"*Sigh* Sans, what is this?" asked Gaster looking down at the two boys on the floor.

"pappy gives me nightmares, so i made him more cute and less scary!"

"It's too, I's a cute baby."

"Please don't glue things to your brother's head Sans."

Papyrus lightly touched the small accessory Sans had made for him. "I likes it, it match my jammies."

"see dad? he likes it!"

I don't care, get rid of it," said Gaster crossing his arms. Sans was smarter than this, he should've KNOWN better...

"No! I's gonna wear it forever! Baby gonna get alll da' chicks..."

"yeah dad, it's a chick magnet!" exclaimed Sans happily.

"I assure you, it most certainly is not."

Papyrus scratched his head.

"Den why you come in here?"

".............."

Gaster left the room.

"NYEH HEE HEE HEE HEE!"

"sick burn bro!"

"When I gets big, I's gonna burn eryone!"

Sans averted his eyes. "*cough* maybe you shouldn't-"

"And woast da' marshmallows!"

"you REALLY shouldn't pappy," said Sans, but the baby bones was already crawling toward their crib, pulling out a book from their mattress.

"watcha' reading pappy?"

"Is a book."

"i know it's a book bro, what's it about?"

Papyrus turned his head. "You wants the baby to read to you?"

"sure," said Sans.

Even though you shouldn't know HOW to read.

"Once upon a time there was a wabbit and a wolfy dog."

"we're they friends?"

"No."

Sans looked nervously at his brother.

Uh oh...what'd Pappy find at the dump THIS time?

"The wolfy dog wanted to kill da' wabbit cause' the wabbit be lying all da' time and he played the tricks."

"that sounds like you bro!"

"I's a baby, not a wabbit."

"ohhh, my mistake."

Papyrus continued. "The wolfy dog made a widdle baby out of tar, dat's sticky black stuff Buther-"

"i know what tar is."

"Kay'. Wolf dog put the tar baby in the woad and hided so he could kill da' wabbit when he gotted stuck and when the wabbit came by he thought it was a weal baby, so he try to say hellwoe."

This is the Brier Rabbit story.

"Hellwoe baby! You's so cute!"

"pfft!"

"Da' baby didn't say nothin' cause it wasn't a weal baby. Is a tar baby..."

"iii remember."

"The wabbit thought 'dat's a wude baby...why dat baby so mean to me?'"

"heh heh hee hee!"

"Then the wabbit tried to pick up da' baby so he could tell its daddy it was bad and got stuck cause' it be sticky."

"oh no!" laughed Sans behind his hands.

"Yeah! Things didn't look so good for da' wabbit..."

"what happened to the rabbit bro?"

"He picked up the baby and went to go find a witch cause' they be magic and the baby wouldn't come off da' wabbit's widdle paws."

What...?

I thought he was reading Brier Rabbit?

"Da' wabbit wandered through the woods and found a house with a mailbox dat said twee bears."

"heh heh ha ha ha ha!"

"Why you laugh? Bears gots houses! I seens it!"

So do the bears in Goldilocks.

"sorry pappy..."

"The wabbit went into da' house through the window cause' the door be locked and the wolfy dog followed him."

"uh oh!"

"Yep da' wabbit was cornered and da' wolfy dog tried to claw at his face, but he got stucked to the tar baby too."

"that sucks."

"It sucked monkey big Buther, cause' they twied and twied, but couldn't gets fee..."

"were they forced to become friends and work together?"

Papyrus shook his head. "No, the bears be home and they call the guard. The wabbit and da' wolf dog wents to jail."

"........oh."

"The wolfy dog knowed people in da' jail dough, cause' he lived the street life..."

Where the hell is this going?

"He said 'they can't puts cute babies in jail! That's aspicable!' and eryone agweed. They maded a riot and the guards say 'SHU DA' FUK UP!!' and erybody shu up cause' they didn't wants to get in trouble."

"language bro."

"Dat's what it says!"

Right, I'm sure.

Especially since you haven't turned a single page since you started.

"Da' guards say 'who asponsible for dis?!' and the wabbit blame da' baby cause he was a liar."

"what a jerk."

