"NYEH HEE HEE HEE!"

"*Sigh* Why...why do you do this? You know that's not right."

"...I's ready to go Daddy..."

"No. No you're not."

"I's ready to pay in da' snow..."

"We're visiting the king," said Gaster, taking Papyrus's boots and putting them on correctly.

He should be doing this himself.

"The king in the snow pace?"

"No."

"He building a snowman?"

"NO."

"alphys is sick baby bro," said Sans opening a cabinet. "so i have to help dad work for the next few days. the king volunteered to babysit you for a while-"

"HE GONNA SIT ON DA' BABY?!"

"no pap-"

"HE GONNA SIT ON DA' BABY!"

"papyrus..."

"YOU GOTS TO TELL HIM I'S NOT AN EGG BIG BUTHER!"

"what...?"

"You gots to tell him I's not an egg! The king be reeeaal tall and stuff so when he sees a tiny skelly baby such as myself, he only see mah bald widdle baby head and he probably think 'wowie, I find-ed a tiny widdle egg on mah doorstep! I bet there be a baby chicken inside...I bedder sit on it, or is gonna get cold-"

"you're wearing clothes bro."

"Yeah, but he can't sees em' cause' he too big...Imma draw a smiley face on my head. Where the markers be?"

"You're not allowed to have markers."

"Dat don't mean I doesn't need em'. Baby is NOT a butt-plug."

"what's a butt-plug?"

Gaster sighed, already exhausted. He didn't want to bring Papyrus all the way to New Home, and he wanted to leave him there even less. King Asgore was the Underground's only hope of escape at the moment...the only solid one at least. He was Gaster's safety net of sorts if Sans turned out to be unable to teleport his brother past the barrier. Without the king, the royal scientist would be an even bigger nervous wreck then he was now, but no one else was willing to watch Papyrus and there was no way on earth the little troublemaker would leave them alone while they worked.

Picking up the baby bones with his wingdings so as to avoid being bitten, he looked the infant in the eye. "His Highness is very lonely Papyrus," he said gravely. "and what's worse is he doesn't know the full extent of your horrendous behavior. That means he's going to be spending a lot of time with you rather than simply leaving you to play his lost children's video games; that being said, you need to be kind to him. If he dies, there will be no one strong enough to wield the human souls and break the barrier, understand?"

"Ooooh! Fluffy Buns gonna pay wit da' baby?!"

"yep, so be nice to him bro. no hitting, no biting, no tearing anything up-"

"Okay, okay. I's gonna be nice and quiet and just read books like a good bae."

"NO BOOKS. Do you hear me? NONE. Do not read him ANY stories. He can read to you, but do NOT read to him, do I make myself clear?"

The last thing I need is an hour-long phone call from the old fool trying to find the right words to tell me how to raise my child.

Gaster got a lot of those from the queen long ago if he remembered correctly and they annoyed him to no end. Not just because she took forever to get to the point, but because she refused to even consider the possibility that HER kids were the ones that needed a talking to. In her eyes, it was always Gaster's fault, not her precious Asriel or Chara.

Even though Papyrus spent most of his time around those two and I'M always working, it's still somehow more likely MY influence, right.

I do wonder though, whatever happened to the old hag?

I know she abandoned her husband and the kingdom, but where exactly did she run off to?

"I can pay wit da' snails?"

"You'll do what he asks you to do."

Papyrus blew a raspberry in the scientist's direction, splattering him with drool.

"NYEH HEE HEE HEE HEE!"

"have fun baby bro, and tell me everything when you get back okay? maybe if you're reeeeally good, the king will help you get into daycare!"

"Absolutely not," said Gaster, placing the baby bones under his arm. "sending him to daycare is out of the question with its current management."

"huh? why? what's wrong with undyne's mom?"

His father shook his head. "I know the woman who works there personally. She uses her child's temper as a tool for suing parents who leave their children at the daycare she now runs. Whenever Undyne throws a tantrum and hurts someone there, her mother accuses the parents of child abuse, claiming that despite Undyne's reputation, the children keep trying to play with her because their parents order them to. She has the king completely convinced that they're getting their kids hurt on purpose so they can sue her. It's a complete lie of course, she used to work at the lab pulling the same money-grubbing stunts until I fired her."

