natalia

i look down as he takes steps towards me. i slowly look up at him as he glares into my soul. he's in his full uniform with goggles on and a mask. he's very scary and intimidating if i must admit. i swallow hard when he reaches out a hand to me, i blink at him in confusion.

"w-what?" i ask him in a tiny voice as he still reaches out a hand to me.

"you're coming back, dead or alive." he tells me in a deep, monotone voice.

"no!" i push his hand away and frown.

i thought i'd never see him again, i thought he'd be killing me by now. how am i still alive? have they brainwashed him, punished him? he glares at me when i cross my legs on my bed.

"what did they do to you, james?" i ask as quietly as a whisper, i'm not sure he even heard my question until he looks at me in confusion.

"who the hell is james and what are you talking about?" he grunts and comes closer towards me which causes me to scoot back on the bed in fear.

"remember me! please try, james!" i beg him as i hold my chest in emotional pain.

"i have no fucking clue what you're on about but if you don't come with me alive, then i'll just have to take your corpse back." he hisses.

"bucky, james, just try..." i then reluctantly force myself to get up and stand right in front of him, looking up at him.

"bucky...?" he says to himself and places a hand on his head.

"yes, you! don't you remember? you were here with me before...we were trapped at a hydra base. you helped me escape and now they've brainwashed you again." i slowly tell him to make sure he understands and hope that he doesn't attack me.

"i was brainwashed again. i remember helping someone and..." he pauses and looks down, deep into my eyes and deep in thought.

"what? what is it, bucky?" i ask him in concern.

"i'm back, natasha. thanks for helping me, where is steve and everyone else?" he sighs and takes his goggles and mask off.

"oh they were coming up with a plan to help you." i tell him and wrap my arms around him in a hug.

"why are you hugging me, natasha? i thought you didn't do all that affection stuff." he frowns at me as i pull away with a confused look.

shit. natasha.

"d-do you remember me?"

"of course, natasha. i remember everything now, i remember how i went back there because i snapped and they brainwashed me."

wanda warned me about this once, if someone has been brainwashed, you should always let them remember by themselves otherwise it could have serious consequences. i'm so stupid. so fucking stupid! i mentally kick myself for not remembering and being so desperate to make him remember me. now he probably never will.

"i was with you, don't you remember that?' i ask him in a panic as his eyebrows knit as if he's thinking really hard.

"no." he says bluntly and shrugs.

"o-oh okay." i swallow a lump in my throat and give him a genuine smile.

"thanks for helping me remember, nat." he smiles and i give him a genuine smile back just to make him feel better.

"it's okay." i nod and open my bedroom door and hold back tears from spilling out of my eyes.

"clint! he's back, tell everyone there's no need to go to hydra." i yell as clint comes to me.

"what?" clint frowns as he looks at james walking out of my room and going to his room.

"he doesn't remember me." i whisper when i hear his door slam closed.

"...huh? what do you mean?" he asks me as i drag him into my room and slowly close the door to make no noise.

"i don't know why! he kept calling me natasha and when i hugged him he was confused." i stop holding back the tears as i watch his sympathetic expression through blurry vision because of my tears.

"i'm sure he'll remember soon." he tuts and pulls me in for a long hug as i try to get no tears on his shoulder.

"thank you, i hope he will." i let out a shaky breath as we separate.

"i'll go tell everyone he's back but he doesn't remember you and-"

"...and i want to keep it that way." i sniffle. "he doesn't deserve anymore pain because of me."

"but nat-"

"no! it's all my fault, don't you dare let anyone tell james about him knowing me. it should've been that way when he first arrived." i say firmly as he sighs and nods at me to say okay.

"thank you." i tell him as he leaves my room.

bucky

it's good to be back, i'm surprised natasha even cared that much. she hugged me, why would she hug me? i'll speak with her tomorrow but right now i'm exhausted after just coming back from hydra. escaping hydra. how did i even end up going back, why would i snap? i then feel a weird, tight feeling in my stomach as my mind wonders about nat. i shake the feeling away and forget about her, i need a shower and rest.