"sometimes i'm terrified of my heart; of its constant hunger for whatever it is it wants. the way it stops and starts" - edgar allan poe

-----

Shortly after the end of Nita's hockey season, the school year came to an end as well.

Becky returned to spending days at a time with Freen's family, and she started her own morning routines with the girls as Freen continued to go to her studio four times a week.

The mundanity of their lifestyle was welcomed, and it was easy to fall into. Before Freen or Becky could truly recognize it, they were acting like a family of four and were being considered as such by everyone in their friend/family group.

Despite Freen's fear that she was forcing Becky into a motherly role, Becky was quick to promise that she liked what they had going for them and was happy to fill those shoes as a second mother-figure to the girls.

Becky's help became even more impactful when Nita's panic attacks started coming closer and more intense in between.

Her walls were crumbling, which was good, but with those breakthroughs came intense episodes of fear that were triggered by all of her experienced trauma. And Nita had
a lot of trauma to work through.

Freen was well versed in talking the teen through her panic, but when she wasn’t around Becky was always ready to step up and take her place.

Despite those intense moments of emotion, there was a certain peace that settled over the house. Everyone was happy, and things were good.

For Araya and Sunny's 25th anniversary in July, Becky's parents decided to throw a large backyard barbeque. Close to thirty people were set to join in the celebration, something that Freen and Becky thought would be manageable; until it wasn’t.

“I don’t want to go,” Nita said as she sat on the couch across from Becky and Freen.

She crossed her arms and attempted to set her scowl, however, there was much less anger set behind it. Much rather, Freen was easily able to note the fear that clouded Nita's eyes.

“I know it’s a lot of people,” Becky started to say, only to have Nita interrupt her.

“You guys can take Emi. I don’t even like celebrating anything,” Nita argued before she clenched her fists.

Her hands were shaking already. It was clearly becoming harder for her to hide her emotions from the two older women.

“Let’s not worry about the barbeque for a minute,” Freen said, hoping to cut the panic attack off before it even had a chance to start.

The mom moved to sit next to Nita where she gently untangled her crossed arms and held to one of her shaking clenched fists.

“Deep breaths, na?” Freen said as she exaggerated her own breathing for Nita to copy.

“I’m fine,” Nita said despite the wobbling of her chin.

“I know you are. I just want us to slow down for a few seconds,” Freen said as she massaged Nita's clenched hand until it slowly opened. “Just hold my hand for a minute.”

Skillfully, Freen maneuvered Nita's hand so then the teen’s fingertips were rested over her pulse point on her wrist.

When Nita sensed the spot, she pressed her fingers down a bit to feel Freen's pulse, effectively easing some of her shakiness.

“There we go,” Freen whispered as she used her other hand to squeeze Nita's knee.

Pressure and focal points were great ways to get Nita down from a panic attack, and this time it helped prevent one altogether.

“If it worries you that much, we don’t have to go,” Freen said after a beat.

“You won’t leave me alone right?” Nita asked as she looked between both Freen and Becky.

“One of us will always be by your side if that’s what you want,” Becky promised, making Nita nod weakly.

“I guess we can go,” she agreed, making Freen smile at her proudly.

“If you start feeling uncomfortable, we can always head home, okay?” Freen said as she reached up to brush back some of Nita's hair.

“Okay. Can we sit here a bit longer?” Nita asked as she pressed her fingers against Freen's wrist a bit harder.

“As long as you need, baby,” Freen promised as she returned her hand to the teen knee in order to resume the squeezing.

Nita shut her eyes and took a deep breath, doing her best to focus all of her attention on the pressure of Freen's hand on her knee and the feeling of her heartbeat against her fingertips.

-----

Freen, Becky, and the girls arrived at the Armstrong's at 11am. By the time they got there, several of the guests had already made it and the backyard was bustling with more than half of the set guest list.

At the sight of the crowd, Nita subconsciously pressed herself closer to Freen's back, something that did not go unnoticed by the mom.

Freen subtly reached behind herself and grasped Nita's hand, allowing the girl to hold to her as they made their way over to Araya who was working with Sunny at the barbeque.