And this was BEFORE the Underground was such a poverty pot.

No doubt she'll try to use Papyrus somehow, wretched woman...

"Her husband fought and died in the war and so Asgore not only sees her as a lover of children who does everything in her power to enrich their lives, but also sympathizes with her. He sees her as a single-parent with a troubled child living in a bad economy and thinks she's selfless and kind, when in reality she's as greedy as they come."

"well...she can't go doing that forever and ever and ever though right? even if everyone's poor, the king will eventually figure out she's lying. he can't believe the ENTIRE underground's out to rob her."

Even if everybody IS poor, he should know he's being punked. Not EVERYONE is gonna gang up on ONE person, especially if they need that person to watch their kids.

"He'll figure it out eventually, yes...but for now, Papyrus needs you. He's better behaved when you're watching him anyway; now I expect the beakers to be in place by the time I get back Sans-"

"Nyeh? Snas not gonna tellyport da' baby?"

"nope. dad wants to make me do all the prep work and use your trip to asgore's as an excuse."

Gaster rolled his eyes and left the lab. There was no point in retorting, Sans would never understand how lucky he was compared to the other children in the Underground. Unlike them and himself, he wasn't a victim of poverty and no amount of arguing on Gaster's part would rid the boy of the entitled attitude that came with living comfortably.

Lazy ungrateful brat...he really thinks every kid sits on their ass all day while their parents work. Preposterous. Back in MY day, we used to work in mines and factories at his age and both places were messier than the Nursery. We spent most of the money we earned on medicine just so we could work more and he's complaining about setting up a few beakers...?

"I thought Sans Serifs made up for their lack of strength with superior intellect, but clearly I was wrong. Damn that Charles Dickens and his god-awful Oliver Twist novel! If Sans hadn't gotten ahold of that book-"

"To be, or not to be! Nyeh hee hee!"

"That's Shakespeare."

"I has look-ed upon all da' universe has to hold of horror, and even the skies of spring and flowers of summer must ever afterward be poison to me."

"And that's Lovercraft."

"Waz Lovecafe?"

"Dr. Seuss for adults; you know what it is, you just quoted it."

"Is mac and cheese?"

"YOU JUST QUOTED IT."

"Yeah, but maybe I read-ed it off the box?"

"I highly doubt any form of Kraft Mac and Cheese would put the words 'horror' and 'poison' on their box," said Gaster tightening his grip on the baby bones. The spring platforms were dangerous in Hotland when you were carrying things. It made him (and a lot of other people he imagined) wish that the elevators were better maintained as good food was only really found at the Resort or in Snowdin. That meant people who lived in Waterfall not only had to brave the harsh climate of Hotland, but also somehow carry their groceries back home across the springboards if ever the elevators were to break down, which was often...and today.

"WHEEEEEEE! DO A FLIP DADDY!"

Despite the overpopulation problem, there just weren't many people who knew anything about complex machinery. Some monsters knew about the compromise Asgore had made with the humans long ago, but most did not. The deal was if he worked together with them to destroy the Horrors, they would refrain from mass genocide and settle for the monster's self-imprisonment within Mt. Ebott. The king, in his cowardice, took the agreement and kept it secret from all his people, aside from the handful of Boss monsters he needed to raise the barrier itself...Boss monsters that had to put the barrier up from the outside in order to get it to work, which resulted in their destruction. His Highness, claiming the reason for the team up was because the Horrors posed a bigger threat to the earth, was left with weak monsters of all sorts with different backgrounds. None were prepared for Mt. Ebott. They weren't a group of scientists, engineers, or soldiers, they were simply confused citizens who were one day told to gather inside a mountain by their king before being sealed inside and fed a bunch of lies.

There's no one left down here who knows how to fix the elevators except me now, thanks to Papyrus. Asgore's lucky I was already in here before this place was sealed, or he'd have quite a problem.

