhere nearby, terrified that it was the giant dog. He turned and sighed in relief as he saw it was only a normal sized Pomeranian.

Baby Papyrus however, wasn't so pleased.

"GET AWAY FROM DA' BABY, DOODY DOG!" The baby bones ran as fast as his little legs could carry him, only to have the dog give chase. "NOOOOOO!"

Sans watched them with great interest as they zoomed around the trees. That particular dog was one he could identify on sight, even though the whole Underground was filled with the same breed. He was the smallest of all the Pomeranians and people had taken to calling him The Annoying Dog for his lack of respect for people and their things, Sans and Papyrus however, simply called him A.D.

The pooch seemed to target Papyrus specifically for reasons unknown and truth be told it was a little unnerving how he always seemed able to bypass the Lab's security and mess with his little brother. It was as if he held some kind of secret intelligence similar to Papyrus and like Papyrus he was difficult to understand; he had many strange and secret skills like his baby brother too.

If Papyrus ever had an arch enemy, it would be A.D.

It's kinda sad actually. Pap's just a baby after all; why does this dog have to pick on him for no reason?

I can't do anything with only one HP and AT either.

BLOOSH!

BLOOSH!

Papyrus fired his blasters at the small dog, only to have A.D. dodge them with all the skill of a ninja.

"YOU WANTS BONES?! BABY GONNA GIVE YOU SOME BONES!"

Sans gasped as his baby brother summoned a plethora of bone attacks each with the intention of skewering the playful pup. "PAPYRUS NO!"

"NYEHA HA HA HA HA HA HA! WHEN YOU GETS TO HELL, TELLS EM' DA' BABY SENT YOU!!"

"PAPYRUS!"

"Oomph!"

THOOM!

Papyrus felt the wind get knocked out of him as A.D. pounced and kicked off of his chest, doing a flip and knocking the baby bones backwards into a tree as if he were in an action film fighting a thug.

"PAPPY!"

The snow on the branches and leaves piled onto the poor baby's head as the tree shook and the dog ran off.

"NYEHHHHHHHHHH!"

Oh my god!

Sans rushed to his baby brother's aid only to stop and laugh as more snow fell onto his head.

"I'S GONNA KILLS YOU! I'S GONNA SHAVE YO' FUR IN YO' SWEEP AND YOU'S GONNA FEEZ TO DEATH!"

"ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

"I'S GONNA COOK YOU IN MY SGETTI AND FEEDS YOU TO YO' FAMILY!!"

"HA HA HA HA HA! OH MY GOD PAP, STOP!"

"YOU'S GONNA RUE DA' DAY YOU CWOSSED DA' BABY! YOU HEAR ME?! YOU'S GONNA RUE IT!"

Papyrus's screaming came to a halt as his loud voice reverberated off the mountain walls and caused more snow from the tree to fall on him, and It took a full minute for Sans to calm down enough to even speak. "heh. gee paps i can't believe you just got-"

"If you finish dat sentence you's gonna get lots of monies from da' tooth fairy tonight, big Buther..." said Papyrus menacingly.

"sounds good! maybe i could buy you an umbrella!" Sans laughed again as the baby bones got up and brushed the snow off his skull.

"Maybe you should makes a deal wit her and ask her to makes you funny instead."

Sans kept his smile, despite the glare his baby brother was giving him. "naaah, i think i'll give it to you so you can buy a sense of humor."

"Why? So you's can kill it wit another joke? Why you hate joy big Buther?"

"psh, whatever," said Sans waving him off and turning away. "i KNOW i'm funny..."

"Like cancer."

"the hell is cancer?"

"Is what you gives me ery time you makes a joke."

The kid comedian frowned. "i don't get it. what does that even mean?"

"It mean just cause' you's stupid, don't mean you's funny Snas."

"hey pal, i'm not the one who got knocked into a tree-"

"You's gonna be..." said Baby Papyrus walking towards Sans.

"Psh, ain't nobody scared of you!"

