"Sans, take your brother and go to sleep...need to put the croceries away..."

"uh, pops?"

Gaster handed Sans a bag of what was left of the groceries, exhausted. There HAD been more, but Papyrus had decided to throw most of them into Hotland's boiling magma as a "sacrifice" to the "volcanic gods of Mt. Ebott."

"NYEH HEE HEE HEE!"

"Sigh..."

He wasn't even supposed to leave the lab...

"dad you're putting paps in the fridge."

"KI-ET SNAS! Dis where he keep da' milk..."

"you know babies drink more than-DAD!"

CA-THUNK!

"ME HEE HEE! I OUGHT IT SNAS!" cried the baby bones, his voice muffled from inside the fridge. "I OWES IT CAUSE' DA' CONTAINER FEEL LIKE A IZARD!"

SCRITCH, SCRITCH, SCRITCH!

"CAN YOU HEAR THE IZARD BIG BUTHER?"

FUMP!

"HEY!"

"sorry bro, gotta put these...three bisicles, away. also, don't scratch on the milk carton, it's bad for your fingers."

"Dis MY milk and I does what I wants with it!"

"it's everyone's milk, not just yours."

"NO!" Papyrus spread his little arms and legs out to block Sans from the fridge. "Dis MY milk, go sweep!"

"i'd love to go to sleep, but first i need to put these away."

"Well dat's very un-for-tun-ate for you big Buther, cause' I don't plan on moving out the way. I've decided dat dis gonna be my new room. Is close to da' food AND the milk. Very efficient."

"oh yeah? and what about your toys? where are you gonna put all your toys pappy? that's an awfully small fridge..."

"Well I'm an awfully small baby, besides..." Papyrus reached down and pulled out a block of cheese.

"are you kidding me with this?"

"We both know dis all I need right here."

"what about air?" asked Sans, deciding to stuff the bisicles into the freezer. "do you need ai-ewww, papyrus what is that?!" he pointed towards a bowl of...something, not caring whether or not his brother could actually see it. He couldn't hazard a guess as to what he was looking at, but there were a few clues that told him the baby bones was probably responsible; one of them being that he recognized the bowl as one he'd use for cereal, which meant this thing was DEFINITELY homemade.

"Daz baby's food. Not for you. Is like cookie dough, cept' is not made of cookies."

"it's got meat in it!"

"Dat's cause' is not made of cookies...is made of meat. Meat and milk. Lots of nutrients in there. Lossa proteins and normal teens and calcium and-"

"stop. stop right there. what do you mean 'normal teens?"

"Sometimes is hard to find new puppies."

"new pup-is this more of your puptart crap?! i asked you not to do that!"

Those poor dogs...

"Is not puptarts stink head! Puptarts go in the brave little toaster! Dis Puppydough! Is like cookie dough cept'-"

"except it's made of meat, i got it! it's gross papyrus!"

"YOU NOT EVEN TRY IT!" shouted the baby bones accusingly. He quickly returned to his smile. "And you's not GONNA try it...cause' is mine. My ice cream. Not for you, sad, but true. You can has the Dog Salad..."

"are you seriously trying to make me jealous of this...?"

"Try not to get any of yo' jelly in my noms Snas. I prefer my eats to taste like victory, not your depression-"

"ALPHYS, PAPYRUS IS BEING AN ASSHOLE!"

"PAPYRUS IS ALWAYS AN ASSHOLE."

"I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU DAD!"

"You tell Babybop! You tell Babybop and Daddy and even Dirt-Butt, they all gonna side with the baby! They see mah dough and they probly think, 'wowie! Dat baby so talented and smart! Only a genius baby would think of mixing milk and meats! If only I had been nicer to sweet widdle Papyrus, then maybe I could have some of dat Puppydough..."

"*pfft!* is that how you think that's gonna go?" Sans chuckled despite his disgust. "iiii think you might end up a bit disappointed then pappy. i personally wouldn't touch that to throw it away."

"You won't touch it cause' I told you not to."

"heh heh is that right?"

SHINK!

"WOOOAHH! where'd you get that?!"

Papyrus narrowed his eyes at his brother whilst clutching a switchblade in his tiny fist. "Black babies always armed...case whitey wants to rumble. Nyeh? NO! NO DIS MINE! IS MIIIINNNE! MIIIIAAAHHHHH!!! NYEH-HAAAAAHHHHHH!!"

"sorry bro, but you're the LAST person who needs a switchblade-"

THUMP THUMP THUMP!

"heeey, now you know better than that-"

"NYEHHHHHHHH-HAAAAAAAAA!!!"

Wailing loudly, Papyrus kicked the inside of the fridge with even more ferocity than before while his brother tried to keep things from tumbling out onto the floor.

THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP, THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP!

"HEY, WHO'S KICKING THINGS UP THERE?" shouted Gaster angrily.

"HE TAKE MY DOG-OPENERRRR!!! NYEHAAAAAHHHHH!!!"

"SANS WILL YOU KEEP YOUR BROTHER QUIET? YOU HAVE ONE JOB!"

"papyrus stop kicking the fridge...also get out of the fridge."

"I DON'T LOVE YOU ANYMO-HORRRRRE!!"

"yeah, sure you don't."

Drama king.

I can't wait till he grows out of this.

...

...

God I hope he grows out of this.

"I JUST WANTS TO EAT HEALTHY SO I DOESN'T GET FAT LIKE YOU-HOOOO! JUST CAUSE' YOU CAN'T FIND HAPPINESS DOESN'T MEAN YOU GOTS TO TAKE DA' BABY'S!"

"lemme know when you're done, kay'? imma go throw this away or something."

