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"dad?"

CLATTER!

CRASH!

"UGH! DAMNIT!"

"Nyeh hee hee hee!"

"IT'S NOT FUNNY PAPYRUS!"

CA-THUMP!

The scientist continued to fumble about the lab, searching for the appropriate parts to fix the generator.

"Ki-et down Daddy, you wake up Boo Boo!"

"Oh no, don't mind me...I'm just happy to be here..." The little spirit monster shifted a bit in Sans' grasp, having been mistaken for a pillow in the dark.

"You aren't SUPPOSED to be here! NO ONE is to visit the lab at this hour!" replied Gaster, still searching for a flashlight. He didn't approve of his littlest scavenging at the Dump, but every once in a while, Papyrus would bring home something he could use and the flashlight was one of them.

Figures he couldn't find it now of all times.

What on earth could have happened? The magic crystals still have power in them and the generator itself is in perfect repair! This blackout makes no sense!

He wasn't used to something being broken without Papyrus having some sort of hand in it.

"Just in case however, did you touch the generator Papyrus?"

The baby bones nodded vigorously, "Yep! We's out of ghost food, so I decided to make snacks for Boo Boo, but we was out of the veggie oil."

"Veggie oil?"

A few moments went by before the elder skeleton jumped suddenly in alarm and rushed out of the workshop, running downstairs into the True Lab's living quarters, apparently heading for their kitchen.

"hey uh bro? you didn't use the oil from the generator-"

"YOU DUMB LITTLE SHIT!"

"Oh nooo..."

Hiding his face in Sans' shirt, Napstablook shook in terror, unused to the family's quarrels. Though the scientist's anger was nostalgic and reminded him of one of his cousins, it had been awhile since he'd heard any yelling and he had heard from Papyrus that Gaster wasn't the easiest person to get along with. The fact that this was probably the spirit's fault, made things even worse as he had been hoping to make a good impression on the family.

So much for that.

"I'm sorry, this is all my fault..."

"naw, forget about it. you're a guest, right? guests are supposed to get snacks. pap just made a mistake is all."

"Heh heh heh..."

"hm? what's so funny?"

"I like your accent."

Papyrus looked up, grinning. "Me too, Snas from Boston, so he say stuff like 'fuhgeddaboudit' and 'I's hittin' da' bricks' and 'here's lookin' at you kid!"

"i don't spell it like that! and what does that last one even mean?"

SHHHEERRAA!

Before the infant could answer, the elevator door opened and Gaster came rushing out. He didn't stop to say anything to the children, he merely grabbed a vial of...something...and ran back in, keeping the door open with his wingdings.

Not that this was a good idea mind you, as he soon realized all too late that he wasn't alone, just as the elevator closed and began its second descent.

"I do hope you's not planning on ruining mah new firepace stink Daddy," said the baby, still wearing his smile from before.

"Huh? What the hell? How'd you get in here?!"

"I cuwalled."

"Well when we get to the living quarters, you can CRAWL your miniature ass to your room! Do you know how difficult it is to put out an oil fire?"

"How this ellyvator work without da' tricity? You learn Snas' witchcraft?"

"Of course not. I've a second generator hidden downstairs...just in case you break the first one. Unfortunately, it doesn't reach-"

"THERE A CWOSER BABY MASSAGER?!"

"Wh-what? 'Baby Massager?' Are you laying on the generator?"

"Yep! Is fun. I likes it better than the washy machine cause' it always on. It feel nice on mah bones and it make me go UHUHUHUHUH...then I falls off."

Gaster shook his head.

"What? What I do?"

"Though vibrations are good for bones and newborns alike, the generator is NOT the best tool to use because of the oil within it. THIS generator especially. This one, connected to the lab, is custom designed to keep running indefinitely...not something a normal generator should ever do. I haven't a choice however, if I want to keep Mt. Ebott from erupting. The oil I use comes from a reservoir that's FAR too close to the surface of Hotland. It needs to be depleted less there be an explosion, but no matter how much is used, there seems to be no end to it."

"That sound like a solution to da' power problem we gots dough. Why you not use it?" asked Papyrus curiously. He didn't know much about oil, he assumed it was discovered and researched sometime after he was born. He hadn't heard anyone else mention it before either...unless it had something to do with cooking. The stuff he had poured out of generator upstairs was a liquid, but liquids were supposed to put OUT fires, weren't they? "The yellow made the oven a firepace. It cook mah food too good and now no one gets noms. It do other bad stuffs?"

