I sat there and watched them take on the persona,
Of strangers.
Where they disregard their own thoughts and feelings,
And those of others.

Surrounded by them, it felt like
It's all just pretend.
Or at least until it becomes real.

They play pretend everyday on an endless loop.
Going through the same motions,
Leaving themselves dizzy and disoriented.

I couldn't stop thinking that it was disgusting, saddening
It was a cesspool of superficial emotions

Filled with beautiful souls that are dull
Looking straight through empty eyes
And hearing fake laughter

Nobody seemed real until
They finally let their guard down

I've seen who they really are on many occasions
And then I see
when they quickly put out the light in their eyes
And go back to whoever it is they think they are

Nobody seemed interested in what was real
Until they felt like it was safe enough for them
To be human and to really feel and think for themselves
Without the worry of being judged by the rest

I sat with a friend who is like me
Who saw what I saw
And we talked about how they were all
Drenched in hormones and insecurities

It was a long talk that we had
Seated in the middle of the chaos and noise

Obscurity is what I consist of
I so easily fit in with the crowds of diverse people
I was an exception
Because I've seen them in a way everyone else hasn't

In a place like that, it felt as if to be obscure
Was unacceptable, looked down upon
It's not a surprise.

I exist.
I exist with myself and those who come to exist with me.

Though I am difficult to understand and hard to deal with,
Annoyingly stubborn and painfully optimistic in the unrealistic, i am real.

They find me wandering away from here
Because I'm tired of feeling lonely for existing by myself,
I've never felt lonely for that until their toxic idea was implanted into my head.

I walk on streets deep into the night
With no destination in mind.
I sit in bookstores and coffee shops,
On curbs and side walks and the roof,
And anywhere else, because I'm that girl.
Who likes to question the world and search for its answers.

And i wonder if anyone else exists the way i do