"Ewwww! You's nasty Daddy!" laughed Papyrus lifting his tiny foot. "You dwipping all over da' floor!"

"Hm yes, I wonder why?"

"Cause' yo' dress covered in tar!"

"*pfft!* it's not a dress baby bro..."

"I KNOW I'm covered in tar-"

"Nobody gonna take you to da' ball when you's yucky Daddy. Cween dat dress!"

"It's not a dress and YOU'RE the reason I'm coated in this filth!"

"Nuh uh! I's a GOOD baby, I payed at the Dump all day-"

"You're not SUPPOSED to play at the dump!"

"I collected tweasures like da' Little Mermaid..."

"You're going to get a disease."

"I collected tweasures and sang songs with mah fish friend." Papyrus pulled out a fork to show his brother.

"scavenging with undyne huh? didja' find anything else good?"

"Yep! I finds a bucket and tar for da' prank!"

"heh wow! good job pappy, you're so cool."

"NO HE IS NOT. Do not encourage this behavior Sans, this is serious! The Dump is full of bacteria and broken glass Papyrus, do you want to die and end up burning in hell early?!"

"Psh, only bad babies burn in hell-"

"AS. I'VE. SAID!"

"I uses da' glass for telescopes-"

"I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU USE THE GLASS FOR!"

"geeze dad, take it easy-"

"I pay pirate wit the fish lady!"

Gaster covered his face with his hands and took a deep breath to calm himself. "Do NOT go back there Papyrus, that place is dangerous. Do I make myself clear?"

"But-"

"No buts! I've heard enough!"

"But what if Snas needs more tar?"

"...What?"

Gaster turned to look at Sans, but the kid comedian had already teleported away.

"....."

"....."

"....."

"Dis da' part where you give baby an apology."

"Your not getting an apology. You know better."

"No I doesn't, I's just a baby-"

"SANS! SANS GET BACK IN HERE IMMEDIATELY!"

"Snas in trouble?"

"You're BOTH in trouble."

Some Time Later...

"Snas...? Snas is you mad at me?"

Sans ignored his baby brother and continued to glare at the wall, his arms crossed. He had been put in time-out and he wasn't happy about it.

"Big Buther, is you mad at da' baby?"

"....."

"Is it cause' I told-ed on you about the tar?"

"...."

"I's just a baby Snas, I don't know no better...is an accident."

"....."

"Sides, you told-ed on the baby about mah house and now I don't gots one no more. Dis be re-tro-bution."

"......"

"....."

"....."

"Can I has yo' cinnabun?"

"....."

"I's gonna take dis cinnabun kay'?" Papyrus reached into his brother's pocket.

"that's not yours."

"I know, but I's gonna takes it anyway kay'?"

"nooo not okay. that's stealing," said Sans pushing his brother's arm away.

"I know, but I's gonna takes it anyway cause' I want it."

Papyrus took the cinnabun from Sans' pocket.

"*sigh* you can't just take things that don't belong to you baby bro."

"Yes I can cause' I's a baby. Baby can have anything baby wants cause' baby's a baby and they doesn't put cute babies in jail."

Sans glanced at his brother.

They DON'T put babies in jail do they?

Hm.

"hey bro...if you don't tell on me when I leave time-out, i won't tell dad you took my cinnabun AND i'll let you have it."

"Da' whole thing?"

"the whole thing."

"Oooooooh!"

"so we have a deal?"

"Yep! I be silent like a kitty fart!" exclaimed Papyrus unwrapping his cinnabun happily.

"g-good."

I think.

"Nyeh hee hee!"

Sans got up from the corner and grabbed a book to read. "by the way baby bro, could you get me another cinnabun from the store? so we can eat together?"

"Nyeh? Dat be stealing dough..."

"i'm not stealing anything, YOU are," said Sans smiling and pointing at the baby bones.

"Oh yeaaah! You's so smart big Buther!"

"heh heh heh..."

Yes...yes I am.

Papyrus gave Sans a hug and left for Snowdin. It wasn't hard to get cinnabuns for free, Papyrus did it often when he wanted something sweet to nibble on, but during the next few days he spent a lot of time "shopping" for Sans...not that he wasn't happy about it.

He loved helping his older brother and making him smile.

The baby would feel a swelling of pride in his chest whenever he crawled past the stacks of books he had gotten for Sans, it made him feel like the bestest, nicest baby in the world and Sans would often tell him so. Instead of sleeping in all the time, he would sit down and read one of those books to Papyrus, sometimes he even let the baby read one to him, something that didn't happen as often in the past...not without complaints at least.