"Yes it does...and that wasn't vegetable oil Papyrus, it simply had the same color. That was generator oil and a result of refinement on my part. Unrefined oil, or Crude Oil, is a thick, black, eldritch sludge that kills all it touches. It's made from the deceased bodies of creatures no one in recorded history has ever seen alive and has lied in wait within the earth's crust for literally millions of years. That being said, it is unfortunately naturally occurring, and everyone aware of its existence is infatuated with it BECAUSE it's such a huge power source. That's why I've kept it a secret from the public and use it in my experiments as little as possible. It may grant us advanced technology almost immediately, but the things created with it also kill, albeit slowly, meaning you don't have to come into contact with oil itself in order to become a victim. It's not evil, but it will take some time before we can figure out a way to use it safely...and keep others from using it poorly."

Gaster shuddered upon imagining the horror and chaos that would no doubt ensue if ever the monsters were to find out about his discovery. One small mistake is all it would take for Mt Ebott to erupt and annihilate everyone. Even the fire elementals would be destroyed, either drowned in lava or pushed into the barrier and rendered to dust.

"Papyrus, you must promise me that you will keep this a secret. I know it isn't in your nature to do such a thing, but your life is at stake, along with everyone else's. That includes Sans, you hear me? I don't want him knowing about this reservoir less he be tempted to experiment with-PAPYRUS GET OFF THE GENERATOR! WHAT DID I JUST TELL YOU?!"

"UHUHUHUHUHUH!"

SHHHEERRAA!

"dad?"

CLACK!

The baby bones fell to the floor and crawled over to Sans.

"Hey Snas! SNAS!"

"hm?"

"DADDY FOUND OIL!"

"You son of a bitch."

"cool. don't play with it."

"Why?"

"it's like tar. it'll make you smell bad and ruin your jammies."

"Kay'."

Papyrus used his wingdings to lay, once again, atop the generator.

"Sans, I must ask you to keep this oil reservoir a secret. Despite how desperate the power situation is, oil is not the answer for a civilization living within a volcano."

"yeah i know about oil dad, i'm not dumb. i read more than space books ya' know..."

"UHUHUHUHUHUHUH!"

"I'm well aware you know what oil is, I'm just SAYING-"

"NYEAH!"

CLACK!

Gaster knocked Papyrus off the generator.

"I'm just saying, the temptation is there and it targets both the money-poisoned AND the lazy. There may come a time during an experiment where you feel oil will solve a particular problem, I assure you, it will cause more than it solves. We aren't the only intelligent beings in the Underground, if you use oil to create something, it's quite possible an individual will discover the usage through reverse engineering and in turn, wonder where exactly the oil CAME from."

"NYEHHHHAAAHH!! SUCK-ASS DADDY! SEE THAT BOO BOO? DAT'S THAT BABY ABUSE I'S TALKIN' BOUT'!"

"I-I didn't s-see anything...also, what's 'oil?"

"ehh, don't worry about it," said Sans, thinking quickly. "you don't eat our food right?"

"Oh, cooking oil...I remember that. It's made from seeds..."

"Yep! I's gonna make you something delicious, but I's out of the cooking oil and baby oil be for baby food, so-"

"Baby oil is for skin," said Gaster, rubbing his temples.

"Nyeh?"

"Baby oil. It's for skin. It's called baby oil because it supposedly makes your skin feel soft like an infant's."

What exactly is Sans DOING while I'm busy working? He's not telling him this stuff as a joke, is he...?

"Nuh-uh Daddy, daz baby lotion! You confused. BABY OIL be for cooking, like baby powder and-"

"Baby powder is also for skin. It is not a type of baking powder NOR is it a baking soda of any sort. You have no business in the kitchen Papyrus."

"What Baby's Breath then?"

"Not parsley."

"Baby spice?"

"That's a person."

"Baby fat?"

"Well it's lard, but-"

"why don't you just stick with baby potatoes and baby carrots bro?"

"Why don't you just stay out of the kitchen period? The oven is not a toy and I believe I've told you as such already."

"NO!" cried the baby bones indignantly. "I's a genius baby and I deserves the best of edgy-cations! LOOK! Look what dis baby has right here!" Papyrus pulled a page, seemingly torn from an old magazine, out of his onesie and presented it to his family. It showed a young human in overalls, a toddler by the looks of it, pretending to cook on a toy kitchen set, plastic spatula in hand.

"aww, duude!"

That human's so cute! Is that really a baby one? I wanna pet it soo bad! It'd probably bite the shit out of me though...

"hey, napstablook! c'mere and look at this human!"

Shyly, Napstablook floated over to the group and peered over Sans' shoulder.

"Heh..."

"cute right?"

"It's got a spatula...it thinks it's cooking..."

"They not cooking, they's modeling. They saying 'look what I has and you doesn't! Don't you wish you had a nice baby-kitchen like me?' They's mocking!"

"nobody's mocking you pappy."

"THEY'S LAUGHING AT ME!"

"i guarantee this baby doesn't know you exist."