"Dat's a mistake."

"please, i'm gonna go get something to eat at grillby's-"

"You do that."

Sans headed off and out of the woods, he already knew his brother would be fine on his own; Papyrus had been sneaking out of the Lab for awhile now.

He did get a bit worried when he didn't see Papyrus outside of Grillby's however.

He always waits by Grillby's until I come out. He doesn't like it when I'm out here all alone.

Where is-

The skeleton's train of thought came to a halt as he spied his little brother walking down the path...or hopping to be more exact.

"....the hell are you doing pap?" Sans watched in curiosity as his baby brother waddle over to him looking like a Present tree ornament.

"I gots to protect myselves from the doody dogs!" said Papyrus hopping closer to Sans.

"the wha-oh, oh gotcha'. you don't want dogs licking you because they use their tongues as toilet paper."

"I gots to protect mah new baby smell."

"new baby smell? what are you talking about?"

"All babies gots da' new baby smell, erybody knows dat! It make us cuter so we don't become dumpster babies..."

Sans curiously walked over and inhaled his brother's scent. "*sniff* *sniff*"

"Nooooo! What wrong wit you?!" asked the baby incredulously, pushing his brother's face away with both hands.

Who sniffs a baby head?!

Sans ignored his cries and continued smelling. "oh damn, you're right! you smell so good baby bro! *sniff* *sniff*"

"DON'T SNIFFS DA' BABY!" yelled Papyrus waddling away, unfortunately he couldn't go very fast in his baby armor and he only wound up falling face down in the snow. "Nyehhhhhhhh!"

Sans picked him up and continued sniffing. "*sniff* *sniff*"

"Uhh..what are you doing?"

He stopped and lifted his head to see Undyne staring at him with a strange expression while Papyrus continued to wail and wiggle in his grasp. "i'm smelling papyrus! he smells really good! here, check it out!" he said, holding up the distraught baby bones.

"NO! DIS NASTY! LET GO OF DA' BABY OR I'S GONNA SUE FOR DA' HARASSMENT!"

Sans ignored him completely and continued to hold his baby brother out like a bouquet of flowers causing the tiny skeleton to squirm even harder in retaliation.

Why did he have to have such a creepy older brother anyway? Just once the baby would like it if he could go one day without Sans grinning at him like the Joker or petting him while he napped in his crib like Pedobear...

*Sniff* *Sniff* HOLY CRAP YOU'RE RIGHT!" Undyne's mouth dropped open in amazement. "Why does he smell so good?!"

"SOMEBODY SAVE DA' BABY! THERE BE CWEEPS OVER HERE!"

"he says it's his 'new baby smell' *sniff* and that all babies have it."

"STOP CWEEPIN' ON DA' BABY!"

"Really? ALL babies?! Why? *sniff* *sniff*"

"he says it's so they don't become dumpster babies, but this is paps sooo..."

"Got it, *sniff* he lies."

"I'S TELLING DADDY ON YOOOOOU!" screamed Baby Papyrus kicking his little legs. This was the worst. Now Sans was gonna sniff him in his sleep and during hugs and when he wasn't looking...

Papyrus JUST got done getting Sans to stop trying to bathe with him too! Now all that progress was gone and his big brother was one step closer to jail...

"Hey let's show everyone in the Underground how good he smells!"

"everyone?"

"Yeah everyone! This is AMAZING! WE HAVE TO SHARE THIS WITH THE WORLD!"

"NOOOOOOOOO!"

"i dunno, i kinda wanna keep him to myself. what if his new baby smell disappears because too many monsters get their smell on him?"

Papyrus looked over his shoulder at Sans hopefully. Maybe his big brother's creepiness would come in handy for once...

"Fine, he's your brother-"

"thanks-"

"You can be a selfish prick and keep him all to yourself if you want."

".....thanks."

Bitch.

Undyne walked away and Papyrus smiled happily. Today was finally starting to look up-

"*SNIIIIIIIFFFFF!*"

"......"