"uhh, bro?"

CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH!

Sans watched as his tiny brother ate through the packet of hard noodles ferociously as if he were a wood chipper, unsure of what to do.

"Nyehm, nyehm, nyehm, nyehm, nyehm!"

"hey, pap?"

"Nyem-nyeh?" Papyrus stopped chomping. "What you want, Snas? I's gettin' the nutrition over here!"

"i can see that...but don't you think you'd get better 'nutrients' if the spaghetti was, you know, cooked..?"

Why's he eating it raw this time? That's freaking weird!

...

Though not as weird as him actually boiling it by himself.

"Daddy can't cook da' sgetti for the baby, cause' da' oven be broked!"exclaimed the baby bones pointing to the stove. "Is broken like my heart, big Buther..."

"you don't use the oven part for spaghetti, pappy."

"Dat's cause' it BROKEN, damn..." said the infant continuing to eat.

Sometimes Papyrus wondered...why did his brother have such a big head if his brain was so small?

Testing the oven in concern, Sans frowned in confusion. It seemed to be fine...the light wasn't broken, the oven itself turned on without incident, and even the clock was in working order...

"seems fine to me, bro. how's it broken? what'd you do to it?"

"I didn't do nothing, stink head! Why you gots to blame baby for erything?" asked the baby bones taking another bite out of his bundle of noodles.

Sans didn't answer, the older skeleton opened the oven door to find a small blue mass lying on a baking sheet. Taking a large spoon, he poked it warily, hoping it wasn't alive.

Welp, it's not biting the spoon, so I guess it's just a failed dish or something. It doesn't look too dangerous, but it smells kinda...off.

Oh crap, Papyrus didn't put any of Dad's chemicals in here did he?!

"uh-oh."

"Uh-oh is right, big Buther. I's trying to bake you a cake cause' I's nice like dat, but then the oven fuk it up!"

"did you use any of dad's chemicals? because those are poisonous-"

"Nooo! I use-ed the boo pay dough cause' it was pre-"

"heh heh ha ha ha ha!"

"...."

"...sorry, *pfft!* go ahead."

Oh my god.

"...I use-ed some boo pay dough cause' it was pretty and it smelled reeeeal good, but when I tried to bake da' dough, it got hard and depressing-"

"ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

"Nyeh? Why you waff? You can't eats yo' food, so now you don't gets any cake! Chubby bunnies love da' cake..."

"heh heh ha ha ha! i'm not...ha ha ha, i'm not chubby, pap!" exclaimed Sans, struggling to catch his breath.

He seriously tried to BAKE play dough...? For real?

What makes him think I'd eat anything made from ingredients he got at the Dump anyway?

"Yes you are, you's VERY chubby. You chubby as hell, big Buther! You's tons of fun in the bun, son!"

"heh heh ha ha, we-well, you're DUMB as hell! didn't you read the container? you don't EAT play dough, papyrus," said Sans trying to hold back another laughing fit.

"Yeah I know..cause' is dough. You's supposed to cooks it first-"

"HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

Sans cracked up all over again as the baby bones frowned and crawled away, the comedians laughter following him all the way down the hall.

"HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

"Ungrateful dumbass...he don't deserve mah cake...YOU'S FULL OF SUCK SNAS!!"

Still..he really wanted to make that cake...

Maybe the dough wasn't working right because it had been floating in a river for too long...?

Papyrus crawled all the way to Gaster's chemical room, hoping to find something that could make the solid blue lump of play dough soft again. According to Jerry, chemicals made everything better...

Looking up towards the table, the infant saw a number of glass beakers, all filled with various liquids. He didn't know which chemicals he needed, but surely SOMETHING would work, if he could just carry it to the kitchen that is...unfortunately he had an issue with his wingdings where he would accidentally grip things too hard, and today was no different.

CRISH!

CRISH!

CRISH!

