and i suppose,
it makes me a bit angry
that such a pretty face
could hide so much within.
the pretty face wasn't what made me angry,
not was what was being pushed away—
all the things being ignored
all the thoughts,
being put in the back of her pretty brain that matched her pretty face.
all those people who hurt her,
and to me it was just so fucked up.
they loved her pretty face,
her quiet voice,
her hidden talents, her quirks
the lovely personality and especially her heart ;

she didn't ask for help because someone else
was struggling more than she was,
she didn't want to cry as she was holding someone in her arms,
she didn't want to say or do anything because she was raised to be selfless.
now who in God's name allowed that to happen? don't get me wrong, being selfless is not a problem, but who taught her how to push her deepest worries and fears to the back of her mind?
how to cry herself to sleep in silence so she wouldn't wake anyone up in the middle of the night afraid of concern?
why would you let her off alone, on her own, trying to save others when she is drowning in herself?
they all love to comment about her superficial exterior and they all get scared about what's inside.
no of course they don't just look at that pretty face, they see everything else, just not the things that keep her up at night.
when she's apologizing to God for the things she can't seem to get right,
the parents she can't make proud,
the people she can't compete with, the love she can't experience,
the friends she feels like a burden around with,
the past she can't get over,
the future she can't plan,
the present she can't even live for.
if someone held her she'd surely cry silently, literally scared to even breathe because whoever's holding her would feel the uneven shakiness of her breath.
of course, she's human.
she's scared she'll scare people off, she pushes people away when she's scared of herself,
she doesn't know herself,
she just doesn't know.
she's hard to figure out,
difficult to solve,
and painful to love.
she knows how to hold her own,
it's hell but she knows.
she's been through it alone enough times that she's sure she'll be ready for the next time.
the next time she's lost in her own mind
and she has to hold herself until it's all okay.

a pretty face that can withstand hell.