It would've been nice if he could go back to what he was doing BEFORE the monster came to Mt. Ebott and began piling work on top of him. He wanted and had been studying the strange climate changes within the mountain, trying to hypothesize if the volcanic activity had anything to do with the strange weather and if the source of all magic really stemmed from the Earth's core, or if it was just a chemical reaction; but it had been so long since he'd seen his notes, he doubted they hadn't already been chewed up by the hellspawn under his arm. Luckily, skeletons had the lifespan of a monster, and Asgore not only knew about the lack of educated monsters in the Underground, but was doing something about it, putting emphasis on certain subjects in schools and introducing the students to daily logic puzzles so that the next generation would be more tech savvy. It would take a while, but by the time most of the children in the Underground reached adulthood, most of them would know the basics of at LEAST electrical engineering and be able to fix those damn elevators.

If Sans didn't have one hp I'd absolutely enroll him, but I need someone to watch Papyrus and he'd most likely be killed by one of those bratty school children. He's too shy, small, and weak to be near anyone immature...I can't risk it. Especially when I'm so swamped with work.

"It almost makes me want to try again...make a new clone and split it in half, this time the RIGHT way...but if I make another mistake, I'll have FOUR children..."

"Nyeh?! You's gonna make more babies?!"

"Absolutely not."

"I wish to have a widdle sister. Not like Snas, I mean a REAL sissy-"

"Sans is the closest thing to a girl that will ever come near you, and I can say that with the utmost confidence."

"Undyne a girl..."

"You heard what I said."

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!

"Who there?"

"What?"

"Snas say, when he do dat, I's supposed to say 'who there."

"..."

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!

"Who there?"

"Stop that."

Opening the door, Asgore greeted the two with a warm smile. "Welcome Gaster, I'm so glad you decided to bring your little one in person rather than having Sans simply teleport him here." He bent down until he was eye level with Papyrus. "You're looking adorable as ever Papyrus, it's nice to see you too! You look like you've gotten a bit bigger since we last saw each other, ho ho ho!"

"You too."

"PAPYRUS! I'm so sorry your Highness-"

"Oh don't worry about it, I'm sure he means well."

"NYEH HEE HEE!"

Handing Papyrus to Asgore, Gaster frowned as he watched the baby bones snuggle into the king's chest...a tactic the infant usually used to distract the people he was trying to steal from.

"Get your wingdings out of his pocket. I told you to behave yourself!"

"He's only curious my friend! I remember when my little Chara was still alive, they used to go through everything-"

"Where all da' monies at? You's a king aren't you? You's supposed to be wich!"

"Ho ho ho, you've got your brother's sense of humor I see!"

"YOU'S NOT FUNNY!"

"We're gonna have such a fun day!"

"ERRRNNN!"

"Alright, I'm heading off. I'll return for Papyrus as soon as you call me," said Gaster turning to leave.

"As soon as I call you?"

"Correct. When you reach the point where you no longer wish to watch him, give me a call and I'll pick him up. One, two days would be nice, or whenever you feel like your life is in danger-"

"NYEHHHHHHH!"

"Ah! Oh dear, it's alright little one, I'm sure he was only joking," said the king, bobbing the infant up and down in his arms.

"He's not upset. He's only crying because that's what babies do when their parents leave for work, or in my case, to go shopping. Papyrus will do what's expected of other babies, as long as you're watching him, in order to convince you he's a normal infant...despite his exceptional talents. If he gets hungry, simply leave him by himself and he'll fetch his own food, in fact, leaving him to his own devices is probably the best thing to do in general, especially if you're at a loss."

"Leave him by himself? That's madness! I know he's not a monster Mr. Wingdings and so should thus be raised differently, but my house is built for large creatures...my cabinets may as well be closets in his eyes! What if he gets into my cleaning supplies? He could be poisoned!"

"I's going straight for da' soap!"

"NO you're not. He's not your Highness. Remember, he's a natural born liar and unfortunately, another trait he shares with his brother is he's very attention-seeking."

"Is you seeking mah foot up yo' ass? Cause' dat's what it sounds like douche Daddy..."

Gaster didn't respond. He simply turned and left, leaving behind a very confused and concerned king.

"We's gonna read a book Fluffy Buns? Daddy said I could read alllll the books I wanted while I's here..."