"You likes da' sparklies, don't you big Buther?"

"you mean the stars? yeah, they're pretty. i wish i could see the real ones someday, but we're stuck underground," said Sans turning a page.

"....Baby can get you da' sparklies if you wants."

"heh heh heh, the stars are up in space lil' bro! how're you gonna get all the way up there?"

"I twain real hard and collects da' souls! I got a gween one one time..."

Psh, yeah right.

"oh yeah? well where is it then pap?"

"I gives it to the king so he can breaks the glowey gate. He gonna use the magics to set eryone fee, but he needs all da' colors I thinks."

"so if i pay the king a quick visit, he'll have a green soul?"

"Yep, he can't use it yet, so he keep it in a glass jar. Is real pwetty."

Does the king really have a human soul? But the mountain is supposed to be impossible to enter...

"The fish lady saw it too, it float out of the hu-man like a balloon!"

"undyne saw it?!"

".....Kinda."

No way!

"i wanna see it!"

"Kay', but you gots to take the baby cause' it hidden."

Sans nodded and picked up his brother, teleporting to Asgore's castle.

"We gots to be real quiet big Buther, we's not supposed to go near da' souls cause' they gonna think we's thieves and stuff," whispered Papyrus. He led Sans into the room with the barrier and instilled some of his magic into the floor. To the comedian's surprise, the soul was right where he said it'd be, glowing beautifully and brightly.

"wow...it's so pretty!"

"Imma get some more too! Baby gonna get alll da' souls and then we go sees the sparklies! I pomise!"

"that's nice of you baby bro, but i don't want you getting hurt-"

"Baby won't get hurt, I's born to eats da' hu-mans! Imma nom their FACE!"

"no, not when you're a baby bones at least. your magics not good enough yet-"

"I DOES WHAT I WANTS!"

"shhh!"

"WHO'S THERE?!"

Sans gasped as one of the guards footsteps could be heard coming towards them at an alarming pace.

"HELLWOE! I'S LOOKIN' AT THE GLOWY THING! DIS A COOL LAVA LAMP RIGHT HERE!"

"shut up papyrus!!"

The footsteps immediately stopped.

Oh god, it's the skeleton baby.

"COME WATCH WIT DA' BABY!"

"UHH, NO THAT'S OKAY, I GOTTA GET BACK TO WORK-"

"YOU NEVER WATCH WIT DA' BABY!"

"GO HOME PAPYRUS."

The guard's footsteps began to sound farther and farther away, indicating that he was leaving.

"YOU SUCKS! I HOPES YOU GET WEIGHED-OFF!"

"heh heh ha ha ha!"

"EEERRRRNNNN!"

"s-sorry baby bro, ha ha ha..you ready to go home?"

"Yeah, is clear DAT DA' BABY AIN'T WANTED! So we go home."

The brothers teleported back home, luckily winding up in the Nursery. He might have gotten in trouble if he had randomly appeared in front of someone in the lab...

"The liberry be open, you want baby to go gets you some more books?"

"sure thing bro, lemme just get your scarf-"

"I don't needs no scarf! Imma go nakey-"

"i already told you no."

"*THBBTH!*" Papyrus blew a raspberry at his brother, but he allowed Sans to dress him up. The baby didn't know why he had to wear and change clothes since his ectoplasm in his bones kept him warm even in the most frigid of climates, but if it made his creepy brother happy...

"Okay baby bro, now what are you gonna say when you enter the library?"

"I says 'gimme yo' books or I bast you back to Sesme Stweet!' Then I runs away wit da' goods!"

"that's right! you gotta be the smartest baby in the whole wide world! strong too, i can't believe you took down a human!"

"Sans, Sans I wan't to talk to you," said Gaster entering the Nursery.

He didn't look happy.

"Go way Daddy, we's bonding over here!"

Gaster ignored the baby bones and crossed his arms, glaring at Sans. "You know I can't help but notice that your brother is committing a lot of crimes...more than usual I mean," he said, glancing at the pile of books in the corner. Most of them were joke books and books about aliens...which had 'Sans' written alll over them. It was common for older siblings to use their brothers and sisters to do bad things, but in Papyrus's case...

"I knows you heard-ed me! Get out mah room stink Daddy!"

"yeah, pappy's getting me books and stuff! he's so awesome..."

"Yep! I's a nice baby. I bring Snas lots of prezzies cause' I loves him good..."

Sans bent down and gave Papyrus a hug, smiling happily.

"You do realize that's considered stealing correct? I took care of Jerry's little 'operation' so I KNOW Papyrus isn't getting anymore income..."