The bottles he chose all shattered on the table, one by one. He managed to get only a single bottle off of the table and into his tiny hands, but after seeing that it smelled like peaches, Papyrus promptly dropped it, allowing the sweet smelling liquid to flow all over the floor and soak the bottom half of his onesie.

Cakes weren't supposed to smell like peaches! Everybody knew that!

Peaches were healthy, cakes were not.

The baby would have to chalk this culinary experiment up to a loss it seemed.

Disappointed, he crawled back to the nursery and pulled on his brother's bed covers.

"Hey Snas, SNAS!"

"*yawn* what is it bro?"

"Look what I can do."

"*sigh* that's great pap," said Sans drowsily.

"You doesn't sound like you think is great."

"can't this wait until AFTER the crack of noon?"

Why's he gotta wake me up so early all the time?

"NO! Paise da' baby, or I's gonna get the low self-esteem when I gets big!"

"*yawn*"

"I's gonna get the low self-esteem and then I's gonna grow up to be a serial killer-"

"pap-"

"And then nobody will have any cereal and it'll be all yo' fault big Buther, cause' you's ne-glect-ful."

Was Sans SERIOUS? He was just up a few minutes ago! Babies needed attention and positive reinforcement or they wouldn't be a good person when they got big...

"i'm not gonna praise you for sticking your dirty smelly feet in your mouth." Sans turned over in bed and pulled the blanket over his head, hoping to somehow drown the baby bones out, but unfortunately, his brother was in a chatty mood today.

"Mah feets not dirty stink head, and they doesn't smell bad either!"

"papyruuuus...lemme sleeeep!"

"They smells like peaches big Buther..."

"That would be the cyclosarin," said Gaster entering the nursery. "Come, leave your brother alone and follow me to the Medical Wing."

"NO! I want to pay wit Snas-"

"You can play with him after your checkup, now move."

"Why I needs a stink checkup?!"

"Because you've been crawling around in cyclosarin."

"Baby had a checkup yeserday, today I pays wit Snas."

"Noooo, today you get a checkup because you ingested a highly flammable liquid," said Gaster, picking up the baby bones.

"Why you gotta cap in my fru loops, dawg?"

"I'm not *sigh* I'm not 'crapping in your fruit loops-'"

"YOU CAP IN MAH FRU LOOPS!"

Gaster ignored him and upon reaching the Medical Wing, picked the nearest room and sat Papyrus down on the examination table. The infant immediately began crinkling the paper, bouncing on the mat with his rear end whilst the scientist poured a few liters of Tracer fluid into a bottle.

A cup would have been smaller and much easier to use measurement wise, but he knew Papyrus would reject it. Babies only drank from bottles and so Papyrus would always do the same, regardless of what was in it.

It's a good thing he accepts it without the top...hopefully this isn't too much...

The Tracer fluid would make it easier for him to see the baby's ectoplasm and scan it for irregularities, but he'd have to get Papyrus to drink it first, which was always annoying.

"Okay Papyrus, now drink the Tracer fluid and hold still plea-"

"What dat fluid for? Is glowy as hell! Nyeh heh heh!"

"You KNOW what it's for, we have this conversation every time you ingest something you shouldn't...which is practically everyday, because you won't stay away from the Dump like I asked you to."

"Daaaamn Daddy, I's just a baby! I can't remember stuff good cause' I's widdle..."

"Drink the fluid."

"Is not like I's lacking the edge-jew-ma-cation..."

"Drink the fluid."

"But mah baby-brain can't hold all my mamories-"

"Memories."

"Mini-wheats, cause' my big ol' head still not big enough. It gots a soft spot on it too-"

"Don't poke that."

"You gots to fix it Daddy! You gots to get me a new head for my growing brain or is gonna come out my eyes and nose-"

"Drink the fluid."

"Then I's gonna get the headaches cause' mah brain gonna be smooshed and I's gonna cry, but no tears will be able to get out!"

"DRINK THE FLUID."