“My babies!” Araya gushed when she saw the family make their way over.

She abandoned the cheese she was placing onto burgers and warmly embraced Becky, Freen, and Emily. For Nita, Araya gave the girl’s arm a gentle squeeze as she smiled at her kindly.

“This barbeque just gets crazier with the years, doesn’t it?” Becky asked her Ma who laughed and waved her off.

“Well, of course it gets crazier. It's our wedding anniversary! And you kids keep bringing new people into our lives,” Sunny said from his place at the barbeque.

“ Sunny, can I help?” Emily spoke up as she went over to the tall man and looked up at the barbeque.

“I would love that!” Sunny enthused as he hoisted Emily up and onto his hip as to keep her further away from the hot grill.

“I guess we’ll be leaving her with you then,” Freen said, smiling at Emily and Sunny who were already deep into their own conversation.

“You three go get drinks and mingle. Your dad and I will take good care of Emily,” Araya promised as she returned to her cheese.

“You can give her back if she gets in the way,” Freen reminded Sunny and Araya before following Becky towards the self-serve bar.

All their friends had already gathered there and were mixing drinks as they chatted in their large group.

“Look who decided to join the fun,” Charlotte greeted as she made room in their circle and kindly rubbed Nita's back when she stepped out from behind Freen a bit.

“Of course you’ve staked claim over the bar,” Becky said to Richie who was pouring various shots of hard liquor into a cocktail shaker.

“I’m making a Richie's special,” Richie stated as he capped the shaker and began to toss it around theatrically.

“In other words, a shitfaced medley,” Taran snarked, as she glanced at her watch. “Are we alcoholics for drinking before 1?” she asked as she knocked back the rest of her whiskey.

“It’s a special day. Time doesn’t matter,” Richie dismissed as he poured his concoction into several shot glasses.

“Why do I feel scared accepting that?” Engfa asked when a glass was extended her way by Richie.

“Because you watched him make it,” Charlotte said as she took the shot glass. “Just pretend like it’s any old shot.”

“I’m going to pass,” Freen said when Richie extended one her way.

She could feel Nita on edge from the moment they entered the party and Freen wanted to be as present as possible in case the girl took a turn. Not to mention, it felt incredibly inappropriate to drink in front of her kid.

“Count me out too, Richie. Drinking at a 11am seems like an automatic hard pass,” Becky said as she went over to the bar side and started to grab regular drinks for herself, Freen, and Nita.

“Boo. You’re both boring,” Richie said, before pausing and realizing how many of his friends actually accepted a shot.

Taran, Lisa, Marima, Charlotte, and Engfa. That was it.

“Really guys? You aren’t having one?” Richie asked to Irin, Heng, Nam, and Billy.

“I’m pregnant,” Nam reminded, although she didn’t have to as her six-month bump was reminder enough.

“She’s pregnant,” Heng echoed, giving his reason to Richie.

“I have to watch Tita,” Irin said, although Richie was already well aware of this.

“ Billy?” Richie asked, making the handsome man shake his head.

“I can’t. It's still early, bro. Got to stay sober for the baby.” Billy simply stated as he smiles at Babe and his almost two year-old son, Bleu.

“Why did everyone wants to having kids?” Engfa asked in frustration. “Seriously, first you, then Freenky, then Heng and Nam, and now Irin. That’s a fuck load of kiddos.”

“To be fair, Tita has an actual mom,” Irin reminded. “I’m just being a super helpful aunt.”

“It still counts,” Engfa remarked. “Looks like the rest of us have some catching up to do.”

“Speaking of, can I steal you for a minute, babe?” Charlotte spoke up, making Engfa balance.

“You’re not pregnant right? Because I know I can’t get you pregnant-,”

“I’m not pregnant you idiot. Just come with me for a minute,” Charlotte said, extending a hand to her girlfriend.

Engfa begrudgingly accepted it, quickly taking her shot as they started walking away.

“Holy shit! Richie, that’s nasty!” Engfa called out as Charlotte continued to drag her away.

“Every time,” Richie laughed as he also knocked back his own shot.

