"hey paappyy! look at the camera pappyyy!" Sans waved to his brother happily, holding a camcorder in his hand.

"Nyeh? What you want Snas?" asked the baby bones. "Daddy didn't say you gots to record the baby today..."

"yeah i know, but you're getting so big! any day now you're gonna grow out of your bones pap, i just know it!" said Sans excitedly. "you know what i'm talking about right? you're gonna grow out of your bones for the first time!"

And I'm gonna get it on camera too!

"What chu talkin' bout' Snas? I's too widdle to get big, I's still just a baby ya' know?"

"yeah but you're making more ectoplasm now bro! your bones can't hold it all and they're gonna fall off-"

"*GASP!*"

"then all your ectoplasm is gonna come out an-"

"DAAAAAADDDYYYYYYY!" Papyrus took off running towards Gaster's office.

"huh? wait papyrus...!"

"DADDY COME FIX DA' BAY-BEEEEEE!!" The little Horror Font reached the office door and banged on it repeatedly.

"IF YOU CAN SHOUT THEN YOU'RE FINE," yelled Gaster from inside the room. He had a habit of locking his office door and he almost NEVER answered it for Papyrus. The only way the door would open is if Sans said it was important...but maybe if Papyrus kept beating on it...

"YOU FIX DA' BABY RIGHT NOW OR I'S GONNA CRY IN YO' BIG STINK HEAD!!" screamed Papyrus banging on the office door.

BANG BANG BANG!

"SANS, ATTEND TO YOUR BROTHER PLEASE."

"NYEHHHHHAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!"

BANG!

BANG!

BANG BANG!

BANG!

"whoa! easy pap, easy!"

"I'S GONNA KILL YOOOOUUUUU!!! I'S GONNA BURY YOU WIT SNAS' HOPES AND DWEAMS!!"

"....nice."

"IMMA FWUSH YO' DUST DOWN DA' TOILET AND WEAR YO' STINK DWESS ON SPOOKY DAY CAUSE' IT UGLYYYYYY!!" Papyrus kicked the door several times angrily.

"PA-PYRUS!"

"*GEEP!*" The baby bones jumped at his brother's sudden yelling. His voice was getting deeper and he didn't like it too much. "Nyehh..nyehh...!"

"oh geeze sorry, i didn't mean to yell THAT loud-"

"NYEHHHHHHHHH!" Papyrus plopped down on the floor and began to bawl his eyes out. "SNAS YELL AT THE BAY-BEEEEE!"

Shit...

"NYEH-HAAAAAAAHHHHH!!"

Sans put a hand over his face in annoyance. He wanted another aspirin, but the bottle said he couldn't take too many at one time and he had already had one that day...it seemed like he was taking them more and more often as of late truth be told.

I just wanted to have a freaking conversation! God, why does everything have to be over-dramatized with him?

"NYEHHHHHHH! NO ONE LOVES DA' BAY-BEEE!"

The kid comedian searched his pockets for his brother's "gaga" frantically. It was usually the only thing that calmed the tiny baby bones down when he was really upset, but unfortunately today Sans couldn't seem to find it.

Where's his goddamn pacifier?!

"I'S GONNA TURN INTO A TINY WIDDLE PUDDLE AND NOBODY CARRRREEEE! NYEHHHHHHAAAAAHHHHHH!!!"

"YOU'RE NOT GONNA TURN INTO A PUDDLE PAPYRUS!"

"*Sniff* Nyeh...?" The baby bones stopped crying and looked up at his brother tearfully. "I's not gonna be baby soup?"

"no stupid, your bones are gonna fall off, your ectoplasm is gonna come out, and then it's gonna harden into stronger bones, that's ALL."

"....You's not taping baby's demise?"

"what? no! no i'm not taping your demise! what's wrong with you?!"

"*Sniff*"

"*sigh* c'mere lil' bro," said Sans pulling his brother into a hug with one arm.