"Yeah, he weal bad. Da' guards got all up in tar baby's face and say 'whys you gotta start shit? We don't wants no stink baby disturbin' da' peace up in here!'"

"they said that huh?"

"They black monsters like da' tar baby."

Oh my god.

"uh, bro?"

"SHH! Da' baby didn't say nothin' cause it weren't weal and the guards got mad. They say 'you think you's hard?! We beats you with a STICK!' and they beated the tar baby with a stick."

"oh my god!"

"Yep, eryone cried cause' dat's baby abuse, but the stick got stucked to the baby like the wolfy dog and wabbit."

"well that's good-"

"'IT GOTS A WEAPON!' scweamed the guards. 'PUMP DAT' BABY FULL OF WED!'"

"............"

"BANG! BANG! BANG! They shot at da' baby, but the bullwits got stucked too. The guards eventually wan out of bullwits and they go 'WOWIE! DAT' BABY BE INVINCIBLE! We gives them to da' army.'"

"............"

"So the baby, the wolf dog, and da' wabbit all goed to the army, but they say wolfy dog and wabbit not allowed to train with the tar baby cause' they gonna helps cheat on the tests. They say to go way-"

".....does this end with everyone dying horribly?"

"I'S NOT TELLING YOU DA' ENDING!"

Sans put his hands up. "alright! geeze..."

Damn bro, chill...

"The wabbit and the wolfy dog couldn't go way cause' they be stuck, so they had to go to da' surgery..."

Sans' sockets went dark.

Oh god...

"But they didn't has no insurance."

Phew...

"'You gots to contact da' insurance agency or you no get better,' said da' doctors. Wabbit say 'I don't need no insurance! I go find a witch!"

Why the hell does Pappy even KNOW about insurance?

"where are they gonna find a witch little bro?"

"Hell."

"figures."

"Wolfy say 'I don't wanna go finds a witch, I gots too much fur and it hot down there!' Wabbit got mad. 'Don't be such a pussy, I gots fur too and I'S going!'"

Sans covered his face with his hands.

"'NO! I's not going! I go find a fairy!' said wolfy dog. 'Fairies be in space STUPID! We can't goes to outside space!'"

"they could get a space ship..." mumbled Sans still covering his face.

Papyrus smiled brightly at his brother. "Dat's what wolfy dog did! You so smart big Buther, like wolf dog!"

"thanks."

CLACK!

Papyrus gave Sans a kiss and picked his book back up. "So wolfy dog and the wabbit and the baby all try to steal a space ship. The guards tried to stop them, but Wabbit said 'If you comes any cwoser we gonna cast a spell on you! our baby black and knows da' voodoo-"

"i want to talk to you after the story's over papyrus."

"They go ups into space and finds the blue fairy in a blue star, sweeping and dreaming about cwickets. She wake up and say 'Dat's a cute baby you gots there, but it's not a WEAL baby...'"

"she was sleeping in a star?"

"Yep, when you makes a wish on a star it makes her house ring like tellaphone."

Cute.

Stupid...but cute.

"good to know."

"Da' blue fairy turned the tar baby into a weal boy and the wabbit and wolfy dog got unstuck, they were all weally happy and stuff."

"aww!"

"Then the wolf dog ate the baby, wabbit, and the fairy and got magical breath powers that makes his breath powerful enough to blow down pig houses-"

"aww..."

"And dat's why doggies blow so hard and I hates them. Da' end." Papyrus closed his book and shoved it under his crib mattress while Sans shook his head.

"how bout' I read the stories from now on?"

"You's gonna wead da' baby a story?"

"yeah sure, go pick one out for me and i'll read it."

Papyrus smiled and crawled to his toy box, grabbing a grimy old book Sans didn't recognize. "You wead dis one!"

Sans looked at the book in his brother's tiny hand with disgust. "uhh, no. how about this one instead?"

"NO!"

"aw c'mon bro! what's wrong with this book?"

"I wanna wead the book I founds!"

"the one at the dump?!"

"Yeah!"

"i'm not reading you that book pappy, it's dirty."

"WHY NOT?!"

"i just told you, it's dirty."

"But we might needs the infomation in da' future!"

".........i'm not reading you the Kamasutra."