“ Freen, I’m going to go sit with Bon and read,” Nita said quietly, gaining Freen's attention.

“That’s fine. Becky and I will be here, okay? And if we get separated you can text me to find you, alright?”

Nita nodded and left the adults to continue their conversation while she made her way over to the tree at the far corner of the yard where Bon was sprawled out.

The noise was significantly lessened and the calming feeling of petting the dog helped to ease some of Nita's nerves, which made for a more tolerable experience.

She could handle the next few hours if she could stay under the tree. She just hoped that nobody tried to bring her back into the crowd.

-----

“ Freenky, Irin, we need to talk,” Engfa said as she hurriedly approached her friends not long after speaking to her girlfriend.

“What’s wrong?” Freen asked as she allowed for Engfa to grab her arm and drag her away from their friend group.

“Geez, Fa. Loosen your grip,” Irin grumbled as she finally pried her wrist free and shook it out.

“ Char wants a kid,” Engfa said, instantly making Irin and Freen give her their full attention.

“Like, with you?” Freen asked as she furrowed her eyebrows in confusion.

Charlotte and Engfa had been going out just a few months longer than her and Becky, which made it a bit odd that she wanted to bring a kid into the equation. Then again, lesbians were always known for moving quickly, and Charlotte was very, very, gay.

“Wait, are we talking a baby, a full child-?” Irin started, only to earn a confused look from Freen who quickly cut her off.

“What’s a full child? Isn’t a baby a full person?” Freen asked, making Irin roll her eyes.

“You know what I mean. There’s baby, child, teen.”

“So say, ‘baby, child, teen.’ Saying ‘full child’ sounds weird,” Freen pressed on with her point.

“Guys!” Engfa snapped out, once again gaining her friends' full attention.

“She said that one of her hockey players was kicked out by her mom and has been jumping around her friends’ homes for a while.”

“Who is it?” Freen asked, wondering if it was one of Nita's teammates.

“ Minnie. She’s on-,”

“ Nita's team. Ka, I know,” Freen agreed before asking, “How did she find out that Minnie was kicked out?”

“She sent out the registration packets for the next season and received a call from Minnie's mom that she wouldn’t be returning. Char, being Char, felt like something was off and tracked Minnie down herself.”

“So, she wants to take Minnie in?” Irin clarified, making Engfa nod. “And this is the first you’re hearing of this?”

“She just talked to Minnie this morning I guess,” Engfa explained before rubbing the back of her neck. “She said she hadn’t offered anything to Minnie yet since she wanted to check in with me first.”

“Well, at least she’s being considerate about it,” Irin supplied, making Engfa release an insufferable sigh.

“I can’t say no, can I? She’s a kid without a home and I would be a monster for telling my girlfriend she shouldn’t do it,” Engfa inquired, making her friends shrug unsurely.

“I know you may not want to hear this, but I think Char's going to take Minnie in either way,” Freen began to say. “She wants you to have a say in it, but she’s also going to help this girl out with or without you. The real question is, are you going to step up and help her through this?”

“We’ve barely been together for a year,” Engfa said as she briefly glanced at Charlotte who was across the yard and deep in a conversation with someone. “But I love her like crazy and I don’t want to force her to choose between me and her player.”

“So, I guess you’re going to be a step-in parent to a teen, then?” Irin asked as a smile began to spread onto her face.

“ Char's going to be the real parent in this whole thing. I’m going to be her support system,” Engfa clarified, though it still didn’t stop Irin's smiling.

“Guys, we all have kids now,” Irin gushed, making the other two women roll their eyes playfully. “Granted, Freen's the only legit mom here, but still.”

“A guardian is a guardian,” Freen said to Irin. “You’re raising Tita just as much as I’m raising Nita and Emi.”

“I should tell Char to talk to Minnie I guess,” Engfa said, bringing the conversation back to its central point. “Fuck, guys. I don’t know how to be a parent.”

“Take it day by day. Follow Char's lead. And make sure to communicate with her all the time,” Freen said, before grasping her friend’s hand. “You’re both doing a good thing. Minnie is still a young girl who isn’t ready to be out in the world on her own. If you can help her out for a while it’ll make all the difference.”