"Um...s-sure..." said Asgore, carrying the Horror into the living room. He sat down into his chair and watched as the baby bones used his wingdings to grab a random book from the shelf, all the while struggling to shake the uneasy feeling that had been steadily growing within him since he picked the infant up.

He was familiar with Horrors...he had fought them in the war after all, but he had little to no experience with their children. Apparently, the majority of baby bones were supposedly more intelligent than monster babies, though it did differ with each infant and had a lot to do with their typing. Verbal Fonts, which is what Papyrus was if he recalled, were the first to learn language and so were able to hold entire conversations at a very young age; entire coherent conversations. While other children struggled with multiple lisps, Verbal Fonts would speak clearly and be careful to only alter their speech enough to sound cute and maintain the love of the adults around them.

An intelligent infant is a dangerous thing...combine that with Papyrus's ability and my love for children in general, and I'm at even greater risk.

I must be very careful of what I say...

"So Papyrus, if I recall correctly, each time you've visited my home you've crawled straight for my children's room to play. We've never really gotten to know one another, have we?"

Papyrus stopped flipping through the book. "Nyeh?"

"Why don't you tell me about yourself little one?"

The baby bones looked at his book and then back at the king as if he were unsure of what to say. For a moment Asgore thought he wasn't going to speak at all; perhaps talking to Papyrus like an adult wasn't the best idea. Gaster DID say he tended to act like a regular baby in front of others...

Did I make a mistake?

"*Ahem* My name be Papyrus and I's two years old," said the baby bones holding up two fingers. "I enjoy cuhwering, long crawls on da' beach, and my big Buther's company...his peasants I mean, he not own a company."

"Heh heh ha ha!"

"As for my own endevors, I help the Underground by selling cheap affordable drugs to junkies so they overdose and die...or I WOULD do dat, if SOMEBODY would stop cutting off my supply."

"..."

"Dat someone be YOU Fluffy Buns..."

"...I would appreciate it if you'd get out of the drug trade Papyrus," said Asgore averting his eyes.

"Well I would appeciate it if you'd stop fuking wit my job security, NYEH!" Papyrus threw the book he was holding onto the floor. It didn't have any pictures, so it was basically useless.

Not something meant for babies anyway.

"Dis book suck! Where da' pictures at Fluffy Buns? You get dis from the weird part of the library?"

"Seriously Papyrus, about your job-"

"One time I went to the library to get some books for Snas, and I found a book just like this...cept' it wasn't like this, it was all soft like a blankey!" exclaimed the tiny skeleton hugging his Highnesses beard.

"Papyrus."

"Dis book was weird as hell Mr. Buns! I open it up and it had zippers and buttons in it! BUTTONS! Who puts buttons in a book? They didn't do nothing either! I undid the zipper AND the buttons and there no pockets or nothin'. What dat spose' to teach the baby? How that edgy-cation-al? I thought it would at LEAST have pockets with stuff in em' but it didn't have CWAP!" yelled the baby kicking his tiny legs.

"..."

"I talked to Dirt-Butt about dis and he said the book was a met-a-phor about life. He said is supposed to teach you that life is full of disappointment and people who look for free hand-outs deserve to BE disappointed-"

"What? No!" cried Asgore horrified. "The book you're describing is most likely a sensory book. It's a book that acts as a toy for-who is this 'Dirt-Butt?' Why would he say something like that to you?!"

What kind of-

"...I thought it was deep." Papyrus picked the abandoned book back up. "Dis a meta-book too? What it mean?"

"It...it doesn't mean anything. It's a book about snails."

"I think it mean...exercising yo' ima-gin-ation be more important than relying on someone else's. Dat's why it don't gots pictures. Is saying 'exercise your ima-gin-ation and make yo' own pictures. Make your own books wit pictures so OTHER peoples can enjoy them. Give back to da' community.' What you think Fluffy Buns?"

"I think it's a book about snails."

CA-CLACK!

Papyrus dropped the book again.

"..."

"I liked dat book, is easy to read."

"You didn't read it."

"There was dis one meta-book I find-ed that I still can't read dough. Is hard like dis one, made of wood, but it had weird stuffs inside dat was scratchy and rubbery and foamy and-"

"That's another sensory book. Babies are supposed to touch the things inside the book to learn what they feel like."