Papyrus wiped his tears away and snuggled into the older skeleton's hoodie, feeling better. "I's sorry Snas, I thought you's gonna watch the baby turn into a puddle and eats the soup..."

"...no."

"Oh...then why you's taping me?"

"because, you weird little freak, growing out of your bones is like taking your first steps or saying your first words or sentence. it's special..."

"Special?"

"yep. it means you're getting bigger. you're gonna be a big boy pap! well, i mean eventually..you're gonna be really small for awhile as your new bones grow out-"

"Wowie, I's gonna be a big boy! Imma get big!"

"mm hm, you sure are."

Finally, we're on the right track.

"YOU HEAR DAT DADDY? I'S GONNA BE A BIG BOY, THEN I BEATS YOU LIKE WE'S MARRIED!"

"papyrus no! heh heh ha ha ha!"

"Nyeh heh heh heh heh!"

He's so cute...I might actually miss his messed up sense of humor when he gets older.

At least I THINK that was a joke...

"Does the baby get a party...?"

"hm? what?"

"Does I gets a party?"

"heh, sure thing little bro. me and you will throw a big party and invite everyone who'll come!"

Which is basically Undyne and no one else.

"YAAAY! WE'S GONNA PARTY HARDY!" The baby bones cheered, smiling brightly and happily.

"we sure are! we'll have snacks and juice and-"

"And cake?"

"hell yeah we'll have cake!"

"And stwippers?"

"*pfft* yeah bro, LOTS of strippers, and if i can't find any i'll dress up and do a sexy little dance for ya' myself!"

"......"

"i'll burst right out of your cake and give the baby a lap dance, how's that sound?"

"....I don't wants a party no more."

"ha ha ha ha! yeah okay fine, whatever pap. you don't know what you're missing though! i got some sweet moves-"

Papyrus went to his room, closing his door gently.

BA-GUN.

"christ pap, I WAS JO-"

"Sans I want to talk to you," said Gaster from the other side of the door.

"crap."

Sans opened the door wearily to find his father hunched over a pile of paperwork.

"y-yeah dad?"

"I need you to deliver this letter of congratulations to the woman who runs the Inn in Snowdin. Apparently her terrible excuse for a husband came home and now she's a mother of three."

"oh is that it? wait, why is he terrible?"

"Because he thinks he can leave for months at a time and then simply apologize by giving her another child."

"so, why do you care? do you like the innkeeper? are you gonna steal her away from him and marry her?"

"Sans-"

"are we gonna get a mom? for real?!"

Glaring, Gaster was about to answer when he heard a gasp from under his desk.

"What on earth was-PAPYRUS I ASKED YOU TO KEEP YOUR BABY MONITOR OUT OF MY OFFICE!"

"WE GONNA GETS A MUDER?! WIT MILK IN DA' BOOBS?!"

"OF COURSE NO-"

CA-THUN!

The sound of something dropping onto a table was heard over the monitor tapped under the scientist's desk, indicating that Papyrus had taken off.

"*Sigh* Go get your brother please."

"yeah okay."

"And stop teasing him..like you did earlier I mean. I know they're most likely jokes, but if you keep flirting your font might change and I want to avoid any other walking annoyances."

"but my font is broken..if i get a new one i might get better..."

"Changing your font isn't like putting on a new costume Sans, we discussed this. If something goes wrong-"

"i'll get a bad font like bro?"

Gaster turned in his chair to look at Sans wearing a serious expression. "There's no such thing as a bad font child, only bad people. Remember that."

"...."

Sans teleported to Snowdin.

"Ooooh! Look at dat bunny baby Snas!" exclaimed Papyrus excitedly.

It was always good to have another baby in the world.

"Mmnahh..gag.."

"heh, it's a cutie all right," said Sans smiling as the infant continued to gurgle. Apparently it had just woken up from a nap.

I wish my brother took naps.

"Dat baby's fluffy as hell lady!"

