also today i will be writing about sushi
i bet you're reading this
and asking me through the phone—

"why, janica? why ever have you chosen to write about this, so-called, SUSHI?"

—good question,
i don't know
but i like to think my writing
is an adventure
or a journey
whatever you wanna call it
and we can go through it together

it's 7:47pm
still halloween

i hope you've caught on by now that
i'll introduce a topic
but honestly i won't really talk about
as much as all the other stuff in my head
so brace yourself, dear one

from that first conversation we had
i honestly was scared to form any
bond or connection with you
cause i had JUST given up on
that..
stuff
but i guess you can't help
how things go

that moment in the conversation
where i opened up to you
alot
more than alot
way more than i would to another stranger
and it was just a moment of shared grief
it was short lived

then that first conversation we had
about me being sick
and you said something along the lines of
making the most of it, or you being in it
and that was a moment i was probably
more terrified of than happy about
like my heart sped up and i didn't know why

but the feeling of feelings
and the feeling of being terrified
feels the same

wow i said "feel" alot
but you know?
anyways i'm still terrified
but not as much anymore

sushi is good
it's cute

my head hurts
that terrifies me too
because up until a few months ago
a headache isn't just a headache anymore

i really don't want to be sick anymore
i'd really like to stop now
but
you always say that we can't choose
the things that happen to us
but we can choose how to react to them

and i'm trying
trying.

sushi is good

*ah you see i did mention sushi
in this one so it's not a complete lie

anyways you're probably waiting
for me to finish this
and now i'm finished
for now

yours truly

— the great pumpkin ; 8:01pm

THE GANG'S ALL HERE :))