"Even the dead kitty?!"

"Dead kitty?"

What?

"There be a page inside that say 'kitty's are soft, feel how soft the kitty is?' and there be fur sticking out page! I touched it and it was real fur Fluffy Buns! Someone squished a cat in a book and put it on the shelf!"

"No."

"They squished it flat like Undyne..."

"No, also don't talk about Undyne's chest like that...it's not nice."

"Why not? She do! I ask her one time, 'hey Fish-Lady, where your boobs be? Yo' muder gots boobs, so where yours?' and she go, 'I don't know, I think they ran away while I's sweeping. My mama keeps hers in a hammock cage thing so they don't get away, but she never bought me one cause' she cheap."

Asgore rubbed at his temples as if trying to will away a headache. He didn't know if it was Papyrus's seemingly boundless energy, continuous change in subject matter, or lack of listening skills, but the boss monster was feeling more and more drained as the conversation continued.

He expected a Verbal Font to be a chatterbox of sorts, but he didn't expect it to physically affect him. It felt as if his mind were currently running a marathon whilst leaving his body behind.

Perhaps I'm just getting old, it's not as if Asriel didn't ask a million questions when HE was younger after all...though he wasn't anywhere NEAR as bad as this. I suppose I shouldn't be too surprised however, toddlers are one thing, but babies are quite another; they know even LESS about the world around them. Everything is new and exciting for a baby, so of course a Verbal Font like Papyrus is going to want to talk nonstop about even the smallest of occurrences.

Peeking through his fingers, the king watched Papyrus chatter on, seemingly oblivious to the world around him.

Stars above, I can only imagine how tired Mr. Wingdings must be on a regular basis. Perhaps I've been pushing him too hard with all these demands...as important as they are, his children should come first.

"...So I say, 'you needs boobs Fish-Lady for your footure babies! Erybody knows muder milk be the most nutritious!' and then she did dat thing where her eyes get real big and her voice get loud and she scream, 'OH MY GOD! WHAT IF SOMEONE STOLE MY BOOBIES WHILE I WAS SWEEPING SO THEY COULD HAVE FREE MILK?! WE MUST CAPTURE THESE VILLAINS AND BRING THEM TO JUSTICE!"

Asgore brought his hands down. "Was this last week?"

"Nyeh? I don't know, why?"

"Because I got a lot of complaints about Undyne last week. That's why."

"Then yep, probably, cause' she and I went around asking people bout' her boobs and she beat up lossa people. The ones who laughed. She said only bad guys laugh at the unfor-tune-ate."

"That's," the king groaned pitifully. "That's not a good reason to assault people..."

"Is good enough for her."

"I CAN SEE THAT," said Asgore loudly before quickly catching himself and correcting his volume. "How about I make us some tea?" Getting up, he sat the baby bones on the chair behind him and headed towards the kitchen, a tactic he often used whenever he was in an uncomfortable situation, however he didn't miss the glare the little Horror shot him on his way there.

"Babies don't dwink tea! Babies dwink MILK! Dat's why Undyne's boobies be so important! Why you no listen?"

"I'm listening..."

"No you're not, you weave right in da' middle of mah story!"

"You've told many stories already, why not take a break?"

"A bake? I don't need no bake! I gots to pactice my font daily or I'll be weak when I gets big!"

His Highness glanced over his shoulder, placing a full kettle of water on the stove. "I see...so these stories of yours are a way for you to practice your lying without suffering any severe long-term consequences. I suppose it's safe to assume then that most of what you've said about Undyne's...rampage, is entirely false?"

"I doesn't remember ERYTHING she say, or the EXACT words she used, but I's still telling the tooth. I's a good bae, ya' know? I help Undyne when she was feeling sad about not finding her boobies even dough I didn't have to. I told her mah Daddy could make her some new boobs wit his science and then she was happy, all cause' of me."

"Your father eh? So if I call your father, he'll tell me the same thing?"

"Yep. I aspect so. He the one who solved da' mystery of the missing boobies too! My Daddy a hero even dough he suck."