"My tears gonna go down my tiny throat and make me drown, Daddy! I NEEDS MEDICAL ATTENTION!"

"Your medical attention is right here, drink the fluid."

Papyrus sniffed the cup, suspicious of the strange faintly glowing liquid inside."What dis paint be?"

"It's not paint, it's Tracer-"

"Why you gots to feed me paint? You tryin' to get baby high? We gonna get high and paint a rainbow?"

"IT'S NOT PAINT."

"Nyeh? What it be then? Is glowy snot? Gives it to Snas-"

"IT'S TRACER!"

"Kay'."

"*Sigh*"

"What it do?"

"Its small radioactive properties should cause the ectoplasm in your bones to glow once ingested and absorbed. Humans use it to find tumors and to-"

"DANCE!"

"I beg your pardon?"

I am NOT dancing for you.

"They uses it to dance in da' dark! I seens it! They drinks the paint and then they shakes what their mommies gave em'!"

Oh, that's what he meant.

"Pl-Please don't twerk on the table Papyrus, it's dangerous."

"I'S GONNA BE PART OF DA' BOO MAN GROUP!" exclaimed Papyrus. gulping down the liquid excitedly. It wasn't long however, until he promptly spit it back up, drenching the front of his orange onesie in radioactive liquid.

"Oooooh! Now my jammies gonna glow..."

"Nooo, NOW they're going in the wash-"

"I want to show Snas my glow jammies."

"Absolutely not, his font is unstable and we don't need a repeat of Hiroshima-don't-don't spread that on the wall-"

"Dis gonna fix my head?"

"Sure, sure it will," lied the scientist, examining Papyrus's ectoplasm through an portable ex-ray slide. Everything seemed to be in order, thankfully. He would however, have to make it a point not to allow the baby bones outside for awhile where the temperatures were MUCH hotter.

Not that he was suppose to leave anyway.

If he did, there was a chance that Papyrus's ectoplasm would catch flame from the heat build-up within his bones.

Now all I have to do is give the little Horror a bath.

"Dis gonna make me like Deadmau5?"

"Yes, you'll be EXACTLY like Dead Mouse, now hold sti-"

"Cause' I don't like Deadmau5."

"..."

"Also you spelled-did it wrong."

"..."

"You's lucky I noticed you's lying about the mouse, or you'd need tissues for da' issues I'd be causing..."

Gaster ignored him and filled the nearby sink with water.

"...Dis gonna make me like Jack-in-da'-box? The big person dat look like a clown and sells the fast food?"

"..."

"Cause' I don't like him neither."

"Let me know when you're done, yes?"

"Jack the one that be done, somebody cutted him in half!"

"Mm-hm."

"IS TOO! I founds a rainbow box at da' Dump with a handle...and when I turn-id the handle dat one song that goes do do dee do do started paying..."

"..."

"Then when the song was getting to the good part, half da' Jack came out! It scare Snas reeeal bad-"

"Sans isn't suppose to be at the Dump."

"Well he was, and I'll tells you another thing about Snas..."

"No thanks, you're all clean so you can go now."

"Is important dough!"

"I highly doubt it."

"No it is! Is reeeally important."

"Sans and important don't go together," said Gaster heading back to the nursery at a brisker pace.

Papyrus however, would have none of it.

"YOU'S GONNA LISTEN OR IMMA DRAW ON YO' PAPERS!"

"ALRIGHT FINE!" yelled the older skeleton, struggling to maintain his composure. "As. you. wish. What do you need to tell me about Sans that's sooo important?"

"...I gots to tell you dat Snas' full of puss, but he never gonna get any unless he grow some balls."

"...Get out of the doorway."

"You know that glow paint that makes yo' head big? I needs you to put dat on Sans in two paces-"

CA-THUNK!

Gaster closed the door and locked it behind him.

"YOU GOTS TO HELP SNAS GROW SOME BALLS OR I'S GONNA TELL DA' KING YOU'S A POOR SCIENTIST!!"

"...what?"