"NYEH HEE HEE!"

"you having fun bro?"

"Yeah...you's so nice to da' baby Snas, I loves you good..." The baby bones continued to giggle happily while Flowey glared at him from the air vent.

"WHY do you have to say it like that? Can't you say 'I love you' like a normal person? Why do you have to talk like baby Gollum?"

"You be ki-et tricksy flower! I's dancing wit mah precious!"

"heh heh ha ha ha!"

Rolling his eyes, Flowey reached down with a vine and scooped up a nearby book. He couldn't see what book he had, but it didn't really matter; he had read all the books in the Nursery a thousand times already.

I wish I could leave the lab whenever I wanted, but I'm pretty sure I'll burn up if I try to cross Hotland without Smiley.

The Lab entrance may have been only a few steps away from Waterfall, but the temperatures were still dangerous for plant life, and with no crystals to power the air purifiers in the Underground, Hotland had become even MORE deadly. The toxic gases from the volcanic activity had resulted in an increase of sick monsters; so much so, that the Medical Ward had to be expanded to accommodate them all.

Things are getting so bad down here...is Dad's kingdom gonna fall? We have no power, no air, no jobs, no technology...

"Must be nice being a big stupid baby with no problems or responsibilities whatsoever."

"Nyeh?" Papyrus looked at him quizzically. "What chu talkin' bout' Dirt-butt? I gots problems, BABY problems..."

"Oh yeah? What's wrong? Did you run out of toys to break? New things to slobber all over?"

The baby bones crawled over to his toybox and reached inside, pulling out a box of crayons. "See here Dirt-butt? See these crayow-ns?" He turned the box upside down.

CLACK, CLACK CLACK CLACK CLACK!

"nice pap."

"They were pointy and nice once, but now they all flat and broked. Is real sad..."

"So?"

"So I can't draw wit them good no more! I try and I try, but da' paper get in the way and I gots to peel it off allll da' time now."

"Oh you poor poor thing," said Flowey turning a page.

"Yeah...the broked ones confuse the baby, cause' I doesn't know all my colors yet and I thinks one of the two or-an-ges be red orange and it mess up my drawing!"

"I'm gonna start crying any minute."

Spoiled little-

"Aw, don't cry Dirt-butt! Snas gonna get me new cuhweres."

"i'm getting you new colors?" Sans raised a brow. "and when exactly did i say that?"

"Just now Smiley. You're soooo nice! Isn't he the BEST Pappy?"

The baby nodded, smiling. "Yep! My big Buther treat me nice, even if he don't wash my butt."

"...What?"

"you can wash your own butt, and you can pick up all these crayons now too."

"Nope. Can't. I's just a baby, so my hand-eye coooord-nation's not good yet." Papyrus picked up a crayon and promptly dropped it on the floor to illustrate his point.

"that was nowhere near the box."

"I know, cause' I's a baby."

"you didn't even LOOK at it."

"Cause' I doesn't know where it is. I don't gots da' object per-me-nance. Dat box is gone forever..."

"pick up your crayons papyrus."

CA-CACK!

Flowey dropped the book he was reading down from the air vent and onto the floor nonchalant. It was obvious Papyrus was trolling, at least, it was obvious to him, but apparently Sans wasn't catching on.

"I pick uuup...dis crayow-n."

"noooo, you'll pick up ALL of your crayons-"

"I pick up dis crayow-n and I draws on da' wall."

"and i'll bust your little ass. DROP IT."

"I'll drop it when I's done wit the wall-"

"PAPYRUS!"

"Would you be quiet Smiley? You're giving him what he wants."

"he wants me to yell at him?"

"He wants your ATTENTION-"

CACK, CACK CACK!

"bro!"

"NYEH! Nnnnyeh!" Papyrus grabbed a handful of crayons and threw them at the air vent.

CACK CA-CACK CACK CACK!

"Yeah, way to break more of your crayons genius."

"Nyeh hee hee hee! NYEH!"

CACK!

Sans sighed upon looking at the mess his brother was currently making. NOW he had to not only fit all the crayons in the box one by one (which he hated), but also FIND them all. His baby brother didn't have a lot of toys, but he made up for it with how many pieces they were in; it would take forever to rummage through the colorful array of broken doll limbs, legos, puzzle pieces, drawings, and fluff from his torn up stuffed animals...

"why do you do these things pap? you know there are monsters out there that don't have a single toy to play with and here you are breaking all of yours. you think that's right?"

"Nyeh? Baby earned those toys! I's da' one dat go looking for them at the Dump and stuff! Those other babies can kiss my tiny hiney, is not MY fault they don't search for stuffs like I do; they lazy as hell!"

"Um news flash brat, most babies don't walk OR talk," said Flowey frowning. "We just happen to be very unlucky with you."

"So? They gots big buthers and sissies to do it for them. All they gots to do is cry and the bigger babies probly think 'aww, my poor widdle buther/sister don't gots any toys to pay wit. I should go out and get some for them cause' they're cute.'

"i've never thought that in my life, also, 'bigger babies?' i'm not a baby pap."