"Right." The king stood in near the stove watching the kettle, he was torn between going back to the living room and hiding in the kitchen. He WANTED to keep listening to Papyrus, but he was tired and the infant's loud high-pitched voice was becoming unbearable. He wasn't sure how much helium Gaster was pumping into that baby's room, but it sounded lethal, which was too bad because one of the few things Asgore took pride in was the fact that he was a much better listener than his wife. He loved her, but he was all too aware of her awful tendency to jump to conclusions before hearing an entire story and how much pain it could bring others, so he made it a point to do better. To BE better. It was almost like a secret and silent competition of sorts where he would struggle to become the prince's favorite parent...though it was embarrassing to admit and deep down, he knew it wasn't right.

There was even a shameful time when he went overboard and blamed her a bit for their children's deaths, though he NEVER said anything about it verbally. As king, he had to work most of the time to maintain the Underground, especially considering the shape it was currently in, which meant TORIEL was in charge of watching the children throughout the day. He didn't know exactly WHEN Asriel left for the human village, but there was a time when he suspected it was while his wife was supposed to be keeping an eye on them. The idea should have made angry or sad, but instead he only felt an embarrassing sense of triumph that he hated himself for.

That is, until Gaster set him straight one night at Grillby's.

"Don't be a fool. Your child left in the middle of the night; it was no one's fault, much less your own, unless you make a habit out of watching your offspring sleep."

"How can you be so sure? We don't have cameras around our house OR the barrier."

"Common sense. Her Highness homeschools them in the morning so it'd be impossible to leave at that time and had the prince left in the afternoon, it would have taken him hours to traverse his way down the mountain due to the unfamiliar terrain and to even FIND the village. He'd only be able to reach it by nightfall when most of the humans sleep."

"I...I see."

"You've spent most of your life in the countryside, you must know what it's like. The small villages that dot such places usually comprise of farmers...an early to bed, early to rise type of people. There's little to no chance that there'd be enough of them awake to swarm your son, unless he left in the middle of the night and arrived at the village in the morning. Blaming yourself is irrational behavior, as is drinking away your day at the bar."

"Y-You're right...thank you."

"...Then I tell Undyne to use her cute voice cause' my stink Daddy don't look up from his papers, but she still scu it up. She go 'peas mister science man, can you make me some new boobies? I needs em' for my wife and kids." Papyrus shook his head. "Stupid Fish-Lady, I told her she stupid too. Wives don't need milk, BABIES need milk, but she call me a clown fish and told me to shut my cwap mouth. 'You doesn't know ANYTHING stupid baby! I saw my mama use milk for her coffee and big people LOVE coffee, so he gonna feel bad for mah wife and kids and give me boobs for a bargain!"

"...I'm curious as to what your father's response was."

"Daddy told her dat she took after her muder and to ask HER where her boobies were."

Asgore nodded, though the baby couldn't see him.

Ahh, the old ask-your-mother response. I remember using that many a time.

If he recalled however, it never ended well. Passing uncomfortable situations like that onto his wife proved to be...problematic, as the queen was stubborn in her ways.

"I do hope you didn't bother that poor woman Papyrus."

"Nyeh? Poor?" Papyrus looked confused. "She not poor! Undyne's muder wich! I knows cause' she gots vases with no flowers in them. I asked her why that be and she said it was none of my beeswax and to not come in her house when the door be locked...I think she sold Undyne's boobies Mr. Buns, but I can't proves nothing...I think dat's what Daddy was trying to tell us."

"I assure you, she did nothing of the sort-"

"Can I borrow yo' boobs Fluffy? You doesn't need them no more right? You give them to Undyne?"

"I don't...I don't have those things," said Asgore, wincing as he heard the pitter patter of tiny boots headed towards the kitchen.

"You look like you do..." said the baby peeking around the corner.

"WELL I DON'T."

"But you look like you do...hey, what chu doing?" asked Papyrus tilting his head.

Picking up the infant, Asgore began carrying the Horror towards the room he was currently renovating. "Why don't we go play a game while the water's boiling, hm? I'm sure you'd rather spend time playing than talking to an old man like me. I'll even play with you! How's that sound?"

"Annoying..."

"Ho ho ho!"