"Um, uh..thank yo-"

"Where you get these fluffy babies? You gots two and now you gets twee?! Where da' baby store at?!"

"W-well-"

"*sniiiiiff*"

"Please..don't do that Sans."

"TELL ME WHERE DA' BABY STORE AT!"

"volume lil' bro."

"Why don't you ask your parents where the babies come from?" asked the mother rabbit nervously.

They've so much energy...

"I KNOWS where babies come from! Daddy says babies come from da' store like erything else, but I can't FINDS it! I looks and I looks, but I can't finds it nowheres!"

"Ha ha ha ha ha!"

"the baby store huh?" Sans smiled, thoroughly amused and stuck his hands in his pockets.

"Yep! Didn't you know dat Snas? You buy da' babies at the secret store..."

"heh heh heh, no i didn't know that pap."

Bro's so cute...

"Is too! The store like a secret cwub and you can only gets in if you go with someone you loves..."

"Awww!"

"You can also gets em' online if you go to the Deep Web."

"...."

"the what...?"

"Dat's probly where Daddy get us cause' nobody love him."

"pfft!* papyrus, don't say things like that!"

"Daddy say I's da' worst purchase he ever maked-"

"bro! ha ha ha ha ha!"

"Let's change the subject-"

"Cept' for Snas."

"...."

"He gotted the two for one deal online, but they sends him cwap babies. Snas' font don't work and he be cweepy-"

"you just said he bought us separately-"

"Would you like to hold the baby Papyrus?" asked the innkeeper nervously.

Papyrus's eyes lit up. "Yeah! I's gonna holds it real good! Look Snas, watch the baby!" Papyrus carefully cradled the newly born rabbit in his arms, being careful to support it's neck, much to the mother's surprise.

"Eerrah...?" The tiny rabbit looked at him warily.

"Hellwoe baby, you's so cute! Erybody gonna love you cause' you's a bunny and nobody hate bunnies. How old you be?"

"He's-"

"I asked the baby."

"bro...!"

"Heh heh ha ha ha! It's alright Sans, he WAS talking to my little one after all," said the innkeeper laughing.

Still...

"pap needs to learn some manners, he's getting so rude..."

"Baby not wude!" exclaimed Papyrus angrily.

"You're a baby?"

"Course' I's a baby! Look at dis butt! I gots a tiny hiney and tiny hands and tiny feets-"

"But you're a little tall to be a baby don't you think? You're probably a toddler."

"Well you's a widdle ugly to be a bunny, and he probably found!"

"papyrus no!"

"Heh heh ha ha ha! Okay, that was a little rude."

"you're getting out of hand baby bro," said Sans embarrassed. "these days if you aren't threatening people or interrupting them, you're bossing them around! dad might take you back to the store if you don't behave you know..."

"Sans!"

"Is too dat da' baby still innerrupt peoples, but Muder teachin' me to be good and I's getting better! You don't know what you's talkin' bout' Snas. Isn't that right bunny baby?"

"Gha-roo?"

"huh? mother? is that what you said?"

We don't have a mother...

"Yep, Muder teaches the manners and gives me sweets when I's good! She real nice-"

"we don't have a mother papyrus, who is this person you're talking about?"

It can't be the lady who runs the store here in Snowdin, Papyrus always calls her the cinnabun lady...

Who the hell...?

It bothered Sans that someone, ANYONE, would take it upon themselves to look after his little brother..especially with the rumors about him still flying around. So far Papyrus had scared or killed everyone off in the lab and the grieving families and terrified survivors made it known all over the Underground. His brother was on his best behavior with the rabbit family, but everyone else learned to avoid him a long time ago as dogs in Snowdin disappeared and the puzzles in Hotland begun to mysteriously malfunction due to baby toys being shoved between the gears.

Who would want to risk their life taking care of a baby that isn't even theirs?

The jumping platform puzzles sometimes sent monsters who used them hurling into the lava where their dust couldn't even be collected, causing most monsters who couldn't survive such temperatures to try and find an alternate route to work or school. Protests against his brother had been common for a long time until finally the king gathered everyone in the Underground and said something that turned Sans' soul to ice.