"Nyeh heh heh, yes you are silly baby! You's just fat and smart like me!"

"no really-"

"Except for da' fat part."

"...no really, I'm not a baby anymore."

Friggen' brat.

"Hm?" Papyrus looked at him with confusion. "But you smells like a baby..."

"because i'm always carrying you."

"...And you's bald like a baby..."

"because i'm a skeleton. dad's bald too bro."

"Yeah, but dat's cause' he old. Old peoples don't gots hair Snas, erybody knows dat! Besides, you also cry like a baby and you pay baby games wit me."

"i don't cry like a baby!"

"Yes you do. You's in denial big Buther. Ya' gots to embrace da' cute!"

Flowey picked up another book feeling slightly odd. It had always been quiet in HIS household. His mother and father spent most of their time reading, as did Chara who wasn't a big talker to begin with, and that left Flowey with no one to really talk to.

NOW all I want is for people to shut the hell up. Papyrus is so chatty...is he still talking?

He looked down between the slides in the air vent to see that the baby was, in fact, still causing problems.

"Is dat why you eat so much? You trying to get big faster Snas?"

"i'm not fat!"

"You racing baby to the sparklies? You's trying to get there first?"

"shut up papyrus!"

"Uh oh! Looks like the baby's cranky Pappy," said Flowey suppressing a laugh. "You better stop or he'll start crying again."

"Nyeh? You cranky Snas?"

"NO!"

"You needs me to wash yo' butt?"

"i need you to pick up these crayons!"

CA-THUMP!

Suddenly the door to the Nursery flew open with such force that the doorknob slammed into the wall. "Sans, could you PLEASE be quiet?! I'm in the middle of researching something very important and I don't need another demon baby making noise! Really, I expected this sort of thing out of Papyrus, not from you!"

"HE WON'T PICK UP HIS CRAYONS DAD!"

"I don't care! I'm very busy trying to save the Underground and I don't have time for your childish nonsense!" And with that, the irate scientist turned to leave...only to find that a baby bones was now attached to his leg.

"Get off. My. LEG."

"Kay', but first you gotta tell Snas he a baby," said Papyrus smiling at nothing.

"Why? So you two can argue some more? STOP CHEWING ON MY PANTS PAPYRUS!"

"Mamph...no."

Gaster shook his leg furiously, unable to simply pry him off due to the amount of papers he was holding. "SANS! GET YOUR BROTHER BEFORE I THROW HIM ACROSS THE ROOM!"

"*sigh* alright, c'mere baby bro..."

"NYEH! NO!" Papyrus kicked his own leg at Sans as his older sibling came near, arms held out to pick him up. "Go way Snas, dis Pappy and Daddy time!"

"Noooo, this is the time to let go before you wind up in an orphanage!"

Not that anyone would take you. I'd probably be sued for emotional distress.

Ignoring his family, Papyrus snuggled up to his father's leg, hoping to go for a ride. If he held on long enough, Sans and Gaster would eventually give up; that's what they usually did anyway.

"WHY do these three always have to fight? It was never this loud in MY family..." Flowey rubbed his temple with a vine, trying to will away a headache and keep himself from yelling. It was one thing if Papyrus found who he was, but it was altogether another if GASTER knew. He would no doubt be experimented on even if he DIDN'T know he was the prince, as there were no talking flowers in the Underground.

In truth Flowey was taking a big risk even whispering to himself the way he was. Monsters these days that were sent to the Medical Ward were being reported as "deceased" later on, and he knew exactly why.

They were being drained of their magic.

In order to conduct power for the Underground, Gaster had turned to extracting magic from his patients. He planned to somehow convert it into electricity without the use of a crystal, but that meant he needed a large source of magic to experiment with and no one who knew about Papyrus and the rumors surrounding the lab would volunteer. It's not like Flowey BLAMED them, or Gaster for that matter, but he wouldn't want to be in their shoes either.

If this nerd isn't using money as a lure, then he must not be getting paid as much as he used to. I guess since the royal guard is such trash, people are turning to crime rather than trying to find a job or whatever. That probably means they're not paying their taxes too. No taxes means no money for Jibber-Jabber over here, and THAT means more dead monsters.

"Fools. They cause their own destruction."

"Hm? What was that?" Gaster looked around the room, hearing a voice echo from somewhere.

OH CRAP!

The tiny plant put a leaf over his mouth, not trusting himself not to blurt out another sentence.

DAMNIT DAMNIT DAMNIT!

HE'S GONNA FIND ME!

HE"S GONNA FIND ME!

WHY DID I HAVE TO RUN MY BIG STUPID MOUTH?!

"Nyeh heh heh heh! Weeee!" The baby bones laughed happily as Gaster began looking around the Nursery.

He had definitely heard a voice.

Didn't Sans say something about hearing voices...?

"Whoever's in here, come out. You're violating the law. This area is off-limits to the public."

Screw you nerd! I'm not stupid. Go back to whatever rock you crawled off of!

"he's not gonna come out dad."