As his Highness began to set up the game counsel (something that had to be done every time his children played a game), Papyrus glanced around the room, the previous conversation forgotten. Nothing had really changed since he'd last been in here...in a sense anyway. Chara and Asriel had always been very competitive and it continuously resulted in the destruction of everything in the area except the game counsels they were using. The place itself was a mess of broken toys like the Nursery, but there were scorch marks every which way and bits of splintered wood from destroyed furniture. To his right he could see something that may have once been a table of sorts, so he imagined the princes might have been eating and gaming in the same place; a practice he THOUGHT their mother had banned long ago due to the stains on the wall from food that had no doubt been thrown in a rage after one of the children's gaming sessions.

Despite spending so much time together, the two had personality traits that contrasted greatly with one another. Asriel was a coward and Chara wasn't.

That being said, the little goat monster had a tendency to use underhanded tactics to win games when he saw he was losing, such as complaining to their mother about Chara killing Yoshi so he could keep his high score in Mario, or pretending to "accidently" pull his controller out of its socket so his loss wouldn't count. It infuriated Chara, who was much more mature when gaming, and it often led to violent fights and ultimately their games being taken away for a week or so while the king and queen had the game room repaired.

As a baby that valued courage more than most, Asriel's behavior disgusted Papyrus, but he stayed quiet about it while he was over. After all, the baby was a guest and no one was perfect. He suspected that Asriel's parents and environment in general played a big part in feeding his friend's cowardice, that and monster babies weren't like skelly babies. They didn't seem to have the natural instinct Papyrus had to try and grow up properly. They weren't born with a sense of discipline or ambition; In fact, from what he DID see, all monster babies did was sit around and wait for others to do things for them. He knew because they didn't change when they became toddlers or even children like Asriel. They still spent all day playing for fun and making demands instead of practicing their magic or trying to intentionally learn new things.

"They spoiled."

"Hm?" Asgore turned from the counsel and looked around. "Yes, I suppose we did spoil our children a bit. There are times when I wonder in fact, if they'd still be alive if I had been stricter with them...made them afraid to leave the house without permission." He chuckled and sat on the floor next to Papyrus. "Then again, children will be children and Asriel shared his mother's stubbornness. He'd of left no matter what I threatened him with."

Papyrus took up a Gamecube controller and glanced doubtfully at the king. "You know how to pay dis game, or is you gonna be an old person da' whole time?"

"Excuse me? I set up the game-box didn't I? Just because I'm old, doesn't mean ALL technology eludes me young man!" Turning on the game, they watched through the cinematics until only the title screen SUPER SMASH BROS MELEE remained with the words "PRESS START" fading in and out at the bottom.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...Why isn't it starting?"

"See dat button in the middle of the controller there?"

"Which button?"

"The only one in da' middle. The one that say 'start."

"This one?"

"Pess it."

Asgore pressed the start button and they were taken to another screen with multiple choices that immediately made the infant regret keeping quiet about the choice of game.

"So this is that Super Smashing Fighters game you all love so much! Look at all these options...since I'm a 'noob' heh heh heh, I think I need some training...what does '1-P' mean?"

"Go to 'VS. Mode."

"Alright...oh. Oh I see," said Asgore as he was taken to the character screen. "Going straight to the game are we? You're like Asriel it seems. You don't want to give me a chance to learn how to play, you just want to win."

"No Fluffy."

"You wish to take advantage of my old age and lack of understanding."

"No. We's gonna fight as a team. Pick yo' peoples."

"OH! OH I KNOW THIS MONSTER! IT'S PIKACHU!"

"Pick yo' peoples."

"How do I pick Pikachu?"

Taking the controller from Asgore, Papyrus hovered over the yellow mouse and pressed the 'A' button. "You see dis button Mr. Buns? See how it gween like a stop light? Think of dis button as the 'yes button' If you want something you use the 'yes button' to get it. The red button here be the 'no button' if you don't want something, you pess the 'no button' kay'? Cause' red be a bad color dat means STOP like a stop sign."

"What?"

"Use dis to pick stuff and dis to go back."

"Oh alright."

So as to avoid more annoyances, Papyrus went ahead and made the proper arrangements for their team battle, choosing Kirby as his character.

"Dis game needs more babies..."