“And Freenky and I are always here for the both of you,” Irin added, making Engfa smile gratefully.

“I’m going to talk to Char,” Engfa said before she squeezed her friends’ hands and walked back to her girlfriend.

Irin and Freen allowed themselves to stand together for a beat and watch the party go on around them.

Emily and Athita were playing with Gracie and giggling up a storm, making both women smile contently.

“We all are parents now, aren’t we?” Freen asked thoughtfully as she waved to Emily who gave her a toothy grin.

“Does this mean we can start meeting up for 11am brunch after dropping our kids off at school?” Irin asked, making Freen shake her head.

“No,” the mom sighed as she smirked and started to walk away.

“But, Freen!” Irin protested as she quickly followed behind her friend. “What about the mimosas!”

-----

The party was fun chaos from the start. People drank, people ate, people played backyard games and celebrating the anniversary.

Emily managed to consume several ice cream sandwiches after convincing many different people that she hadn’t had one yet and wanted to try; it was cute at first discovery, but Freen was quickly left with a grouchy seven-year-old who had a stomach ache and was crashing due to the sugar.

Thankfully, Nita managed to keep to herself under the tree without any disturbance, which allowed for Freen to focus on Emily who was teetering closer and closer to a meltdown.

“Hey everyone, we've got something special today. To celebrate this beautiful day, like we're always, we’re going to get the fireworks going in a minute!” Sunny called out to the large group of people, making them all flock towards the cleared patch of yard, which he already marked off with spray paint to keep people a safe distance away.

“Fireworks?” Emily asked, perking up a bit when she realized what Sunny said. “I’ve never seen fireworks!”

“Will the fireworks fix that grouchy attitude of yours?” Freen asked as she crouched beside the little girl who was now bouncing excitedly.

“Yes! I’m much better. Can we watch the fireworks, mama?”

“Let’s go,” Freen smiled as she picked the girl up and carried her over to the crowd.

The first firework was lit and went off with a noisy whiz and then pop. Everyone cheered and encouraged Sunny to release another.

Becky, who was starting to approach Freen and Emily after exiting the house, noticed Nita jump harshly when the first firework popped.

Changing routes, Becky hurried towards Nita who covered her ears and tucked her legs into her chest; both were clear signs that she was scared.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Becky eased when she knelt beside Nita.

Just then a second firework popped,
making Nita jump once more and whimper.

“Let’s go inside, Nita,” Becky said, hoping the girl would agree to do so quickly as to avoid hearing a third firework.

Nita, however, was unable to hear Becky's words. She had her headphones in and had failed to hear anything but the loud pops and the buzzing in her ears.

“ Becky,” Nita whimpered in fear.

A third firework popped, which made Nita's shaking start aggressively.

“It’s okay,” Becky eased as she tucked her arms under Nita's armpits and gently hauled the girl to her feet.

Nita was unbalanced and much too stubborn to let go of her ears, but it was enough that she was standing; Becky could work with her standing.

By the time Becky managed to half-walk/half-drag Nita into the house, two more fireworks were released, which only made Nita slip deeper into her panic attack. Thinking quickly, Becky led Nita towards the front office at the entrance of the house.

It was the furthest away from the popping noise, and it had a couch, which was enough for Becky to work with. Just when Nita looked prepared to collapse, Becky managed to get her seated on the couch. That’s when the sobbing started.

“I’m sorry ka,” Nita cried, her hands still clamped over her ears and her eyes now squeezed shut.

“Shh. It’s okay,” Becky said softly as she held onto the girl and rubbed her back. “Deep breaths.”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” Nita continued to say, her mantra being broken up by sobs, and ragged breaths.

“ Nita, look at me. You don’t have to apologize,” Becky said as she cupped the girl’s cheeks and forced her to look at her. “It’s okay, sweetie. You’re safe.”

Nita merely shook her head and clenched her hands, which were still pressed over her ears.

“Do you want to hold my hand? Will that help?” Becky asked, unknowingly speaking to deft ears.