DAMNIT SMILEY!

"he sometimes does, but mostly he stays in the air vent to avoid Papyrus."

OH MY GOD I HATE YOU!

"Well your little friend just earned himself a trip to the Medical Ward."

"huh? but he's not si-DAD!" Sans cried out in horror as he watched his father turn the thermostat up.

"wait, stop! you'll burn him!"

"He's a criminal Sans. I gave him a chance to come out and he refused."

"that doesn't mean you can just kill him! TURN IT OFF!"

"Nnn..nyeh...? Snas?"

The kid comedian jumped for the thermostat, but came up short. "TURN IT OFF DAD! THIS ISN'T FUNNY!!"

"Trespassing is not a joke child-"

"PAPYRUS MAKE HIM TURN IT OFF!!!"

"Hmph! As if that infant has any pow-"

"Turn it off."

"Hm?" Looking down, Gaster was greeted with a very annoyed baby, his eyes glowing a bright angry orange. "And why should I?" asked the scientist adjusting his weight.

These papers are getting heavy...

"Cause' I got your leg douche canoe. Turn it off or face baby's wrath."

"Psh, I am NOT scared of yo-AH!"

CROOSH!

Gaster yelped as the infant sunk his teeth into his leg causing him to drop his paperwork all over the floor.

"YOU LITTLE-RUH!"

"NYEHHHHHHHH!"

With an unexpected kick, Papyrus went flying across the room luckily landing in his brother's arms.

"UHG, GOTCHA!"

"Snas..."

"you freaking jerk! you can't just kick a baby!"

"I didn't kick him, I threw him off. I can do whatever I wish anyway, because I'M an adult!"

"YOU AH-BOOZE DA' BABY!"

"I didn't kick you!"

"I'S TELLIN' FLUFFY BUNS!"

"Fluffy what?"

"AH! MOTHER-FUCKER! WHO THE HELL TURNED ON THE THERMOSTAT?!" Flowey quickly stood upon the book he was reading to spare his roots from the metal flooring he had been previously on. "YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY YOU PSYCHOPATH?! WAIT TILL EVERYONE HEARS ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO THESE MONSTERS! I'M TELLING THE KING, I'M TELLING YOU'RE ASSISTANTS, I'M TELLING YOUR MOTHER!" He blew on his roots to dull the pain he was in, glaring daggers at the scientist.

"I'm calling YOUR mother. What's your phone number child?" asked Gaster getting out his phone.

"My number? Oh sure thing, I'm REALLY gonna give some CREEP MY phone number. GO BACK TO YOUR TORTURE ROOM AND LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"torture room...? what's he talking about dad?"

"I'M TALKING ABOUT ALL THE SICK MONSTERS HE'S DRAINING MAGIC FROM TO FUEL HIS STUPID MACHINES!" yelled Flowey angrily. It probably wasn't too good an idea to be spouting everything he knew about the royal scientist's experiments, but he was already caught so...

If I'm going down, I'm taking him with me. EVERYbody's gonna know about his crap! I don't care HOW pissed this nerd gets!

And pissed he was. If he had spent more time exercising, Gaster would have no doubt crushed his phone he was squeezing it so hard.

It would be difficult to make a healthy child disappear, as children were considered the Undergrounds second brightest hope. Parents all over were training them young in the ways of magic, praying that one day the combined strength of their little ones would one day be enough to break the barrier the parents had foolishly put up. If ANY child went missing, it was a big deal and the punishment was nothing to scoff at.

Grrah! I want this cretin DEAD, but his parents would go on a witch hunt looking for him and I'm already looking suspicious.

...

Then again, Sans said he was hearing this brat's voice some time ago. How long has he been away from home I wonder? Do his parents even care that he's gone? I've not heard word of any missing children as of late...

"How old are you, err..."

"Dirt-butt."

"D-Dirt-butt. Right. How old are you Dirt-butt?"

"Nyeh hee hee hee hee!"

"Who cares?" replied Flowey stubbornly. "Why don't you get lost idiot? I'm not looking to be friends with a murderer. I have a rep to think about, and every moment I'm seen talking to a nerd like you, damages it."

"So you're popular then?"

Damn.

"Of course I'm popular! I know everyone in the Underground and they ALL love me! I'm the cutest...fl-uh...flame elemental in the world."

"You're a flame elemental?"

"Y-Yeah?"

"A flame elemental who hates heat?"

"..."

"..."

"...Yes."

There was a long pause before the scientist finally left the room with a sigh, not bothering to pick up his papers. Whoever this was obviously had no intention of telling him the truth.

I REALLY hope this little menace is a runaway, otherwise he could ruin everything. He won't go to the public if he's hiding from his parents, but if I'm wrong...

CA-THUNK!

"HA HA! SUCK IT NERD! I'm NOT a flame elemental and my name ISN'T Dirt-butt! HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

Score one for Flowey the Genius, ohhhh yeah!

C-CICK!

Papyrus gave Flowey a thumbs up whilst munching on a crayon. "Ho-way for Dir-butt!"

"..."