"YOU CUSH MAH DREEEAMSSS!"

Walking towards the elevator, Sans paused only slightly to consider maybe throwing the blade into the lava pits of Hotland, but in the end, he decided against it walking into the Nursery instead. Papyrus didn't need a knife, he was dangerous enough as is, which could only mean he had taken it from someone else...someone who ALSO didn't need a weapon, seeing as everyone used magic.

Monsters with weapons are always bad news. Papyrus must have run into a really bad person who planned to use this knife as a surprise attack against someone. That's all these things are good for down here; fighting dirty.

Asgore really needs to put some kind of fence around the Dump or ban it or something. That's exactly where dangerous garbage like this is coming from, right there.

But that's not to say it wasn't useful to people like Sans.

My ATK is so low, I'm pretty much the only person who needs something like this to protect himself. My bro can't be there for me ALL the time, and I wouldn't want him to be. The older he gets, the more responsibilities he'll have to take on, and eventually I'll become a burden. He doesn't mind protecting me now; he's a baby, he has nothing better to do, but one day...

Sans took a few swings with the knife.

"Nyeh? Snas what chu-no. Nuh-uh. Give me that. That's not a toy."

"p-papyrus..?"

Using his wingdings, Papyrus took the opportunity to take the blade out of his surprised sibling's hand.

"hey i need that!"

"Why? You want to end up a little punk like me?"

"huh?"

"Well I's very flattered big Buther, but the answer is 'no.' Nobody like a copycat ya' know? Also, how you gonna weave baby crying in da' fridgergator?! You wants me to catch a cold? You weave the door open too! I could've fallen out and broke my widdle head-"

"papyrus-"

"It'd be like Humpy Dumpy."

"bro-"

"Dead baby. Egg yolk erywhere."

"would you listen to me?! i need that knife!"

"What for?"

"for protection! i only have 1 atk..."

"You're not gonna need any protection other than me until you're eighteen...and given your personality that too is a shot in the dark."

"what does that even mean?!"

"Means 'no."

"DAD, PAPYRUS HAS A KNIFE!"

"SHOCKING."

Sans glared down the hallway.

Alright...

"ALPHYSSS, PAPYRUS HAS A KNIFE!"

"SWING WITH RESPONSIBILITY PAPYRUS," replied the young girl from another room.

"SERIOUSLY ALPHYS? DOES NO ONE CARE THAT THIS BABY HAS A KNIFE? HE'S USUING IT TO KILL PUPPIES!"

"Nyeh? What chu talkin' bout' Snas? I not make dat Puppydough."

"you already admitted that you made it papyrus!"

"No I didn't! Is made by puppies...like the spidie doughnuts. Dat's where I gots da' idea! Is made by puppies, OF puppies..."

"it's gross!"

Not that I believe you.

"IT HELPS DA' ECONOMY! You know how diffi-cult it be to be a baby in Snowdin?"

"you're not SUPPOSED to be in snowdin-"

"The snow be deep as hell big Buther, and the doody dogs leave their doodies erywhere. They gets covered by the snow and then cute babies such as myselves steps in them." Papyrus lifted up his foot. "Today I's wearing the baby booties cause' I go shopping wit Daddy. No shirt, no shoe, no service Snas; but OTHER times I's in my onesie and I get the brown feets-"

"then wear boots all the time or don't go out. killing these dogs is not the answer baby bro, It's wrong."

"But it IS the answer Snas! Dis not the only bad thing they do! Sometimes they pick up the baby."

"...what?"

"They bite down on baby's skull and they picks me up! They picks me up and they run around and I's like, 'PUT ME DOWN DOODY DOG! I'S TRYING TO GET TO DIRT-BUTT!' and they're all like, 'WOOF!' and I's like, 'YOU STUPID DOG!' and they're like, 'WOOF!' and I go 'IMMA KILL YOOOOOU!"

"..."

"...There dis one dog dat be useful dough. You remember Long-Neck? He carry the baby waaaay up high; the big peoples be using him to get crystals from the ceiling."

"wait, magic crystals? Are you talking about magic crystals?"

That wasn't good. As desperate as the Underground currently was for power, Sans didn't want the false stars on the mountain's ceiling to disappear. It made him sad to think of all the wishes people had made on them over the years being turned to powder along with them.

All of HIS wishes...

"Yep! Is got me thinkin' too...I could use a high dog like dis to get to the sparklies you wants. I could do that Snas. If dat stink ceiling weren't in the way, I could reach those sparklies and maybe even visit the moon..."

"my wishes..."

"...?" Papyrus looked up at his brother in confusion and then smiled, realizing what he meant. "Don't worry big Buther. I got chu. I tell the peoples collecting that if they don't weave the fake sparklies in Waterfall alone, THEY gonna be my ice cream. Yo' wishes be safe like the womb."

"uh...thanks."

I think.

His baby-isims are so creepy sometimes...

...

I wonder though...

"hey bro, do you have any wishes?"

"Nyeh? Wishes? Nyeh heh hee hee hee! What I gonna wish for? I's just a baby! A baby lacks petty big people ambitions and obsessions. All we needs is some toys, love, a cwib, and lossa nutrients."

"c'mon pap, there's gotta be something that you really really want and can't get on your own. everyone's gotta wish like that, I know you're no different."

"No different hm? Kay' then, I wish you'd stop asking me so many personal kestions."

"personal questions?"

"Mm." Papyrus nodded. "I wish you'd stop asking me personal kestions and stop playing with sharp objects." And with that, the infant crawled out of the room, all the while making a mental note not to pull weapons out in front of his silly brother again.