February 24, 2008

When I woke up, my neck hurt because I was still on the lounger, but Harry was no longer there. I'm not exactly sure how long Harry stayed with me last night, but I know he was at least there until I fell asleep.

I knew the boys were going to the studio today. I didn't know if they were still here or if they had already left. I should get up and check, but I don't want to. All I want to do is stay on this lounger all day and pretend that everything that had happened yesterday, hadn't.

But I couldn't go the rest of my life pretending Dougie and I were still together, so I went inside.

As soon as I got in and came to my senses, I noticed Danny, Harry and Tom all sitting at the counter, staring at me.

"Hi Lil. How ya doin'?" Danny asks, softly.

"Okay." I say, rubbing my eyes. "Shouldn't you guys be at the studio?"

"We're leaving in a few minutes." Tom says, and all three of the boys get up from where they're sitting and walk over to me, almost as if this was something they rehearsed.

"Okay. I'll get ready." I start.

"Maybe you should stay home today." Harry says, putting a hand on my shoulder.

"What? Why?" I ask.

"We know this must not be easy." Danny says.

"We said not to mention it, Danny!" Harry says.

"Guys, I'll be fine." I say.

"Dougie's not going in." Tom says. "You don't have to lie."

"What? Is he okay?" I ask.

"Other than the fact that you shattered his heart into a million pieces, while also doing the same to your own, yeah he's fine." Danny says.

"Danny, go wait in the car." Tom says.

"Wha-"

"Just go." Tom repeats. Danny sighs, and makes his way outside.

"Just take it easy today, Lil. You don't have to be on top of your game every day." Harry says.

"Yes, but I do have to be on top of your game every day." I say. "That's literally my job. Plus I'm sure Fletch wouldn't be very pleased-"

"We already talked to Fletch." Tom says.

"You did?" I ask. He nods.

"He understands. Both of you. Plus we don't need any bass parts done today, so it'll all be fine."

The fact that everyone knew Dougie and I were upset made the whole thing hurt more, somehow. As much as I wanted to stay on the lounger all day and pretend nothing happened, I knew I had to get up, and once I did, I just wanted to go into work and pretend that I was fine, because to me, that hurt a whole hell of a lot less than acknowledging the fact that I was sad.

Because let's face it, I was really sad.

"You don't have to be okay all the time, Lilly." Harry says.

"Thanks guys." I give in. They both nod, hug me and leave to meet Danny in the car.

And the rest of the day, Dougie and I successfully avoided each other.

//