When Nita didn’t respond, Becky took it upon herself to gently pry one of Nita's hands away from her head and position it into her own hand properly.

Sensing the gesture, Nita took control and set her fingers over Becky's pulse point. It was a step in the right direction.

“Good girl,” Becky praised as she used her other hand to gently pull the earbud out in hopes of letting Nita hear her better. “Good girl,” she repeated for good measure. “Deep breaths.”

Nita nodded, a sign that she now heard Becky.

“I’m sorry,” Nita repeated as she closed her eyes and focused on the hand squeezing her knee and the feeling of Becky's pulse point.

“Stop apologizing. You didn’t do anything wrong,” Becky reminded, making the girl shake her head.

“I did,” Nita sobbed out. “I did something wrong.”

“What did you do then?” Becky asked, hoping that Nita could explain her reaction.

“I told them to stop,” Nita managed to say past her shuddered breaths and sobs. “I said stop and he-,” Nita choked on her words and allowed deeply painful cries consume her.

“What did he do, honey?” Becky asked as she leaned forward and pressed her forehead against the side of Nita's head. “Talk to me.”

“He shot his gun at me,” Nita cried as she clenched her eyes shut and shook her head. “Why did he shoot at me?” Nita whimpered out the question quietly.

Becky's heart broke at the desperation in Nita's tone. It was clear that a lot of the abuse the teen suffered was left unexplained, which made her reactive to most things since she didn’t know what made people hurt her.

Becky sighed and let go of Nita's knee. She pulled the girl into her arms held her closely while Nita continued to cry into her chest. As Becky held Nita, she heard footsteps start to approach the office. The door opened to reveal Freen whose face went from relieved to saddened.

“What happened?” Freen asked quietly as she entered the room and crouched in front of Nita.

As soon as she was in reach, Nita took Freen's hand and set her fingers onto the spot that she knew would calm her.

“The fireworks,” Becky explained, making Freen frown before a look of realization dawned her face.

“I’m sorry, baby. I should’ve remembered,” Freen said as she rubbed Nita's back.

“Remembered?” Becky asked, making Freen look at her again.

“ P'Beer told me that the girls were removed from their last home because the foster dad was using a gun as a threat,” Freen explained, tears welling in her own eyes as she thought about how scared Nita must’ve been to hear the fireworks.

“I’m so sorry, baby,” Freen said to Nita who shook her head and took a calming breath.

“Not your fault,” the teen hiccupped as she sniffled back some of her tears.

“Let’s just all take a few minutes to calm down, okay?” Becky suggested, making Nita nod against her chest and Freen weakly nod as well.

Together, Freen and Becky helped Nita work all the way down from her panic attack.

Unfortunately, both were left with many questions that would have to go unanswered. The most important one that sat on the forefront of their minds: why did someone shoot at Nita?

-----

“You’re so good with her,” Freen said quietly as she sat on the opposite side of a now sleeping Nita.

The teen fell asleep after a long cry, and neither woman was prepared to move her to the car just yet. She needed a minute to rest, and she looked rather comfortable nestled in Becky's arms.

“I just did what you do,” Becky waved off, making Freen shake her head.

“No, Bec. You did this. She still doesn’t accept full physical embraces from me. This is big,” Freen said as she motioned to the current position of her girlfriend and daughter.

“Well, pressure helps, and a hug is just a lot of pressure, isn’t it?” Becky suggested, making Freen laugh lightly.

“I can’t argue that. Thank you for calming her down nonetheless,” Freen said as she grasped Becky's hand and pressed a thankful kiss to her knuckles. “I sometimes think about how different this would all be without you. You’re like the glue.”

“What do you mean?” Becky asked as she furrowed her eyebrows in confusion.

“I just mean that- I don’t know, I just sometimes wonder if I would’ve been able to get the girls to this point without you. A lot of what I’ve done has been thanks to you. I owe everything I have with them to you.”

“No, Freen. You’ve done so much on your own. I’ve only offered some advice here or there. Don’t discredit what you’ve done on your own.”