The baby frowned at the wall. "God damns it Jerry...why you get caught so much? Now baby don't gots no job!"

"i'm not stealing anything dad, pappy is. he can't get in trouble because he's a baby, so it's okay-"

"No, It's NOT okay, I'm afraid this behavior is unacceptable and needs to stop-"

"why? what the hell do you care? why can't you just let me be happy? i'm pretty sure no one's gonna die without a couple of books."

"Not everything is about you, Sans. This is about Papyrus."

"don't EVEN give me that your-baby-brother-is-impressionable crap!" said Sans angrily. "papyrus has ALWAYS been a thief! i'm not stupid dad!"

"The amount of thefts is dangerous for his mentality, you dumb little imbecile! If a Font's mentality changes, so too will their font!"

Didn't I already explain this to you?!

Sigh...

Well...once more wouldn't hurt.

"so? who cares if pap isn't a liar anymore? isn't that a good thing?"

"No, because their personality will ALSO change."

I can't have Papyrus turn into Thievery.

If he enjoys stealing more than lying...

Sans looked at his father seemingly confused. "what do you mean his personality will change? hey bro, is he telling the truth?"

"Allow me to give you an example, you became Comic Sans because you enjoyed making people laugh, you have an instinctual impulse to make jokes either mentally or verbally. If your font were to change, that impulse would vanish, you would no longer try to make people laugh, but instead focus on whatever your new instinctual impulse is."

"I doesn't know what he's talkin' bout', but he not lying big Buther."

He's not lying...?

Really?

Sans looked down at his shoes. "i don't get it..."

"*Sigh* Fine then, Papyrus, how do you rob stores?"

"Mm..nyeh?"

"Stop chewing on my shoelaces and answer the question. HOW do you rob stores?"

Papyrus spit out the shoelace and rolled onto his back. "I tells em' they gots to gimme stuff and then they do cause' I's a cute bae."

Good, he's still lying.

"No child, they give you things because your ability makes them."

Not that you don't already know that.

"wait wait wait, so pappy-"

"Won't be able to steal so easily anymore if his font-"

"can make people believe anything as long as it's a lie?! that's so cool!"

No wonder he took down that human. That's a scary baby right there.

"Sans-"

"I gots to use my power asponsibly dough. Wit great power comes great asponsibility!" said Papyrus standing up and putting his hands on his hips. "Hey Snas! Snas!"

"what? why are you whispering?"

"Make my scarf wave like a cape."

"...."

"Responsibility huh? You know you say that Papyrus, but you still use it for the wrong things."

"I uses it to make Snas happy, so you's wrong."

"Oh? Do you think Sans would be happy if you were like Jerry?"

Like Jerry?

What is Dad talking about, 'like Jerry?'

"No. Nobody like Jerry Daddy, he full of suck."

"pfft! that's not nice baby bro, heh ha ha..."

"Well if you continue to steal rather than lie, you may become just like him."

"*GASP!* NOOOOOOOO!"

"Indeed, you'll be just like Jerry and no one will like you Papyrus."

The tiny skeleton plopped down on the carpet and began to wail loudly."NYEHHHHHHHH!"

"You'll spend the rest of your life asking people to give you a ride home, but they never will."

"NYEH-HEHHHHHHHHH!"

"dad stop..."

"You'll continuously complain about wi-fi and never succeed in life. You'll wind up in prison and no one will ever visit you because won't have any friends. Is that what you want?"

"*Sniff* No...but I wants to make Snas happyyyy!" whined the baby bones.

"you already make me happy pap," said Sans picking up his brother.

CLACK!

"i don't need anymore stuff, so no more stealing kay'?"

I don't like Jerry either.

I 'd rather my brother to stay just the way he is anyway.

"Kay' baby won't steal no more."

"That's good to hear-"

"Unless I really REALLY want something."

"huh? no bro-"

"That's fine."

"DAD!"

Gaster walked out of the room.

"ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!"

"Yaaaay! Daddy gave baby da' permission!" cheered Baby Papyrus throwing his hands in the air. Everything was gonna be all right now, he wasn't gonna turn into Jerry and Sans wasn't gonna get in any more trouble! "Nyeh heh heh heh!"

Today was a good day.

"AWW COME ON DAD! YOU WERE THIS CLOSE TO BEING A GOOD PARENT! THIS CLOSE!!"

"Don't worry Snas! Is not stealing if I gots da' permission! I tells em' 'Daddy said baby can take yo' stuff!' Then they gives me erything for free!"

"......yeah, yeah you do that."

"Nyeh heh heh!"

"make sure you say 'gaster' though instead of 'daddy'...just in case."

"...?"