natalia

i snapped.

i really snapped and i didn't even realise. what if i hurt james, what if i had killed him? i now know what james went through and now it's my turn. i'm scared, i'm really scared of hurting everyone else. i don't want any more blood on my hands, i've had enough already.

"natalia." james' raspy voice makes me blink, i look away from the wall i've been staring at for the past 20 minutes in my room, sitting on my bed with james.

"...yeah?" i slowly turn to him, he's sitting next to me, looking very bored.

"i don't see anything entertaining to do with that plain wall." he frowns and points at it.

"'meh." i shrug and turn to the wall, keeping my gaze on it again as he scoffs.

"staring at that wall will not prevent you from changing." he reminds me and it's true, this wall isn't going to help me but staring at it calms me in a way.

"it relaxes me and that's enough." i continue staring at it until he pulls me towards him, i push him away and stand away from the bed.

instead of speaking, he frowns at me in confusion. i roll my eyes and head for the door but before i can leave, i feel an arm pull me by my waist, james forces me to face him.

"you won't hurt me, i know you won't." he softly tells me, i relax in his arms.

"what if i do? i'm going to snap and i-"

he cuts me off by placing my head on his chest, i sigh. my chest feels heavy but i ignore it and enjoy this moment. he hugs me tightly and a small smile creeps onto my face. my heart races faster and faster but i have to pull away, i'm a danger to everyone.

the only way to protect everyone from me is to leave.

"natalia, why'd you pull away?" he eyes me suspiciously, he interrupts me before i can say a word. "where are you going?"

"nowhere, i need to be alone." i lie and open his door, footsteps follow after me like a shadow as i walk out.

"by nowhere you better mean your room and not outside." i hear him tell me from behind.

"don't you worry, that's where i'm gonna be all day long." i lie and drag my feet to my room.

i open the door and go inside, i slowly close the door and think. where do i go? i can't go to the motel, can i? he'll find me straight away. i feel a sudden wave of rage wash over me, i also feel guilt. i can't stop tears falling out of my eyes.

what is wrong with me?

i need to leave, quickly. i don't know where but i need to disappear before i harm anyone here. i can't go anywhere, not a hotel or a motel because i'll kill someone. great. i take my phone and slip it into my jean pocket and change into a black tank top. i grab my brush and brush out my hair as quickly as i can, i take a gun and hide it.

i walk out of the door, in a rush and not looking where i'm going which results in me crashing into the one and only, james.

"ow..." i groan, before i can drop to the ground, he catches me with one arm.

"this is fun." he smirks and slowly lowers me down to the ground then up again to tease me.

"not really." i roll my eyes then jump away from him, i slowly take a few steps back.

"i know what you're planning, you ain't going anywhere." he commands in a stern voice.

"...that's what you think." i wink and charge up my widow's bites, he slowly shakes his head as his eyes widen in fear.

"natalia, don't you fucking dare-" his sentence is cut off by me shocking him as i grin.

he drops to the ground and i bite my lip in regret, did i go too far?

whoops.

i slowly back away from the situation and make my way towards the lift. i hop in and press the ground floor button. the doors close and i spot clint crossing his arms at me from outside the lift as they do. i wave goodbye as he waves back. weirdo, he's probably annoyed that i didn't invite him to come along but i'm a threat. i'm dangerous and james needs to understand that.

james

"...shit, man." i groan as i pull myself up from the ground, just what i needed.

natalia...she left, didn't she? she thinks she's not safe, she thinks she's going to kill people but she won't. knowing her, she's not going to the motel or to a hotel. she's going to put herself at risk so she doesn't hurt anyone. i pinch my nose bridge in disappointment and head for the lift. i just hope i can get to her before she snaps and causes a homicide.