"Your brother's right. What's happening here is you've created a personal fantasy out of boredom and forgotten it was a fantasy. Something you need to learn not to do while you're daydreaming-"

"All I needs to do is show dis baby that I'S the superior bae! Imma be the best cook ever and I'll use the big people oven to do it! I don't need their stink rainbow kitchen!"

"...Or perhaps you merely want an excuse to use the oven even though I JUST said no."

I asked him to stay out of the Parent magazines to begin with...

Papyrus had an annoying habit of using those particular publications to come up with ideas for "brother-time" with Sans. A time where he would (sometimes quite literally) pick Sans up out of bed and have him do an arts and crafts activity with him, usually involving copious amounts of glue and chemicals Gaster wasn't sure how he even got ahold of.

Not that the messes were the most obnoxious thing about it, THOSE he could handle. He was used to his smallest making messes.

No, no It was the MIMICRY that the scientist couldn't stand. Those magazines were to inform parents of why their babies behaved the way they did, but Papyrus would use them as guidelines on "how to be a better baby."

"Give me the markers Papyrus!"

"NO! These are MY paint-sticks! I keeps the markers cause' I saw them first."

"That's not how that works, where did you even get that ide-no. Do not. Do not pull out that magazine again, god-DAMNIT Papyrus!"

"It say right here, 'baes between two and four beweave that da' person who gets an object first is the rightful owner, even if someone else gets hold of it later' This be what babies do and I's a baby, so these markers are mine now."

"Give me that FUCKING magazine."

"Is my ucking maggy-zeen."

"Papyrus..."

"I sawed it first. Is the law."

Gaster reached for the hated literature, causing the infant to quickly shove it back into his onesie. He then clacked his teeth together twice, a signal that meant any further attempts to get closer would result in a bite.

Because that's what babies did.

They bit people.

"SANS, WHERE ARE YOU?! COME GET YOUR BROTHER!

"You're not using the oven Papyrus."

"*Sigh* Fine, I gots a solution for dis." Crawling out of the kitchen, Papyrus headed into the Nursery and towards his toybox. He didn't have to rummage long, as he was a very organized baby, and soon he found what he was looking for; an only slightly grimy multicolored maraca. He didn't know why such a gem had been thrown away, but it made the most wonderful sound...

"What is that?" asked Gaster upon seeing his two-year-old reenter the room. The baby held the maraca by the handle with both hands and shook it.

CHACA-CHACA!

"..."

"Is a big-person rattle! I finded it at the Dump and is the bestest treasure ever! I's gonna save it for when I does something really bad, but I needs that oven, so we trade. I gets to use the oven and you can pay wit mah rattle!"

"I don't-"

"Pay not keep."

"...I don't need a rattle Papyrus."

CHACA-CHACA!

CHACA-CHACA!

"Heh heh, your brother swings it like a sledgehammer..."

"well yeah, he's small."

CHACA-CHACA!

CHACA-CHACA!

"Stop that."

"Be mesmerized."

"I'm not interested Papyrus."

"HOW YOU NOT INTERESTED IN DIS BIG PERSON RATTLE?" yelled Papyrus, completely baffled. "YOUR BRAIN BROKE!"

"not everyone likes rattles pappy."

"Your brain broke...or maybe you's planning to steal mah treasure while I's napping so you doesn't have to give up da' oven!"

"No."

"I bet you are! You's gonna wait till I's asweep in my widdle cwib and then you gonna take my toy and blame it on Snas!"

"No."

"I bets you's lying about the oil too! Baby oil be a cooking ingredient for babies, but you don't likes it when I's better at things than you, so you try to get baby to use fake cwap like 'sugar' and 'spice." The infant glared at the wall, remembering the disappointment he felt when he tried to get free sugar from Undyne. He had heard girls were made from sugar and spice, but what he managed to collect (along with a few new cracks in his skull) were scales.

Not delicious.

"You know full well I'm not lying...or you would if you were paying attention-"

"YOU DOESN'T LET ME EAT AT DA' DUMP AND YOU DOESN'T LET ME EAT WITH THE OVEN! HOW I SUPPOSED TO GET NUTRIENTS?"

"Just drink your formula, it has everything you need."

"NO! I needs solids...like these fintstone yummies." Papyrus pulled out a bottle labeled Flintstone Vitamins. "They looks like rocks, but they shaped like peoples!"

"hmm..." curiously, Sans popped one into his mouth and began to chew. "this one tastes like an orange."

"Nyeh hee hee hee! Silly Snas, orange be a color, not a food!"

Silly Sans.

"Hmph, It's a condensed version of Vitamin C most likely. Vitamin C is essential to the formation of collagen, so it should increase one's bone density, but I doubt you'll get much out of them."

"it says vitamin d on it."

"What? Vitamin D? Give me that bottle!"

"NYEH!"