“I want to be brave for a moment,” Freen said, deciding to not beat around the bush much longer. Becky nodded for her to continue. “I am where I am because of your help. My girls are where they are because of your help. You are always there Bec, and I love it. I hoping you’d say yes to moving in with me and the girls so then we can get more of you in our lives.”

“You want me to move in?” Becky clarified as a large smile broke out onto her face.

“Unless it’s crazy and you don’t want to,” Freen said, her nerves forcing her to look away from Becky before she could see her smile.

“Why would I ever want to pass up the opportunity to live with my beautiful girlfriend and her two amazing kids? It’s not like I don’t practically live there already,” Becky reminded with a laugh, making Freen join in as well.

“I’m sorry I didn’t think of a more romantic way to ask you to move in,” Freen said as Becky shook her head and pulled Freen's hand to her lips.

“This was perfect. You’re always perfect,” Becky promised.

“Just wait ‘til we tell Emily. She’s going to be so excited,” Freen enthused, making Becky laugh.

“And how about this one?” Becky asked as they both glanced at a contently sleeping Nita.

“She’ll secretly love it. You’re one of her favourite people after all.”

-----

Less than a week later, Becky was moving into the townhome with the help of her sisters and Freen.

Most of her furniture from her apartment went into storage since Freen already had furniture, but Becky had a fairly large collection of clothes and books that needed to be moved into her new home.

Emily excitedly stuck by Becky and explained all of the super fun things the two of them could do together now that Becky lived in the same house.

And to the surprise of both Freen and Becky, Nita was helping out by moving boxes from the car and into the house.

“We should build a rocket,” Emily explained to Becky as the older woman started to stack books on the empty shelves that Freen left her.

“Do you have a book on how to do it?” Becky asked, making the little one twist her lips unsurely.

“I don’t think so. But Aunty Fa probably has one because she’s an engineer.”

“Probably. We’ll have to ask her,” Becky said, making Emily shake her head.

“That’ll take too long. I’ll just ask Aunty Charchar.”

Before Becky could even react, Emily was running off to Charlotte who was carrying a box with Nita.

“Did I just hear her right?” Freen asked as she approached her girlfriend.

“Suddenly Char is Aunty Charchar? Isn't she already?” Becky asked, looking to Freen to see if she was the reason.

“She did that on her own,” Freen said with a small smile. “I think that your moving in made her think that you’re her other, you know, and by default, your siblings are her aunts and uncle.”

“She thinks I’m her other mom?” Becky asked, tears starting to well in her eyes.

“Maybe. I don’t see why not. This is the closest thing to a normal, safe family she’s had in her whole life,” Freen said. “Are you okay that she might consider you her other mom?”

“Of course I’m okay with that. I love those girls to death,” Becky said, as she sniffled and wiped under the eyes to keep her cheeks clear of tears.

“You’re so cute, bebe,” Freen gushed as she pulled Becky into an embrace.

The two women held onto each other for a while until the sound of Taran clearing her throat interrupted them.

“Hey, Freenbecky, you live together now which means you have literally whenever you want to do that. Why don’t you two give us a hand with these 50-pound boxes?” Taran suggested as she motioned to the other two boxes that were labeled ‘books.’

“Jesus, Bec, how much reading can a person do?” Freen asked as she went to help Taran move the box.

“I’m an English teacher. Sue me,” Becky said, as she went to help as well.

“Off-topic, but Emily will be the death of me,” Taran said as Freen helped her lift one of the boxes.

“What did she do?” Freen asked.

“She called me Aunty Tartar. I literally almost passed out on the spot. If you don’t watch her, I will literally steal her away forever,” Taran playfully threatened.

“Too bad you’ll never get a chance to. We’re sort of obsessed with her,” Freen said, making Taran groan.

“Mama!” Emily suddenly called out from the entrance floor, making Freen turn her attention back to the stairs.

“What is it, baby?” Freen asked as she and Taran set the box of books down.

“ P'Beer is here!” Emily said, appearing at the top of the stairs with her social worker in tow.

