to walk away
to let go

is supposed to make my days brighter
make me feel more whole rather than
half or even empty

to do what happened
is supposed to begin some sort of
road to recovery

and i curse myself
for even still thinking about it

but i am me
and if you know me

you know i am not one
to simply let things pass
without contemplating them

to continue on
and to forget

is supposed to make me better
it's supposed to make things easier
and it takes time, i know that

but when i'm here
and the thought of what is for my own good
and what is needed,
what is necessary

doesn't even come close
to the thought of what i believe
what i feel

opinion over fact
i decide to bite the inside of my cheek
shake everything out of my head

and decide not to open this case back up
because i fight with myself

i guess this is for my own good
when everyone knows
i am not one
to care for what is for my own good

and that i am a reckless person,
that isn't cautious

only because there's so much
that is worth more
than playing things safe

i am mess, i know i am
i am difficult
and stubborn
i don't take in advice easily

i am hardheaded
and i disappoint
only because i always feel so sure
about myself

and my decisions
and i insist that i am right

because i want to believe i can change
the course of history
i want to believe i can change
how things were planned

sure it seems just okay
to live out things the way you're supposed to

but i just think
i feel
and i know that there's so much more

i don't take the same path as everyone else
because i'm just so stubborn and dumb
and i'm curious

some might say—
alot may say,
that i am wrong
i am hurting myself
i am not capable of taking care of myself

and that may be true
i don't know how to take care of myself
because i am not one to care for myself
i care about others

i'm anything but calm
anything but peace
anything but safety

i am dangerous
and will always have a fire burning inside me

a burning desire
for the 'more' in life

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."
— Robert Frost