Gaster snatched up the bottle in one quick motion and studied the label. If Sans hadn't misread anything, then this was an extraordinary find indeed. Very few foods in nature contained Vitamin D and nature was what everyone depended on in the Underground. The people's only source of it was found in fish and within the eggs of birds who had accidently flown into Mt. Ebott. Because they were so rare and important as a food source, the security around the areas in which they were bred was even tighter than at the castle. It was rationed carefully and NO ONE got special privileges that allowed more than their fair share due to overpopulation. That meant Gaster couldn't add as much Vitamin D into Papyrus's baby formula as he would like.

Eventually something's going to go wrong and we'll end up eating nothing but magic supplements.

Magic food wasn't particularly healthy, not for Horror Fonts anyway. If there was any problem that breed of skeleton had, it was finding the right balance of magic AND basic nutrients. The magic kept their ectoplasm as strong as human muscle so their bones would stay together, but they needed the same vitamins as humans in order to keep those bones from cracking and splintering in the first place. Normal Fonts like he and Sans weren't fighters, so it wasn't as important for their bones to be sturdy, but Papyrus was a hunter, which meant tough fights awaited the baby bones when he got older.

He needs more than magic, and we've a limited supply as is. Perhaps though, with these, I can find a supplement for the vitamin itself and a way to reproduce it effectively.

"I trade the rock-peoples for da' oven."

"N-"

"And some more baby oil. I's out of greedy-ants."

"No. No more using the oven and no more 'baby ingredients.' You're going to destroy this lab along with our kitchen!"

"I dis-gree."

"bro-"

"You know what I needs? What every baby needs? Ah-structions. I needs a cookie-book. Fetch me a cookie-book, THEN I will succeeds in life."

Gaster was about to say something, but quickly decided against it. An idea began to form in his mind as he reread the ingredients on the vitamin bottle.

Perhaps this request is a blessing in disguise...

"Papyrus, if I found you a cookbook would you follow the instructions to the letter?" "Course I would!" said the baby bones confidently. "What's da' point of ah-structions if I doesn't follow them? I follow the ah-structions and make good food that Snas will eat." Papyrus smiled at Napstablook. "You too Boo Boo! I make yummies for eryone!"

The scientist put the bottle in his coat. "Alright then, I will provide for you, a cookbook."

"YAAAASS!"

"uhh dad, that sounds like a terrible idea," said Sans, eyeing the ruined oven. "papyrus tends to-"

"Shu up Snas. I happily agwee to yo' terms, beloved father figure!"

"Don't call me that."

"Baby will reward your rare act of rationality."

"Please don't."

"I assist! I learned in one of the maggyzines that if you rewards good be-have-ior, peoples will repeat it. This time I find you REAL booger sugar, not baby powder."

"papyrus-"

"Actually, that would be great. My experiment with the 'cocaine' you originally gave me was a complete disaster. Had it worked, I could have created something to reduce hunger in the Underground's citizens months ago, but you ruined that for everyone. This time I'd like to succeed."

"ohhh, so that's what it was for."

"Of course child, why else would I purchase it? Drugs are for science and science alone!"

"Um..." Napstablook looked behind him nervously.

Should I tell someone about this?

"Remember Papyrus, if you can't follow a recipe, then you can't cook that recipe, otherwise it will come out wrong."

"Kay'."

Gaster handed a cookbook to his youngest who took it with both hands excitedly and began to flip through it.

"Waz 'pepper?"

"It's a type of spice. We don't have it."

"What's 'vinny-ger?"

"It doesn't matter, we don't have that either."

"i think that's in urine pa-"

"Really Sans?"

"Ewww, I not using that! Waz 'rice?"

"It's a type of grain, we don't have it in the Underground."

The baby bones glared at the scientist who was now busy flipping through the pages of his clipboard; the situation beginning to dawn on him.

"We gots onion?"

"No, unfortunately."

"We gots yeast?"

"*pfft!* i think that's an infection pappy, are you sure you're reading that right?"

"I want to see your books Sans."

"We gots gween beans?"

"Nope, it's too cold up where they'd need to fall into Mt. Ebott. They need a temperature of at least 50 degrees Fahrenheit to grow."

"Does we has ANYTHING?"

"If you can't find a recipe with ingredients we have, perhaps you should search for another cookbook?"

"NYEH!"

Papyrus threw the book.

"...Scu you stink Daddy."

SHEERRAHH!

Reentering the elevator, Gaster headed up to the main floor. Hopefully he had some refined oil in reserve at the workshop...

"..."

"mm...this may not be a good time bro, but about that cocaine thing. earlier, you called it 'booger sugar."

"..."

"you don't...actually think it's sugar do you? you didn't put any in our food?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...pap?"

"Oh noooo..."

Sorry about the wait and the image address, it's a Gif and those won't load naturally on Wattpad.