“ P'Beer,” Freen said, wiping her hands on her pants before approaching the woman. “Is everything alright? I didn’t forget a home visit did I?”

“No, no. We’re not scheduled for another one for a few months. I have some news that I need to share with you,” P'Beer explained, glancing briefly at Emily before adding, “privately.”

“Okay, umm,” Freen looked at Becky and Taran worriedly before making her mind up. “Tar, can you, Char, and Mari take the girls out to buy something for dinner? I’ll give you some money,” Freen said as she went over to her purse.

“We got it. Don’t worry about paying,” Taran waved off before calling for her sisters and Nita to come down.

“Why don’t we take a seat in the living room,” Becky suggested before leading P'Beer away from Freen so then the foster mom had a chance to explain the plan to Nita and Emily.

“What’s going on?” Nita asked as she made her way down with Charlotte and Marima.

“You girls are going out for dinner while Bec and I have a chat with P'Beer,” Freen explained, deciding to not keep P'Beer's presence a secret.

“Why’s P'Beer here? Is everything okay? You’re not-,”

“No, no, I’m not sending you girls away,” Freen interrupted. “She needs to have a chat with us, but I need to make sure you girls eat, so Taran, Char, and Mari are going to help me out. Be good for them, eat dinner, and when you come home everything will be alright,” Freen promised, gently brushing some hair from Nita's face as the teen nodded her agreement.

“We’ll keep an eye on them,” Marima promised as she started to lead Emily down.

“Thanks, guys. Have a nice time,” Freen said as she waved her daughters and Becky's sisters off.

Once they were gone, Freen returned to Becky and P'Beer who were settled with tea and chatting about the current going-ons in the home.

“Hey, I was just catching P'Beer up,” Becky explained as Freen sat next to her.

“I’m happy to hear that the girls are doing well with Becky moving in,” P'Beer said, making Freen nod her agreement.

“Not to be rude, P'Beer, but I would really like to cut to the chase about why you’re here,” Freen said, the gnawing feeling in her stomach only getting worse as the seconds passed by.

“Of course. I have some news about the girls’ mother,” P'Beer started to say, making the tension rise in the room. “She’s been clean for a year now and has been given permission to have visitation with the girls again. The courts ordered for us to allow her one visitation every month.”

“The girls don’t get a say in this? I don’t get a say in this?” Freen asked, doing her best to keep her cool despite the situation.

“ Nita will be happy to hear. She’s always wanted her mother to get better,” P'Beer said as if it were explanation enough.

“Yes, but what if-,” Freen started, only for P'Beer to stop her.

“It’s not up for discussion, Freen. The girls are required to be with their mother once a month until a new decision can be made by the courts. Be happy it’s only one day.”

“What about the adoption? Can that still be done?” Becky asked for Freen who was clearly struggling to remain calm.

“We have to take things as they come. But if the girls’ mother improves to the point of being able to get them back then I’m afraid there’s nothing I can do. Fostering is intended to repair families, not make new ones.”

Freen couldn’t help the tears that leaked from her eyes, nor could she stop herself from getting up and walking away. It was too much to hear.

She was just making things work with Nita, she was establishing a proper mother/daughter relationship with her, and now the woman who’s failed the poor girl more times than she could count was returning. Things were going to go sideways and there was nothing that Freen could do to stop it.

“Here is the agreed time and place for the drop-off. Please make sure Freen brings the girls there on time,” P'Beer said as she handed a piece of paper to Becky.

“I’ll be sure Freen sees this,” Becky promised as she stood up.

P'Beer took that as a sign for her to
leave and did so with a quick goodbye to both women before she let herself out.

Once the door shut, Freen allowed her pent up sob out and turned to Becky who pulled her into a comforting hug.

“I can’t lose them, Bec,” Freen cried into her girlfriend’s shoulder.

“It’s just one day,” Becky reminded gently as she rubbed Freen's back and swayed them slowly. “She’s not taking them from us.”

“Not yet,” Freen croaked out, making Becky shake her head as she shushed her.

“We have to think positively right now. And we have to be strong for the girls. This is going to shake their worlds up more than it’s shaking ours.”

To be continued...