"Papyrus. Papyrus look." Asgore pressed a button on his controller. "He's got a little hat, ho ho ho!"

"..."

"Aren't you going to dress up your pink guy?"

"He don't get clothes till he eat you."

"Oh my goodness, there's a princess in the game! Papyrus choose the princess, I bet she has nice clothes...oh no wait, be Pichu! That's Pikachu's baby right? We can be a family of fighters!"

"Pichu sucks."

"But we can be father and son and-"

Papyrus quickly changed his character to Pichu and put Princess Peach and Kirby in the other two slots as their opponents. "Okay, there. I's Pichu. We pay now?"

"Does he have any-"

The baby bones changed his costume.

"How adorable! This game is so very very cute! I don't see why Tori had such a problem with it...maybe she didn't know about the outfits? She had a habit of making mountains out of mole hills that woman...how do we proceed?"

Pressing 'Start' they made it to the stage selection screen where, thankfully, the king immediately chose the one with the giant pokeball on it, having apparently recognized the object from an old video series his children had found miraculously intact at the Dump.

As the game began, Papyrus's annoyance faded a bit as he watched Asgore test out the controls without asking about them. He may not have known much about technology, but obviously his battle instincts transferred into the game, as he seemed to instinctively know not to distract Papyrus during the fight...that is...until he noticed their opponents where no match for the Horror.

"How do I catch you?"

"Nyeh?"

"How do I catch Pichu? Every time I throw these pokeball things at you they turn out to have someone in them already. Where are the empty ones, or how do I empty them out before catching you?"

"DON'T CATCH DA' BABY!"

"You'll be safe in the pokeball. It's part of a grand strategy-"

"Dis not Pokemon! Dis MELEE! You just supposed to kill da' pencess and the pink bae-"

"What? Killing?! This is a FIGHTING game Papyrus, we're supposed to be JUST fighting, not killing!" His highness grumbled in frustration as the princess sent him flying into the abyss.

BOOSH!

"Is just a game Mr. Buns."

"There are more important things in life than winning, child. Don't-DON'T YOU PICK UP THAT HAMMER PAPYRUS! Did you not get in trouble for using such a thing in real life?!"

BOOSH!

Once again, Pikachu met his end to a frying pan.

The baby bones patted the king's arm in an attempt to comfort the agitated monster. "Don't be mad Fluffy, you do bedder next time!"

"What? I'm not angry! I'm not angry and that's not the point!"

"You are. You's mad cause' the pencess be kicking you in your asshole."

"She's not-she's not beating me, I'm letting her win because she's a woman. It's not good to hit women Papyrus, that's not how a gentleman behaves!"

"Liar. She kick yo' ass and now you's mad."

"I'm NOT angry. There's nothing to be ANGRY about! This isn't even a real GAME child! I told you I didn't know how to play, so I need training. This game doesn't count, it's merely a learning experience!"

"A learning ah-sperience?"

"Quite."

"Hm...then perhaps during dis game you can learn to be less of a bitch."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...What?"

"I'm calling your father."

"Nyeh? Why? What I do?"

"You're using naughty words and doing naughty things."

"Ohhh, you wanna cry to my Daddy cause' you feel embarrassed and you wants time to get good."

"That's not what I said!"

"You wanna send baby home so you can pactice."

"Absolutely not!"

REEEEEEEEEE!

"Oh look, yo' tea be done! Now you can go to da' kitchen and peetend mah Daddy just called to check up on things!"

"PERHAPS HE WILL CALL!"

CA-THUM!

As Asgore stormed away, slamming the door behind him, Papyrus crawled over to the prince's toy chest to scavenge for new crayons to take home with him.

It was unfortunate that Asgore and Asriel were so very much alike when it came to anything competitive, but that didn't mean he and Papyrus couldn't get along in general. He had had a good time talking to the king and even though he was mad, the infant wasn't worried in the slightest. His Highness was upset, but he wouldn't stay that way forever. Despite the fact that he was definitely going home, he knew he and the king would play again some other day and the baby was looking forward to it.

And as for Asgore himself, he decided allowing Papyrus to ingest a bit of soap wasn't the worst idea in the world.