natalia

i'm not a threat to everyone back home anymore but now i'm a danger to civilians. i drag my feet down the pavement, hoping i don't end up murdering someone innocent. where do i go? my phone rings continuously but i ignore it, it's either james or clint.

"hey, mama..." i hear a deep voice call out from behind me, i shut my eyes tight and groan.

just the luck i needed, just when i really, really didn't want to kill someone tonight. i'm going to snap, i can feel it.

"what's a sexy little thing doing outside in this cold?" a tall man whistles as i slowly turn around, clenching my fists.

"..." i glare at him, hoping he gets the hint to turn around but he flicks his dark curly hair to the side and smirks at me.

"let me hear your voice..." he takes a few steps towards me, i scan him for any weapons or drugs but it seems like he doesn't have any.

he does seem high. he has muscles and amber eyes with some of the longest eyelashes i've ever seen in my life.

"why don't you fuck off and walk away?" i hiss, not recognising the poison in my tone.

"your voice is sexy..." he teases me to piss me off but i roll my eyes. i don't want to kill him, but maybe he deserves it?

maybe i should let his blood spill all over the ground for others to see.

no, i need to leave.

before i walk off, in a swift movement he grabs me by my waist and flips me over so he's holding me down towards the ground with his arm around my waist, grinning down at me.

"come with me." he commands in a stern voice as i glare into his amber eyes.

"get the fuck away from me before i hurt you!" i growl and push him away from me, i fall to the ground and he chuckles.

"hurt me? are you joking? a little thang like you won't do shit." he laughs to himself as i pull myself up from the ground.

kill him. he deserves it, kill him. kill him.

i can't. i can't kill him.

"what's your name, beautiful?" he grins whilst pulling out weed from his pockets. i scoff.

"none of your business, fuck off." i stomp away but he follows after me like a lost puppy.

"come on, mama..." he places a hand on my shoulder, i tense then turn around and punch him in the face.

"don't test me." i hiss but before i walk away he glares and grabs me by my neck.

"earlier i said come with me, love, and that's exactly what you're gonna do." he pulls out a gun and points it at my head.

should've killed him when you fucking had the chance, pathetic natasha.

"listen-"

"no you listen, listen to me and do exactly what i say." he says as he pulls me into an alleyway, it's dark so i can hardly see anything.

i decide to pull the "innocent girl" attitude and pretend to nervously fiddle with my fingers.

"please don't hurt me." i put on a fake trembling voice which makes him smirk in amusement.

"it won't hurt much if you cooperate, mama." he puts the gun back into his pocket and i force myself to not smile. too easy.

"okay, i will..." i pout as he slowly leans into my neck but i pull out my gun and aim it at his head.

"wh-" his eyes widen and he swallows hard, i grin at him when he struggles to find words.

finish him. kill him. end him, he deserves it.

murder is not the answer-

bang!

james

i've searched and searched but i just can't find my doll. what if i've lost her forever? what if she snapped and killed someone? what if she was killed by someone, or caught by hydra?

"natalia, where are you?!" i call out and spot clint running towards me.

"what, what is it? did you find her? is she okay?" i quickly ask but he shakes his head in disappointment.

"i can't find her..." he has a sad expression planted across his face.

"well we have to look harder, she couldn't have left the goddamn country!" i kick a lamppost out of anger which makes clint flinch.

"i-"

bang!

a gunshot cuts clint off before he can finish his sentence, we make eye contact and quickly run to where the gunshots came from to a dark alleyway.

"nat...?" i ask as i spot a figure drop to the ground and another figure shakily drop their gun to the ground.

"w-what?" i hear her voice, it's trembling.

"natasha, what happened?" clint asks as we run towards her, we gasp when we see a dead man on the ground. blood leaks out of his head.

"i-i killed him..." she says with regret and covers her face with trembling fingers.

"natalia! what the fuck, why?!" i yell at her then realise that he probably did something to piss her off that much.

"h-he wouldn't leave me alone, he had me at gun point and dragged me here! then i heard the voice and it made me-" she stops, her expression suddenly changes and she gives me and clint a sly grin.

she walks towards the dead body and drills her knife into his neck then quickly pulls it out, laughing. my eyes and clint's eyes widen at her in shock. what the fuck?

"ohhh...we're fucked." clint takes a few steps behind me and hides.

"natalia...please-"

"who the fuck are you calling natalia?" she slowly picks the gun up from the ground and spits out her name as if it's venom.

"you better not even think about using that damn gun." i warn her and pull out a gun, clint pulls out arrows.

"i'm not thinking about using it, i am going to use it." she barks at us both and shoots at clint but i push him out of the way before a bullet hits him and lunge at natalia.

i pin her down to the ground as she tries stabbing me with the knife, she almost slices my arm but i snatch the knife from her and throw it away from us. she kicks and punches but i still pin her down.

"i need to kill you all! i need to kill!" i-" she stops talking and takes deep breaths, her breathing quickens.

"is she okay...?" clint asks in a panic and crouches down next to us.

i don't reply but instead frown down at natalia who looks terrified. what's happening to her?

"doll?" i stop pinning her down and pull her in for a hug, clint looks confused.

"i'm scared..." she admits to me in a whisper so that clint doesn't hear.

"of what?"

"my mind, the voice, trauma, everything." natalia breaks down and i signal for clint to go back home, he nods then hesitantly leaves.

"wanda can help you, we can ask her to remove the programming. seeing me must've triggered it how me seeing you triggered the winter soldier." i slowly tell her, she nods as a small hiccup escapes her lips from crying.

"wait...why can't she remove the programming from your mind?"

i sigh and caress her cheek. "it's too deep into my mind, it's never supposed to be removed. hydra made sure it stays there forever."

"o-oh...you never told me." she sadly says as we both stand up, i hold her by the waist.

"because i didn't want you to blame yourself." i shrug and she nods, understanding.

"i'm sorry-"

"you have nothing to be sorry for, natalia." i cut her off with a long-lasting kiss, we get deeper and deeper into it until she pulls away to catch her breath.

"so...what do we do about the body?" she nervously scratches her neck as i stare at it.

"meh, just leave it." i scoff at the body, he deserves it for touching my natalia.

"okay." i notice natalia's eyes becoming cold and an evil grin creeping onto her face.

i have to take her to wanda before she snaps again, before she tries to kill me. i blink at her and pull her out of the alleyway as she drags her feet along.