"Okay child, apologize to all the people now and make sure to tell them you won't be bad anymore," said Asgore lifting the baby bones up to the mic.

"I's not a child, I's a baby!"

"Oh dear, my mistake, heh heh ha. You're so intelligent I sometimes forget you're just an infant!"

"Babies aren't stupid, YOU'S stupid!"

"c'mon bro..."

"Just tell your lie Papyrus so we can all go home."

"!!!!"

Asgore knows Papyrus can make people believe his lies, but he's a guy! He can't BE a mother!

"The purple lady big Buther! She a classy lassy!"

"purple..lady...?"

I don't know anyone like that...

"h-how come i've never met her bro?"

If this person's real, they're a freaking psycho.

"She only take care of babies. Mamma spidies don't look after children and she likes to cook big people's into doughnuts-"

"Sans can I talk to you a minute alone please?"

"Hey! I's talkin' over here!"

"I'm sorry dear, but this is important. Can you look after the baby alone for a minute or two?"

"you're leaving your baby with papyrus?!"

Holy crap that's a bad idea, what the hell?!

"It's VERY IMPORTANT Sans."

"uh, okay..."

The mother rabbit led Sans upstairs to the second floor of the inn.

"is this about the purple-lady?"

"Yes it is," said the mother rabbit quietly. "You said you don't have a mother and your father sounds..."

"like a prick."

"Yes."

"okay, so?"

"So it's common for children to have imaginary friends when they're lonely, and your brother may be pretending to have a mother because he doesn't like his father."

"ohhhh!"

I didn't think of that!

That's kinda sad actually...

"I think it'd be best to just let him pretend, okay? We don't want him to feel unloved, especially with all these horrible rumors around! My husband I'm ashamed to say, was a part of the war against skeletons and there are a lot of people here who still don't-"

"huh?"

"What?"

"what war? what are you talking about?"

Oh dear.

"Um, never mind darling! Just look after your brother alright? He needs your love and support."

"yes ma'm. i'll try my best."

"*Sigh*" The mother rabbit pet Sans affectionately on the head. "You're such a good boy Sans, I wish more people were like you. Listen, if you ever need to talk-"

"i'll be fine. it's not as bad as pappy makes it sound, dad's just a smartass, he doesn't put us in cages or anything, heh."

"Oh good, I was worried for a bit! We don't want you or your brother growing up to be crazy sociopaths do we? Heh heh ha ha ha!"

"......"

"Well let's go back downstairs before your brother takes to kidnapping. *giggle* I think he might want a baby of his own~"

"well i can't help him with that, unless you wanna do me a favor."

"....."

"i'm sorry."

"...Don't worry child, keep practicing. You're Comic Sans, you'll be funny someday I just know it!"

Ow.

"NO BABY, DON'T EAT DA' SCARF! I COOKS YOU FOR BREAKFAST!!"

"Go get him please, and remember what I said about taking care of your brother."

"yes ma'm, i'll take good care of him, i promise."

Sans went back downstairs.

"THEY'S EATIN' MAH SCARF SNAS!"

"maybe they need a pacifier pap-"

"Hey lady, get yo' baby a gaga or I's gonna tell Daddy you's not muder mater-ri-al!"

"E-Excuse me...?"

"Daddy likes you good inn lady! He say you's a hot tamale and he wants to marry you!"

"..."

"h-hey bro, let's go get something to eat huh?"

"I's not hungry."

"alrighty, i'll just go to grillby's myself then i guess..."

"NOOOO! THERE'S DOODY DOGS IN THERE!"

"What's your father's name...?"

"it's not important, pap's just-"

"Gaster. W.D. Gaster. He lives at da' lab and he thirrrrrstyyyyy..."

"we're leaving. thanks for having us ma'm-"

"NOOOOOOOOO!"